Finaly My Heart's Desire (Meant for Me Book 2) (5 page)

Chapter 6

Robin's family had two huge Christmas parties every year, one for their employees, (which was at a convention center they rented out for the evening) and one for their friends and family (which was at their home). Robin and I were expected to attend both.

The one for their employees was labeled a "holiday party" and happened sometime in mid-December. Robin and I got to miss that one this year on account of Micah and Carly's wedding. The official Buller Christmas party, however, was usually scheduled closer to Christmas, and missing it wasn't an option.

The Buller's extended an invitation to my family every year, but they always declined, which worked out for everybody since that type of thing wasn't my parents' cup of tea, pun intended. It was a formal affair, something like you'd read about in a historical novel with plenty of snobbery and gossip, and my parents' just weren't into that sort of thing.

Despite the fact that my parents never accepted theirs, invitations to the Buller Christmas party were a highly sought after commodity in San Antonio. This year was going to be their grandest party yet. Robin's parents had been talking about the guest list for months. It included countless millionaire entrepreneurs, several well-known musicians and producers, and a few famous athletes. Being that I was always looking out for my brother, I told him that maybe he and Carly should try to come this year so he could rub some elbows for his concrete business. He originally declined, but Carly said she wouldn't mind checking out such a party, so Micah changed his mind and agreed.

Carly was going to borrow the dress I wore two years before, but I had plans to purchase a new one. I should have done it sooner, but I was embarrassed by the bruises on my arms that looked suspiciously like they'd been left by fingertips, so I had put it off. They were completely faded by now, but I only had a few days till the party, and I would need to find a dress that didn't need to be altered.

I asked Carly to come with me on my mission to choose one so that I could give her the lowdown on what to expect at the party. We had already been to one dress store with no luck, and were on our way to the second when I randomly asked, "How'd it go with Trish at Happy House?" I was driving, and I took my eyes off the road for a split second to glance at her.

"It went well," she said. "Do you ever get to go hang out there?"

"I've been thinking about it lately," I said. "I thought about getting a job at a book store, but Robin wasn't too happy about that. I figured he wouldn't mind if I volunteered at Happy House a little bit." I shrugged. "I thought maybe I'd talk to Trish and coordinate something with her."

"Why wasn't Robin happy with you working at a bookstore?" she asked.

I hadn't expected her to hang onto that bit of information, and I swallowed, giving myself time to think of a response. "He, uh, he just knows I don't really need to get a job right now. You know, since money's not an issue or whatever."

I glanced at her to find that she was staring at me with a dumbfounded expression. "Why are you going to college then?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I mean, is he going to let you get a job once you're done with school?"

"It's not that he won't
let
me get a job," I said, defensively. "He just knows I'm concentrating on school, and says there's no need right now."

She hesitated for a few seconds before she spoke again. "Well, I definitely think you should check out Happy House. You and Trish could work something out where you build off of what the other one does. She's only volunteering once a week, so I know they'd really love for you to start coming."

The thought of volunteering at Happy House made me ecstatic. I was sort of bummed that Trish beat me to the punch as their English teacher, but was excited at the idea of working with her.

"She and Shane broke up," Carly said from out of nowhere while I was busy daydreaming about volunteering. A hot gush of nerves and excitement washed through my body, making an uncontrollable smile spread across my face. Obviously, it was inappropriate for me to smile at such a thing, so I made myself cough a few times till I could calm my nerves.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" I asked, acting like I hadn't heard her over the coughing.

"Oh, I just said Trish and her boyfriend broke up. I don't know if you met him. He was at the wedding."

"I met him," I said. "That's terrible. What happened?"

"It was his brother. Did I tell you how he just got released from rehab or whatever?"

I nodded without taking my eyes off the road.

"Well, apparently he's been hanging out with a friend from the Navy since he's been back." She sighed, and I could tell she was trying to figure out how much she should tell me.

"Did Trish cheat on Shane with one of their friends?" I asked.

"No, no, nothing like that." She hesitated, but continued, "I think sometimes those guys have a hard time when they get back. You know sometimes they've seen a lot and have been injured. Anyway, I think either Brock or this friend of his is struggling with a pill addiction, and well, some of Trish's jewelry went missing after they were all hanging out at her house one night."

