Fighting Fate (7 page)

enough for her…be what she needed.

At this point,
he
didn’t even know what
he
needed.

The moon goddess had cursed him for a fate he didn’t understand.

Fate had allowed him to find his mate, one he could never have.

Fate fucking sucked.

He wanted no part of any of the judgments. No part of a destiny that took him for granted.

Nothing. No matter the path it put him on, he’d fight. He was through with the world as it was, the

battles, the war, the torment. He wanted peace. And waiting for Cailin to find him wasn’t working

anymore.

He wasn’t good enough for her, and everyone knew it.

Disgusted with himself and his train of thought, he shook his head, pounded back the last of his

drink, and stripped his shirt off so he could go for a run. Maybe if he went wolf and let his beast run

wild, he’d burn off the anger.

Burn off the shame.

He stripped quickly then walked naked into the backyard. When they’d first moved to the

Redwood den, he, Lexi, and Parker, had taken one of the smaller guest houses on the Jamenson

property. While they could have stayed in any of the empty houses within the den, the Jamensons had

wanted the Andersons close.

Not only had North wanted Lexi near, but Logan had a feeling the Alpha wanted them near. The

other members of the den hadn’t been too keen on allowing outsiders, and Logan hadn’t wanted to

deal with them anyway. He was more lone wolf than Pack most days, and sometimes there was no

fixing that, no changing the fact that he’d lived with the curse of his wolf for his entire life, hiding

who he was.

Once outside, he let the moon’s light tingle on his skin before pulling on the bond with his wolf.

The change came over quickly, slower than an Alpha but faster than most dominant wolves. Soon,

instead of two feet, he stood on four paws, his wolf on the prowl, ready for the hunt. Contrary to

popular belief, werewolves did not need the moon to change. It certainly helped, and during full

moons, some of the less dominant Pack members needed to shift so they could burn off their energy.

He shook his head, letting his wolf take over so he wouldn’t have to think, wouldn’t have to feel.

The pads of his paws hit the ground hard as he ran with all his endurance, pushing himself to the limit

so he could feel the burn. The sounds of prey—rabbits, deer, and other mammals—got further away.

Prey skittering off, their fear radiating off of them. They knew a predator was in their midst, and

though Logan wasn’t in the mood for blood, he would take the chase, the dominance.

He ran for twenty minutes or so, knowing that the Jamenson meeting might be ending soon. He

wanted to be there in case Lexi or anyone else needed him. The ache in his muscles didn’t hurt but

rather let his mind focus on his body, rather than in his heart. He shifted back so he stood naked in his

backyard, sweaty, chest heaving from running too fast, too hard, and still he needed to find the will to

become the man who would survive and make it through the day.

With one last deep breath, the fresh scent of the forest not enough to clean his lungs, he strode

back into the house, heading toward the shower. He needed to wash the grime off, the sweat and

memories that he knew would lay on his skin like a film no matter how many times he showered.

Jets of hot water pounded onto his back, and he closed his eyes, not wanting to think even

knowing it would be a lost cause. He filled a loofah with some of the flowery crap Lexi had left in the

shower since he didn’t have anything else. He’d been too busy dealing with helping the Jamensons to

worry about things like soap. As he scrubbed down his body, the image of a particular Jamenson

filled his mind, and he lowered his hand to his cock, unable to stop himself.

Cailin’s green eyes gazed at him in his vision, and he soaped up his length, his dick filling

quickly where it lay heavy in his palm. He dropped the loofah and cupped his balls, rolling them in

his hand as he imagined them in her mouth, one at a time as she sucked on them like candy. The groan

escaping his lips filled the room, and he let go of his balls so he could use his hand to lean against the

shower wall. Bending forward, he let the water wash down his back as he gripped his shaft firmly,

sliding up and down. He imagined Cailin on her knees in front of him, her hands submissively behind

her back.

No, that wouldn’t be his Cailin. She’d never submit fully to him, and he wouldn’t want that. He

wanted to dominate her but have her fight back with the intensity he knew she possessed—had

witnessed.

Instead, he imagined her raking her nails down his thighs as she sucked him down her throat.

He’d wrap her hair around his fist and fuck her face hard, fast, exactly what both of them would need.

He let his thumb trace over the precum at the tip of his dick and slide over the slit, imagining her

tongue doing the same as he blew him. With that image on his brain, he grunted, increasing his pace

until his balls drew up, tightening. He shouted her name as he came, spurts of come hitting the shower

wall, sliding down to mix with the water now cooling in the bottom of the tub.

With one last quick rinse, he got out of the shower and toweled off. Coming might have taken off

a slight edge, but he was still running hot.

There was only one person who could help with that, and he knew, at this point, it would be a

lost cause. He couldn’t even go to her to help her grieve. He was one of the reasons she was in pain

as it was, and from the way things had been since they’d met, he knew he wouldn’t be the company

she wanted. He might never be the company she needed. That was just one more thing he would have

to learn to deal with. There was no way he’d inflict his presence on her. Not anymore.

Just as he pulled on his jeans, his wolf scented her. He didn’t bother buttoning up his jeans or

pulling on a shirt, his wolf—and the man—needed her beyond all rationality. He was already walking

toward the door before he could rethink his decision and try to keep away. She hadn’t knocked but

stood on his porch, her head down, her shoulders slumped.

“Cailin,” he breathed, not knowing what else to say.

What else could he say to the woman he wanted more than anything and knew he could never

have?

