Finding Grace: A Novel (44 page)

Footsteps came toward her room, and she
fought for mastery of herself, not wanting anyone to see the misery
that had overtaken her. It turned out to be only the nurse, who
came to administer the morning medications and do routine
examinations. The woman looked at her, and there was a light of
concern in her eyes, but Grace turned her head away, and the nurse
seemed to sense that she was not wanted. She gave the meds and did
her physical checks, and left quietly. But Grace was not left to
mourn for long. Before she could quite fully compose herself, Alice
appeared in the doorway. She had raised her hand to knock, but
paused when she looked in and saw Grace, who turned her head and
tried not to look at her.

She came in, slowly, carrying a fresh
bouquet of flowers and a teddy bear, which she placed on the
dresser beside the bed. For a moment, she tried to sound cheerful
as she came near.

"That brother of yours is something else,"
she said. "He almost refused to go back to work today. But I told
him it wouldn't be fair to have his family starve, on top of having
a sister in the hospital. He finally listened, as long as I
promised to come and stay with you. It seemed like a fair
bargain."

As she sat down beside the bed, Grace was
sure that she would start spouting some words of wisdom and
support. Wasn’t that what everyone tried to do when they came to
see a sick person? And as much as she loved and adored her
sister-in-law, the idea of hearing bouts of sentiment was enough to
make her ill.

But she was surprised when Alice took her
hand.

“
Feel this,” she said,
placing the hand on her abdomen. “It’s like butterflies. I started
feeling it yesterday.”

For a few blessed moments, she let herself
think beyond her pain. The flutters she felt beneath her fingers
made her forget, even if it was only for a little while. Alice's
voice was calm, so soothing. It helped to hear talk of something
normal, something of hope.

“
As soon as we get you out
of here, we’re going to start work on the nursery. You won’t mind
helping with colors and things, would you?”

She shook her head, and even managed a
little smile. She should have known Alice would know just what to
say, how to act. How silly she felt thinking that Alice would have
come with useless words and false hope. She knew the balm would not
last...that once Alice left, the pain would all come back. But for
the moment, she felt something like a sense of peace.

The nurse walked in, but this time instead
of being there for patient care, she was carrying a vase of red
roses.

“
These just came for you
Miss Grace. Aren’t they beautiful?” She put them down on the
dresser, and after she left, Alice turned to look for a card, but
didn’t find one.

“
No card,” she said. “But I
think I know who they’re from.”

Both of them knew the flowers were from
Henry. Alice looked at her, the light in her eyes a little sad.

“
You know, I think he’s
blaming himself for what happened.”

Grace’s eyes widened a little. “Blaming
himself? Why?” She suddenly recalled the times she’d been awake
long enough to see those around her. And each time she'd looked, he
had been there. Only, he had kept away from her bedside. He always
remained at the back of the room, and at times, even confined
himself to the hallway, where she'd seen him walking back and
forth.

Alice shrugged. “I can’t say for sure. But I
think he feels like he let you down. He didn’t get there in time to
keep you from getting hurt, and he feels like it was his
fault.”

She sighed, feeling a sudden welling of
tears. “That’s just silly. It wasn’t his fault.” She knew she
shouldn't feel so, but hearing of his sorrow only added to the
burden in her heart. It seemed everyone was insistent on reminding
her of how close she’d come to danger. She knew their intentions
weren’t to harm or hurt. But every look of pity, every word of
regret or condolence, made her feel like an animal on display in a
zoo. She heaved a shuddering breath, desperate for a change of
subject.

“
When can I go
home?”

A familiar voice answered from the hallway.
“Just a few more days.”

They looked up, and there he was, watching
them. Alice smiled in her special way.

“
How long have you been
eavesdropping, Henry Shaw? We were just having some girl
talk.”

“
I just stepped in,” he
replied. “I only heard the part about going home. And I just talked
to the doctor in passing. He said a few more days should be
it.”