I took a breath in through my teeth, imagining how awkward that must have been.

"Brock swears he didn't take anything, but it's hard to say. She says she knows for sure it went missing the night they were over there." She paused. "Those guys have been through a lot."

"So Trish broke up with Shane over it?" I asked.

"Yeah," Carly said, sadly. "One of the rings that went missing belonged to her grandmother, and she was really upset about the whole thing. She liked Shane and everything, but she told him she just didn't feel safe with that sort of sketchiness going on. She said the PTSD was stressful enough, but Brock or his friends stealing from her was more than she was willing to put up with. She wanted Shane to kick his brother out of his house, or press charges or whatever, but Shane wouldn't do it. He said Brock would never do something like that."

"What's Micah gonna do?" I asked, knowing Brock had already started work for him.

"Micah says Brock shows up to work on time everyday and does exactly as he's told. He likes him. He said he can tell Brock's got some things to work through or whatever, but he doesn't think he's a thief."

"So he plans to hang onto him?" I asked.

I glanced at Carly who shrugged. "I think so," she said. "You know how he is about second chances."

"Is Trish upset about that?"

"We haven't really talked about it," she said. "She told me the story about her jewelry and that it ended with her breaking it off with Shane, and we sort of left it at that."

"Was she upset about ending it with Shane?" I asked, unable to imagine why anyone would break up with Shane Rollins.

"They really hadn't been dating all that long," she said. "I'm not saying she didn't like him, but obviously his brother's issues outweighed being with him. I think she was really ticked about that ring."

And then, in a moment of sheer deliriousness on my part, I blurted something out that I should have never said. "That's my Shane," I said.

I couldn't believe I said it. It was like the words were floating in the air in front of me and I wished so desperately that I could grab them and shove them back into my mouth.
What was I thinking?

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing," I said, unable to stop a delirious giggle from escaping my lips.

"You said that's
your
Shane," she said, as if I needed reminding.

I continued to giggle. "I don't know what I was saying. I was trippin' for a second."

"Was he the one you had a crush on when you were a kid?" she asked, wide-eyed.

"What? Me? No." I hesitated, and since I was a terrible liar, I amended, "Probably."

"Are you serious?" she asked in awe.

I sighed, knowing it was useless to deny it. I was already in too deep. "It's probably the same guy," I said meekly.

"The one you had a crush on for years of your life?" she asked.

The question was like salt in an open wound. I cringed. "It's not like I was a stalker. I was just a little kid."

"Oh my goodness," she exclaimed, in a breathless tone. "That's exactly what happened with Micah and me, except I only fell in love with him for a day before trying to forget about him." We were silent for a few seconds before she asked, "What'd you do when you saw him at the wedding?"

I let out a laugh. "I almost had a heart attack."

She laughed. "I guess so. What did he do?"

"Who Shane?" I asked, glancing at her. "He didn't even recognize me. Well, he sort of did but not really. He was definitely more significant in my life back then than I was in his, so I knew he wouldn't know who I was. I was actually thankful for it for obvious reasons."

"What are you gonna do now?" she asked.

I had just pulled into a parking spot at another dress shop when she asked that question, and I glanced over at her with a curious expression. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, now that you've learned he's single, are you gonna try to get in touch with him? I have his number."

She was smiling and I just gawked at her like I couldn’t believe what she was saying. I had assumed that thought would have never crossed her mind.

"He's your best friend's ex," I reminded her.

She continued to smile as she shrugged. "She's the one who broke up with him." Her face suddenly turned serious and contemplative, and I could tell she was thinking about whether or not Trish would mind.

"Plus, I have a boyfriend," I added. "Remember, Robin?"

She gave me a regretful smile. "I know, I'm sorry," she said. "I shouldn't have tempted you like that. I like Shane, and it was the first thing I thought of when you said he was the same guy."

"What's he do?" I asked, unable to resist a little more information now that were having this candid conversation.

"He's got a good job," she said. "He's a physical therapist, and I think he's really good. He works with athletes and stuff."

