Fighting Fate (8 page)

This wasn’t the right time to be thinking about her like this, not when she needed to feel safe. Or at

least as safe as she could be.

“Take these and drink the whole glass of water,” he ordered.

She nodded, the usual spunk and quick commentary he loved from her nonexistent. The Cailin in

his bed right now was just the shell of the woman he knew he’d love one day. He vowed to himself

he’d do all in his power to ensure the old Cailin came back.

Or at least a Cailin who held the fire in her eyes and in her veins.

He wasn’t sure any of them would come back from what had happened and be the same.

When she finished the water, he took the glass from her and set it on the nightstand before getting

back into bed. Her eyes widened slightly as she stared at his still naked chest and undone jeans, but

she leaned into his hold anyway when he held out an arm. She fit perfectly against him, her head on

his chest, her hand rubbing small circles over his stomach.

His cock hardened at her soft touches, but he ignored it.

“My parents are dead, Logan,” she whispered.

He closed his eyes at the pain in her voice and squeezed her tightly. “I know, princess. I’m so

fucking sorry.” His throat closed, and he coughed, trying to breathe again. “I’m so, so sorry about it

all. Damn it, your mom shouldn’t have done that.”

He winced at his words, but the truth needed to get out. It would only fester between them if he

didn’t tell her what he thought, didn’t explain what had happened on the field.

Cailin turned so she sat and faced him, her touch never leaving his body. “I’m all cried out,

Logan. I don’t know if I have anything left in me.” He ran a hand up her arm and cupped her face,

needing her.

“You can’t blame yourself, princess.”

That fire he’d missed in her eyes flared back for a moment before dying again. That was at least

progress.

“Who else do I blame, hmm?”

He growled, low and full of promise. “How about the fucking demon who started it all?”

Cailin lifted a lip and bared fang. “You don’t think I blame him as well? But my parents
died

because of me. Sure, Caym dealt the deathblow, but if I had been stronger, faster,
anything
more than

I am, my father wouldn’t have had to push me out of the way. He’d still be alive.”

Logan pulled her onto his lap so she straddled him. Her breath hitched, and he knew she felt his

dick against her pussy, but he didn’t care. He just needed her.

“I don’t know what I’d do if your father hadn’t done that.” She opened her mouth to speak, but he

pressed a finger against her lips. “I’m not saying that I’m not torn up over what happened. I’m saying

that I don’t know what I’d do if I’d lost you. I know we haven’t talked about what we are to each

other because we’re not ready. In fact, I’m not even going to mention that right now—again. But I will

say that what I feel for you means that without you in this world, with me or not, I’d be a broken

man.”

“Logan…”

When she didn’t say anything else, he sighed. “Your mom died for me, baby. I…I don’t know if

you can ever forgive me for that. I don’t think you should. But I also don’t think you should blame

yourself. This is the fucking demon’s fault. Not yours.”

She shook her head. “I don’t blame you. God, no. My mother…” Her breath stuttered. “My

mother died for you because of what you could be for me. She also did it because you’re a Pack

member, and my mom is,
was
, one freaking strong woman who would have done anything for her

Pack. And she
did
.”

Logan growled and pulled at her hair so she tipped her face up to him. Her eyes darkened for a

moment before shutting down to that grief again. “Don’t you dare blame yourself for what your mother

did for me. Do you understand? You are not. To. Blame. You get me?”

“Then you can’t blame yourself.”

He sighed, knowing they were at an impasse. No matter what either of them thought, the wounds

were too raw, too new for them to deal with the ramifications.

“You need some sleep, princess, and so do I. It’s been one long fucking day.”

She suddenly looked far too innocent, too scared to be where she was, so, for this moment only,

he took control. He quickly pulled her off of him and stood up, bringing her to her feet.

He licked his lips and met her gaze. “Just sleep, princess. Let me care for you. I need that. My

wolf needs that. And I think your wolf does too.”

“I’m not a submissive wolf, Logan.”

He shook his head. “I know that, and I’m damned glad of it. My wolf needs a dominant wolf to

hold him steady.”

“I…I don’t know if I’m ready for calling your wolf mine and vice versa. I thought I might be, but

I…I don’t know anything anymore.”

He held back a grin. At least she was thinking about it. “Just sleep, Cailin. I want to hold you

tonight, and I think we both need it.”

She nodded. “I don’t want to be alone. Not tonight. Not when everyone else has someone and I

have nothing.”

He tilted his head, a thread of anger sliding through him before he pushed it away. “Are you here

because you have nothing else?” he asked, unable to hold the question back. He needed to know

where she stood, at least for the moment. If she was only there because she felt she had to give in

because she had no hope, then he’d have to find a way to deal with that.

“No, I mean, not like what you think.” She closed her eyes and groaned. “I don’t know what I’m

saying. I think you’re right, and I just need to sleep.”

He studied her face for a moment longer before nodding. “Let me get you comfortable and under

the blankets before I join you.” He helped her take off her shoes and stripped off the sweats that

didn’t hold her scent so he knew they had to be borrowed. From the way her nipples poked hard

against her shirt, he knew she wasn’t wearing a bra, so she would be comfortable in that.

He could scent her arousal, and it made his dick even harder, but he ignored it, knowing they

both needed to be held, not fucked. Not just then. As soon as she was tucked in, he went to his

drawer, pulled out a pair of sweats and went to the bathroom to change. As a werewolf, normally he

wouldn’t care about nudity, but Cailin was different.

Cailin was always different.

