Few Are Angels (19 page)

“I am so not gonna ski this year,” I said. “I don’t have any of my ski gear.” I took a bite of the warm apple pie I’d purchased.

Alex looked at me and smirked. His big eyes held a secret he was dying to tell me, and I was sure it was about the ski lift. He always managed to get me on that thing and then freak me out so badly I would swear that I would never ride it again. I swore to myself that wasn’t going to happen as I stared back at him.

“No ski gear?” he asked with feigned surprise. “Why don’t I see what I can do about that?”

Lea giggled and stuffed some cheesecake into her mouth. I’d told him on the way to the lodge that I didn't have any gear and our trip was just going to be a relaxing getaway for me—a couple of days of reading and soaking up the heat from the fireplace.

“How about not,” I said as I pushed the plate of apple gooeyness away from me. I wasn’t happy about buying new gear because I had gained a few pounds. I would rather just stay inside and out of the snow. Plus, it would give me a chance to re-read
Moby Dick
for my class assignment.

“Lea and I are going on the lift, aren’t we Lee Lee?” Alex asked, poking her in the side and sending her into a fit of giggles.

Lea smiled and gave him a thumbs up, but I knew she wasn’t going anywhere near that lift with Alex. “Only if mom lets me.” She continued to devour her cheesecake.

After we finished our sweets, Lea and Alex met up with Eric as he headed up to his room to dress for the slopes. He reminded me I should get out there and ski, and the fresh, cold air would do me some good before I delved into
Moby Dick
. I graciously declined, but I agreed to think about going later.

Once I was settled in my room, there was a knock at the door. Alex didn’t wait for me to answer before he walked in with some snow gear in his arms and a big goofy grin spread across his face. I looked at him, raising my eyebrow in a question. I knew what he wanted, but I wasn’t going to give in as easily as I had every other time.

“What?” he asked, as if he didn’t know why I was looking at him like he was crazy. “I didn’t say we had to get on the ski lift together. I was just bringing these for you to try on.” He sat next to me on the bed, throwing the ski suit behind us. The mattress buckled beneath him as it adjusted to contain his weight. He had grown into a man, but the boy I remembered was still there, looking at me through those crystallized blue eyes.

I smiled at the memory. I hoped in spite of all the changes—the stubble on his face, the way his slim frame had grown well defined muscles—the fun-loving, silly, sweet boy would always remain. I wasn’t sure if he knew how beautiful he truly was. I knew how that knowledge could change even the kindest guy into something quite horrible.

“Whatever,” I said, pulling myself from the haze he’d put me in. “I am not going on the lift. I don’t care how many times you ask me.” I hoped to convince myself as well. I’d said the same thing before, but he had always managed to get me on the thing, and he always managed to get me so worked up that I would nearly scream.

“Sure, whatever you say,” he replied. “So, what do you want to do first?” He leaned back and placed his head in his hand, using his arm and elbow to prop himself up. He stifled a yawn and stared up at me, waiting for my reply.

“I was thinking about some hot chocolate at that little café I saw when we came in and then a book in front of the fireplace out there.” I knew my answer would bore him.

Alex raised a lip in disgust at the idea of reading a book.

I burst out into a fit of laughter. “What? I really need to put a dent in this book. This dynamic session is really kicking my butt.” I hadn’t really had a hard time with the workload yet, but I knew it was probably going to be difficult. I started a week after everyone else, and I swore to my professor I would have no problem catching up and keeping up.

“So, your classes are the second eight weeks, right? He seemed genuinely interested in my boring class schedule.

“Yeah, the second eight-week semester, and I am behind because I started late. It’s a dynamic class, so that means I’m even further behind than everyone else. This is just the first section of the class. I’ll take the second one next semester with the same professor.” I didn’t go into the details of how I had to beg the dean to let me into the class. I had been an ‘A’ student until my incident, and even then my GPA didn’t drop below a 3.8.

Alex looked at me, amazed, and smiled. He took my hand, another gesture that made my skin tingle, and tugged it onto his leg. “You’re an amazing girl, you know that?” His eyes were bright and full of worry as he looked at me. Alex leaned closer and nuzzled my hair. “Just don’t take on more than you can handle, okay?” He moved away and he kissed my forehead sweetly, more brotherly than romantically.

