Finding Grace: A Novel (52 page)

She didn’t look up. “Do you think he’s sick?
Maybe you should go check on him.”

He shook his head. “He’s lovesick, that’s
what he is. And I’m not the one to cure it.”

Her heart was struck by the idea that he
might be suffering because of her. But she’d made her decision, and
would stand by it. “He’ll be just fine without me. Let him live his
life in peace. He doesn’t need me like a millstone around his
neck.”

Jack sighed and rolled his eyes. “I’ll never
understand the way you women think."

The doorbell rang, and he looked towards the
sound. Then he looked back to her. “Speak of the devil." Turning
away, he headed out and down the hall.

She trembled a little at the sound of the
doorbell. But gathering her courage, she took up her suitcase and
followed Jack down.

When she came into the foyer she saw Henry
there. Jack and Alice were beside him, waiting for her. She came
down slowly, and at the door, Alice put her arms around her in a
warm embrace. She lovingly kissed her cheek.

"Let us know the minute you get there.” She
nodded and smiled. Then she turned to Jack, who leaned forward to
kiss her on the forehead. "Don't stay away too long.”

She smiled, giving him a gentle hug. "I'll
be back to bother you before you know it.” She pulled away from him
and turned to meet Henry, who was looking on with a cool,
unreadable expression.

On the way into town, he hardly said a word.
But then again, she hardly said anything to him either. How could
she, when she knew that in a very short time, she would be parting
from him? She began to sense that he might have been thinking along
those same lines, and she understood why he would have wanted to
remain quiet.

She felt miserable as they got off the
streetcar and walked down the sidewalk toward the station. As he
led her through the doors and down the stairs to the great hall,
she couldn't help but recall the first time she'd seen this
incredible place…how it had so overwhelmed her. Thinking of that,
she couldn't help remembering the first time she'd seen him there.
She wanted to cry at the thought of leaving, but somehow she
managed to keep her tears held back.

Don't make a fool of
yourself now
, she told herself.
When you get on the train, and are out of sight,
you can pour your heart out, but until then, be strong.
She took a very deep breath to steel her nerves.
Then she heard the announcement come from overhead…the call for her
departure. She rose to her feet and Henry followed, walking with
her toward the platform.

They walked together under the soft white
light of the glass atrium. She hardly noticed the milling crowds or
the hissing of the train as it waited. In that moment she thought
of Jane, leaving Thornfield in the middle of the night…fleeing from
her beloved Rochester.

He who is taken out to pass through a fair
scene to the scaffold thinks not of the flowers that smile on his
road, but of the block and axe-edge; of the disseverment of bone
and vein; of the grave gaping at the end.

She turned to Henry, but found she could
hardly bring herself to look at him. As hard as she tried to
suppress them, she could not keep tears from pooling in her eyes.
He reached out to give her the suitcase, and with a trembling hand,
she reached for it. Then she felt his other hand come and close
over her wrist - a warm and potent touch that sent a thrill up her
arm. Then she heard his voice, deep and soft.

"Stay.”

She began to tremble, inside and out, as he
took the suitcase from her hand and put it down. He closed one hand
gently around hers.

“
I can’t be noble about
this...not anymore. Since the day you came into my life, you’ve
been trying to turn me into something better…trying to make a good
man of me. And damn your soul, you almost did it.”

She opened her mouth, tried to reply, but he
cut her off.

“
I’m not noble. Just saying
the word makes me sick. I’m self-centered and selfish, and when I
want something enough, I’ll do whatever I have to in order to get
it. And I want you.”

Her heart raced madly. She watched him reach
into his pocket to search for something.

“
You think you don’t need
anyone. You think you can waltz through life on your own and carry
everything on your own shoulders. But you don’t stop to think about
anyone else. Maybe you can do without me, but what if I can’t do
without you?”

Oh Lord
, she thought, sensing what he was about to do, and she began
to weep when he unclenched his palm, showing her the
ring.

