Finding Grace: A Novel (49 page)

She remembered how their father had raged
about the insult. How he had cursed Jack, saying he never wanted to
see his face again. She remembered crying endlessly in her pillow,
having lost the most important person in her life.

Grace looked at him now. Not the young man,
full of rebellion, that she’d idolized as a child. But a fully
grown man. A husband, and soon to be a father. He was in full
control now, his life all his own and in the hands of no one else.
That determination showed in his eyes as he turned to look at her.
He came to stand just before her bedside with his arms folded.

"If you want him here, that's your decision,
and I won't keep you from it. But don't expect me to stick my hand
in the fire again. I've been burned enough, and I don't need no
more reminders of how much it hurts."

Calmly, he turned and walked away. As he
left, Alice appeared in the doorway. He kissed her cheek as he
passed by her, and gave her tummy a gentle touch. Then he was
gone.

"Is everything all right?" Alice asked,
coming to the bed.

Grace shrugged."We'll know soon enough.” She
cast her eyes down for a moment. Then she looked up, into Alice's
eyes. "Mama and Daddy are coming. Henry is bringing them to me. But
I'm so worried about what might happen, not so much with me, but
with you and Jack. And the baby. I'm worried that if something bad
happens, you might get sick or something."

Alice smiled and shook her head. "I'll be
fine. We both will be. This needs to happen, and better now than
decades from now, when one or both of your folks are gone, and Jack
is sitting around wondering what might have been."

Grace nodded her head, knowing that Alice
spoke the truth. She sighed, and felt the gentle arms of her
sister-in-law go around her in a warm hug.

"Now, get some sleep," Alice said. "And
after that, I'll see that you get some decent food in your belly. I
think they make hospital food bad on purpose. Who wouldn’t want to
get well and go home after eating that stuff?”

For the first time that day, Grace smiled,
and even laughed a little. Then she fought a yawn, and nestled down
against her pillow. If there was one small thing to be happy about,
it was her own bed in her own room. And feeling something like
contentment, she slept.

Chapter 24

“Resolutions”

The clock in the hall struck noon, and Grace
felt her heart skip. Unless something dire had happened, they would
be pulling into Union Station at that very moment. She felt her
hands tremble a little at the thought, and clasping them together,
she sat back in the living room armchair and shifted her weight
uncomfortably. She felt a little movement beside her, and she
looked down at her little dog that Henry had given her. The pup was
curled up in a ball, sleeping contentedly, and she smiled slightly
at the sight of him. As all puppies tended to be, he was quite a
handful at times, and Jack wasn't happy about having to
occasionally clean up after it. But the dog was sweet and he helped
to keep her mood up. In her current state of mind, any kind of
lightheartedness was welcome.

Since coming home, she had remained mostly
quiet and undisturbed in her room. She’d tried to read and take her
mind off of the impending visit. But she’d never been sedentary,
and each morning she got up early like she’d always done. Using the
furniture for support, she made herself walk back and forth across
the room to bring the strength back into her limbs. For several
days now she’d been moving about. And this morning, she had come
down the stairs completely on her own, clinging to the banister for
support, and she had walked into the kitchen by herself, supported
only by the use of a cane.

Since she had come home, Alice had been
making her meals and bringing them to her when Jack was not home.
But she felt mortified by the idea of a pregnant woman trying to
care for her. Even Jack had chastised his wife for her actions,
insisting that she get one of the neighbors to come and assist her
in her daily tasks. But Alice, in her ever stubborn way, refused
any help, insisting that the things she was doing were small and
not a burden to herself or the baby. Still, Grace was insistent on
getting back her independence. She had walked into the kitchen,
unassisted, and though her movements were slow they were
steady...performed all on her own.

The joy of that triumph was overshadowed by
the anxiety she felt in thinking about the visit. They all felt it.
Alice sat at in a cushioned armchair beside the sofa, working a
crossword puzzle. Jack was sitting next to her on the couch. He had
refused to go to work that day, insisting that he would not leave
his wife and sister there alone. And yet, Grace knew that he would
have rather been anywhere but there. She wondered and feared how he
would react when their folks came walking through the front door.
He sat on the sofa, reading his newspaper, though she sensed that
he was probably not reading anything printed on the page.

Lately he’d been unusually quiet, but that
was understandable. He had vowed to never have his mother and
father in his house or in his sight again. But Grace was sure he
had heard what she’d said about the baby, even if he hadn‘t
acknowledged it. And she was quite certain that Alice had been
thinking along those same lines, for last night she had overheard
part of a conversation between the two of them. And as she
listened, she was sure she heard the sound of him walking back and
forth across the floor as his wife talked to him.

“
When this baby comes, it
will be a Langdon,” she said. “He or she deserves to know their
family. My family is long gone, Jack. Yours are the only
Grandparents the baby will ever have. Think of those brothers of
yours…all five of them. I’m sure they would all be tickled to
pieces to have a little niece or nephew. And what about Nathan, and
Emily, and all of their children? They’ve always been so good to
you, Jack.”

Grace had not heard him
give an answer, and she had gone to sleep wondering.
Even if he had heard their words, had he
listened?
She could not be sure, even up
until the moment when he sat in the living room that mid-afternoon.
She had imagined him leaving the house altogether, or maybe hiding
somewhere in it to avoid seeing their parents. But he had remained,
and she could only wonder what would happen when they finally came
through the front door.

When the knock on the door came, all three
of them froze. Then they all looked at each other for several long
moments. To the surprise of both Grace and Alice, it was Jack who
stood at the sound. Grace watched him as he set his broad shoulders
and went to the door, and then he reached and opened it. It was
Henry who stood before him, and as he stepped aside, Mr. and Mrs.
Langdon came forward.