In that moment, I wanted to tell him everything that was going on—the voices I heard, the visions, Kale and his story of what he was—but even though I could trust Alex, that would be too much for him, so I decided to limit what I told him. Maybe if I got a little off my chest, the burden wouldn’t feel so heavy anymore.

“I know; it’s just that I want everything to be normal again.” I moved closer to Alex and allowed his warmth to comfort me as I semi-spilled my guts. “I met this guy two weeks ago in the front yard, and it’s odd because whenever I was around him, I felt normal. Like I could tell him anything.”

Alex stiffened. I could have sworn I saw a flash of jealousy in his eyes, so I stopped. “No, keep going,” he coaxed me in a quiet and gentle voice, leaning in closer to me to hear every word. He stared at me with blue eyes that shined with an intensity he never showed with me before.

I knew I could trust him, and that is why I knew I couldn't tell him everything. He wouldn’t go to his parents and tell them, thinking he was protecting me. I took a breath and continued, leaving out anything that would make him worry. “He was arguing with some guy in our front yard, and he told me he wanted to protect me and…” I wasn’t sure of what else to say. I didn't want to seem like a crazy person. How could I tell him Kale thought I had the ability to see the past and maybe the future, and he thought I was being hunted by someone that wanted to use my abilities for their own personal gain, or that he loved me in some past life?

Alex took my brief vocal paralysis as an emotional hang-up over some guy that wasn’t worth my time and had no problem vocalizing his version of what had happened. “Let me guess. He told you that you were the only one and that he’d never felt the way he feels about you with anyone else, right?”

He was sympathetic, but I could hear the suspicion in his voice. I laughed at the absurdity of his comment, but deep down I wished that was my problem with Kale; teenage hormones would have been a great reprieve to the actual gravity of the situation.

Alex looked confused at my laughter, but still managed a smile despite his confusion and solemnity. “What?” He tugged my hand as if it would pull the truth from me. “You didn’t fall for it, did you?” he asked angrily, and his sudden change surprised me.

I could see the anger brewing in his now cerulean eyes. His anger was that of an older brother ready to punch his sister’s loser ex-boyfriend in the face. I wanted to laugh again, but I was afraid he would think I wasn’t serious about needing someone to talk to.

Alex sat up, discomfort written all over his face. “Tell me you two didn’t… Well, you know." His comment stopped the thought of laughter.

I knew what he was asking. My face was red with embarrassment, and the fact I was still a virgin mortified me even more. From the look on his face, I could tell he’d instantly regretted asking, but realized he couldn’t take it back. It was out there, floating around us like a dark cloud ready to drop liquid beads of awkwardness on us.

“No, that isn’t it!” I stuttered, pulling my hand from his. I moved further up on the bed and sat cross-legged, willing my face to turn back to its normal, pale shade. We sat there quietly for what seemed to be hours, though it was only a few minutes. I replayed the conversation at length in my head before Alex’s voice saying my name pulled me from my thoughts.

His face was no longer red with embarrassment, but his eyes were full of an unspoken question and emotion. I eyed him inquisitively, but remained silent.

“I’m sorry; it wasn’t my place to ask,” he said quietly. “I guess hanging with all of the guys at college has made me a bit—”

I didn’t let him finish.

“It’s okay. You are just looking out for me, and I appreciate it, but that’s not what happened between Kale and me.”

Alex was listening intently, though he still wouldn’t directly look at me. That was okay because I was still recovering from his previous question.

“He, well, it’s complicated because I thought that at first I’d imagined him. I never thought I could tell someone about my ‘problems’ and they wouldn’t look at me like I was crazy, and that’s what it was like with him—safe.” I felt like I had finally explained to him how Kale had made me feel. I was afraid to tell him that Kale seemed so familiar I truly wanted to believe we’d known each other before, and we maybe even loved each other, but that was impossible.

Alex finally looked at me. I could see that even if he didn’t truly understand what I was trying to tell him, he understood my need to be who I was before everything in my life went to hell.

