Finding Home (Finding Series, Book 1) (9 page)

“Rhys,” he said.

“Finn, if nothing else, he’s your best friend. Go. I’ll be here when you get back,” he promised.

Finn finally nodded and hurried out of the house. Rhys went to his room and stripped off his sweat stained clothes and climbed into the shower. It had been a relief to find Callan’s father, but the man’s confusion and surly attitude had made it difficult to deal with him. Aunt Dolly had been a piece of work too, but in a really good way. After she’d finished crying all over him and fussing over her brother, she’d taken charge of Carter and had him packed away in the truck within a few minutes. Since he’d had to walk his horse back, she’d driven ahead so she could get her brother into the safety of the air conditioned house, but she’d made him promise to stop by the house for a real talk soon. It was yet another connection he probably shouldn’t be making, but he couldn’t help but want to ask her what Callan was like as a kid.

He’d never seen the man so close to falling apart as he was when Finn had comforted him before they separated on their searches today. Between Callan’s reaction to the news that his father was missing and the information he’d managed to glean from the confused, older man, Rhys was starting to understand why Callan had been hiding who he was for so long.

Rhys stepped out of the shower and pulled on a pair of running pants. He’d just tugged on a T-shirt when Finn came into his room, the worry clear on his face.

“He wouldn’t talk to me,” he said quietly as he sat on Rhys’ bed. “He wouldn’t even open the door.”

“He’ll be okay Finn. It was a lot for him to deal with today.”

Finn nodded, though he didn’t look like he really believed what he was silently agreeing to. Rhys leaned down and kissed Finn, then pulled him to his feet. “Go get cleaned up. You’ll feel better,” he urged. Finn reached up to stroke his fingers over Rhys’ mouth, his eyes heavy with those damn emotions Rhys needed to stop reading too much into.

Finn went across the hall and to his own bathroom. As soon as Rhys heard the water come on, he grabbed the tools he’d need and left the house. Callan’s house sat only a hundred feet away and was modeled exactly like Finn’s. It took Rhys a little longer to pick the lock on the front door since it was both pitch black inside and outside, but he was in the house within a few minutes.

The front part of the house was empty so Rhys made his way to the bedrooms, worry gnawing at him. He entered the bigger of the two bedrooms and came to a stop when he saw Callan sitting on the edge of the bed, a bottle in his hand. The bathroom light was on, casting enough reach into the bedroom to show that the bottle was still mostly full.

“Isn’t breaking and entering a parole violation?” Callan said with a grunt as he took a long draw from the bottle.

Rhys ignored the jab and leaned against the doorframe. “Finn’s worried about you.”

“He’ll get over it. Like you keep telling me, he’s a big boy.” Callan started to take another drink, but Rhys reached him before the bottle touched his lips. He snatched the bottle and carried it into the bathroom. Nearly half of it was already down the drain by the time Callan grabbed him and shoved him against the sink. “Fuck off, Rhys,” he said with a snarl as he tried to take the bottle back.

Rhys dropped the bottle into the sink and brought his arm down on Callan’s to loosen his hold, then twisted it behind him and shoved him away. “So this is how’s it’s going to be, huh, Callan? You’d rather drown your lies in booze instead of live your life?”

“Go to hell,” Callan responded, his voice dropping off.

“I get it,” Rhys said as he emptied the rest of the bottle and dropped it into the trash bin next to the sink. “Believe me, I fucking get it.” He leaned back against the sink. “I know why your father wandered off today.”

He saw Callan stiffen, but the stubborn man remained mute.

“He kept telling me he had to go meet you at the bus stop because he was going to take you fishing after you got done with school. Said it was your favorite thing.”

Callan leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes, the fight going out of him. “What else did he say?”

Rhys chuckled slightly. “Well, he was kind of all over the place but there was mention of no one sitting a horse better than you, straight A’s on your report card all through high school and how you and he were gonna run the ranch side by side when you grew up.” Rhys closed the distance between himself and the other man and clasped his hand over Callan’s cheek, forcing him to meet his gaze. “You lost him before you got a chance to see if he would accept you for who you really are, didn’t you? And now you’re stuck being the son he remembers instead of the son you would have been.”

