Finding Herself (Surrender) (2 page)

Chapter
Three

Once she got home, Emily locked herself in the bedroom and then the dam broke. Tears streamed down her face, and it wasn’t just the interview that made her feel sad. It was the crushing of her hopes – for the past few days she’d really believed she was onto something. Even though the internship was for only six months and didn’t pay much, she’d planned do well at work and then be hired as a full-time analyst. She would finally be living the life of her dreams.

Emily
felt stupid for having believed in that dream. Obviously, it wasn’t to be. Nobody wanted to hire her, a rube with a liberal arts degree in a bad economy.

She slipped off her shoes and lay down in bed, not bothering to take off her clothes. After all, it didn’t matter if they got wrinkled – they weren’t good enough to land her the job anyway. She crawled under the covers and after a while she got her tears under control.

The stress of interviewing had caught up with her, and she began to feel drowsy. She had spent too long in the city, struggling and trying to be brave and optimistic. She decided that today she’d allow herself to indulge in a bit of self-pity.

But before she could dwell on how terrible her life was, the memory of
Nate Steele floated before her eyes. His face, angular and strong; the light playing off his features. Those eyes, dark and intense, boring into her soul. And of course, the raw animal presence that hid below his perfectly tailored suit.

Emily
imagined them meeting again, but this time not for any professional purposes. He wasn’t going to be her boss, so she was free to think of him any way so wanted. She imagined their lips meeting, Nate crushing her against his strong chest. The way he kissed her… the way his hands roamed across her body…

Emily
felt slightly feverish, the intensity of her imagination was strange and powerful. In a few seconds, she found her vibrator. She peeled off her skirt and panties, and lay under the covers holding the vibrator against her throbbing clitoris.

The powerful sensations sent ripples up her spine, and she imagined it was
Nate who was teasing her clit. He would use his fingers, and twirl them around, and then move them lower and thrust them into her drenched entrance. Emily moaned softly as the toy entered her, and she imagined it was Nate, pleasing her the way she wanted. His eyes were intense and he stared at her, watching her as he pleasured her, kissing her nipples and then watching as she moaned and clenched and then finally the climax burst inside her, exploding like a firework and leaving her weak and exhausted when it was over.

Emily
opened her eyes, feeling a lot better. Now the vision of Nate was gone, and she remembered once more that she’d just blown an important interview. But she felt a lot better now, and she smiled as she imagined Nate kissing her gently on the lips. Though they’d only talked briefly, Emily felt like she knew him well. He was so intense, so powerful in an understated way. And he seemed to know her.

Emily
headed into the shower, grabbing some clothes on the way. Sure, she’d just lost a potential job, but until the final interview stage, until she met that snide receptionist, things had been going well. She’d come so close. That meant she wasn’t a total loser. She knew she’d get a good job soon.

***

The next morning, Emily slept in. Her cell phone rang at around 10 am, and she looked at it groggily, expecting it to be her mother. She hadn’t told her mom about the terrible interview yet, and she wasn’t sure if she could deal with that conversation right now. But the number that appeared wasn’t one she knew, so cleared her throat, sat up in bed, and tried to sound alert.

“Hello, this is
Emily Miller.”

“
Emily, this is Jim from Alpha Investments, we spoke yesterday. How are you?”

Emily
’s heart thumped loudly and suddenly she was wide awake. Dear Lord, perhaps they were calling her in for another interview. Or maybe she’d left something behind at the office yesterday, it was probably nothing to get excited about. She took a deep breath and tried to calm down.

“
Emily, are you there?”

“Oh,
yes, sorry Jim, I’m doing well. How are you?”

“Good, good. I was wondering if you’re still interested in that internship
position?”

Oh God. Her heart was thumping loudly again, but she tried to stay calm and answer properly. “Yes Jim, I’m very interested. Is there another round of interviews ahead?”

Jim laughed briefly, and said, “No, I’m calling to offer you the position. So?”

Emily
squealed and jumped out of bed, unable to control herself and Jim laughed again. “I assume that means yes?”

“Yes, yes, sorry about that. I’m so excited! Are you serious?”

“Yes, I am. Can you come into the office next Monday? We have an orientation day lined up, so you’ll be signing the contract, getting your new ID card, and having a brief tour. I’ll see you then.”

“Yes, you will! Thank
you, Jim!”

They hung up and
Emily squealed softly again. She wanted to do a jig, she wanted to scream at the top of her lungs, but she lived in a tiny apartment in New York, and if she did those things, her neighbors would complain.

She
walked excitedly out of her bedroom, looking for Isabel, but her housemate had already gone to work. Isabel was a secretary at a small accounting firm in Manhattan, and had been living in New York for four years now. She was also the daughter of family friends, and Emily knew that her mom felt safer, thinking that Emily was with the daughter of someone she knew.

The person she really needed to talk to was
her mom. It was a conversation she’d been trying to avoid – Laura Miller could be tactless, and her frequent reminders to “look for a nice job” didn’t help.

A sudden bout of loneliness hit her – she’d received such wonderful news, but didn’t know who to share it with. To postpone calling her mother, she dressed slowly, and made herself a breakfast sandwich.

A few bites in, her phone rang. This really was a day of unexpected phone calls. Groaning inwardly, thinking it was her mom, Emily grabbed her phone and was pleasantly surprised to see that it was the owner of the diner, Su-Jin, calling her. One of the waitresses had fallen sick – Su-Jin wanted her to come in that night, and to work double shifts the next few days.

“Prefect,” she said, “It’ll be great to earn a bit extra.”

