Fighting Blind (15 page)

Mackenzie

I love you too.
Four simple words.

I should have said it back. It’s not like it isn’t true. I’ve loved him since before I even understood what the word meant.

Burying my face in the pillow, I breathe in Theo’s scent, wishing he were back in bed with me. That I could take back the moment, tell him how I really feel.

I know I hurt him. I saw the pain in his eyes, heard the disappointment in his voice.

Why am I still holding back?

The patience and forgiveness Theo has shown me is more than I deserve.

But I can’t shake the feeling that the storm is only just beginning. Maybe it’s just paranoia. I don’t know. All I know is that until Stefano is behind bars, I’ll never feel safe.

I roll out of bed and open the dresser drawers until I find the one with Theo’s t-shirts. Pulling one over my head, I shuffle towards the kitchen.

Theo’s back is to me, standing over the kitchen island, head bent, shoulders slouched, palms flat on the dark marble.

“Theo?”

He doesn’t move.

Something in his posture sets off warning bells.

I take another step towards him, and I see it. The edge of the army bag I took from the bus station.

Shit. I know what he’s found and my stomach does a three-sixty.

“I can explain–”

“Explain?” He turns around, eyes blazing with anger. He chuckles darkly, holding the bus ticket between us. “Go ahead. I can’t wait to hear what lies you’re going to tell me now.”

I breathe out heavily, knowing I deserve his anger. “I was scared. I didn’t know what else to do.”

He rubs a hand over his face, then through his hair. “And I suppose trusting me with this shit didn’t occur to you? Shit, Mac. Sometimes I look at you and I swear I don’t know you at all. Are you really that fucking selfish?”

A knot is forming in my throat and I can barely swallow.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

He laughs harshly. “Right.”

“I’ve made some bad decisions, but–”

“But what?” He leans against the counter, looking utterly exhausted, like he’s given up. “Ever since you’ve been back, you’ve done nothing but lie to me. Shit, even before then.”

“I’m sorry,” I repeat.

“For what?  What are you sorry about Mackenzie?” All of the pent up anger he’s been holding onto is channeled at me. “Are you sorry you hid the fact that we had sex when I was drunk? That we had a kid together? Or are you sorry that you forgot to mention there’s a psychopath after you, because you owe an asshole drug money?”

I take a step back when he storms towards me, shoving the bus ticket in my hand.

“Or are you sorry you were going to take off again? Leaving me with no fucking clue if you were dead or alive.”

“All of it,” I whisper, looking down at the floor. “I’m sorry for everything. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was trying to protect you.”

“You think I need your fucking protection?” His muscles bunch, fingers flex into fists. “What I need is for you to be honest with me for once in your life. If you want to take the kid and leave, I won’t stop you. I’ll make sure you’ve got money, that you’re safe. But I need to know your choice. Stop playing games.”

His words pierce me. The thought of leaving makes my insides roll. I’m done running. I know what I want–
him
.

“I don’t want to leave.”

He grips my chin, not hard enough to hurt me, but tight enough that I know it isn’t a gentle caress.

“If that’s your choice, then you don’t get to walk away. Never again. Understand? You’re mine. You’ve always been mine. Nothing will ever change that. Look at me, Mac. Tell me you understand.”

There’s so much venom in his voice that I flinch.

His shoulders instantly sag, and his face drains of color. He drops his hands and takes a step back.

“You’re scared of me now?”

“No.” I shake my head, my chest squeezing painfully at the hurt I see in his eyes. “Of course not.”

I don’t know what to say. What can I say to make up for what I’ve done? So I stay silent, waiting for more of his anger. It’s what I deserve.

“I need to go,” Theo says, turning his back and stalking toward the front door.

“Theo, wait. Please don’t leave.” There’s an edge of desperation in my tone. “I love you.”

A dark rumbling that sounds like a mix between a laugh and a growl echoes across the room. His eyes are cold, empty when he turns around.

“No more lies, Mac.”

He doesn’t give me a chance to respond.

I’ve known fear my entire life, but the soul crushing ache in my chest as he walks out the door is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.

But it’s nothing compared to what I’ve done to him. I didn’t realize you could break your own heart by hurting someone else’s. That’s what I’ve done.

I just pray he’ll eventually forgive me.

Mackenzie

Theo doesn’t come back.

I stay up most of the night waiting. Hating myself for how screwed up I am. For the things I’ve done.

Unable to sleep, I sit on the couch and try to figure out how to fix things. Maybe I don’t deserve his forgiveness, but I have to try. 