Callan’s hand reached up and closed around Rhys’ wrist. “He wouldn’t have accepted me,” he said softly. “I had so many chances to tell him when I was younger and I didn’t and then it was too late. I was a fucking coward.”

“You don’t owe him your future, Callan.”

“So I should just walk away from him? Away from the man who gave me life, who protected me? Am I supposed to leave him when he needs me most?” Callan pulled Rhys’ hand away from his cheek. “Or am I supposed to ask Finn – or any other man for that matter – to stay in a place where we could never really be together?” Callan straightened and tried to move past Rhys to leave the bathroom.

“Things can change if you fight! This town can change! Fight for what you want, damn it!” Rhys said as he slammed Callan back against the wall.

“At what cost, Rhys? You’ve been here a week. You saw one cut fence and one hurt calf. Tell me again how I should fight when half your herd is lying dead or dying around you. When you have to wonder if that sip of water you just took from the well will kill you like it did them. When you’re always looking over your shoulder for the next attack and knowing that no one will be there to help you when it comes.”

Callan got right up in Rhys’ face. “You tell me how to fight when you watch the man you love die a little more each day because he’s surrounded by people who hate him because he doesn’t want to play by their rules. You tell me how to fight when you’re lying awake night after night praying that he’s not the one those cowards go after next instead of just your fences or your cattle or your checkbook!”

“Cal?”

Rhys heard Callan’s sharp intake of breath as the quiet, confused voice broke through. They both turned at the same time to see Finn standing just outside the bathroom door and Rhys knew by the horror and shock on his face that the young man had heard Callan’s declaration of love.

Callan’s entire world imploded at the sound of Finn’s broken voice and he leaned back against the wall for support.

“Finn,” he heard Rhys say as he left the bathroom and reached for the younger man.

“Don’t touch me. Don’t you fucking touch me!” Finn shouted as he wrapped his arms around himself. He stepped around Rhys and stopped in the doorway of the bathroom.

“How long, Callan?” Callan raised his eyes to Finn’s and saw the fury burning there, as well as the devastation.

Callan again, not Cal
.

“How long?” Finn yelled.

“What Finn?” Callan finally said tiredly. “How long have I known I was gay or how long have I been in love with you?”

Finn stepped back as if he’d been physically punched.

“Finn,” Rhys tried again, but Finn whirled on him. “You knew?” Rhys nodded.

“I asked him not to tell you,” Callan said.

“Shut the fuck up, Callan!” he screamed, then turned his attention back to Rhys. “Last night?” he asked, his voice dropping to a near whisper as agony tore through him. “Is that why you didn’t want to fuck me last night?”

Callan watched as Rhys shifted uneasily.

“Jesus, were you,” Finn started to say but seemed to get hung up on the next words. “Were you saving me for him?” Tears flowed down Finn’s face as he laughed hysterically, the sound ripping like a knife through Callan. “Oh my God,” Finn cried.

Rhys grabbed Finn who instantly tried to pull away from him. “What happened between us last night was everything I said it was, Finn!”

“Get your fucking hands off me!”

“Finn, stop it!” Callan finally said.

Finn ripped free of Rhys and spun around. He looked like was going to start raging again, but then all the fight went out of him. “You’ve ruined me,” he said so quietly that Callan struggled to hear him. Finn shook his head, almost as if in wonder. Tears streamed down his face. “You’ve ruined me, Cal,” he repeated, then turned and brushed past Rhys.

Callan felt his insides rip open as he watched Finn leave him forever. He looked up at Rhys, but the other man wasn’t moving. Callan bent over as nausea swept through him. This had always been the plan – to let Finn go. But now that it was happening, he couldn’t remember any of the reasons he was supposed to let it. All he could think of was that Finn wouldn’t be there with his sunny smile in the morning as he fed the horses or got West ready so they could ride out and check the fences together. He wouldn’t be there to laugh that loud, all-in laugh or crack his weird jokes that only made sense to him. There’d be no more silly grins or serious conversations or shared victories. Losing Finn meant losing himself, losing that one last part of him that was honest and true.

Callan was moving before he could talk himself out of it and was running by the time he got to the bedroom door. Finn was in the process of opening the front door when Callan slammed into him from behind and forced the door shut.

“Please don’t,” he whispered against the back of Finn’s neck as he wrapped his arm around the other man’s waist.

