Finding Dandelion (Dearest #2) (31 page)

Part of me is jumping for joy at his declaration, but I don’t want to get burned again, and I have a hard time believing he’d be able to withstand the temptation of a tall, busty woman.

He must sense my reservation, and he asks, “Can we sit down? There are a few more things I need to say. If you still want to kick my ass when I’m finished, you can throw me out, and I’ll never bother you again. Just so you know, I plan to grovel, so hopefully you won’t toss me out into that fucking Arctic weather.”

I let out a weak laugh and nod. He smiles, leans down and kisses my forehead, and it’s so tender it makes me catch my breath.

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

- Jax-

I take Dani’s hand and lead her to the couch in the living room. She automatically sits as far away from me as possible. I can tell how much I’ve hurt her, and everything inside of me screams to make this right.

“I’ve never told anyone this story.” I wonder where to begin as I rub the back of my neck.

She fidgets in her seat. “We don’t have to do this now if you’re uncomfortable.”

That right there is why I adore this girl. She never pushes or pries. She lets me be me.

I shake my head. “I want to tell you, so you can see why I’m such a fuckup. I know my sister seems to think I’ve had a revolving door of women in my life, but I did once have a girlfriend.”

That catches Dani’s attention and her back straightens.

“During my senior year of high school, Giselle and I dated for several months.” I take in the shocks of red hair that overlay Dani’s dark mane. I want to touch her, run my fingers through her thick locks. Instead, I lace my hands together. “She had dark brown hair and was petite.”
Like you.

I watch her reaction—a mixture of confusion and curiosity—settle across her delicate features, and I let myself remember, something I never do except to harden myself.

“By that spring, I thought I loved her, but we were going to different schools on the East Coast.” The memory is bittersweet, and I want to shut this shit down before it begins to hurt, but I want Dani to see me for who I really am. “We used to jump in my car and drive for hours and talk and listen to music and escape. Her parents were pretty strict, and my parents were never around, but when they were, they were assholes. And I needed to clear my head. Something about Giselle clicked for me. She was smart and beautiful, and she made me laugh and forget about how empty I usually felt.”

Licking my lips, I get ready to slice myself open. “One day, she came over. She said she had some news. I thought she had gotten a scholarship. Her family didn’t have a lot of money, and she was still figuring out how to pay for school.” I rub my jaw, hating how the hurt still sits like a weight on my chest. “But she had been crying. Her face was splotchy and pale.” I swallow, my mouth dry. “She told me she was pregnant.”

Dani’s eyes widen. “Holy shit. That’s heavy.”

“Can you believe I told her I wanted to keep it?”

She looks at me with warmth in her eyes. “Yes, actually, I can see that.”

“I had some fucked-up idea that we could work it out, that we could be the family I never had.” I roll my eyes, letting the anger settle over me. “I mean, it was my baby, my son or my daughter. How could I not want to keep it?” I stop and listen to the clock in the hallway and prepare for the worst part. “When she came to me a few days later, she looked so heartbroken.” I clear my throat again, surprised that this still stings so badly after four years. “She told me she lost the baby.”

Dani whispers, “I’m so sorry.” I know she means it, and I close my eyes, grateful that I can tell her.

A bitter laugh escapes me. “It was a lie. She had an abortion.”

“Oh my God, Jax.”

I tighten my jaw, waiting for the rage to subside. “I thought her parents had made her do it. That made sense, them wanting her to go to college and not be tied down. Except I don’t think they ever found out.” My stomach clenches at the memory. “A few days later, one of the rare times my mother was around, she asked about Giselle, which was so fucking weird. My mother never gave a shit about the girls I went out with. She was usually too busy running her company or making my dad’s life miserable to pay attention to anything I did. I didn’t even think she knew my girlfriend’s name.”

The only shit that ever reaches my mother’s radar are things that affect her. I rarely make the top ten on her list.

“I’ll never forget how she fucking ruined me over a cup of coffee. One of our housekeepers must have overheard me and Giselle talking about the pregnancy earlier that week and told my mom.” I shake my head. “My mother said Giselle was lying, and it was like she was speaking another damn language. It didn’t even occur to me that she was talking about the miscarriage.”

I’d stood there like a total dumbass, at first grateful for my mother’s time, thinking she must really care about me to talk. I must have been delusional. “She smiled. She fucking smiled at me when she told me she knew what was going on with me and Giselle. And then she said my girlfriend had an abortion.”

“Jesus.” Dani tenses next to me.

“That’s not the worst part. No, that’s when my mother said she paid for it along with Giselle’s tuition to Georgetown.”

Dani gasps, her hand covering her mouth.

“I still remember it so clearly. I was the jackass who wanted to tell Giselle I loved her and that we’d figure out a way to work this out while she lied to me and aborted my kid.”

I hang my head, fighting to keep my shit together. Hate fills me. Hate for the woman who claims to be my parent, and hate for the girl I thought I loved. Hate for what they did and how I let all of that turn me into who I am now. “Then my mother had the balls to tell me I should thank her because Giselle would have ruined my life and ruined my family’s reputation.”

I don’t know how long I sit there contemplating how much I fucking despise these people, Giselle for shredding my heart and my mother for handing her the knife.

Dani’s hand grabs mine, and I shake my head at the memories. “That’s when I totally went off partying. That summer after high school was the worst. I was a mess. And no amount of drinking or screwing around made it better. It wasn’t until I was arrested for vandalism that shit got serious.”

We sit in silence as I collect my thoughts. “You know what’s fucked up? How each time I got close to the edge—got in trouble or got so wasted I passed out—a part of me wondered if this would be it. If that was what would get my mom to give a shit.”

