Finding Forever (17 page)

“I don’t think that’s the case… I’m sure we’re probably even,” he said, laughing as the bartender delivered his drink. “Des considers you a sister… and she wants me to as well, but, ah… that would be difficult, considering…”

“… Considering you ‘know’ me in some pretty un-sisterly ways.”

“Right.” He took a sip from his drink before turning back to me, capturing me with the warmth of his eyes. “Listen… try not to be too mad at Des, okay? She was doing what a friend is supposed to do, trying to protect you.”

“From you.”

He nodded. “From me. But… you do a pretty good job on your own.”

“Well, Des
did
warn me about you beforehand,” I laughed. “But , now that I’ve gotten to know you a little more… I don’t think you’re as bad as she said.”

Avery shook his head. “I’m not, but… several years ago, I had a…
situation
with one of her friends. We had an arrangement, and a month into it, she wanted to renegotiate terms. I wasn’t with it, so she turned to Des, presumably to ‘get me in line’. I still don’t know what that girl said to my sister, but since then, when it comes to my dealings with women, she assumes the worst. At the time, I mean… I was a young guy, business was doing well, so I had a little money in my pockets. I had women throwing it at me, so hell, I caught some of it,” he laughed. “Des hated that I wouldn’t settle down, and then when I did, with Natalie, she was cool for a while, even though she didn’t like her. When the Natalie thing fell apart, I went back to doing what I was doing before— making arrangements— and she went right back to hating it.”

“So what changed?” I asked, resting my elbows on the bar. “What made you decide you were ready to settle down again, and stop ‘making arrangements’?”

Avery chuckled. “
Des
made me decide. I mean, if it takes settling down to convince her I’m not a bad influence…. I guess that’s what I’m gonna try to do.”

“That’s bullshit, and you know it. Give me the
real
deal. This isn’t just about proving something to Des.”

He stared at me for a moment, with an intensity in his eyes that almost made me lose my breath, before he dropped his gaze back to his drink. “Okay… it’s not about proving anything to Des… it’s about proving it to myself. I loved somebody once, thought she was gonna be my wife, and have my kids… all of that.” He glanced up at me with a dry smile. “I need a do-over, and I think your service can facilitate that, while helping me make sure I don’t get screwed over again… I don’t think I could handle that.”

A fresh wave of guilt swept over me as he carefully avoided my eyes by taking another long drag from his Jameson. Avery was — inadvertently, I was sure — laying out his vulnerabilities to me, and he was depending on me to help him through it.

“Avery… again, I’m sorry about things not going as anticipated. I’m sure we—”

“Tori,
stop.
I’m not concerned about that, and you shouldn’t be either. I told you, I trust you to make it happen.” His vote of confidence brought a bit of relief, but he wasn’t done. He turned on his stool so he was fully facing me, and brushed my hair out of my face, allowing the hand to linger at the base of my neck, sending a pleasant hum of electricity from every place our skin met. “Although… I don’t understand why
we
can’t just—”

“Avery….”

He blew out a heavy sigh as he removed his hand. “I know, I know. Science, and algorithms, I remember.”

I averted my eyes, feeling guilty, again, about misleading him. I hated lying, but just like I was keeping our previous antics a secret from Des, I didn’t feel like it would be wise for Avery to know the ‘science and algorithms’, as he put it,
did
match up. What would it accomplish?

“Come dance with me.”

Lifting an eyebrow, I turned back to Avery as he was stepping away from his seat. “Dance with you?”

“Are you a parrot?” He laughed at the scowl that crossed my face, using my moment of annoyance to catch me off guard by slipping an arm around my waist and pulling me off my barstool. “You owe me a little grinding, remember?”

“Oh no, I don’t
owe
you, excuse you! Besides, these shoes are
not
meant for dancing,” I argued, directing his attention to the four-inch heels I’d chosen to complete my outfit.

He stepped closer as he gazed down at me. “Just a few songs?”

It struck me, quite suddenly, that even in my heels, Avery was still tall enough to have to look down at me, wearing the hell out of salmon-colored button up and a tan blazer. He looked good, as always, and he smelled good, as always, and — to my annoyance— he felt good,
as always
, from his large hands resting at my waist, to the heat radiating from his body, which was almost touching mine.

“Yes.”

Wait, What?

