Finding Home - A Post Apocalyptic Novel (The Ravaged Land Series Book 2) (11 page)

We finished eating and left the cafeteria. Penn went back to his training for his new guard position and I went back to our room. I probably should have roamed about, but I felt too nervous being out on my own. It was too soon. I went back and forth with myself the rest of the day about what I should do about my friends. At some point I knew I would just have to find a way to talk to them. It was what I came here to do. I just didn’t know how. Or when.

The next day I left the library and made my way to the cafeteria to meet up with Penn. I turned the corner and before I could scream there was a hand pressing hard against my mouth. Someone was moving me roughly through an open door and I stumbled forward but was able to stay on my feet. Through my stunned, wide-open eyes, I saw pots and pans on the shelves around me, along with various bags and boxes of flour, sugar and other ingredients. I jumped when the door slammed shut.

“Don’t scream. Don’t even think about screaming,” he warned. He spun me around so he could look into my eyes to show just how serious he was. I looked at him. It took a few blinks to calm down enough so that I could focus on the face looking at me. It was Dean, but he truly had no idea who I was. “I’m not going to hurt you… I just want to talk to you. I’m going to remove my hand, and you’re not going to scream. Right?”

I shook my head, and he slowly slid his hand off my mouth ready to clamp it back down if he should need to. He looked angry and confused and I was surprised that even this close he didn’t know me. We had spent so much time together in the shelter and everything after that I would never have guessed that losing some weight and changing my hair would transform me that much. I turned my head away from him because I was both frustrated and sad. I was fighting to keep the tears from falling.

“OK first of all who…,” he started to speak, but out of the corner of my eye I saw him pause and cock his head to the side. I turned to look at him, and our eyes locked. He paused and concentrated on my eyes. Time seemed to stop. Dean blinked several times, “Oh my God… is it rea—”

“Mel,” I said as I held back the tears that started to fill my eyes. I didn’t know what to do. My body felt paralyzed from all the emotions that crashed through me all at once. It felt like a dream now that I was finally able to actually talk to him after all this time. Just being this close to him was almost too much to bear. Everything rushing through my brain and body was so overwhelming that I was having trouble holding myself together. I felt like I might disintegrate and all that would be left of me would be a small pile of ash on the floor.

“Holy shit,” he said as he put his hands on my face, then my shoulders down to my arms, as if feeling to make sure I was real. “Wow,” he said as he choked back his emotions and stared at our feet.

Everything was too much, and in that moment we didn’t care. All the worries I had about HOME didn’t matter. We embraced each other so hard I didn’t think I could ever let go.

“I thought you were dead,” he whispered in my ear. He felt perfect.

I swallowed a thick lump down and winced at the pain. There was no way I could tell him what had happened, at least not now. I was way too paranoid, and I didn’t know how much time we had before someone would come looking for us. He pushed me back breaking our hug and looked me over. It was as if he was checking to make sure all of the pieces that made me up were still in the right place. But I couldn’t stay out of his arms for long, and I wrapped my arms around his middle as I pressed my face into his chest. He wrapped an arm around me and kissed the top of my head.

“I can’t believe how different…,” he said quietly as he ran his fingers through my hair.

But I didn’t know what to say. He looked the same, just as gorgeous as ever. I guess being out on my own, and the changes I had made to my look transformed me even more than I had realized.

He stepped away and swiped at his eye so fast it seemed he hoped I wouldn’t notice. “Join us for lunch tomorrow?” he asked as if he was afraid I might decline. “So we can, you know, welcome you to HOME,” he added as he looked around the room his eyes moving quickly as if he was looking for something. I followed his eyes but didn’t see anything unusual. I wondered if he was looking for cameras or microphones. Hopefully there hadn’t been any in here because they’d definitely be able to figure out who I was.

“Yes, but not Slade,” I whispered as softly as I could. I knew I would have to explain all that eventually.

He raised an eyebrow, “OK, how about a picnic then?”

“Where? I’m new here,” I said wishing I was back in his arms. It had been the safest I had felt in forever. Safer than when I was with Penn. Here I was in the place I least wanted to be, but with Dean by my side I felt stronger, braver and protected. But by no means were we actually safe in this place.

“Meet me here, this time tomorrow. I’ll take you. Can you do that?”

“Yes.”

“OK it’s a date,” he said grabbing my hand.

“I don’t want to leave you,” I said as quietly as I could manage.

“I know,” he said and squeezed my hand. “Tomorrow.”

He opened the door, and I forced my legs to move in the direction I least wanted to go. Away from him.

Chapter ten.

That night when I was lying in bed with Penn, frustrated with myself about not being in my own bed, I decided to tell him what had happened earlier with Dean. I hoped the darkness of our room would provide some privacy if there were any hidden cameras. I would still have to be as quiet and cryptic as possible just in case anyone was listening in on us.

I told him I was meeting some new friends for lunch and that he’d have to have lunch on his own. His body shifted and I could tell he was uncomfortable with the idea of leaving me. He knew that talking to them was why I was here in the first place, so he would just have to make his peace with it.

It was clear to me that Penn wanted to come with as my bodyguard or try to talk me out of going alone. But he never would. Even though he wasn’t as anti-HOME as I was, he was dedicated to keeping me safe. I convinced him it would be fine and not to worry. He said he understood and turned away as he whispered good night.

The next morning at my library job I worked quickly to get as much done as I could. The faster I worked the quicker time seemed to pass. After I finished putting the books on the shelf, instead of asking Steve if there was anything else that I could help with, I left to meet Dean. I was a solid forty-five minutes early, but I didn’t care. It was better to be early than to miss him completely.

