Finding Grace: A Novel (20 page)

“
Having fun, little
girl?”

Her face fell at the sound
of his voice.
Why are you tormenting
me
? She wanted to ask. Instead she rolled
her eyes.

“
Mind your own beeswax,” she
snapped. But even as she said it, she knew he wouldn’t listen. He
took a light hold of her wrist, guiding her hand for a
moment.

“
Try writing your name, like
all the kiddies do.”

She knew he was just making fun of her…and
she quickly jerked her wrist back.

“
Will you go away and leave
me be? Go back to your woman. I’m sure she wonders where you’ve
gone.” Walking to the step, she sat down…only to find him
following, replying in his usual careless way.

“
I go where I
please.”

He sat down beside her. And for a moment,
she thought of getting up to find another resting place.

But where was there to hide, when all these
people were around? The idea of running away seemed so silly when
she really thought about it. And sitting beside him, she instantly
felt the familiar warmth that came from him. It was odd, the kind
of comfort his presence suddenly brought. She had never been close
to him in this way…not for more than a moment. And for the first
time, she found she was not nervous or angry. Not even was she
irritated, as she’d been only a moment ago.

As they sat there with the warm and pleasant
evening all around them, she found her bitterness fading away. The
sparkler she was holding had gone out, and she tossed it into the
bucket near her feet. They sat quietly for several moments,
listening to the sound of the children laughing as they ran
past.

He rose and went to the table…and she
wondered what game he might be trying to play now. But to her
surprise and curiosity he brought back several sparklers with him.
He sat down once again, reaching into his pocket to produce a
lighter. He used it to light a sparkler that he handed to her.

“
Have this as a peace
offering,” he said.

She hadn’t intended to show any feeling at
all. She wanted to be distant…even cold. But it was impossible, she
realized, to stay angry. The mood around them was too bright. The
night was just too fine. And the simple gesture, or peace offering
as he called it, seemed rather sweet. She took the sparkler from
his hand, looking at it. And as she watched it spark, she suddenly
thought of her youngest brother…of how he would have loved seeing
this.

“
Robert would sure enough
have a time with this,” she said. “We never had things like this to
play with.”

“
Who is Robert?”

The sudden question made her realize her
error. She didn’t want to speak to him unless it was necessary. Now
she had brought up a most tender subject. Talking of family could
be an intimate thing, and the last thing she wanted was for the two
of them to get to know each other. But it seemed it was too late to
retreat, for he was looking at her…awaiting a reply. It seemed all
she could do was answer, and hope he didn’t try to take the
conversation further.

“
My baby brother,” she
replied.

After her sparkler went out, she tossed it
into the bucket and sat still for a moment, trying not to look at
him. But now that she’d brought up the subject of her brother, she
felt a strange need to open herself up, if only just a little. She
reached into her pocket to take out a picture. She handed it to
him.

“
There,” she said, pointing
out her little brother in the picture. She kept that photo in her
pocket, always. Why she felt the need to bring it out and show it
to him, she didn’t know. But some small part of her wanted to
express the love she had for her family.

They are my
family
, she thought.
No matter what happens, or how far away I go, I carry them
with me always.

Those sentiments she didn’t express in
words. She had no desire to be singled out as a girlish,
sentimental fool…especially not around him. It was daring enough
that she was sharing the picture with him.

“
So who are the rest of
these people?”

That sounded like a rather stupid question.
Couldn’t he see what was right in front of him? And then it dawned
on her that in his own way, he was asking to meet them. He could
see they were her relations, but he wanted her to introduce the
people that mattered most to her. And she did not know why, but she
felt a strange need to oblige him.

“
That’s Mama, and Daddy.
Raymond is the oldest after Jack. Then it’s James, and me. Then
there’s Thomas and Matthew, and Robert is the littlest.”

He looked at the picture a moment longer,
and then handed it back to her.

“
So why are they at home and
you’re not?”

They had suddenly wandered into personal
territory…and she was not prepared for that. It almost scared her
to move towards such a subject. He seemed to be interested. He was
even being rather polite and soft spoken. But how much longer would
they go on before he made some cutting remark and broke the spell?
The thought of it was too much, and she was suddenly regretful of
bringing out the picture in the first place. She took it from his
hand, putting it back in her pocket.

“
It’s a long story,” she
said. “Too long, in fact. You wouldn’t be interested.”

Or would
you
? She asked herself. A tiny part of her
almost hoped he would be, for she had an overwhelming desire to
talk with him about her innermost thoughts. But a greater part of
her feared ridicule and judgment…the way Charlie had once made fun
of her. So she felt it best not to dwell on foolish hopes. And his
reply seemed to confirm her suspicions about him.

“
You’re right,” he replied
with a nod. “I don’t like to chit-chat. Pointless conversation has
always bothered me. I only talk when the subject is of real
interest.”

She found herself agreeing with him…and
saying so before she could stop herself.

“
Me too. That’s why I like
to read, since most people I know don’t share my interests. Reading
is a little like being with a friend you can’t see.” She felt her
face redden, thinking that she’d just said something quite idiotic.
But his reply to it surprised her.

“
That’s an insightful
observation. You have a sharp little mind.”

She looked over at him, seeing the slight
smile on his face, one that turned up the corner of his mouth just
a little. But she seemed to prefer that to something more grand,
for it was more genuine than any smile she’d seen on his face
before. It seemed to bring light to his whole being.

“
You read the book, didn’t
you?” he asked, turning his head to look her in the eye.

She started to deny it. But then he raised
his eyebrow, as if daring her to lie. And when he was looking at
her that way, with those gorgeous eyes of his all soft, she found
it impossible to speak.

