Fianna Kelly Versus the Jeebees: A Collection of Steampunk Stories (23 page)

He
said, "Watch the skies and you'll see."

I
saw ten yellow lights arranged in a circle. The circle closed in to become an
oval. I noticed another oval in the sky. One by one, orange lines connected the
lights. It was like watching fireworks. We couldn't resist making the funny
noises of awe that we make for those. Then the spaces between the lines filled
in. It was a huge orange light in the sky. It was shaped like an airship; my
airship.

I
looked over at Reginald who was watching me and smiling. "Your Dutch
friends didn't have time to finish wiring them into the generator... I was
saving it for a surprise. I hope you like it."

"I
love it! This is wonderful! I have my own sunset."

The
Clover touched down on the lawn in front of us and we all ran to get in.
Captain Plumer was at the door and greeted us as we entered.

Everyone
else grabbed a seat as the Clover lifted off the ground. I walked towards the
stairs and said, "I'd like to see what the lights look like from the
inside."

I
didn't need to climb more than halfway up to see what had been done. I could
see long tubes strung down the ribs from stem to stern. The light filled the
space between them making it look as if the entire envelope was glowing a
bright orange. The scientists were probably thinking they needed more light to
work inside; missing out on how beautiful it would look.

The
Captain had walked up next to me. "Ahoy Captain, what brings you here
tonight?" I asked.

"Do
you mean 'here' as in next to you or 'here' as in aboard the Clover?"

"I
surely mean the latter one. I believed the last time we spoke about my airship;
I would not be flying in her anytime soon."

"Tonight,
she is flying under my command. You are a passenger, not a crew member. I must
admit that she flies smoother than the Constellation."

"I
told Reginald before we left home that someone was just waiting for me to do
something stupid before taking the Clover away."

"You
didn't think we were constantly watching and our idea of stupid was you taking
her out of the hangar, right?"

"That's
right... Did I do something stupid tonight?"

"Not
that I know about."

"Why
are you escorting us back to the clearing in my airship then?"

"To
be honest, I have had two lieutenants studying your cannon all evening. I
wanted to know what makes it worth fighting over. Your pilots talked me into
this surprise once we were airborne."

With
the orange lights, I could clearly see two sailors admiring the gauges of the
railway gun; being careful not to touch any of its controls.

I
asked the Captain, "What do we do now?"

He
raised his voice, "First, I get my lieutenants away from your cannon and
down below to assist in landing." They ran by us as if chased by wild
animals.

"And
next?"

"You
and your lady friends get your beauty sleep while my men and I put up the
hammocks again.

"You
are avoiding the issue. Even with all those telegrams you received, you don't
know what to do with the Clover, do you? I am fairly sure I will be done here tomorrow
and then you'll have to make a decision to let us fly home or make us
walk."

"Actually,
those telegrams do not help me one bit as each one contradicts the others. One
Admiral directs me to deliver your airship to him; another wants the cannon stripped
out and sent. All of them stress the secrecy of the matter."

"Now
you have seen it, what do you think?"

"What
you have her makes for great target shooting. Why one would want to shoot
targets that are miles away, I have no idea."

"To
be sure, your Admirals did not tell you that the cannon was built to fire
mortars and successfully defended the Clover against pirates with them."

"That
does change my opinion of its worth."

"I
was afraid it would, but 'tis the truth."

I
turned back to the sitting room and took a second look. "Weren't you
paired up differently when we set out tonight?"

Darina
said, "Yes, we were. We thought it would be more interesting to change
dance partners every few dances. The men agreed as long as no-one was left
out."

The
dark-haired one added, "They are all good dancers. It's not every day I
can say I danced with four lovely ladies and did not step on one delicate
toe."

I
looked at Bevin. "That one's a charmer. You might want to hold onto him a
while."

I
addressed the Captain, "These really are perfect gentlemen. Are all your
men like them?"

He
laughed, "No, the rest of my crew don't know how to dance with a broom,
much less a woman. You saw how they backed away when asked."

Sunday
is the day of rest and I had no plans for today... until a messenger arrived
with an invitation. It stated:

Mr. and Mrs. Douglas Burdon
requests the pleasure of the company of
Miss Fianna Kelly and guest
for a friendly game of croquet
to be held today at eleven o'clock.
205 Dorsey Avenue

I said,
"I guess you ladies are not invited to play. I still don't know what is
going on, but I am taking Bradan along. Perhaps he'll notice something we
missed."

Bevin
said, "That's okay. We will ride into town for noon prayer services."

I
looked to Reginald and he said, "I think you should attend this one
without me. I am not good at lawn sports."

Since
I would need an escort to leave the clearing, I went to our neighbours to talk
with Captain Plumer. "I have another invitation. By our agreement, I
require an escort. Can you play croquet?"

"You
have given me another conundrum. My instinct tells me to refuse your request,
but I can think of no valid reason for that."