Grace sighed, relieved to hear she would
soon be free. But now, the way Henry was watching her, she knew the
time had come for them to be alone. To talk about what had
happened, and how they felt. It was the last thing in the world she
wanted. If there had been a way to keep from bending heartstrings,
she would have gladly done it. But she saw in his eyes that he
needed peace. There was a tempest in his look, and though she was
tired of deep emotions and heartache, she couldn’t quell the need
to comfort him. She looked at Alice, one woman to another, and
neither had to speak to know what the other was saying.

“
I think I’ll go,” Alice
said. “Jack and I will come by after he gets off of work.” She
leaned forward to kiss Grace’s forehead. Then she turned and left
them alone, giving Henry a comforting touch of the arm as she went
out.

For a few moments they looked at each other.
Then he came quietly to her bedside, and she gave him a weak smile.
In all honesty, she was so glad to see him, and happy to have him
closer than he’d been in a long time. When he was at the bedside,
he knelt down and wordlessly took her hand. But he did not look at
her directly. His eyes were cast down, his mouth drawn in a grim
frown. He glanced up at her for a tiny moment, and she saw his eyes
shimmer. His mouth quivered slightly as he tried to remain
composed. But in a moment more he put his head down next to her,
and brought her hand close to his lips. "God, I'm so sorry," he
said, and his voice trembled. "If I had been there, none of this
would have happened."

She knew, without his saying so, that he
needed her reassurance. He feared that she was broken somehow and
couldn’t be fixed. That he was responsible, and that maybe she
blamed him in some way. He’d promised to never let her be hurt, and
yet there she was, lying injured and weak.

But how could he think she would drop blame
on him? He’d done so much more for her, thought more of her, than
almost anyone ever had before. She reached out a gentle hand to
touch the crown of his head, running her fingers through his dark
hair, and she spoke to him soothingly.

"Even knights in shining armor aren’t
perfect.” She heard him give a tiny, half-hearted laugh. Still he
did not raise his head, and for several moments she continued to
caress his hair with her fingertips. Then at long last he lifted
his eyes to hers, still holding her hand. He let out a trembling
breath.

"So you forgive me?"

“
There’s nothing to
forgive,” she replied. “There was nothing anyone could have done.
It was just one of those things.”

“
But if I’d been there a
little sooner…”

She lifted a finger to his lips, trying to
smile, knowing that humor would sooth him so much more than
sentiment. "Don't be so insecure. It doesn't suit you.”

His own expression warmed a little, and at
last he managed something of a smile. He came forward, bringing his
lips to hers. For a long moment they remained so, sharing the
warmth and comfort of a kiss…until a pain seized her, making her
wince. He pulled back, a shameful look on his face.

"I'm sorry. Are you all right?"

She spoke through clenched teeth. “I’ll be
fine.”

"Should I call the nurse?" His voice was
troubled.

"No, don't," she replied hastily, shaking
her head. "They'll just force me to take those awful medications,
and I'm tired of being out of my head." She sat back, lips pressed
together for some moments, and breathing deeply, she at last felt
the pain ease a little. Letting out a deep sigh, she turned and
looked into his eyes.

"Henry, will you do something for me?"

He nodded. "You know I will. Just name
it."

"There are two things, actually. First…” She
paused, as if hesitating. Then she found her voice again. "I want
you to bring my folks here for me.”

He looked at her with a baffled expression,
and she knew that her request seemed outrageous. To have to ask for
her parents, rather than knowing they would come on their own. She
knew an explanation was due. "I want to see them, but I know a
phone call or a letter won't make them leave that blessed hill,
even for something like this."

"And even knowing that, you want them
here?"

She shook her head, and it made him shake
his in amazement.

"You're certainly a better soul than
me."

“
I wish it was a noble
cause, but no. It’s not.”

“
Why bring them
now?”