By the time the sun is starting to rise, I know what I’m going to do.

When Logan wakes up, I hug her a little longer than she likes. She squirms until I put her down, then starts her morning tirade around the apartment. It’s nearly nine by the time I have her fed and dressed.

Logan doesn’t seem fazed by the fact that her bed and toys have been moved and that’s she’s woken up at yet another new place. But with all the moving around we’ve done, it’s nothing new for her.

She deserves a home, a family. And from this day forward, I’m going to fight with everything inside me to make sure she has it.

No more running.

No more fear.

For Logan. For Theo. I won’t live my life afraid anymore.

“Mackenzie?” A male voice travels down the hall from the front entrance.

Moody.

I leave Logan with her dolls.

“Theo asked me to check on you.” He pulls a beer from the fridge and shuts the fridge with his foot.

I sit down on one of the island stools. “How is he?”

“Pretty pissed off. But he’ll get over it.” He leans against the counter, studying me.

“I don’t know.”

“Trust me. He just needs time.” He takes a long swig, then places the empty bottle on the island. “And for you not to run off again.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good. Cause I’d have to kick your ass if you did. And I have a real aversion to hurting girls.”

I smile, shaking my head. “Well noted.”

“Mama, come.” Logan runs down the hall, carrying the princess doll Theo bought her. When she spots Moody she stops, eyes going wide.

I almost laugh at her expression. Moody’s size is intimidating for a normal size adult, so I can only imagine how ginormous he must seem to her.

“Logan this is one of Theo’s friends, Moody.”

She blinks several times, still staring up at him, then a broad smile forms, and she sings, “Moo. A cow says moo.”

This time, I can’t help but giggle. Even Moody laughs.

“Cute kid.”

“Mama, come see.” Logan tugs on my leg.

“All right. Just a second.”

Moody nods. “He’s at the gym if you need anything.”

“Thank you.”

“Oh and Mac?” Moody’s eyes drifted down to Logan, then back to me. “You really want to make things work with him?”

“Yes.”
More than anything.

“Then you might want to rethink the kid calling him Theo.” His expression hardens for a moment, clouded by something else. “He’s her dad, and she’s lucky to have one that actually wants to be.”

I swallow hard, then nod.
He’s right.

“Thanks.”

Moody gives me a half smile, then turns to leave.

Logan’s still pulling at my leg, trying to get my attention. “Come. My room.”

“Okay,” I say, taking her hand and letting her drag me back to her room.

I sit down on the carpet, beside the tilting tower Logan built, and pull her onto my lap, tickling her.

“Did you make that?”

“Yes,” she giggles, squirming away. She moves to her dolls, picking them up and placing each one in the bed Theo bought her.

There’s a lightness to her steps, a shimmer in her eyes that was never there before. She’s safe here, and even at two years old she knows it.

I feel a rush of emotions as I watch her.

For the first time in years, I’m calm. Peaceful.
Happy.

And despite the anxiety that’s always in the back of my mind, I let myself believe that everything’s going to be okay.

Theo

I pound the heavy bag until my knuckles are raw and bleeding.

“You should tape those,” Moody says, eyeing my fists.

I shrug. Physical pain helps take my mind off the knowing ache in my chest.

“How is she?” I ask, knowing he’s just been up to the apartment.

“She’s not going anywhere.”

I snort. “We’ll see.”

Moody shrugs. “The girl’s head over heels for you.”

“Right. And what makes you think that?” I plow my fist into the bag. “The fact that she’s lied to me from the second she walked in these doors or that she was going to take my kid and haul her ass out of town.”

Moody’s silent for a moment, but I can feel his eyes on me.

“She wasn’t going to take the kid,” he says quietly.

I stop, grabbing the swinging bag, and stare at him. “What are you talking about?”

He rubs the back of his neck.

“Tell me,” I grit out through clenched teeth.

“I don’t think she had any intention of taking the kid with her. When I found her, she was scared out of her fucking mind. The guy did a real number on her, and not just physically.” He glances around the gym, brows drawn down, then looks back at me. “I think she was trying to lure him away…from you, from Logan.”

“Shit.” I sit down on the bench and place my head on my hands. I can’t even imagine what Mac was thinking if she was willing to leave Logan. “I need to find the bastard. I’ll crush his fucking neck when I get my hands on him.”

“Let the police do their job. As long as she’s here, she’s safe.” He throws a towel at me. “Go have a shower, then talk to her. Don’t waste any more time than you already have.”

