Finding Bliss (6 page)

I looked up at him, and our eyes clicked like magnets in the dim light of the midnight sky.
I’m the crazy one
, I thought to myself. I was falling in love with this boy I barely knew…and boy, was I in trouble. All I could concentrate on was the pattern of his thumb stroking the back of my hand like a pendulum sending shock waves from my wrist to my heart.

“When I heard you were going to be here with the kids this summer, I changed my initial plans and decided to come a week earlier, alone.”

The cheetah.

He continued. “I know a lot about you, Chloe. My mother talks about you all the time. How sweet you are, how smart you are, how strong and determined you are. I had to find out for myself.”

The gazelle.

“And?” I said.

“And she was right for once. But she hadn’t mentioned how pretty you are,” he said. “I enjoy watching you play in the lake with the kids. You always take a few extra seconds to let your hair down and adjust your suit before diving in the water.”

“So you’ve been staring at
me
?” I smiled.

“And those legs of yours.” He paused and looked down. “Maybe I’m selfish, but Mom—and you—had me intrigued,” he said, taking a step closer. He wrapped his arms around me and rested them on my behind. His shoulders were back, and his head was tilted forward gazing down at me. All I had to do was lift my chin and we would kiss. I had his undivided attention, and his lips could be mine again for a moment. It was my move, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I averted my eyes. “I may be all of those things, but I’m also afraid,” I said. “I’m a little out of my comfort zone with you.”

“What are you afraid of?”

“Of being naïve, of looking stupid, of getting hurt.”

He bent down to my ear and whispered. “I don’t want to hurt you. I want to kiss you.”

My best friend, Grace, used to tell me I had no filter when it came to expressing something I felt passionately about. That I never possessed the ability to repress my thoughts or emotions, and I could tell that lack of restraint was about to become an embarrassing problem.

“I want to kiss you, too, Tyler. I’ve wanted to kiss you since before I met you.” I paused. “But I know how this is going to end. I’ll be left wanting more—more than you can give, most likely—and you’ll be with Sadie by the time the sun comes up.”

He shook his head. “Sadie and I are just friends.”

“Just friends? It seems like more than that to me. Does Sadie know how you feel?”

“Yes.”

“Does your mother?” I asked.

“Sadie and I hang out, that’s all.”

“Well, you should probably continue ‘hanging out’ with her since she’s your guest and your mother has your china pattern picked out already.”

“Then why did you come down here?”

I snorted with laughter. “Because I wanted to, because…”
Don’t say it!
“Because I can’t resist you, and you know it.”
Blabbering fool
.

Tyler’s hands released their grip on me and found their way behind my neck. He cradled my head and pulled my mouth onto his tongue in one seamless motion. His fingertips pressed into my skin and then moved to my loose hair where he grabbed the roots and pulled back, forcing my tongue farther down his throat. He had just started to guide my body to the ground when we heard the screen door slam above us.

D
ixie Reed stood just outside the porch with her arms crossed. The silhouette of her robe like a long black cape wafting behind her.

“Fuck,” Tyler whispered when he saw her.

“Oh my God,” I said softly. “Is there any possible way she doesn’t see me?”

“Nope.”

“I’m so screwed,” I said with my hand over my mouth in dismay.

Tyler laughed and held my other hand. “Relax, I’ll handle it.”

“No, you won’t. She literally just warned me about you.”

He blinked. “She what?” Tyler turned his face away from the house and back to me.

“She…nothing,” I said. “Let’s just get out of here.” I began to walk up the dock toward the grass when Mrs. Reed turned and went inside. There was nothing she needed to say. She was clearly aware that her presence was enough of a shakedown. I breathed a microscopic sigh of relief, but it didn’t last long.

Tyler latched onto my bicep with his right hand. “What do you mean she warned you about me?”

I threw my hands up and then waved at the air between us. “This, Tyler, she cautioned me about this. About becoming a distraction for you…as if I’d been doing anything to get in
your
way. Maybe she was trying to do a good thing by telling me to leave you alone, you know?” I thought for a second. “Maybe she’s attempting to protect both of us,” I said, though I doubted she had my best interests in mind when she’d told me to stay away from him.