Ignoring the nagging voice saying “
Tori, this is another bad decision
”, I allowed Avery to lead me to the restaurant’s surprisingly crowded dance floor. Ignoring everything except the beat of the awful popular hip-hop song, I began dancing, not minding when Avery pulled me closer to his body as I rolled my hips. I laughed and danced with him through song after song, as the music got slower and more suggestive until finally, one was queued up that made me cringe. Not because I didn’t like it — quite the opposite— it was one I kept on a very specific playlist, that wasn’t getting much use
these
days. The lyrics, paired with the singers voice, the instrumentation and the beautiful harmonies were, for me, the musical equivalent of mind-blowing sex, and I
did not want
to dance with Avery to this song. Why the hell was the DJ playing this anyway? Was he trying to get people pregnant?

I tried to pull away, but Avery drew me closer, leaning down to mumble against my ear, “Last one, then we can go.”

Letting out a quiet whimper, I resigned myself to the fact I was just going to be going to sleep hot and bothered— but that didn’t mean I had to suffer alone. I pushed aside any inhibitions and turned to face him, looking him right in his eyes as I threw my arms around his neck, then began slow grinding against him to the beat. That… was a bad idea. A
very
bad idea. Avery didn’t shy away from my gaze. Instead, he met it with lust-filled eyes of his own as he moved with me. I looked away first, overwhelmed by the amount of heat flushing through me. I felt his erection growing against me, and this time that little voice started telling me “
Girl, run!
”

I didn’t. I marinated in the heady little cocoon of arousal created by his arms around me, his hands unabashedly gripping my butt to pull me closer to his groin, and the leathery, masculine scent of his cologne. By the time the song began winding down, I knew I needed to get the hell away from him before I did something I would regret.

Or… would I?

“Tori, did you hear me?”

The song was over, and his mouth was so close to my ear that his lips brushed against me, sending a pleasant tingling sensation straight to the juncture of my thighs.

“Hmm?”

“I was asking what hotel you were in… it’s pretty late, I should get you back.”

“Oh! Uh, the Thompson.”

He nodded in recognition. “That’s pretty close by… you feel like walking?”

“Yes!” The hint of cool in the early fall air was probably
exactly
what I needed.

Avery led me out of the restaurant, possessively draping his arm around my shoulders as we stepped onto the crowded sidewalk. It felt so natural to slip my arm under his blazer to rest at his waist it made my heart ache. I never felt this connected — without saying a single word— to Rafael, even though we were matched. The gut feeling I relied on so heavily for my clients had never presented itself with him, but I’d gone in full force anyway, relying on our on-paper match and sexual chemistry to do the job. The only things I’d gained were a failed marriage and a keen determination to
never
freely offer my heart again— even to a man who made me feel the things Avery did.

Avery was in the same emotional place I’d been when I met Rafael. Willing, and desperately wanting to give it one last chance before hanging up his gloves, and giving up the fight. It made me angry to think of him getting to the point where I was
now
: lonely, but hopeless, unwilling to take a step deeper into the quicksand— even if it meant the difference between being rescued or certain death — because I was afraid of the aftermath if it failed. I didn’t want him to know
this
feeling.

We spent the short walk to the hotel in silence, each absorbed in our thoughts, but as we approached the door to my room, the thought of going in alone to deal with the same torrent of emotions I’d been dealing with before dinner — and now the blowup with Des — made me lightheaded.

“Hey, you wanna join me for one last drink?” I pressed my back against the door, looking at him as I felt in my purse for my keycard.

“Depends on the selection.”

“Well, I have wine… and whatever’s in the mini bar.”

Avery chuckled. “Wow, you’d dip into the mini bar to accommodate me? I can’t say no to that.”

An hour later, we were perched on the couch in the sitting area of my room, drinking wine straight from the bottle. More accurately, we were close to finishing a freshly opened bottle, and the warm buzz of inebriation was starting to settle over both of us. I’d discovered yet another thing Avery and I had in common — we were goofy drunks. Well, neither of us was exactly drunk on one shared bottle of wine, but we were undeniably tipsy, and everything was a little funnier because we were.

“Wanna know something?” I asked him, sliding my bare feet into his lap. We had long ago stripped off shoes and jackets.