Normally, she’d have felt conflicted about working extra at the diner – sure, she’d earn more, but she’d also lose opportunities for job-hunting. So Su-Jin sounded a bit surprised at her enthusiasm, but said he was glad she was free.

Tapping her feet happily,
Emily finished up her breakfast and started packing her bag for work. Things seemed to be finally looking up! The extra work at the diner came at a perfect time, and it would be good to save a bit of money.

The one cloud marring her horizon was the fact that she’d need to call her mother.
Might as well get it over with.

Her mom answered after one and a half rings. “
Emily!” she said, sighing loudly. “I was starting to get worried about you.”

Emily
rolled her eyes, knowing her mother couldn’t see her. The theatrics had gotten annoying by the time she was three years old. “I just talked to you a few days back.”

“Yes sweetheart, but I tried to call you yesterday and your phone was off. Didn’t you get my voicemail message?”

“Yes, that’s why I’m calling you today.”

“Would it hurt to call me back sooner? You know I worry about you.”

“I was tired.”

“Well of course,” her mother scoffed, “Doing God-knows-what in New York City.”

Emily took a deep breath. “You know what I do. I work at the diner and I look for jobs. I don’t have time for anything else.”

“Well, apparently not even to call your poor mother.”

“I was busy, Mom. I had an interview.”

“Oh my goodness!
  Finally! How did it go, how much do they pay? Did you get the job?”

“It’s an internship, so it doesn’t pay much. But yes,”
Emily smiled happily, “I got it.”

Her mother was silent for a moment and then said, “Hmm.”

Worry pricked at Emily. “It’s at a very successful hedge fund, Alpha Investments. It’s a really prestigious position.”

“If it’s so prestigious, why don’t they pay better?”

Emily tried to choke back her snort. “It leads to a full-time position after six months. They take you on as an intern to make sure you’re a good fit, and they give you the time to learn.”

“You know Denise’s daughter moved to New York five years ago and she got a job straight away.”

“This isn’t five years ago, Mom, the economy’s –”

“Yes, yes the economy, you keep bringing it up. But I really worry if you’re looking for the right jobs. Your father and I can’t keep supporting you forever…”

Emily bit her tongue to keep from saying something mean. It was very nice of her parents to pay her rent. Not everyone’s parents would do that. But she was sick of Laura’s hanging it over her head.

And she knew for a fact that the economy really wasn’t that great: Isabel had a degree from a great university and had only managed to get work as a secretary. “Lower your
expectations,” she’d advised Emily when she’d first moved in. “I used to think that I’d be CEO of a large company someday, but now I’m just happy to have work that pays.”

Why couldn’t her mom just be happy for her? She was close to blowing her fuse, and she needed to hang up before she lost it.

“I have to go, Mom. I have a shift at the diner. And I’ll be working extra shifts till Monday,” she added, “So I won’t be able to call you before then.”

“Well.” Her mother sounded disappointed, and
Emily felt guilty for having been so abrupt.

“I’ll call you Monday right after my first day, ok? Love you.”

Laura sighed. “Bye then.”

Emily
changed, grabbed her bag and headed out in a fit of annoyance. Not only was her mother not supportive of her new internship, Laura managed to make her doubt her career trajectory. Why couldn’t her mother be happy for her and proud of her like most other mothers were?

Somehow,
Emily found herself on 5
th
Avenue, wandering past the boutiques with their minimalistic window displays, wondering what clothes would go well with her new job. The only objection Nate had to her was that she might not fit in with the culture, and if she had the right outfit, maybe she’d at least look like she belonged.

A few minutes later, Emily purchased her first Prada suit. It was a gorgeous black one with subtle pinstripes, and it cost her more than $1500, which she put on her credit card. She tried not to wince when the cost was rung up, and she told herself it was worth it.

There wasn’t time to buy anything else, and when she entered the diner armed with her large Prada shopping bag, the other waitresses, Serena and
Shirley whooped with laughter.

“Someone’s just discovered retail therapy,” Serena teased, and
Emily laughed happily.

Serena and Shirley
were the closest she’d come to making friends in New York. “I got a new job,” she told them happily. The girls stared at her wide-eyed. “Well, it’s not really a job,” she amended, “It’s an internship. Alpha Investments.”

“
Omigod!” Shirley rushed forward to hug her, and Serena followed.

“I’m so happy for you! Congrats!”

“Thanks guys.” Emily laughed happily, a bit embarrassed by their obvious shows of affection. Now, why couldn’t her mother have reacted like that?

“So when’s your last day?”
Shirley asked. “We’ll have to celebrate your leaving this dump!”

“Sunday,”
Emily told them, “I’m doing double shifts until I start my new j- internship.”

“That’s wonderful,” Serena said, “At least we’ll get to see you a bit.
Because after Monday, we’ll probably never see you again.”

“Don’t be silly!
” Emily said, “Of course we’ll keep in touch – you guys are my friends.”

“
Aww, that’s sweet – now I guess I better go see what table 7 wants.”

A couple of hours later, on her break,
Emily checked her phone messages. Isabel had texted her thrice:
Hey babe, wanna grab drinks?
And then a while later:
What’s up, r u free or not?
And finally:
Should I be worried? Where r u?

Emily
smiled to herself. Isabel might act tough and have questionable taste in men, but she really did seem to care about Emily.
At work
, Emily texted back,
Shift ends at eleven, drinks after that?

Within seconds she got her reply:
Sure, I’ll stop by the diner.

Isabel stopped by a few minutes before eleven, just as they were cleaning up.
Emily took a few minutes to tell Isabel her news, and Isabel smiled broadly. For a split-second, Emily thought she caught a glimpse of something strange in Isabel’s eyes – was it sorrow, jealousy or anger?