I was instantly transported back to the days when I would doodle our names on notebook paper and think of myself as Mrs. Emily Rollins. I sighed, imagining him being good at his job and helping others. I felt that sense of longing for him that was all wrong for someone who was in a serious, committed relationship. Robin would go ballistic if he knew the feelings I was having for Shane at this very moment. He would probably hunt the guy down and do something terrible that we'd all regret.

I found myself overwhelmed with emotion and I sunk my face into my hands. Seconds later, I felt Carly's hand on my back. "I'm sorry," she said. "I know you really liked him way back then. I didn't mean to tempt you. Robin's obviously an amazing catch."

"Yeah," I agreed, trying to talk myself into it. I ran my hand through my hair, and did my best to smile and act like it really wasn't a big deal at all.

We went in the store so I could try on dresses, but all I could think about was how single Shane Rollins was. I did my best to act like I wasn't thinking about it, but it was on my mind the whole time I tried on dresses.

I relied on Carly and the lady at the store to tell me which one looked good on me, because I didn't really care. I brought the one they chose up to the counter and purchased it on Robin's credit card. Then I put it into the backseat of my car—the car Robin bought for me.

It wasn't the first time I considered all the material possessions I would lose if I left Robin. I would lose literally all the creature comforts I'd become accustomed to. I would lose the possibility of marrying into the richest family in Texas. Robin was my stability. He was my future. I had spent the last three years assuming that I'd be with him and my life would be a walk down easy street. Our children and grandchildren would be privileged. They would go to the best schools and have the best of everything.
I had a plan for crying out loud!
It was not fair for Shane Rollins to infiltrate my thoughts the way he had. I reminded myself that the last time I had feelings for him, it ended in my own humiliation. I could not let him do it to me again. I was with Robin and that's all there was to it.

Carly and I didn't speak about Shane again after that. I told her what to expect at the party and gave her a brief rundown on what subjects to avoid, telling her my best advice was to do more listening than talking—that nodding and smiling would get her a long way.

I dropped Carly off at her and Micah's house but didn't go inside. The party was two days away, and I told her I'd see her then.

Chapter 7

Carly called me at 9:00 in the morning on the day of the party. It wasn't out of the ordinary for her to call, but something about the hour led me to believe something was wrong. Before I even picked up the phone, I had thoughts about what it could be. The first thing that crossed my mind was that she and Micah had to cancel for some reason.

"Hello?" I said, a bit sleepily even though I'd been awake when the phone rang.

"Hey Em, is it too early?"

"No, what's up?"

She let out a sigh. "Well, you know your brother," she said.

"Yeah," I said, figuring this had something to do with them not coming to the party. "Is everything okay?"

"Oh, yeah, Micah just…" she hesitated. "I thought I should tell you that Micah called in a favor to Robin."

"A favor?" I asked. I had no idea what she could be talking about.

"Your brother's been telling me that Brock Rollins was some kind of metal artist. He said while Brock was in the military, he'd take pieces of ships and planes and other military equipment, things that had been scrapped, and he'd make stuff out of it—tables and chairs, and all sorts of things."

"Okay," I said, still not getting it.

"So your brother got to talking to him about it, and Brock brought pictures of his stuff to work for Micah to look at." She sighed. "Anyway, Micah fell in love with Brock's stuff. He said he prayed about it and really felt like God would want him to help Brock try to get a business started."

"And he needed Robin's help?" I asked, finally seeing the point.

"Sort of," she said. "He just called Robin to make sure that it would be okay if he tried to rub elbows with a few possible investors tonight at the party."

"Oh," I said. "That's a good idea. I already told Micah he should do that for his business. There's gonna be a ton of people there who would be interested in something like that, I'm sure. He should bring Brock's portfolio with him. I hope Robin told him it'd be fine. Did he?"

"That's not exactly what Micah asked Robin," she said.

"What'd he ask him?"

"He asked if Brock could come to the party and talk to people himself."

"He did?"

"Yeah."

"What'd Robin say?"

"He said it was fine."

"So Brock's coming tonight?" I asked.

"Yeah," she paused before adding, "and Shane."

I could feel the blood leaving my face. Nerves began ricocheting on the inside of my body.

"Shane's coming to the party tonight?" I asked in utter disbelief.