When he came back into the bedroom, she was already turned on her side with enough space for

him to join her. He turned off the light and slid in behind her, wrapping his arm around her stomach

and pulling her close. His cock pressed against her ass, but neither of them made any mention of it.

She sighed quietly and tangled her fingers with his before lifting her head so he could wrap his other

arm around her. When she lifted one leg, he moved his own between hers so they were as close as

they could get, their wolves panting, soothing, their human halves grieving and taking comfort.

After all this time, Cailin Jamenson was in his arms, in his bed.

Yet the torment surrounding them made it a bittersweet moment.

She’d come to him.

Come to him when she was hurting and knew he could take care of her.

He’d hold on to that feeling forever, knowing he’d need it in the future.

The war was exploding around them, and the mating that could be with the woman he held in his

arms was only beginning.

It was time.

Chapter Five

The warmth behind her sizzled down Cailin’s spine, and she snuggled closer, wanting more. A

large hand moved up and cupped her breast. Her nipple pebbled against the palm, and she opened her

eyes.

She looked down at the sexy, tan hand palming her breast, and stiffened.

Logan froze behind her, but that wasn’t the only thing stiff in his bed. She licked her lips and

thought about rocking back into that very large cock to see how fast she could get off, but then she

remembered
why
she was in bed with him.

The memory was like a splash of cold water, and she cooled down before moving so she could

sit up. He let her go quickly but kept his hand on her back, as if afraid to let her go completely.

Honestly, she and her wolf loved it. Her wolf preened, ready for their mate, but the human part of her

still had reservations.

No, that wasn’t the right word.

She wanted the man in front of her. In fact, she’d come to his house, searching him out

deliberately. She might have come for a full mating at first, but in retrospect, mating that night would

have been a mistake. No, she just needed to be held by someone who wasn’t family. Someone who

didn’t have others to comfort.

She needed Logan and only Logan.

Cailin Jamenson didn’t like to
need
anyone.

Was that what mating was supposed to be about? Needing and relying on others? She didn’t

know if that’s what she wanted. Maybe
if
they found themselves in a mating bond, they could find a

way to work together because she didn’t want to lose herself to it.

That had been her worse fear.

It didn’t even make sense in some respects. She’d
seen
her brothers mate and create a bond that

looked as if it was equal between them. Her parents had shown her that mating could work and

provide a strength she wasn’t even sure she’d been aware of at first. Yet she was so afraid to lose

herself that she created a fear in her own mind that might not even manifest at all. She was afraid to

lose the self she hadn’t yet found.

Well, the fear
had
been her worst. She’d already faced the fear she never thought she would face

and lost. Without Logan there, she wasn’t sure how she’d come out of it. She’d broken down in front

of him, and he hadn’t judged, just picked her up and held her. He hadn’t told her everything would be

okay, because it wouldn’t. She’d lost her parents, and there was no changing that, no coming back

from it. Not in a way that would make her feel whole again.

But he’d been there for her.

“Cailin? Princess?”

She blinked at Logan’s voice, warming on the inside at his endearment. When once he’d used the

title princess to sneer, to taunt, it held a different meaning now—like he wanted to be closer. Like

he’d cherish her and treat her like a princess.

Not that she necessarily wanted that.

She’d love to be treated like a princess who could save her own ass.

If Logan could be the man who could do all of that, be the man who could treat her like she

thought she needed, then she’d have the mate she so desired.

Only time would tell.

Cailin turned so she could look down at him, his mussed dark hair making him look even sexier

than usual.
Damn that wolf
. He tilted his head, his hazel eyes seeing far too much.

While part of her loved waking up next to him, an equal part of her was downright terrified. She

didn’t like being terrified. No, she
hated
it. That was one more reason she stayed away from Logan as

much as she could.

Even if she failed at it more often than not.

“Thank you,” she whispered. He’d held her and had done exactly what she’d needed. She might

have no idea what she really wanted, but she wouldn’t be ungracious.

He sat up, reaching his arm out for her. Without thinking, she leaned into him, letting his hand

cup her face. She closed her eyes and sighed, her wolf needing the touch more than she’d thought.

“Anything, Cailin. Anything.”

If only.

“I need to go get ready,” she finally said after a few moments of silence. Her heart ached, and

she had to hold back a shiver at the thought of just
why
she had to get ready.

Today they would bury her parents and say goodbye.

There would be no waiting, not when the Pack needed to stand together now more than ever.

They needed to see Kade and Melanie in positions of power and grace. The other wolves would feel

more at ease, feel that connection to their new Alpha if they could see them, grieve with them.

They also had to let go of the past. No, they wouldn’t forget, goddess no. But without

remembering and
celebrating
the lives that were being lived, the Pack would dwell on the lives that

had been
lost
.

Cailin knew she had to be the strong one, just like she’d always been. The Pack would be

looking to her, the lone daughter, the princess, and act accordingly.

She’d be the only one standing up at the altar alone. The others would have their families, their

mates.

With a quick intake of breath, she shuddered. “Stand with me today,” she whispered, surprised

she’d voiced the words.

Logan’s eyes widened, and he nodded. “Of course, Cailin.” He sat straighter, removing his hand

from her face. She immediately felt cold at the loss but pushed it aside. “I’ll stand up with you.” He

frowned for a moment.

“What is it? You can tell me.”

“Aren’t you worried about what others will think? I’m not, and I know you aren’t usually. That’s

one thing I like about you. I just don’t want you to have to deal with the additional burden of what