"Wonderful!
We're taking the wagon this time so Bradan can come along. I'd prefer it if you
could wear something less like a uniform... Bradan and I will be ready in an
hour."

On
our way, I explained about Bradan being able to sense trouble coming. I also
explained what I hoped to accomplish, which was more than a relaxing game. He
told me that he felt something was not quite right and I agreed.

We
arrived punctually and exchanged introductions. There were three men and a
woman, all about my age. I asked why they invited me and they talked over each
other so I could barely understand them. I guess they thought I was some new
kind of royalty. As far as my friends, they promised to include them next time.
I hoped I wasn't here long enough for another time. I couldn't say what it was,
but something about the way they acted made me uneasy.

One
was their reaction to Bradan. One man said, "That thing can't go on the
lawn. It will ruin the grass."

I
responded, "Sorry, Bradan. You'll have to watch from here."

Then
it was their objection to our pistols. "Those weapons are not permitted as
well. This is a civilised club." Did they think we would shoot them once
we lost?

The
Captain and I removed our gun belts. I said, "Bradan, take these and find
a nice spot where you won't be disturbing anyone."

At
home, we would play everyone for themselves, eliminating the last one to each
wicket. We put out enough wickets so three people were left competing for the
last one. Today we were playing in three teams of two. At least that is what
they said. In actual play, it felt more like the four of them versus the two of
us.

My
friends and I tended to be very vocal when we were playing and I expected to
find out more about the disappearances through idle conversation. For these
people, the game was more like golf though, observing strict silence. Captain
Plumer and I talked quietly between us when we could. I was hoping that I could
encourage them to voice an opinion or add to what little we knew.

The
Captain and I had different styles. I would try to line up my ball to go
through both hoops at once while he would try to get through one hoop at a
time. Neither approach worked to our advantage as they waited for us to get
close and would force our balls off to one side.

He
said softly, "They appear to be sending our balls in this direction on
purpose."

I
replied, "I have a few directions I'd like to send them."

"I
suggest you don't hit your ball back to where they are. They will only send it
here again. Instead, hit it off to one side. It is always better to make your
opponent come to you. Even in a simple game like this. If we don't do what they
expect, they may react without thinking."

"How
do we win the game then?" I asked.

"They
aren't really playing croquet to win. Why should we?"

His
strategy worked. We were confusing them and they couldn't come after us without
making it obvious that they weren't playing the game. We smiled and laughed and
enjoyed their discomfort. They tried to appear like they were having fun. We
could see they were getting upset and impatient.

A
few minutes later, I noticed movement in the bushes at the edge of the playing
field near the spot that they sent our balls. I motioned to the captain and we
watched as two jeebees came running at us. Something about the way they ran was
wrong. They were waving around their pistols like usual, but weren't firing them.
It didn't make any sense. It also didn't make sense that those people wanted us
to be where they came from and that Bradan hadn't warned me about them.

Captain
Plumer asked, "What are those things?"

"We
call them jeebees."

"How
do you deal with them?"

I
replied, "I prefer to shoot them in the head from 100 yards. What do you
think?"

"How
about you circle right and bash that one with your mallet while I circle left
for the other one?"

"Sounds
like a good plan to me," I said.

 I
ran over to the right one and swung the mallet as hard as I could at its head.

It
said, "Ow!"

Now
that was a word I didn't expect from a jeebee. I expected the usual splat that
their heads make when shot. I hit it again, this time in the midsection.

"Hey!
Stop that! You aren't supposed to fight back."

The
Captain had the other one on the ground. It was either on its stomach with him
stepping on its back, or the other way around. It was difficult to tell which
way was forward on a jeebee. It was flopping its limbs about; but not all of
them. These things looked like jeebees, but didn't act like them. I turned the
mallet around and started poking at mine.

"Hey!
Enough with the stick already."

That
was all it took to make the pieces fall into place. I raised my voice.
"Okay guys, get out of the costumes."

"We'd
rather not. It's sort of embarrassing."

I
looked around and noticed that everyone else had either run off or were
watching out of sight somewhere. I poked at mine some more before it decided to
do what I said. The Captain's took a bit more persuading, accomplished by him
stepping on it. The result was two guys wearing nothing but boxer shorts
holding their jeebee costumes in front of them.

"Let's
go somewhere we can talk. I think our wagon is the appropriate place. Captain,
once you herd these two in the right direction, I will get Bradan and join
you."

I
felt much better with my guns close at hand again, but the sight of those
costumes still gave me a sick feeling. They just looked too much like real jeebees.
It was getting to be almost an instinctual reaction to draw a weapon and shoot
them in the head.

"Bradan,
would you take those costumes away? They make me almost as sick as actual
jeebees."

One
protested, "You can't do that. Those are ours."

I
said, "You are very lucky that I didn't have my guns a few minutes ago.
All the jeebees I encounter end up with a bullet in their heads."

