Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy (37 page)

Now that you have completed the DAS, you can score it in the following way. Score your answer to each of the thirty-five attitudes according to this key:

Now add up your score on the first five attitudes. These measure your tendency to measure your worth in terms of the opinions of others and the amount of approval or criticism you receive. Suppose your scores on these five items were +2; + 1; – 1; + 2; 0. Then your total score for these five questions would be +4.

Proceed in this way to add up your score for items I through 5, 6 through 10, 11 through 15, 16 through 20, 21 through 25, 26 through 30, and 31 through 35, and record these as illustrated in the following example:

SCORING EXAMPLE:

RECORD YOUR
ACTUAL
SCORES HERE:

Each cluster of five items from the scale measures one of seven value systems. Your total score for each cluster of five items can range from + 10 to – 10. Now plot your total scores on each of the seven variables so as to develop your “personal-philosophy profile” as follows:

SCORING EXAMPLE:

As you can see, a positive score represents an area where you are psychologically
strong
. A negative score represents an area where you’re emotionally
vulnerable
.

This individual has strengths in the areas of approval, perfectionism, and entitlement. His vulnerabilities lie in the areas of love, omnipotence, and autonomy. The meanings of these concepts will be described. First, plot your own personal-philosophy profile here.

I. Approval
. The first five attitudes on the DAS test probe your tendency to measure your self-esteem based on how people react to you and what they think of you. A positive score between zero and ten indicates you are independent, with a healthy sense of your own worth even when confronted with criticism and disapproval. A negative score between zero and minus ten indicates you are excessively dependent because you evaluate yourself through other people’s eyes. If someone insults you or puts you down, you automatically tend to look down on yourself. Since your emotional well-being is exquisitely sensitive to what you imagine people think of you, you can be easily manipulated, and you are vulnerable to anxiety and depression when others criticize you or are angry with you.

II. Love
. The second five attitudes on the test assess your tendency to base your worth on whether or not you are loved. A positive score indicates you see love as desirable, but you have a wide range of other interests you also find gratifying and fulfulling. Hence, love is not a requirement for your happiness or self-esteem. People are likely to find you attractive because you radiate a healthy sense of self-love and are interested in many aspects of living.

A negative score indicates you are a “love junkie.” You see love as a “need” without which you cannot survive, much less be happy. The closer your score is to minus ten, the more dependent on love you are. You tend to adopt inferior, put-down roles in relationships with people you care about for fear of alienating them. The result of this, more often than not, is that they lose respect for you and consider you a burden because of your attitude that without their love you would collapse. As you sense that people drift away from you, you become gripped by a painful, terrifying withdrawal syndrome. You realize you may not be able to “shoot up” with your daily dose of affection and attention. You then become consumed by the driving compulsion
to “get love.” Like most junkies, you may even resort to coercive, manipulative behavior to get your “stuff.” Ironically, your needy, greedy love addiction drives many people away, thus intensifying your loneliness.

III. Achievement
Your score on attitudes 11 through 15 will help you measure a different type of addiction. A negative score indicates you are a workaholic. You have a constricted sense of your own humanity, and you see yourself as a commodity in the marketplace. The more negative your score, the more your sense of self-worth and your capacity for joy are dependent on your productivity. If you go on vacation, if your business slumps, if you retire or become ill and inactive, you will be in danger of an emotional crash. Economic and emotional depressions will seem identical to you. A positive score, in contrast, indicates that you enjoy creativity and productivity, but do not see them as an exclusive or necessary road to self-esteem and satisfaction.

IV. Perfectionism
. Items 16 through 20 measure your tendency to perfectionism. A negative score indicates you are hooked on searching for the Holy Grail. You demand perfection in yourself—mistakes are taboo, failure is worse than death, and even negative emotions are a disaster. You’re supposed to look, feel, think, and behave superbly at all times. You sense mat being less than spectacular means burning in the flames of hell. Although you drive yourself at an intense pace, your satisfactions are meager. Once you do achieve a goal, another more distant goal instantly replaces it, so you never experience the reward of getting to the top of the mountain. Eventually you begin to wonder why the promised payoff from all your effort never seems to materialize. Your life becomes a joyless, tedious treadmill. You are living with unrealistic, impossible personal standards, and you need to reevaluate them. Your problem does
not
lie in your performance, but in the yardstick you use to measure it. If you bring your expectations in line
with reality, you will be regularly
pleased
and
rewarded
instead of
frustrated
.

A positive score suggests you have die capacity to set meaningful, flexible, appropriate standards. You get great satisfaction from processes and experiences, and you are not exclusively fixated on outcomes. You don’t have to be outstanding at everything, and you don’t always have to “try your best.” You don’t fear mistakes, but you see them as golden opportunities to learn and to endorse your humanity. Paradoxically, you are likely to be much more productive than your perfectionistic associates because you do not become compulsively preoccupied with detail and correctness. Your life is like a flowing river or a geyser compared with your rigid perfectionistic friends who appear more like icy glaciers.

V. Entitlement
Attitudes 21 through 25 measure your sense of “entitlement.” A negative score indicates that you feel “entitled” to things—success, love, happiness, etc. You expect and demand that your wants be met by other people and by the universe at large because of your inherent goodness or hard work. When this does
not
happen—as is often the case—you are locked into one of two reactions. Either you feel depressed and inadequate or you become irate. Thus, you consume enormous amounts of energy being frustrated, sad, and mad. Much of the time you see life as a sour, rotten experience. You complain loudly and often, but you do little to solve problems. After all, you’re
entitled
to have them solved, so why should you have to put out any effort? As a result of your bitter, demanding attitudes, you invariably get far
less
of what you want from life.

A positive score suggests you don’t feel automatically entitled to things, so you
negotiate
for what you want and often get it. Because of your awareness that other people are unique and different, you realize there is no inherent reason why things should always go your way. You experience a negative outcome as a disappointment but not a
tragedy because you are a percentage player, and you don’t expect perfect reciprocity or “justice” at all times. You are patient and persistent, and you have a high frustration tolerance. As a result, you often end up ahead of the pack.

VI. Omnipotence
. Attitudes 26 through 30 measure your tendency to see yourself as the center of your personal universe and to hold yourself responsible for much of what goes on around you. A negative score indicates you often make the personalization error discussed in Chapters 3 and 6. You blame yourself inappropriately for the negative actions and attitudes of others who are not really under your control. Consequently, you are plagued by guilt and self-condemnation. Paradoxically, the attitude that you should be omnipotent and all-powerful cripples you and leaves you anxious and ineffectual.

A positive score, in contrast, indicates you know die joy that comes from accepting that you are
not
the center of the universe. Since you are
not
in control of other adults, you are not ultimately responsible for them but only for yourself. This attitude does not isolate you from others. Quite the opposite is true. You relate to people effectively as a friendly collaborator, and you are not threatened when they disagree with your ideas or fail to follow your advice. Because your attitude gives people a sense of freedom and dignity, you paradoxically become a human magnet. Others often want to be close to you because you have relinquished any attempt to control them. People frequently listen to and respect your ideas because you do not polarize them with an angry insistence they
must
agree with you. As you give up your drive for
power
, people repay you by making you a person of
influence
. Your relationships with your children and friends and associates are characterized by mutuality instead of dependency. Because you don’t try to dominate people, they admire, love, and respect you.