Finn closed his hand over the one Callan had on his abdomen and tried to pry it off. “No!” he said in a husky voice. He tried to open the door, but Callan was stronger and it didn’t budge.

Callan twisted Finn around so that they were facing and forced him to look up. “Please Finn, I’m begging you,” he whispered as he leaned down and brushed his mouth over Finn’s trembling lips. They were as soft and sweet as he dreamed they would be, though he’d always imagined Finn’s shaking would be from lust, not fury. A sob escaped Finn as Callan kissed him lightly again, then pulled back.

“Tell him everything, Callan,” Rhys said from behind him.

Callan felt Finn still beneath his touch and he forced himself to take a deep breath. He could do this. He needed to do this.

“I knew I preferred men in high school, but I didn’t do anything about it until I was away at college.” Callan felt a surge of relief go through him as Finn relaxed slightly in his hold, indicating that he was at least going to listen. He cast a glance over his shoulder and saw that Rhys was standing on the other side of the entryway near the hallway that led to the bedrooms. There was enough light from the bedroom to see Rhys’ expression as he gave Callan a supportive nod. He felt a surge of strength go through him and he turned back to Finn and closed his hands around the other man’s upper arms, his thumbs rubbing small circles into Finn’s warm skin. He hadn’t noticed until now that Finn was shirtless and wore only a set of thin pants as pajama bottoms.

“I kept trying to figure out how to tell my father, but I’d seen and heard how he talked about gay people since the time I was a little kid and I knew in my gut that he wouldn’t accept me. So I hid it. I dated women, even managed to sleep with some. I was twenty-one when I finally fucked a guy for the first time and after that I couldn’t get enough. So I spent my days getting good grades and flirting with pretty girls and my nights fucking random men at a gay club outside of town. Then I went home on weekends and told my dad about all the women I was dating.”

Callan felt a knot of anxiety go through him and then his breathing started to go shallow.
Jesus, not now
. Before his vision started to dim, he saw Finn looking at him with concern and if he hadn’t been struggling to breathe, it would have given him some measure of hope that maybe he could still fix this.

“Callan,” he heard someone call him and then a broad palm was stroking over his back. “Callan, just focus on your breathing. In and out, real slow.”
Rhys.

Callan closed his eyes and focused on Rhys’ voice as he counted off the breaths and finally after several long, painful seconds, he felt his lungs start to ease and the pressure in his chest began to fade.

“Cal?”

Callan wanted to cry at hearing Finn call him by his nickname. His eyes focused and he realized he’d ended up on his knees on the floor. Finn was still in front of him, though he too had dropped down onto the floor. Rhys was at his back, still rubbing circles in his back with his hand. God, he wished it was over and this was exactly where he could spend the rest of his life – between the man who’d brought light into his dark world and the man he knew would always be there to catch him if he fell. He reached out a hand to Finn’s cheek and brushed it briefly before dropping it.

“I kept going to the club, but I was never very selective about who I was with. I was too afraid to let any of them fuck me so I only went after the ones who were willing to bottom. One night I picked the wrong guy. We went to the alley behind the club. His friends were waiting there…” Callan started to feel his breath catch so he closed his eyes and reached his hand behind his back and felt Rhys grab it and squeeze hard.

Finn’s fingers on his face had him opening up his eyes. “Tell me,” he said gently.

Callan nodded, then said, “There were three of them. They hit and kicked me until I couldn’t fight anymore and then they took turns. They held my wrists-” he managed to say before a sob overtook him.

“It’s okay, Cal, you don’t have to say anymore,” Finn said as he reached up and placed a kiss on Callan’s forehead.

“I need to finish it,” Cal said.

Finn nodded, then took Cal’s free hand between his own.

“I went to the ER and they called the cops. I told them what happened. They said they could try to find the guys, but that then everyone would know the truth about why I was there to begin with. They told me that I had put myself at risk by going to the club in the first place and if they brought charges against the men, I’d have to testify. They said they needed to call my dad to come get me,” Callan explained. “I left before they did the rape kit and I told my father I’d been mugged. I haven’t been with anyone since. I kissed Rhys, but panicked when he touched me,” Callan finished.