Dani’s fingers twine through mine, but she doesn’t say anything.

“My mother eventually got tired of the theatrics, but not because she cared. She had a merger coming up. She didn’t want to look bad in front of her colleagues. Her answer was to throw cash at me to shut the fuck up. So we made a deal. I’d graduate from college and go to law school, and she’d never say shit about what I spent as long as I didn’t get arrested again or embarrass her publicly. “

I swallow. “But there’s nothing she can do to get me to forgive her for how she interfered with Giselle.”

The wind blows outside, and the trees scratch at the house.

“Maybe your mother thought she really was helping you,” Dani says softly.

“Like she thought she was helping me with that non-disclosure?” I turn to look at Dani, and she stills. She doesn’t know how to make sense of my family because her mother actually loved her.
It’s hard not to.
My heart squeezes in my chest, wanting to kick my ass for not chasing down this girl the moment she tried to leave my apartment.

Dani frowns, her lower lip pushing out slightly. “I was pissed when I got that contract, but in retrospect, I see why she did it. She runs a multi-million-dollar company, and you’re her son, her heir. It’s probably the smart move. It would keep you out of the tabloids and ensure your privacy.”

“
Her
privacy,” I correct. It never has anything to do with me.

“I wouldn’t have said anything,” Dani says quietly.

I turn to face her and brush her long hair off her shoulder so I can see her face. “God, I know. Dani, I’m so sorry. For leaving you that day, for the shit my mother made you go through, for your loss here at home. I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.” I brush my thumb over her pale cheek.

Tears threaten to overflow in her eyes, and she blinks. “Thank you for sharing all of that with me, Jax,” Dani whispers. “I know it must be difficult to talk about.”

I nod, still feeling a little shellshocked. “I mostly blocked that whole thing from my mind.”

“What happened to Giselle?”

“I never spoke to her again, so I have no fucking clue.”

I feel Dani’s arms on my shoulders as she turns me into her hug. She drops her head on to my shoulders, and I automatically wrap my arms around her.

We stay like that for several moments, and for the first time in years, I feel like I can breathe.

* * *

Dani moves through the kitchen comfortably, knowing where everything is, reaching for pans and bowls and ingredients. Even though she’s the one who just lost her mother, she’s making me pancakes. But that’s her. I hit her with a car, and she spent that weekend telling me it wasn’t my fault.

I fight back a grin. Watching her—the way her small frame glides around the room, the way she frowns when she reads the recipe, the way she tilts her head when she’s deep in thought—makes me want her more. I want to kiss her until our bodies are sweaty and tangled together and we can forget the whole fucking world, but I don’t want to push her. I’ve crossed into all kinds of new territory with this girl, and the last thing I want to do is screw this up. Again.

As she stands at the griddle, waiting to flip a pancake, she bites her lip. I wait to hear what she has to say, but she remains quiet.

“Go ahead.” I motion to her. “Say whatever is on your mind.”

“Why doesn’t your sister know about Giselle?”

I rub my cheek, the stubble on my face scratching my palm. “She was so wrapped up in Daren that spring that the Titans could have released the Kraken on her front door, and she would’ve been clueless. And I was pretty preoccupied with Giselle, which is how I didn’t realize Daren was cheating on Clem until late in the game.” Thinking about it now, four years later, still pisses me off. “Just before Clem found out that Daren was sneaking around with her best friend Veronica, Giselle told me she was pregnant.”

When Dani nods, I remember one more thing I need to make right, and I grab the leather-bound notebook out of my bag and place it on the counter.

“I think this belongs to you.”

Dani tenses when she sees it. I thought she’d be excited to have it returned. “Did you look inside?”

Not wanting to lie to her, I nod, and she tenses more. “It was on the kitchen table. I flipped through it.”

“And?” She eyes me with a guarded look.

“Your artwork is phenomenal.”

“That’s not what I mean. You must have read the things I wrote in there. It’s like a diary for me.”

Shit. I run my hand through my hair. “I’m sorry.” I shake my head. “I mostly looked at all the sketches you did about money.” I say it because I want to hear her side without asking her to explain.

We stare at each other, accusation in her eyes, and perhaps the lingering doubt of suspicion in mine, one that I can’t help.

“That was an assignment for class. We had to make a statement about wealth. That’s why I drew twenty sketches on that topic.” Her eyes narrow. “Not because I’m obsessed with money.”

She’s telling the truth. In fact, she’s pissed that I doubt her. Hearing the conviction in her voice was all I needed.

“No, I wouldn’t suggest that you are.”

“Come on. You thought it. You still kind of do. I can see it in your face. You think I’m like every other girl, that I only care about your money.”

The smell of burning food gets her attention, and she curses as she scoops a charred pancake into the trash.

“Dani, if I thought you were like every other girl, I wouldn’t be here. If I thought that, I wouldn’t have nearly knocked down Travis’s door to get him to come with me.” Especially since he kind of hates me. “But to be honest, yes, I wanted to hear your explanation. I’m sorry I’m wired this way, but I was raised to be suspicious of people and their intentions. It sucks that I needed to hear you say it, but I did.”

She stares at me she might hit me over the head with the griddle in her hand.

“Are you planning to kill me with that?” I ask.

She blinks a few times and then laughs. “I might. Don’t get any ideas.” Returning to the stove, she pours another pancake. “Now shut up, or I’m never going to finish these, and you’ll starve.”

With that, I think I’m forgiven. For now.

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

- Dani -

We talk about our finals and the last few weeks of school, avoiding anything awkward. I stuff him full of pancakes, and as I’m gathering our plates, Jax stands up and holds out his hand.