Finding Bliss (4 page)

“I want to kiss you, Chloe, and I know you want me to.”

I nodded again.

He leaned in and pressed his mouth against mine. Gentle yet deliberate kisses at first, with his lips absorbing every ounce of my desire for him. I nearly fainted when his tongue entered my mouth and slid over the surface of my teeth. His body was heavy and warm, and his hands began to tug harder at the roots of my hair, causing my chin to rise and my mouth to press even harder against his. I sank farther into the cushions, and he straddled me, kissing and stroking my breasts through my T-shirt. I reached up to unbutton his jeans when he stopped me. “No,” he said. “Not yet.”

I froze, deeply regretting my initiative. Was he rejecting me? Teasing me? Saving me? I was panting so heavily by then that I could hardly hear my own thoughts. I grumbled with disappointment and released my grip on his pants.

“Not yet,” he whispered.

If I’d opened my mouth, I would’ve blurted out how much I wanted him. How desperate I was to have him. It took every ounce
of self-restraint to bite my tongue and maintain my dignity. He took my hand and stood, elevating my head from a “Bless Your Heart” needlepoint pillow and my little slice of heaven, then led me to my room off the kitchen.

“Good night,” he said and kissed me softly on the lips before shutting the door behind him. I stood alone in my room reeling from withdrawal.

The next morning he was gone.

A
week passed with no word from or about Tyler. That first day I thought maybe he’d gone for an early morning run. But by noon, I realized he’d taken his car and left. The Reeds returned, and I was thrust back into surrogate mother mode. Although they were technically back, the Reeds were hardly ever around. After the first week, even Sammy and Sarah stopped feigning excitement whenever I’d announce that their parents would be back soon. Dr. and Mrs. Reed had mastered the art of being absent even when they were present.

In the meantime, I was going crazy wondering where Tyler was, and why he’d left so abruptly without saying good-bye. I found his cell number in the Reeds’ address book and, against my better judgment, texted him.

Hi, Tyler, this is Chloe’s phone, just wanted to make sure you’re okay?
I sent it two days after he vanished, but got no response.

His disappearing act left me devastated. I was embarrassed and angry by what had happened between us and yet, at the same time, felt almost as if I’d dreamed the entire thing. I wallowed for four days, berating myself for being so stupid and naïve. Vowing never to let Tyler Reed or anyone else use me like that again. Then on Sunday, the start of our third week, I overheard Mrs. Reed talking on the phone.

“That’s fine, dear, of course,” she said and then paused to listen. “What time tomorrow?” Pause. “Okay, you’ll join us for suppah on the Fourth, of course, buh-bye.”

As soon as she set the phone down, I walked up and asked her, “Are you having company?”

“Indeed, we are. Tylah will be back tomorrow night. Just in time for the Fourth of July celebration at the Grand Geneva.”

I lit up with anticipation. I would finally have my chance to tell him off—if he dared to face me, that is.

“He’s bringing his girlfriend, and I expect they’ll be here two or three nights,” she said.

My light went out. “His girlfriend?” I asked instantly and with such disbelief that it sounded as though I’d never heard the word before.

“That’s right. Her name is Sadie Kennedy Stiles, and she’s the daughter of one of my sorority sisters, if you can believe it. She goes to school at the University of Wisconsin. Her mother and I were on the homecoming court at Tulane togethah for three years in a row,” she said before grabbing her Chanel tennis bag and heading out the door without another word.

The tuna melt I’d had for lunch began to make its way back up my throat. I was trapped in that house, and the worst part was that Tyler knew it. He had me caged up like an animal for his enjoyment, and I had no escape. My temples throbbed with humiliation. I had to find a way out. There was no way I could face him as he paraded another woman into that house.

“Excuse me, Mrs. Reed!” I shouted, running after her down the driveway. “I was actually going to ask you if I could skip dinner with the family tomorrow night. There were a few shops in town that I passed with the kids yesterday that I’d love to check out on my own, if you don’t mind?”

She tilted her head and considered my request. “Why, of course, darling, if you’d rathah not spend time with us and the children, you can certainly have some hours to yourself.”

“Oh, it’s not that I don’t want to be with you all…”

“That’s quite all right, but you mustn’t miss the Fourth of July party.”