She sighed, a sad sound. “I just want to
know what will happen. If they’ll come and see me, even if I ask
for them. It sounds stupid, but I want to know. And if they can’t
love me enough to do that, maybe they can make peace with Jack, at
least for the baby’s sake.”

He frowned, shaking his head. “I don’t like
it. I don’t like the idea that they can hurt you again.”

“
Don’t fret for me, no
matter what happens. I’m much tougher than I look.”

He cracked a little smile. "I know that for
a fact.” He leaned forward to place a soft kiss on her temple. "So
what is the other request?"

"I want you to take Charlie home.”

He leaned back, looking at her with stunned
eyes. "What?"

"I want him to be taken home where he
belongs. I doubt if anybody’s even told his family what happened.
His Aunt and Uncle are his only kin, and when they find out he’s
dead, I don't want that poor old couple to have to come all the way
here. Charlie’s remains should be taken to them, not sitting here
in some cold storage place.”

Henry looked at her with something like
wonder. "After all of this, you still find it in your heart to be
kind to him?"

She nodded slightly. "He was not a monster,"
she said. “He was a poor soul who lived a wretched life. It's only
right that he be sent home to rest in peace."

He sighed, smiling at her. "I'll go first
thing in the morning." He leaned forward, kissing her head again.
"But before I think any about that, is there something else I can
do? Something to make you more comfortable?"

She had her answer right at hand. "Can you
take me outside? I find it hard to breathe in this place, with
these walls closing in and only one little window, which I can't
even see out of from here."

He nodded, giving her hand an affectionate
squeeze. He left the room for a moment, returning quickly with a
wheelchair, and he lifted her gently from the bed and placed her in
it.

Once outside, they found a quiet place in
the little park next to the building. It was shaded with thick
trees, and birds flocked on the ground, unafraid of any human
presence. All was still and quiet, until she remarked with some
sadness and a little sigh, "Sometimes I miss Virginia."

"Do you?" he asked. "Haven't you been happy
here?"

She nodded. "I’ve been very happy. It's just
that I miss the wildness of it. When I was unhappy, I could wander
far away into the hills and never see another soul. Sometimes it
felt like the only beings in the world were me and God. I wish I
could be there now. All alone." She lowered her head, not wanting
him to see the sadness in her eyes. "That's the only place I want
to be right now."

She didn't say all that was in her
heart...that she wanted to hide from the world, and everything in
it. Even him. The shooting had finally convinced her of a simple
fact.

Some people weren’t born to live a happy
life…and now she knew was one of those people. Whatever happiness
she’d ever known, it had always been taken away from her at one
time or another. All she’d ever had was herself, and it seemed that
it would always be that way.

But for the moment, she tried not to think
of it. The separation would come soon enough, and she didn't want
to rush it. So she tried to smile as she met his searching eyes,
which examined her face with a look of great concern. She reached
out to touch his hand, comforting him. If she could not find the
hope in herself, at least she could give it to him...for just a
little longer.

* * * * *

That tone in her voice...something about it
struck him cold. Even while she looked at him, trying to smile, her
hand softly brushing his, he felt a sense of deep foreboding in her
manner. But when he asked her about it, she just shook her head,
saying she was tired and beginning to hurt again. He helped her
back to her room, listening to the names she gave him of those he
needed to contact in Stones Mill. Even as she spoke, her eyes grew
heavy. He lifted her gently, placing her in the bed, and she was
already sleeping by the time he drew the blanket up around her.
Brushing the hair back from her forehead, he examined her face...so
pale, even now. There were dark circles below her eyes. She was
still so frail. So vulnerable. And yet, he knew her mind was as
sharp as it had ever been. Which brought him back to that chilly
tone he'd heard in her voice.

What is in that mind of yours?

If he'd been just anyone else, any casual
observer, he might have chalked it up to depression over what had
happened. She certainly had great reason to be distressed and sad.
But he was no fool. He could see there was something going on in
her head, as if she was plotting something.