He moved his face closer to mine. His eyes looked liked his father’s had in the bar only a few hours earlier. He was pissed. “I don’t need any protecting and neither do you. Especially from her. You’re a big girl, aren’t you?” He asked as he latched his arm around my waist.

I nodded like a child.

“So why is she getting involved? She and my father need to stay the hell out of my life.”

I had no answer for him. All I could think was that the screen door was going to fly open again, and this time that ninety-pound glow-in-the-dark Q-tip would be standing there holding a pair of shearing scissors with my hair’s name on it.

Tyler wrenched my hand away from my side and placed it on the scar above his eye. “You wanted to know how I got this,” he snapped. “Ask me again!”

I shook my head no.

“Ask me, Chloe.”

I looked at the scar and then into his eyes.

“Ask me,” he repeated.

“Where did you get it?”

“I got it from him.” He pointed vaguely toward the house. “He threw a frozen can of Red Bull at my head. The edge of the lid landed right here, just above my eye, and sliced open my skin an inch wide,” Tyler said. “I fumbled a snap that day.”

I sighed.

“You want to know about the two on my back?”

I shook my head. “I need to go. This is crazy,” I said softly, trying to free myself from his grip. My eyes and cheeks were burning. “Please, Tyler, I don’t know what you want from me, and I don’t care. I need to go inside and figure out how I’m going to face your mother in the morning, and you need to do the same with Sadie. I’m willing to take the blame for all of this because I should have known better. Whether you do or not, I
do
know better. I never should’ve let myself get involved. I never should’ve put myself in a position where people could get hurt, especially me. I’m sorry about your dad, I really am, but it sounds like we both have enough of our own problems. There’s no sense in upsetting everyone to try and make this work. I don’t think you have a clue as to what you want, and I can’t be tossed around while you figure it out,” I said, and he released me.

“I think it’s you that I want, Chloe.”

“You think, but you don’t know.” My eyes were shifting from him to the house. “And you’re being selfish and unrealistic. We’re both being unrealistic. Your girlfriend is asleep in the house for God’s sake, and I’m going to law school in a few weeks.” I sighed. “I like you, Tyler, you know I do. I’ve liked you for so long, and wanted this so badly that I’d actually convinced myself that you were capable of feeling the same way about me. Only I just let my infatuation for you go too far—and I thought it might end like this.”

He bit his bottom lip and furrowed his brow. “You think you know me, but you don’t,” he began, teeth clenched. “And you think you
know better
, but you obviously don’t. You’re no different than anyone else. You bought into the same fantasy everyone else does, so don’t beat yourself up about it.” He shook his head, briefly pointing a finger at me. “Only I expected you to be different.”

I threw my hands up and then crossed my arms. “That’s not fair, and you know it. What on earth would you
expect
me to do? You get
close to me, seduce me, fool around with me…and then vanish only to reappear with Sadie at your side. Who, by the way, is still here!” I reminded him. “Honestly, Tyler, are you so self-centered that you have no concern for either of us?”

He thrust his head back and ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I left you that note because I wanted to apologize, and I did. I’m not sure how I let things get out of control between us, but my feelings for you are real.” He grabbed my elbows in a vice grip. “I like you, a lot, and I promise I wasn’t using you,” he said and gently shook me before letting go and allowing the blood to flow freely again through my arms. “I’m the asshole.”

I sighed heavily and then ran up the hill before he could talk me out of it. Which he easily could have done.

I was ashamed of myself and on the verge of tears when I returned to my room. My only consolation was that we were leaving Lake Geneva in a few days. I climbed under the covers and wiped my useless tears away. Tyler would head back to Notre Dame for preseason training soon, and I would start law school and leave him and the Reed family behind me once and for all.

T
he next morning was painful. Mrs. Reed, who usually had a daily tee time at eight o’clock, was still seated at the breakfast table with the kids and me at nine. She was quiet in her robe, scrolling through her phone and sipping her green tea while Sammy and Sarah debated how they wanted to spend their day.

“We could have lunch at the place with the chili cheese fries?” Sarah suggested.

“Or we could go to the pool and have daiquiris again?” Sammy said.