“You want people to see that you’re not just the girl who lost everything and broke down because of it. But you’re the reason they all see you that way, Ella.” His eyes seemed to change colors again as he looked at me with his blue gems. “You are in your own world, and you act as if everyone around you is normal and that you are the only outcast in the world. What you don’t know is the people around you have their own pain and insecurities and they also want to be normal, so they are happy to treat you like glass because if there isn’t anyone around to pity, it gives them more time to think about what’s wrong in their own lives.”

He looked at me as if he was waiting for me to yell at him or tell him to get out, but I couldn’t. I was angry he said I was the reason people treated me like glass. I thought back to when the news had traveled around campus of what happened to my parents and how I recoiled from my friends, roommate, and teachers, fearing their pity and condolences, not allowing anyone to comfort me or so much as talk to me about what happened. I’d decided I would rather them ignore me than pity me, so how was it my fault that they treated me like glass? I bit back my insolent response and sat staring at my hands as if they held some secret that would change my life. I didn’t look up as the mattress teetered forward and settled as it recovered from Alex’s weight. I didn’t even look up as I heard him retreat to the door, or when he said that he’d be back to check on me later. He didn’t apologize for what he’d said to me, and I knew he wouldn’t. It wasn’t like Alex to apologize for what he felt was the truth.

***

I spent the rest of that day ignoring texts from Mia, reading and re-reading the same chapter in
Moby Dick
, and wishing I hadn’t confided in Alex. It was childish, but I wasn’t ready to hear that from Alex of all people. I’d spent so much time trying to be normal and fit in without really being seen. So what if I didn’t want to let anyone into my world, and so what if I wanted the pain of my parents’ deaths to be a barrier between me and everyone else? I didn’t need to be pampered or treated any differently than anyone else. After a few hours, I couldn’t concentrate on anything and my stomach was growling. By six thirty, I decided to order dinner on the account Eric had set up for us once we checked in.

While I waited, I took the time to really look around. Though I’d been here before, I’d never had a room to myself. I was grateful that Alex and I decided I should have the single room. The carpet was still the same hunter green, and the wood paneling, though it had seen better days, was still soothing and warm. The bed was a queen, and I was excited to have more room than I did on the twin bed at the Carltons’. I decided to make an appearance with everyone in the morning at breakfast, but the rest of the night would be spent here in my room, sulking.

A knock at the door startled me, and my stomach growled in anticipation of food, though it seemed too early for the food to be ready. The cherry wood door bucked from the intense pounding, and I quickened my pace to answer it. When I opened the door, there was no one there. I thought maybe I’d missed the delivery, but before I closed the door, I noticed a piece of paper at my feet, and I took it inside. The paper was thick and smelled of spice and winter air. Opening it, I assumed it was Alex’s apology, but I instantly recognized the handwriting as someone else’s.

Ella,

I understand that you no longer want to see me and I will respect that as best as I can. You need to know what you are up against without me. I understand that all of this is hard to believe, but what I have told you is true; all of it, even what I am. Please, you must at least give me a chance to explain further. Listen to me, to reason, and most of all your heart; I may no longer be there, but the truth is. I understand that you do not trust me and maybe even fear me, but there is something that I can show you that will prove to you who you are and that you can trust me. Please meet me alone at Stone Brook, the small cottage in the back in an hour and allow me to show you the truth. If you still don’t believe then I will leave you to whatever fate will come.

Sincerely, Kale

I held the note in my hand, excited and worried all at once. It was silly of me to try to pretend I feared Kale or believe that what he’d told me two weeks ago was anything but the truth. But if I wanted a normal life, Kale wouldn’t be able to be a part of it. It was creepy that he knew I was here when I hadn’t told him where I would be going. He said he could prove to me everything he’d said was the truth, and I wondered if I actually needed him to. Though the story was farfetched, my heart ached at his absence. I changed into a dark purple thermal and a pair of dark jeans, jacketed up, and left a note of my own on the nightstand saying I went for a walk and I’d be back later, then called and cancelled my food order. I grabbed the phonebook out of the top drawer and called a cab service to take me to Stony Brook Drive. The operator told me it would take less than ten minutes for the driver to get to the lodge because they were located right down the road. I had to figure out how to get down to the main lobby without being seen by Alex, and I only had ten minutes to do it. I grabbed my wallet and gloves and headed out the door.