I couldn’t stop smiling when I saw him finally coming down the hallway carrying two paper sacks. His gorgeous smile matched mine in size. The excitement I felt was too much, and I had to look at my feet to compose myself. When he was next to me I was able to look at him again. He handed me one of the paper bags and grabbed my hand, leading me around the hallways quickly. It was surprising how well he knew his way around. Before I knew, we were outside.

The fresh air felt amazing, but what felt even better was when I saw the looks on Owen and Sienna’s faces. Surely Dean had told them he was bringing me, but I supposed it didn’t matter how much he had prepared them. I knew I’d be seeing them and I wasn’t prepared for the emotions that surged through my veins either. I didn’t know if I wanted to laugh or cry or scream… or grab them and run.

Dean and I walked over to where they were waiting. I looked at them each for a long moment. “Hi,” I said, finally able to make my mouth form an actual word.

I could tell Sienna was trying hard to hold her tears back, but she failed. One escaped and trickled down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away.

“This is Mel,” Dean said still holding my hand. “That’s Owen,” he said pointing with the hand that held the bag, “and that’s my sister Sienna.”

“Nice to meet you,” I said and sat down on the picnic bench across from Sienna. Behind the picnic table was a shed and I couldn’t help but examine it for a hidden camera or microphone. It seemed awkward how close the picnic table was to the shed. If HOME had cameras out here, they would just say they were there for our protection. They probably had an excuse for everything.

I opened my bag and took out a toaster pastry and smiled. “You wouldn’t believe how many of these things I ate on the outside,” I said with a small grin. I hoped it was OK to talk about the world before arriving at HOME. There hadn’t been anything in the binder or during orientation that said we couldn’t talk about our old lives, so I assumed it was OK. But anything I mentioned from the outside I’d be sure to keep them out of it. For our own safety. They probably had a million questions about what it had been like on my own. How I was still alive. But that would all have to wait.

Sienna laughed, “I did too!”

There was a bottle of water inside the bag and underneath it was a folded up piece of paper. I discreetly removed it and tucked it into my pocket. Whatever was written on that piece of paper would be more important than anything they would discuss out in the open. It was an awful feeling both wanting to stay by them forever but also wanting to get away to read the note.

It was strange how so little had been said. I didn’t know what to say, or more accurately what I could safely say. And since they hadn’t said much or asked me any questions I had to assume they were worried. By the looks on their faces, when our eyes locked, I knew they were happy to see me. And I hoped they could tell how utterly happy I was to see them.

After we finished, Owen and Dean had to get back to their jobs and Sienna said her goodbye. We all knew that this time together was all it could be for now.

“Again tomorrow?” she asked.

“Love to,” I said smiling, wishing I could hug them all.

Owen had said the least of all, not much more than a hello the whole time. He looked around anxiously as if he was worried something would go wrong. I could tell he wasn’t any happier about being stuck in HOME than I was, and it only confirmed my suspicions about this place. It wouldn’t be hard to convince them to leave, or so it seemed, but I still needed to know about Ryan. I wouldn’t leave without an answer and I was fairly sure everyone knew that. But maybe they already had the answer and just hadn’t gotten a chance to tell me the bad news.

When I got back to my room, I laid down on my bed and pulled the blanket up over myself only letting in enough light so I could read the note. I unfolded the paper and my eyes were so excited they almost moved too fast.

AS YOU MAY HAVE GUESSED EVERYTHING IS MONITORED AND I’M TOLD RECORDED. THERE ARE A FEW PLACES WE THINK ARE SAFE. TRUST NO ONE. DESTROY THE NOTE.

I didn’t want to destroy the note. I felt like it was my only connection to Dean when I wasn’t with him. Even though I was here in the same building as them, I didn’t feel like I was with them. I took a breath and tore it into the smallest pieces I could manage. But then I didn’t know what to do with the pieces. If there were cameras in the room they would record me throwing the little pieces into the trash. I clutched the pieces in my closed fist and decided to go for a walk even though I would be alone. Any time I saw a trash bin I sprinkled a few pieces inside knowing no one would ever be able to find all the pieces and put them back together. And if they did they’d never know who wrote the note.

After I had finished spreading the pieces around I returned to my room to write a message back to them. At first I couldn’t think of what to write or how to word everything I wanted to know. I decided to ask the question I most wanted an answer to and wrote it down.

WHERE IS R?

I folded it and tucked it in my pocket. Right as I was about to leave to see if I could just happen to run into Dean, Penn opened the door. He looked at me and the grumpy look on his face turned into a smile.

“Bad day?” I asked.

“Where are you going?” he said ignoring my question.

“Oh, nowhere,” I said as I sat back down on my bed.

“How was your lunch with your new friends?” he said eyeing me carefully.

“Good. They seem really nice,” I said trying to keep the smile off my face. If the people from HOME were listening in, there wasn’t much I felt comfortable discussing. I was hoping Penn would pick up on that with how short I was being with him. “Bad day?” I asked him again as I tried to change the subject.

He flopped onto his bed and buried his face in his pillow. With both hands on the back of his head he mumbled something unintelligible.

“Uhh what?”

Penn lifted a corner of the pillow slightly, “I don’t know.”

“Want to talk about it?” I said interested to hear what had gotten him in a bad mood. I should have been a better friend, but I was too curious to know what kind of thing could happen to put Penn in this mood. It wasn’t my fault that I was nosy, and assumed it had to have something to do with HOME. And I was dying to tell him ‘I told you so.’

“Sorry, not really,” he said as he flipped over onto his side. “Should we go watch a movie tonight in the rec room?”

I never felt great about leaving our room unless we had to. The truth was I didn’t feel comfortable around anyone here because there wasn’t a single person I trusted, besides my friends of course. And it wasn’t because Dean advised it, I had already felt that way.