“Nonalcoholic, of course,” I mumbled.

Tyler sauntered in during our discussion and grabbed the orange juice from the fridge.

“Tyler, can you come to the pool with us today?” Sammy asked excitedly.

Mrs. Reed shot me a look, and then turned to face Tyler. He looked at her and answered Sammy.

“Sure, squirt,” he said.

I gulped.

Mrs. Reed set her phone down on the table. “Why don’t you take Sadie to play tennis instead,” she suggested. “I’m sure she would love to see the courts, and then you two can have lunch at the club. I bet she would enjoy the Cobb salad; they use duck bacon. I’ll call and reserve a table for you.”

“The pool’s fine,” Tyler told her.

“Yay!” Sammy cheered. “Can you throw me in?”

Before Tyler could answer, Mrs. Reed spoke again. “Of course, well, you won’t be needing Chloe then. You and Sadie can take the children, and she and I will stay here and organize my closet. I’m in such a state over getting everything ready before we leave, and I would be so grateful for the help,” she said, and then looked my way. “Could I trouble you for some help, Chloedear?”

I’d rather stick your antique needle threader in my eye
. “Of course,” I said.

Sadie bounced in just as Tyler was about to speak.

“I’m sure Chloe’s really dying to organize your shit, Mom. But I do need her there because Sadie and I are only going to stay for an hour or so. We’re meeting some people for a late lunch at Popeye’s.”

Popeye’s was a Lake Geneva institution that had been around for over forty years. It sat at the edge of the lake in the center of town and was known for a large outdoor deck and the fried perch.

“Well, I just read an article in
Country Living
that said too much fried food can lead to permanent belly fat,” Mrs. Reed added.

My head whipped back and forth between Tyler and his mother as they decided my fate.

“I can help organize!” Sadie chirped. “I love stuff like that.”

I lifted a piece of toast to my mouth in hopes of suppressing my grin.

Mrs. Reed smiled at her. “You all go have fun and do what you like,” she said and retreated to her bedroom.

“What time are you going to the pool?” Tyler asked me.

“We’re leaving in about half an hour.”

He chugged his juice, leaving the empty glass on the counter next to the sink. “See you there,” he said and walked out of the kitchen with Sadie in tow.

It was eleven o’clock by the time Tyler waltzed out onto the pool deck alone. Heads turned as he passed. It was hard for anyone not to stare at a real-life Adonis, especially one who looked every bit the celebrated college quarterback that Tyler did. He wore striped board shorts, a fitted heather gray T-shirt, Ray-Ban sunglasses, and a small, white towel draped loosely over his shoulders. The kids and I were in the shallow end having an underwater breath-holding contest when he shed his shirt and flip-flops and jumped in. As soon as he was in the water, throwing the twins in the air as easily as if they were pizza dough, I retreated to my deck chair. Behind my sunglasses I watched the joy on their faces as he wrestled and roughhoused with them for nearly an hour. No one was immune to his charm. That day in the pool, the center of Tyler’s attention, the kids were the happiest I’d seen them all summer. And I knew exactly how they felt.

When Tyler attempted to exit the pool, they clung to his back like little monkeys, and he had to shake them off. He wiped his face with a towel and sat down on the chair next to mine, elbows resting on his knees.

“I don’t know how you do it all day, every day with them. That was exhausting,” he said, his wet hair slicked back, eyes squinting toward the sun.

I laughed. “Trust me, I’m not nearly that much fun. I throw coins in the pool, that’s about the extent of it.”

He sniffed. “Look, Chloe, I’m leaving today after lunch to drive Sadie back to Milwaukee. Then I’m heading to Glenview for a couple nights before I have to go back to school for some preseason shit.”

“Where is she?” I asked.

“Getting her nails done.”

I nodded slightly. “You can do better than her.”

“Can I?” He smiled. “Hot law student better?”

“Maybe,” I said.

He looked away for a moment before resuming eye contact with me. There was a sense of uncertainty between us. I could feel it zapping my brain, daring me to say something meaningful. I gazed into his eyes with the same challenge.
Tell me something, Tyler. Tell me what I want to hear.