Reading the answer in her expression, he
grinned. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist.”

Strange, but his gloating didn’t seem to
bother her then. She couldn’t believe she was even thinking it, but
there was something charming about the look he wore at that moment.
Still, she tried to maintain a collected aspect.

“
How do you know I read
it?”

He shrugged slightly.
“Anyone who memorizes
Pride and
Prejudice
must be bookish. I’m guilty of it
myself, so I know my own kind. I knew it was only a matter of time
before you gave in to temptation.”

She had consented to defeat…and he knew it.
But somehow, it didn‘t bother her. She shrugged.

“
I guess there’s no harm in
falling for a book.”

He shook his head. “Not if you have an
intelligent mind. And I think you and I fall into that
category.”

You and I
, she thought. There was something in those words that moved
her.
We have connected,
she thought.
How wonderful to have
found someone who thinks the way I do.
She
dared to look at him, and found he was looking at her.
My Lord
, she
thought.
What is that look? Why does it
turn me to jelly?
She didn’t understand
that burning gleam in his eyes. All she knew was that it robbed her
of her senses.
Why do I feel as if I’m
falling from a great height? And am I mad, or is he moving closer
to me right now? Is his face really so near mine as I think it is?
And if it comes closer, then what will I do?

“
Gracie!”

Oh Lord, that’s Alice’s
voice calling
. And it broke through to her
senses, making her sit up straight and fidget her hands as she
tried to compose herself. She stumbled over her words a little, but
managed to say them all the same.

“
Um, thank you for your
book.” She cleared her throat, trying to sound calm. “But I don’t
reckon I’ll ever read it again. It’s just too sad.” She swallowed
the lump in her throat. “I have to see what Alice
needs.”

“
Where are you going?” he
asked.

But she moved away quickly before he could
stop her.

Better to leave now before
something happens
, she thought.

She found Alice, who was standing by the
food table, pouring some lemonade…and wearing a devilish little
smile.

“
Oh my word, Gracie, I saw
it all. For a second I thought I’d have to turn the hose on you
two.”

Her eyes grew wide, almost panicked. “But we
didn’t do anything!”

Alice just giggled. “What a shame.”

She wanted to crawl into a hole and hide.
But Alice put an arm around her, speaking in her comforting
way.

“
Oh little sister, don’t be
ashamed. Besides, I was watching and I came to your rescue, just
like you asked me to. You’re safe and sound now. Although I think
you might have stirred up someone besides Henry. See for
yourself.”

She pointed across the yard, and Grace
looked to see Victoria making her way towards Henry. And she looked
fit to be tied. Grace brought a nervous hand to cover her
mouth.

“
Oh no, what did I do? What
if she throws a fit or something? Oh Lord, it’ll ruin the whole
party.”

“
Oh, I wouldn’t worry,” said
Alice. “She won’t throw a tantrum and embarrass herself. She’s too
vain for that. And besides, Henry would just make her leave if she
made a scene.”

Picking up a glass of lemonade, she handed
it to her.

“
Here, take this to your
brother. You look like you could use a breather.”

Sighing with relief, Grace hurried off to
see to the errand, and though she was tempted, she did not look
back. At the porch of the house next door, she handed her brother
the drink. Then she took a seat in a rocking chair in a shadowed
corner. She sat and listened to men talking, as she had done so
many times back home…and as she had done then, she did not
participate in their conversation. Only this time, it wasn’t
because she was not wanted. She had no desire to talk. She only
wished to hide, and with her brother so near, she felt quite safe
from any female wrath.

And safe from the lure of tempting blue
eyes.

How warm his hand had been when he had taken
hold of her wrist. His voice, when spoken in the pleasant tone that
their conversation had taken, flowed with a rich and warm feeling.
How intelligently he spoke, more than any man she'd known before.
And his smile. Her heart beat fast when she thought of it. As in so
many moments before, her memory quoted a passage that seemed to
relay what she was thinking - what she was feeling, better than her
own words could describe…

He smiled at me with a
certain smile he had of his own, and which he used but on rare
occasions. He seemed to think it too good for
common purposes. It was the real sunshine of
feeling…

Perhaps it
was
the real sunshine of
feeling. But her heart sank a little when she remembered that her
budding feelings could never be allowed to take full bloom. Whether
he felt genuine affection for her, or even just a passing interest,
it did not matter. He was a man of the world. He lived with his
mistress, for heaven's sake. What loyalty could there be in such a
man? And if there was loyalty there, it belonged to another, and
she dared not interfere with such a bond. The consequences were too
great a danger.

* * * * *

Come back
here
, he wanted to say.

He watched her as she walked away, and if it
wasn’t for the fact that his head was spinning just a little, he
would have gone after her. When he’d seen her rise to her feet to
go, he’d had an impulse to reach out and pull her back to his side.
He didn't like the way she fled so fast, as if she feared him. But
then he thought about that for a moment, and smiled to himself.

Maybe she was right to fear him. He’d told
her before that he’d thought about stealing a kiss. Now he knew
that he wanted to do much more than think about it. Sitting beside
her, so close, he’d been a moment away from actually doing it, and
would have if her sister-in-law hadn’t interfered. Never mind the
fact that everyone around them was watching. In that moment, he
hadn’t seen anything else but her. He thought of her hair that fell
in rich waves around her shoulders. It looked so soft, and he’d
been so tempted to reach out and twine a golden curl around his
finger. And what a lovely smile she had, even if she’d only given
him a small one. The few times he’d seen her before, she’d always
looked angry or fearful, although even then she’d been attractive
as hell.