“That wasn’t my choice,” I grumble.

“No, but it is now,” he says, grinning. “Don’t be a douchebag. Figure out what you want and go get it.”

I grunt when he walks away, looking way too pleased with himself.

If he wasn’t so damn right, I’d remind him that he’s been pining after the same chick for the last four years.

I close my eyes and inhale deeply. It’s not a question of what I want, or what I’m willing to give. Or even if I’m willing to go after it.

I’ve known what I’ve wanted since I was sixteen years old.

I want her.

To take care of her.

To love her.

I’m just not sure she’ll let me.

Mackenzie

While Logan naps, I busy myself in the kitchen. I take my first batch of chocolate chip cookies from the oven, replacing it with a second tray, then set the timer.

When Theo’s phone rings, I ignore it. But after the third attempt I pick up, not wanting the constant buzzing to wake Logan.

“Mackenzie?” My mom’s raspy voice sends a chill down my spine.

“How did you get this number?”

“Don’t be rude. I came to visit you. To meet my granddaughter.”

“You’re here?” I glance around the room nervously, like she somehow teleported into the room. That was my irrational fear with her, I always felt like she was around, hovering over me, listening to every conversation.

I shake it off, knowing she couldn’t get past Theo’s security system.

“Let me in, Mackenzie.”

“Logan’s napping. It’s not a good time.”

“It’s never a good time,” she whines into the phone, voice slightly slurred. “I brought her a gift.”

Shit.

“I’ll come down.”

I hang up before she has the chance to argue. There’s no way I’m letting her up here, or anywhere near Logan. It sounds callous, I know. But the whole, honor your parents and all that crap is a bunch of bullshit. The woman is toxic. If it wasn’t for her and her terrible choice in men, I wouldn’t be in this Stefano situation.

When I open the back door and see her pale, gaunt face, the deep lines etched into her tired face, my stomach does a little flip, and a sliver of guilt wedges its way into my conscience. Despite everything, she’s still my mom. She’s not evil like Stefano, she’s just selfish, narcissistic…weak.

“Hi Mom.”

“You look awful,” she says, reaching out to touch the bruise on my face. “Did that boy hurt you? I always knew he was no good.”

“It wasn’t Theo.” I push her hand away and sigh. I almost tell her about Stef, let her know what an asshole the man truly is. But what’s the point? She never believed me where he was concerned. “You said you have something?”

She frowns, looking over my shoulder and up the stairs. “You’re really not going to let me in?”

“Logan’s sleeping and I don’t feel comfortable having guests over when Theo isn’t home.”

“I’m not a guest. I’m your mother.” She sounds indignant.

“What do you want, Mom?” My head begins to hurt, and my good mood is starting to turn sour.

“You’re doing well. Got yourself all set up here.” Her eyes light up like it’s fucking Christmas morning when she nods at Theo’s GT350. “Time to repay the debt you owe me.”

I should have known this was about money.

“I don’t owe you anything. Don’t come back here again.”

I start to shut the door. Her fingers snake out, grabbing my wrist, so tight her nails dig into my flesh. I watch her expression turn to one of rage.

“You selfish little whore. After everything I’ve done for you.” Her other hand strikes me hard across the same cheek that’s already bruised and I see stars.

“That’s enough, Terri. We don’t want to damage the goods. At least until we receive payment.” Stefano steps from the shadows, a gun pointed at my head. “I told you the bitch wouldn’t cooperate without a little motivation.”

“What have you done?” I look at my crazy mother, fear rolling over me, my mind spinning.

“Put the gun away, Stef. She’ll come with us.” She tightens her grip on my arm. “Won’t you, Darling?”

“Just get the damn kid, and let’s get out of here.”

“No.” I step out of the doorway, letting the heavy metal slam behind me, and hearing the click of the lock. “I won’t let you hurt her.”

My mom drops my arm and rushes to the door, yanking on it with no success. “You stupid girl.”

A click of metal and the gun is at my head.

“We don’t have time for this shit. Get her in the car.” Stefano nudges me with the gun.

My heart is pounding in my ears.

“You can’t let him do this,” I plead with my mom, whose eyes are wide, looking between Stef and me.

“Just keep your mouth shut. He won’t hurt you. We just want our money.”

“
Your
money?” Tears are streaming down my cheeks. The betrayal of what she’s done, what she’s doing, too much for me to process.

“No more talking,” Stef growls.

Something hard hits the back of my head. I collapse on the pavement and the world goes dark.