"The first time I was going to attempt
this," he said, "Some fool ruined it by trying to take you from me.
And then I tried it again the other day, but you had to break up my
plan by saying you were running away from me. But I won't let you
go.” He gingerly lifted her hand, carefully sliding the ring on her
finger. Then he looked into her eyes, the corner of his mouth
rising in a devilish little grin. “I won’t give you time to think
it over. And if you say no, I’ll just follow you wherever you go
and keep asking until you give in. And you know how stubborn I can
be.”

She leaned her head against his chest,
smiling. "You've been a stubborn fool since the day I met you."

“
That’s beside the point,”
he replied, lifting her chin, making her shining eyes meet his. He
brought his lips close to hers, whispering. "Just say
yes."

She didn't say anything. She just threw her
arms around his neck, kissing him. And he kissed her back with
equal fervor. It was all the answer he needed to hear.

* * * * *

“
Why do you want to marry
me?”

Henry’s eyes widened a little, surprised.
For two days they had been traveling. And for most of those two
days they had sat close, as they did now. They’d talked softly and
exchanged many a loving look and caress. But now, for the first
time since she’d accepted him, her expression was all seriousness.
Those steely eyes of hers were full of concern. But he was in too
grand a mood to answer a real question. He just smiled and took her
hand. He pressed his lips to her palm, delighting in its warmth.
For a moment he dared hope that the caress would distract her. It
didn’t.

“
Why?” she
asked.

His lips trailed from palm to wrist. “Why
not?” A moment later he was stung when she carefully pulled her
hand away. Her brow became stern, her eyes silently declaring that
she wouldn’t be put off further. A small sigh fell from his lips.
“I love you. What more reason do I need?” He leaned forward to kiss
her, giving a groan of frustration when she leaned away. Her tone
was firm.

“
You could have any woman
in the world. A beautiful woman. One with lots of money and
high-born qualities. What am I but a little old country
girl?”

“
Are you trying to say
you’re not good enough for me? Because if that’s what you
think…”

She shook her head. “I know what I am, and
where I come from. And I’m proud of being me. I wouldn’t want to be
someone else.”

He gave her an odd look. “What is it you’re
trying to say? I’m having trouble understanding.”

“
The truth is, we’re from
two different worlds. Worlds that weren’t meant to meet and get
together. Why do you want me? Everyone will figure you’ve come down
in the world if you marry me.”

“
You should know by now. I
don’t give a damn what anyone thinks.”

“
You’re not answering the
question.”

He sighed, more deeply this time. In truth,
it was hard to put into just a few words what he loved about her.
But she wanted a reply, and for a moment he struggled to find one.
When at last it came to him, he leaned in close to her. His voice
was soft and tender. “Sometimes, you just know when something is
right. And when I’m with you, it’s like I’ve found a missing puzzle
piece. Everything fits, just like it should. And I’m happy.”

Now she smiled, and it held a hint of
mischief. “Do you rehearse these speeches ahead of time, or do you
just make them up on the spot?”

He didn’t answer. Instead he stole a kiss,
as he’d wanted to do from the first. And now, he sensed a change in
her…as if she finally understood that she was his, and he was hers,
for she kissed him back with as much fervor as he felt for her. I'm
happy, he'd told her. It felt so marvelous to say those words. And
yet they didn't seem adequate to convey the joy she'd brought to
his life. He didn't know if words would ever fully express what he
felt for her...but he intended to show her his feelings, every day,
for the rest of their lives.

*****

They spent several weeks at the seaside. In
all honesty, he would have preferred to be married straight away.
But she was still in need of recovery, and her health mattered to
him more than rushing her to the altar.

He was also aware of her inexperience with
relationships. In her life, she’d hardly gone more than a few days
without some sort of chaperone to watch over her. He wanted her to
be at ease when she was alone with him. And in those weeks before
their marriage, she seemed to grow quite confident and content
being at his side. It delighted him to witness the change. And
after they were wed, he hoped they would always be as happy
together as they were in those first days.