“Never,” I said, relieved that I had successfully excused myself from at least one dinner with Tyler and his girlfriend.

By late afternoon the next day I’d made myself nauseous with dread. I awoke with a searing headache and refused every bit of food that was offered to me. I begged the kids to go horseback riding, but of course they wanted to stick around the house and wait for Tyler to show up. I was down by the lake toweling them off on the dock when Tyler and Sadie arrived around five o’clock.

“Children!” Mrs. Reed shouted from the top of the hill. “Tylah’s here!”

And so it began. My attempt to avoid and ignore another human being who was sharing the same confined space with me and six other people. Mission impossible.

Sammy and Sarah shed their red-and-navy-striped Polo beach towels and ran through the grass up to the house. I sat on the dock and must have folded those towels a dozen times each. Rinsed the inner tubes twice, and flipped through a magazine I’d already read. After twenty minutes of killing time, I heard Mrs. Reed again.

“Chloedear, can you pull the Jet Skis in and then get the children dressed for dinner? White outfits, please, and be sure to braid Sarah’s hair.”

“Sure thing,” I yelled back and gave a thumbs-up. I’d never pulled the Jet Skis in by myself before, but was ridiculously thankful for the time-consuming task. Dr. Reed had struggled with them a few times, but I was determined to get it done on my own and to take as long as possible doing it.

The Jet Skis were already tied up near the shore, so I started by backing the trailer down to where they were floating at the water’s
edge. Once I was close enough, I grabbed the rope attached to the first Jet Ski and began to pull. It didn’t budge. I attempted to shift the front end of the Jet Ski by shoving it with my rear end a few times, but it was clearly stuck in some mud or sand. I tried tugging the rope again. Still nothing. I had just paused to wipe the sweat off my forehead when I heard his voice.

“Looks like you could use a hand.”

I lifted my head, but did not turn around to face him.

Tyler loaded the first Jet Ski onto the trailer with ease. I watched him for a moment and then swiftly headed up the hill without a word.

I scurried into the kids’ room, brushed and braided Sarah’s hair, located Sammy’s sandals, helped them pick out coordinating white outfits, and then sprinted to my room. Ignoring my beach clothes and damp hair, I grabbed my purse, let Mrs. Reed know I would see her later that evening, and darted out the garage door before Tyler had finished with the Jet Skis.

I strolled the two main streets of downtown Lake Geneva, apprehensive and lonely. I missed being with the kids and hated Tyler for putting me in this situation. I sat for almost an hour on a park bench trying to come up with a reason to leave and never return, but I couldn’t do that to Sammy and Sarah. I could say I was sick, but Mrs. Reed would simply insist on having me see a local doctor. I could say my mother was sick, but it was unlikely that Mrs. Reed would consider that a valid reason for her to be burdened with her own children. Or I could stick it out. I had only a week left, and I could suck it up and be the bigger person. Why should I let Tyler get the best of me? Why was I hiding from him when he was the one who should be ashamed of himself?

I drove back to the house, set myself up in the TV room, and waited for the family to arrive home after dinner. At nine o’clock
I heard the garage door open and waited for all of them to walk through the kitchen. I glanced up and saw only Sammy, Sarah, and their parents.

“We missed you, Chloe!” Sarah said, running over to me.

“Aww, I missed you, too, munchkin.”

“Did you make the most of your time alone, dear?” Mrs. Reed asked as she plunked her bag down on the kitchen countertop.

“I did, thank you so much.”

“Buy anything for yourself?”

“Just a coffee and some fudge,” I said.

“Not too much, I hope. I read an article in the
New York Times Magazine
about how chocolate can trigger enzymes that lessen our ability to focus. We wouldn’t want to lose our focus…or consume too much chocolate, now would we?” she said batting her lashes.

I nodded and then shook my head.

“Well, you’re going to love the Fourth of July event tomorrow night. There’ll be fireworks and activities for the kids and a huge outdoor barbecue for all of the guests.”

“I’m really looking forward to it,” I said as she gathered her needlepoint bag and reading glasses from a basket near the couch. “Where’s Tyler?” I asked and nearly slapped my hand over my mouth once I realized my subconscious had failed me.

“He and Sadie went to meet some friends for ice cream.”

“Hope it’s not chocolate,” I said with a wink.

“Indeed,” she said. “I expect they’ll be home late.”