They
quietly handed them to Bradan. The one guy rubbed the back of his head.
"You know; I don't feel that lucky. If it weren't for all the padding, I'd
have a mallet-sized hole in my head. You're a lot stronger than you look."

The
other guy added, "We were at the dance last night and heard you sing.
No-one around here sings with that much passion. We should have known that we
couldn't scare you."

I
looked at them a bit closer, but not that close. "I didn't see you last
night. Where were you hiding?"

"We
were in disguise. We never would have gotten inside if they knew it was
us."

The
Captain asked, "Anyway, who are you guys and what were you trying to do
here?"

"I'm
Luke and he's Gary. We get paid to run around and scare people. We were
promised a pound each to scare you into leaving town."

I
said, "You don't kidnap anyone?"

Gary
said, "We don't do anything illegal. You have to draw the line
somewhere."

I
continued, "You must have seen real jeebees to make the costumes. Did you
kill them?"

He
said, "I saw enough of one to make the costumes, but I didn't kill
it."

I
asked, "Where did you get the pistols? It's not like they hand those
out."

Luke
said, "Our leader, Tommy, gave them to us. They don't work, but he said
that didn't matter. He said the jeebees seldom hit anything and just to wave
them around."

The
Captain said, "I think we should talk to this Tommy. Let's go."

Luke
said, "I don't know if that is a good idea."

Bradan
had just returned. I asked him "What did you do with those costumes?"

SHREDDED
THEN BURIED

I
looked back towards the two guys and smiled. I knew Bradan wouldn't hurt them,
but he looked like he could. Gary gulped and said, "Let's take the nice
lady to see Tommy."

It
was a short ride back into town and the two guys were squirming and trying to
hide the whole trip. I knew they weren't going to attempt running away clad
only in their shorts. Captain Plumer kept looking back at them though.

They
directed us to a small two-story house nestled in the middle of more small
two-story houses. I expected Tommy to have more courage than these two, so I
asked Bradan to knock on the door while we all stood to one side. A well-built
man who looked in need of a shave answered the door with a rifle in one hand.
He took another look at us and set it to one side.

"Sorry...
It's not loaded anyway. Please come in."

I
addressed Bradan, "As usual, the doorway is too small for you. Please
watch out in case actual jeebees are looking for these fake ones." Gerald
had mentioned that people tend to forget things unless you remind them
frequently. Two guys wearing nothing but shorts could easily forget that we
were serious.

I
noticed Luke and Gary looking around before following me inside. The Captain
came in last, likely making sure we weren't going to be ambushed. Tommy led us
into a sitting room and offered me a chair. He pointedly did not offer one to
his men.

Tommy
started, "Whatever these guys told you were lies. I didn't do
anything."

I
figured that would be one of his tactics. "So you didn't give them the
jeebee pistols?"

"What
kind of pistol? What have you two been up to now?"

The
two guys started to protest, but I gave them a stern look and they stopped.
"Luke, I'll give you 20 pounds each for them."

Tommy
was quick to reply. "Oh, those pistols! They borrowed them from me."

I
said, "I gather the squire didn't mention what they are worth."

"I
don't recall him mentioning that... Oops, I shouldn't have said that, should
I?"

I
asked, "Does the squire pay well for scaring people off their farms?"

Tommy
replied, "We are lucky to have anything left over after expenses."

Gary
said, "You are correct there. We barely got enough to make the
costumes."

I
addressed Tommy, "You swear that you had nothing to do with the
disappearances?"

He
replied, "I swear. We don't hurt anybody... Well, that's not quite true.
Sometimes people hurt themselves running away, but we don't get into fights anymore."

The
Captain asked, "Has anyone decided to stay around after you show up
pretending to be monsters?"

Gary
said, "All of them have run screaming from their homes and they don't come
back. We are really scary at night."

Luke
asked, "Excuse me, but what about the 40 quid?"

I
asked, "Do you know if there are other ones? Jeebees usually hunt in
groups of six. If you can get more pistols, I'll give you more money."

Tommy
said, "I don't know. The squire gave those to me, saying it would make it
more believable if we had real pistols."

Gary
said, "I know a place we can look..."

It
was a full wagon as we headed out. Luke and Gary were more comfortable with
their clothes on, but still seemed restless. We drove past the Manor House to a
small cottage built in a heavily wooded area. Gary said this was where he had
seen the jeebee. Bradan didn't sense any jeebees here. That just meant there
weren't any live ones, for what that was worth. We were looking for the remains
of ones.

We
spent about an hour searching both inside and outside of the cottage. We
weren't finding anything that didn't belong in a cottage. A carriage drove up
followed by a wagon. The squire got out along with five burly men. He had a
pistol in his hand while the men had canes.

He
looked to Tommy and friends first. "What are you guys doing with
them?"