She was such a contradiction...and he
absolutely delighted in it, much as he always had. But now, the
pleasure it gave him was all the more intense, when he could act on
his feelings. She was so young, so innocent. And yet, she carried
herself like a woman twice her age. She could be so sweet and shy,
and a moment later she could be wild-eyed and as fiery as a little
devil. It was hard to decide which side of her personality he liked
better, because both were tempting in equal measure. And whichever
side he dealt with, there was one point he was certain of…her heart
was always true, whether she was devil or angel, woman or
child.

That contradiction was made startlingly
clear to him the morning after their wedding.

He stirred from his sleep just as the sun
was rising. As he came awake, he felt her presence in the bed
beside him. Looking down, he smiled at the sight of his lovely
young wife, who was lying on her belly, her face turned to him as
she slept. Her skin was a rich golden color, more so than before.
Her long honey-toned hair was spilled over her back and shoulders.
A beautiful memory came to him as he recalled how softly her hair
had spilled through his fingers the night before. Looking at her
now, he knew it would be kinder to let her sleep. But the sight of
her was too strong a temptation. Aching to press his lips to her
warm bare skin, he reached out and swept her hair away.

He froze. There between her shoulder blades,
faint but still evident, were several long marks. They were pale in
color...too pale for him to have seen them last night, in the
dimness of candlelight. But with the bright sunshine now streaming
in, the scars were all too clear. All at once he was angry,
brokenhearted, and disgusted. Not by the imperfections themselves,
but by what they implied. He knew what she’d endured at her
father’s hands. But to see it…to think of someone actually striking
her…leaving her branded this way. It sent a fierce surge of fury,
of protectiveness, pulsing through his veins. He wanted to snatch
her up in his arms, clasp her to his heart and swear to her that no
one would ever harm her again. But closing his eyes, taking in a
deep breath to calm himself, he knew he couldn't act so
impassioned. How would that seem to her, especially on the morning
after their wedding?

As he tenderly looked at her, she stirred
slightly. Her eyelids fluttered. She looked at him...and smiled the
most beautiful smile.

Her beauty moved him, so much that he wanted
nothing more than to draw her into his arms, to express all the
love and desire he felt for her. But the memory of seeing her scars
was overwhelming. To keep from troubling her, from letting her see
the anguish he still felt, he needed to step away for a moment.
Gently, he grazed a knuckle over the soft slope of her bare
shoulder.

"Stay here and rest," he whispered. "Have a
hot bath, if you like. It will help...the tenderness." Her cheeks
went pink as she sensed what he meant, but he just smiled. "I'll
find some breakfast and bring it up." Reluctantly moving away from
her, he went to wash and dress.

Before he went out, he turned at the door to
glance back at her. Her eyes had closed again, her look so
peaceful. And he left her so.

Coming down to the lobby, he went out to the
veranda where he walked for some time, calming his nerves. When he
felt his temper had cooled enough, he went to the front desk and
ordered a tray of fresh fruit.

He came into the room quietly in case she
was still sleeping. Walking across the threshold, he caught sight
of her before she noticed him. She was out on the balcony, in a
light summer dress and bare feet, looking over the railing at the
sea below. Her hair billowed lightly in the breeze, and he smiled
as he thought how child-like she seemed. And yet she was a woman.
And his wife. The very thought of it sent a flood of warmth all
through him, and he wasn’t content any longer to stand and watch
her. Coming quietly through the open door, he put the tray down on
a table and walked up behind her. Gently he put his hands on her
shoulders, and he felt her jump.

“
I’m sorry if I scared
you,” he said.

She shook her head, looking back at him and
smiling. Then, to his delight, she leaned back against him. “You
didn’t scare me. My mind was just way out there while I looked at
the ocean.”