I’ll be up
, I thought to myself and slid the rubber band out of my hair.

I
’d fallen asleep on the couch again, and awoke at one thirty in the morning to the sound of keys in the front door. I heard a few snorts and giggles that were followed by some muffled whispers. I sat up and faced them so that I could get my first glimpse of Sadie. She was hanging on his elbow with her purse strap falling off her shoulder. Her pixie haircut was bleached so white that it glowed beneath the two sconces in the foyer. I had to concede that she was attractive—despite the fact that you could see her hair from space. She was very slim, and her petite body was swaying as she leaned into Tyler’s side looking up at him.

“Oh, hey, Chloe,” Tyler said, averting his eyes.

“Hey.” I stood and walked over to where they were standing. Tyler shoved his hands in the front pockets of his jeans and glanced at his feet while I did what I did best—stared at him.

“Sadie, uh, this is Chloe, our summer girl.”

She said hello and extended her minuscule Barbie hand, but I pretended not to notice. Instead, I kept my eyes on Tyler. Clearly, their “ice cream” had been spiked.

I took a deep breath like I was about to begin telling them a long story, but then changed my mind. “Good night,” I said, smiled at Sadie and walked to my room. I could hear her mutter something that rhymed with
bitch
.

Tyler was sleeping on the pullout couch since Sadie was staying in his room, so I made sure to be up early the next morning. I began the day by unloading the dishwasher and slamming cabinets before sunrise. Mrs. Reed came in after about five minutes of clatter and placed her hand on my shoulder.

“Aren’t you a peach, thank you, dear, but Tylah’s still sleeping, so why don’t you do that later? Dr. Reed and I are meeting some friends for golf today, so we won’t be back until before dinner,” she told me. “I’ll need you to have the kids dressed for the party in their red, white, and blue clothes by five.”

“No problem,” I said.

“Perhaps you could take them to the resort pool today? I know how much the children would enjoy having lunch by the pool. Unless, of course, there’s something else you had in mind. It’s up to you.”

“No, that’s a great idea. I’ll take them to the pool. Have a good game,” I said, then grabbed a mug of coffee and headed down to the lake. It was barely six thirty in the morning and a murky fog hung over the placid water. I picked up a rock and tossed it in to alert the fish of my presence. My thoughts were a mess. Half of me was determined to find my voice and give Tyler a piece of it, while the other half wallowed in humiliation. What a fool I had been to think he’d be interested in me. I shook my head and took a sip of my coffee. I had to muster the strength to get through the next week. I owed it to the kids and Mrs. Reed not to fall apart. Why should I? Tyler didn’t owe me anything. It wasn’t like he’d cheated on me. He’d only used me because I let him. It was my fault, and I wasn’t going to let it happen again. Just then a rock sailed over my head and ripped through the glassy water in front of me. I turned around to see Tyler standing barefoot in the dewy grass in a white T-shirt and sweatpants, with spiky bed-hair. He looked beautiful, and the sight of him made my chest hurt.

I turned back around.

“I’m so sorry,” he said from behind me. His voice was low and tired.

I nodded.

“I mean it, Chloe.”

I nodded again and felt tears pooling in my eyes.
Noooo! You mustn’t break!
I told myself. “It’s fine,” I whispered loud enough for him to hear.

“No, it’s not. I…”

“Ty-lah!” Mrs. Reed shouted from the house. “Your father asked you to move your car, now! For heaven’s sake, he’s waitin’ on you.”

I spoke before Tyler could finish his sentence. “Just go,” I said.

And he did.

I tried calling my mom again that morning but there was no answer.

I was cleaning up the dishes from the kids’ breakfast when I overheard Tyler in the TV room telling Sammy that he and Sadie were going on a boat ride with some friends. I stayed in the kitchen until they left the house, and then took the kids to the pool at the Grand Geneva, which was a ten-minute drive from the Reeds’ house. We sat in our towels and wet bathing suits and ordered club sandwiches to be brought to our chairs. Then we came up with a contest to see who could stay in the hot tub the longest without passing out. After that we dove for quarters and golf balls in the shallow end before ordering virgin daiquiris and frozen chocolate-covered bananas for dessert. Once they were good and waterlogged, we headed home to dress for dinner. I was putting a load of laundry in the machine when Sadie approached me.