"Yeah. I thought you should know. Brock didn't want to miss the opportunity, but he didn't want to come without Shane."

"Does Micah know who Shane is to me?"

"No," she answered quickly. "I haven't told him anything. He probably wouldn't have invited them if he knew."

I let out a long breath. "Was Robin gracious about putting them on the guest list?"

"I think so," she said. "Micah didn't say much other than telling me he prayed about helping Brock and hooked it up for Brock and his brother to come to the party tonight to try to meet potential investors."

I tried to think about how much Micah would know about my long-term crush on Shane. He was four years older than me and was likely oblivious to that whole thing, but I had it bad enough for long enough that I was sure he'd at least remember his name.

I thanked Carly for giving me the heads up and went through the rest of the day in a state of restless anticipation. I was relatively sure Robin had no idea who he'd agreed to add to the guest list, and it'd take him by surprise when he saw that it was the same guy from the wedding. Maybe he wouldn't even care. Maybe I was just freaked out about it because of who Shane was to me.

The last thing I needed to do was give myself away. I needed to just chill and act like he was any other guy. My thoughts ran wild all day, and before I knew it, the time had come for the party to begin. I was always nervous for these parties, but this one was especially bad. I was so giddy with anticipation that I had to stifle a giggle the entire time I was getting ready.

The dress Carly helped me pick out was a rich shade of red satin and was gathered below the bust at an empire waist. I felt like a princess wearing it. It was beautifully made and flattering on my figure, which gave me some much-needed confidence.

My hair was styled in a French twist and I wore a gold necklace with rubies that matched the color of my dress. My attire was appropriate for the occasion, which was just the way Mrs. Buller liked it. She hired two stylists to come to the house and take care of hair, make up, and clothing for all of us, and by the time they were done with us, we looked like the royal family.

No amount of help from a stylist could prepare me for the on slot of feverish nerves that washed over me when Shane came in the front door, though. I felt hot and breathless as soon as he set foot in the room.

The Buller's house boasted a grand entryway with huge double staircases and a loft. It was a sprawling room with marble checkerboard floors and beautiful, ornate windows and furniture. It was tradition for the Buller family to station themselves near the door for the first thirty minutes of the party to greet the guests as they arrived. For the past two years, I'd been included in the family circle, and it was now my duty to stand there, shake hands, and pass out fake kisses on the cheek to everyone who entered the door.

The welcoming committee consisted of Mr. and Mrs. Buller, followed by Robin and myself, and then his two little sisters, both of whom were teenagers. They had a doorman standing by to introduce the guests as they came in, and each of them was expected to go down the line, so each of us could greet them.

Micah had been here once before, so he knew the drill, and I had already clued Carly in, but I wondered how the Rollins boys would react to such a show.

I spared glances at Micah and Carly as best I could, but I had a really hard time taking my eyes off of Shane. He was dressed in a fitted black suit with a vest and tie, and he smiled confidently as if he came to these types of parties all the time. His almost black hair was combed away from his face and to the side in a dapper style like he'd just stepped out of a barbershop.

I watched as Micah greeted Robin's parents and turned to first introduce Carly and then the two gentlemen he brought along. Mr. Buller shook everyone's hand before Mrs. Buller passed out hugs and fake kisses.

My nerves escalated as they moved toward us. Robin shook Micah's hand. "It's good to see you Micah." He nodded at Carly and acknowledged her by name before shifting his attention to the Rollins brothers. "One of you must be the artist I've heard about."

Brock gave a quick nod as he stepped forward to shake Robin's hand. "I appreciate the invitation," he said.

"We're glad to have you here," Robin said, reaching out to pat his shoulder. "I'm sure there are a lot of people present who you'd be interested in meeting. Merry Christmas. I hope you enjoy yourselves."

I reached out to hug Micah and Carly watching Robin and the Rollins boys out of the corner of my eye the whole time.

"You look beautiful," I whispered to Carly, smiling at her before I fake kissed her cheek.

"Thank you," she said. "So do you."

"I'll talk to you guys in a few minutes," I said, winking at her.