“
Hell no
.” Avery’s eyelids drooped low as he grinned, a result of the alcohol and the late hour. “Is this about to be another crazy story about the shit you used to get into with Des?”

“No… maybe. Yes. Okay, I won’t tell you that one then. You probably don’t want to hear very much about your sister’s sexual adventures, huh?”

“I’d rather not,” he said, laughing as he took the now empty wine bottle from my hand and sat it on the floor.

“Ok then… I’ll tell you something else. Truth moment.”

“I’m listening.”

I pulled my feet out his lap, tucking them under me as I sat up and faced him. “Earlier… when you said you didn’t know if you could handle getting hurt again by someone you loved… I admire that. Everybody acts as if heartbroken people are supposed to just get up and keep trying, no matter what. Nobody wants to admit that sometimes you just don’t recover from it.”

“You’re suggesting some broken hearts don’t heal?”

Nodding, I rested my head against the back cushions of the couch, but kept my body turned in his direction. “I think some of us are only getting by. And it’s not necessarily one
single
breakup that does it, but the build up, over time. All of the mistakes, regrets, the lies, and harsh words… the betrayals… all of that shit adds up, until it’s like…
why
?”

“That’s your ‘truth’?” he asked, staring at me in a way that made me feel entirely too exposed, so I dropped my gaze first.

“Yeah, it is.”

He brushed away the hair that had fallen into my eyes. “You wanna hear mine?”

I nodded again, but didn’t move away from his touch as buried his hand in the curls at the nape of my neck.

“You asked me earlier, what made me change my mind about wanting to settle down.”

I looked up. “Yeah… you said you wanted to prove you actually
could
have a wife, kids, all of that.”

“Okay… I see you were listening,” he said, smiling. “But… that’s not completely true. Well, it
is
true, it’s just not the whole truth.”

“So what’s the
whole
truth then?”

He sighed, dropping his eyes to the couch. “I was lonely. I mean… physically, I was with someone, but if you don’t
feel
anything for them, are they really there? What’s the point, you know? Shit was getting old. No, it
was
old. Then….I met you, at Des’ wedding. I’m not going to
attempt
to front about the fact that initially, I wanted to sleep with you. Then I talked to you, and got to know you, and … I felt something. I still feel it.”

His fingers were grazing my scalp, causing a pleasant tingle, and I swallowed,
hard
as he continued. “You’re sending me on these dates with all of these women who are gorgeous, and successful, and supposedly everything I need, but I don’t feel anything for them, not like with you. It’s the same emptiness from before, and honestly… it’s draining. I wanna feel something again… you know?”

I gave him a slight nod. I knew exactly what he meant, because the same unanswered need was coursing through me as well. In that moment, none of the reasons I had not to be with Avery made a lot of sense. What
I
wanted sounded exactly like what Avery wanted.

“I know I probably sound like the corniest man on the planet right now, but—”

Laying a finger against his lips, I shook my head. “Avery… stop talking.”

— Avery —

Shit.

Desperate, I searched my mind for a way to smooth this over. Maybe I could laugh it off, pretend I was joking. Nah… Tori was smarter than that. The wine? Yeah, the wine!
Maybe
I could blame it on the alc—

“Just tonight, just between us… but… I’m willing.” She swallowed heavily, as if those words had been incredibly hard for her to say, so I hesitated. The
last
thing I wanted to do was prove Des right by hurting Tori. “Willing… or enthusiastic? If we do this, it needs to be because we both want to, not becau—”

“Avery… less talking, more sex.”

With a handful of my shirt clasped in her fist, she kissed me, a soft, seductive kiss with barely-there pressure. She gave me several of those until I pulled her into my lap so she was straddling my legs, and then gently began to probe my tongue against her lips, beckoning her to let me inside. The sweetness of the wine lingered in her mouth, and I took my time tasting her with unhurried kisses.

She nearly whimpered in appreciation when my lips found the juncture of her neck, nipping and sucking their way to a little spot I’d discovered during our first time together. When I touched it, Tori arched her back, pressing her body closer to mine. She pouted in frustration when I pulled away, picking her up to carry into the bedroom. We left the lights off, allowing the glow of the city lights shining through the sheer curtains to illuminate the room as we stripped out of our clothes. When we were done, I sat down on the edge of the bed, inviting her to stand between my legs.