From where she sat, Grace could see them
clearly. She also caught a glimpse of Henry. For a moment she
wished he would come rushing to her side. She wanted to feel the
warmth of his arms around her. But he seemed to sense, as she did,
that such a display would ruin the fragile peace of the moment.
This wasn’t the time to declare affections, when they both knew her
mother and father would frown upon it. So he stayed in the
background, and after several moments he turned to go. She wanted
to call out to him. But before she did, Alice stepped over to him
and took his arm.

“
Don’t go just yet. Why
don’t you stay for lunch?”

He seemed hesitant. “I wouldn’t want to
impose. You have your family here.”

“
Don’t be silly. You’ve
been so sweet to go to all this trouble. The least we can do is
offer you something to eat.”

Grace felt some of the burden lift,
comforted by the reassurance of his presence. When he came to stand
close to her, it was all she could do not to rise up and bury her
head in his chest. But she kept her face composed, reigning in her
feelings, while he clasped his hands behind his back and spoke in a
very civil and polite way, as if they were mere acquaintances.

“
Are you well? You look a
little pale.”

She nodded. “I’m fine. For now…” They both
turned to watch her folks, particularly her mother, who had started
crying as she put her arms around Jack. Grace noticed how, at
first, he stood stiffly in her arms. But he had always loved their
mother, and he’d always had such a soft-hearted soul underneath his
tough exterior. Gradually he relaxed, and he even managed to give
her a slight caress on the back. But when he spoke, his tone was
cool. He sounded like a parent talking to a child.

"Mama, stop crying.” He carefully disengaged
himself from her grasp. And then Grace watched as Jack turned their
mother in her direction. She rose slowly, slightly unsteady, and
Henry tried to help her. But she shook her head.

“
It’s all right. I can do
it myself.” She leaned on her cane, but kept her balance. The last
thing she wanted was to look weak and needy in front of them,
especially her mother, who came and gave her a light kiss on the
cheek. There was a light of concern in those eyes, but it didn’t
reflect in her expression. But Grace hadn’t expected it, and so was
not disappointed. At least there was an inquiry after her
health.

"Are you all right?"

Grace nodded. Suddenly she felt lightheaded,
and she wavered a little. For a moment she dared to wonder if her
mother would reach to support her. But it was Henry who gave her an
arm to lean on. He helped her sit, sitting on the stool beside her,
and as she sank into her chair, it was then she noticed her father
and her brother standing beside each other. They hadn’t been so
close in years.

But watching them, it was nothing like she’d
imagined. In her thoughts she’d pictured a scene of
extremity…either of sudden rage and swinging fists, or of anguish
and tears. But she found no such sight before her eyes. Neither of
them spoke. They just stood side by side, looking everywhere but at
each other. And both of them seemed to be silently saying the same
thing.

I don't want anything to do with you, and
you don't want anything to do with me. So we'll leave it at
that.

It was all very strange, as if no one knew
at all what to do or say. Then Alice, who had been standing quietly
aside, stepped forward.

“
Well let’s not all stand
around like this. The baby’s hungry and so am I. Why don’t we eat?
You all must be so hungry after the trip. Rachel, would you mind
giving me a hand?”

Without waiting for a reply, she turned and
walked into the kitchen. And Grace watched her mother, whose eyes
widened a little in surprise…but she followed after her. Grace
looked over at Jack and her father, who hadn’t said so much as a
word all this time. He glanced around, seeming rather
uncomfortable.

“
I’m going out for a breath
of air. It’s too dadblamed hot in this house.”

He went out on the front porch. And Jack,
who had been left to stand alone, turned and looked at her.

“
Sis, are you all
right?”

She nodded, letting out a small sigh. “Don’t
worry about me. Why don’t you go on in the kitchen and be with
Mama? She needs you more than I do.”

He looked hesitant, but after a moment more
he went. She and Henry were left alone. And almost before Jack was
out of sight, Henry let out a little sound of anger. It sounded
almost like a growl, and then he rose to his feet and paced in
front of her chair.

“
You don’t know how hard
I’m biting my tongue right now. If I came all that way to visit my
daughter…my sick daughter, no less, I think I’d have a little more
of a reaction. Somehow, I can accept the fact that your father’s an
old devil. But your mother…good God, what is wrong with that
woman?”

Grace shrugged. “That’s just how she is. And
it’s about how I figured it would be. But I got what I wanted out
of it.”

He looked curious. “What’s that?”

“
Jack and my folks are in
the same house together. Mama has her boy back. And even Alice has
gotten something good. She’s getting along with her mother-in-law.
So it looks like all is right with the world. At least for
now.”

He came to her side, pulling the stool up
close. Taking her hand, he threaded their fingers together.

“
But what about you? You’ve
been giving all this talk about what’s good for everybody else. You
deserve a lot more attention than you’ve been getting, especially
from those jackanapes you call your parents.”

She shook her head. “I'm not ignorant. I
know what I am to them...what I'll probably always be. But there's
this tiny little part of me that wants to see it for myself. It
wants to know if they will really treat me like they always have,
even after all of this.”

He shook his head. "You want to know if
they'll break your heart one more time? Damn them both, I know
that's what they'll do. And I can't stand the thought of it. How
can you let them do that to you? I just don't understand it at
all."

She lowered her eyes, saying nothing. His
sigh was deep and troubled. He reached up, gently touching her
cheek.

“
Sometimes I wish you would
do what other women do…weep and wail, or babble on about how unfair
your life is. Then I would know what to do to ease your pain. And
don’t try to tell me it’s not there. Not matter how hard you try to
hide it, I can see it in your eyes.”

She met his gaze, seeing the anger and
frustration there, the concern. But the last thing she wanted was
for him to be worrying himself silly over her. He’d done enough of
that already. She reached up and clasped his hand, gently moving it
away from her face.