Guests were steadily coming in the door, so it was imperative that the line keep moving along. All of us knew that, so we only took a few seconds with each greeting. Carly kept going toward Robin's sisters, and I turned my attention to Brock. I shook his hand and gave him a small bow. "It's good to see you again," I said.

"You too," he responded. "Thanks for having us."

I smiled. "Merry Christmas."

He returned my smile and nodded before moving down the line to Robin's little sister. Shane stepped in front of me and I held out my hand for him to take. Our eyes locked for a split second that felt more like an eternity. The contrast of his light blue eyes against his dark hair and suit made it almost impossible for me look away. I quickly glanced at Robin to see that he was preoccupied with the next family.

My hand lingered in Shane's a little too long, and when I glanced back at him, I found that he was smiling at me. I smiled back, looking a little ashamed that I left my hand in his. I tried, but couldn't take it out. It was like some sort of electrical current was holding it there.

I finally found the presence of mind to pull my hand from his, but his grip tightened, holding it in place. Before I knew what was happening, he brought my hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on my bare knuckles. My eyes were locked with his during those seconds. I definitely wasn't breathing. Heat and electricity flooded my body, making me feel weak and woozy. As soon as my hand touched his lips, he released it, breaking the spell he had over me.

I instantly glanced at Robin, and was thankful to find that he was still preoccupied. He looked at me a second later, and then glanced in front of me to find that Shane was still standing there. I gave Shane a final bow as if telling him to move along, which he did. I watched him greet Robin's little sisters out of the corner of my eye as I spoke with the next person in line and was both relieved and disappointed to see that he kissed both of their hands as well.

My heart was beating so rapidly as a result of the exchange that I took a second to glance down at my chest to see if it was actually visibly pulsing. I took a deep, shaky breath, hoping it would help. I was stuck at the door for another fifteen or twenty minutes before the family disbursed and began mingling with the guests.

Robin was glued to my side. I normally wouldn't have noticed this—I may have even been thankful for it, but tonight was different. All I wanted was a minute to speak with Shane Rollins alone, if only to satisfy the 14-year-old in me. Robin was anxious for a drink after the task of greeting all of the guests, so the first thing he wanted to do, was visit the bar.

"Do you mind if we look for Micah and Carly?" I asked after he swallowed whatever he ordered and handed the empty glass to one of the servers.

"No, but we can't be with them all night. You know I have other people to talk to."

I wanted to say he could go talk to everyone while I stayed with my brother, but obviously I didn't. "That's fine," I said. "I just wanted to say hi."

We began making our way through the house searching for them, but Robin had to stop and talk to someone along the way about every five seconds, so it was a slow process.

"Your brother brought those guys from the wedding," he said, at a moment when no one was talking to us.

"I saw that," I said, acting surprised. "I wonder what that's all about."

Robin glanced at me as we moved through the crowd. "He didn't tell you? Apparently one of them makes furniture out of scrap metal. Your brother's all excited about it and wanted to try to help him meet some investors."

"Oh it seems like Carly mentioned something about that," I said.

"I'm surprised he didn't bring his girlfriend," Robin said. "Isn't she your friend?"

"Trish?" I asked. "She's Carly's friend. I do like her, though. She's a cool girl."

I felt sick talking about it, and was relieved when he didn't say more. It was difficult finding them. The dress Carly borrowed from me was black, which was the same as nearly all the other women there. I finally caught sight of them on the back terrace. I had to peer around someone else to see them.

"There they are," I said.

Robin looked in the direction I pointed and smiled when he caught sight of them. "We'll go out there for a few minutes," he said.

It was chilly outside, but you wouldn't have known it because the Buller's terrace was decked out with beautiful fire pits and upscale outdoor heaters that made it even more comfortable outside than it was in the house. There were several gigantic decorated Christmas trees out there and white lights were strung overhead, making it seem like a winter wonderland. There was always a huge crowd on the terrace, and it was easy to understand why. I tried not to seem too anxious as I made a beeline for Micah, Carly, Brock, and Shane, who were standing in a group talking to two other people I didn't recognize besides having greeted them at the door.

Robin had his arm around my waist as we approached, and I wanted more than anything for him to drop it and stand beside me like a normal person—a person who wasn't my boyfriend.