Her head lifted, and she blinked up at him. Once. Twice. His wolf nudged him, begging for their

mate. He could get lost in those eyes, the deep pools of green pulling him in and never letting him go.

Logan held out his arms, not knowing if she’d come to him, but honestly, she’d already come to

his door. If she needed to take the extra step, he’d open himself to her. He might have told himself

he’d back away, unable to deal with the pain and rejection, but he’d been an idiot.

He could no more walk away from Cailin than he could walk away from his wolf.

“Come here,” he ordered.

He didn’t know if it was the right thing to say, but he was beyond waiting, second-guessing.

Cailin licked her lips then took two steps, resting her head on his chest while wrapping her arms

around his waist. He pulled his arms in, holding her close as they stood in the doorway. He could

hear other wolves around them, scent their presence, but the others were too far away to see what

was going on. They were all in their homes, grieving as they should be. They shouldn’t care that the

Redwood Pack princess was at his door, in his arms.

The others had watched him and Cailin dance around each other yet hadn’t pushed them. A

mating was a private thing, despite the fact that, as wolves, others would be able to sense a change in

them, sense the hint of connection.

Cailin wasn’t his mate, though his wolf already thought of her as that, and he’d slipped up a few

times in his head as well. She was a potential. One of the few—and sometimes even the
only
—whom

he could mate with and create a true bond. The mating bond would connect their souls in a special

and unique way. No two matings were the same.

However, both parties could ignore the mating urge if they needed to, if they didn’t have the right

chemistry in their human forms.

It would hurt.

It
had
been hurting with Cailin, but he’d take the pain for just a moment with her in his arms.

Fuck, he was a sap when it came to the green-eyed princess clutched to his chest.

They stood there for a few more moments before he pulled away, but he didn’t let go of her

completely. He led her into his home, closing the door behind them. His wolf liked her scent mingling

with his, her presence in his home. His wolf also wanted to lock her up and never let her go.

Sometimes his wolf just had to deal with not getting what he wanted.

“Tell me what I can do, princess,” he said, his voice low.

Her eyes widened at the word spoken as an endearment, and he held back a curse. He needed to

dial the need and desire back if he had any chance of comforting her tonight. Though for all he knew,

she was there for a fight so she could blow off steam and let out her own form of aggression and

deep-seated anger.

Of course, he’d help her with that if that’s what she needed.

Anything to take away the darkness and grief in her eyes.

“I…I don’t know why I’m here,” she whispered.

He narrowed his eyes at her. Oh, she was lying all right. Either to him or to herself. She knew

why she’d come, but maybe on some level, she didn’t know why she’d
needed
to be on his doorstep.

He wouldn’t have blamed her for never wanting to talk to him again. The only reason he had a feeling

that wasn’t the case here was that she’d come willingly into his arms.

He wasn’t counting his chickens though.

Logan licked his lips and held back a groan at the way her eyes followed the movement. This

was not the time to indulge in the fantasies that had plagued him since he’d first seen her when he’d

come to the Pack.

He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, his wolf clawing at him when she moved her cheek

into the gesture. He cupped her face and brought his forehead to hers. They’d never been this close,

not really. Oh, when he’d been hurt when he and North had fought the demon stupidly on their own,

Cailin had come to his side and tended his wounds, but she’d kept her distance.

It was as if her wolf required her to help him, but the woman hadn’t wanted to put down roots.

He understood that. It hurt like hell, but he understood. They were together often, helping the children,

helping Jasper or Adam with their duties, but the tenderness she showed him now, and he showed her,

hadn’t been like this before.

“What do you want me to do?” he asked.

“I…I just need you,” she whispered, her eyes filling. “Please, just make the pain go away.”

He brought her to his chest then, picked her up and cradled her to him. She wrapped her arms

around his neck and sighed into him, tears soaking his skin.

“You couldn’t cry before, could you?” he asked as he brought her to his room. It was the only

place big enough for him to hold her close and make her comfortable.

Or at least as comfortable as she could be in his bed.

It would have to do.

Cailin hiccupped into his neck and shook her head.

“It’s okay, baby. Cry it out.” He got into the bed and laid back, rubbing his hand down her back,

his own eyes filling.

God, it hurt so fucking much to watch her like this. His strong, vibrant Cailin broken and hurting

in his arms. There wasn’t anything he could do. No matter how strong he was, how strong his wolf

was, he couldn’t bring her parents back. Couldn’t stop Pat from dying for him…Edward from doing

the same for Cailin.

While she broke down, he murmured to her, knowing nothing he could say would make it better,

but he’d try anyway. His wolf howled for her, wanting to kill anything that could harm her, that could

make her do this, but there was nothing to do but hold her close and let her break down.

Finally, after an hour or so, she quieted, her body shaking.

She leaned away from him and shifted so she was fully on his lap while he sat against the

headboard.

“Thank you,” she croaked.

He kissed her temple then moved her so she lay on the bed. “No thanks needed, princess. Lie

right here and let me get you some water. You need to rehydrate.” She nodded, her eyes red-rimmed

and puffy but looking as beautiful as ever.

He cupped her check once more before leaving the room and padding to the kitchen where he

quickly filled a glass with water and found a couple herbal tablets Hannah had left for him. Wolves

couldn’t take normal medications since their metabolism worked too fast, but there were some herbs

that could be used as pain relievers.

Cailin would have one monster of a headache once she finally settled. In fact, she probably

already had one.

When he got back to the bedroom, he willed his cock to stand down at the sight of her in his bed.