Finn was quiet for a long time before he finally said, “I’m so sorry that happened to you, Cal. But I don’t understand why you lied to me.” He dropped his eyes. “Especially after you must’ve known how I felt about you.”

Callan ran his fingers through Finn’s hair. “I was a coward, Finn. At first I thought you just had a crush on me – you were so young. I kept trying to keep that image of you being a kid in my head even after I started wanting you because it made my choice to live a lie seem easier.”

“All these years I’ve trusted you. Without question,” Finn said sadly. “I stayed in this town, let those people shit all over me because we were friends and I didn’t want to lose that. I tried to walk away so many times, but you wouldn’t let me go.”

“I was selfish. I thought I could somehow have you and still keep the promises I made,” Callan sighed. “I’m so sorry, Finn.” He knew they were reaching a point where Finn would walk away from him again so he leaned down and kissed him. “I wish I could be the man you deserve.”

One last kiss. He needed one more. Callan pulled Finn up to meet him as he licked over his lips and whispered, “One taste, Finn. Please, I just need one taste.”

Finn whimpered, then opened his mouth and let Callan in. Desire sparked through him at the taste of Finn and he used his tongue to explore every surface of Finn’s soft mouth before he stroked his tongue over Finn’s. It was a thousand times better then he’d ever imagined. He angled his head so he could get deeper inside that mouth and then his hands were pulling Finn up against his body. Tight, smooth skin greeted his touch and muscles rippled beneath his palms as he gripped Finn’s upper back.

Callan let his lips trail down Finn’s neck, then he shifted them both so that they were facing Rhys who had remained on his knees behind him. The other man was watching them with sad acceptance, then actually made a move to get up and Callan instantly knew what he was thinking. He grabbed Rhys’ hand and pulled him back down, then wrapped his hand around Rhys’ neck and pulled him in for a long, deep kiss. Their tongues clashed as the kiss turned needy and then they were both turning their attention on Finn who’d been watching them in awe. Callan kissed Finn’s mouth as Rhys began a slow perusal of the skin over Finn’s collarbone.

Callan managed to pull back from Finn long enough to whisper, “One night Finn. Give me one night. I have no right to ask, but I need you. I need both of you,” he said, his eyes moving from Finn to Rhys.

Long seconds passed as each man studied him in turn, then Finn was kissing him again, his soft “yes” hard to hear over the ringing in his ears. As he leaned back to watch Finn kiss Rhys, Callan knew that the memory of what would happen next would have to last him a lifetime because come morning, he’d be alone again.

***

Finn shook as Cal pulled him to his feet and he wasn’t sure if it was nerves, need, or shock. Probably all three, he mused as Cal kissed him again. His entire life had irrevocably changed in the last five minutes and he was likely about to make things worse. He knew that if he told Cal no, everything would end and Cal would let him go this time, no argument. Betrayal was burning inside him like acid, but the need to be with Cal and Rhys was just a little bit greater. He wasn’t even at a point where he could safely process Cal’s admission of love, so he focused on the moment and nothing else.

Between Cal and Rhys taking turns kissing him, Finn wasn’t sure how he’d make it to the second act because his body was on the verge of exploding. And if that wasn’t enough, watching the two men drown in each other had him reaching for his cock. He would have expected to feel jealousy, but he just wanted more. More of all of it.

Cal turned back to him and suddenly grabbed the backs of his thighs and lifted him. He automatically wrapped around Cal, then opened his mouth when Cal began kissing him again. As Cal began walking towards the bedroom, Finn’s eyes latched on to Rhys who was right behind them, stripping off his T-shirt. God, was this really happening?

Finn felt himself falling backwards and his back bounced on the mattress. Cal was on him instantly, the sweet, slow kisses giving way to hard, needy drags. Light flooded the room and then the mattress dipped as Rhys settled next to them and Cal rolled them so he and Finn were facing. Firm lips coasted over his back and shoulders, then latched on to his neck as an arm snaked around his waist. Both men finally gave him a moment to catch his breath as hands and mouths worked their way down his body. Then he was flat on his back again as Cal worked his pajama bottoms off and Rhys sucked one of his nipples into his mouth.

Finn hissed at the pleasure that surged through him, then arched violently as Cal sucked the tip of his cock into his mouth. Finn dug his fingers into Rhys’ back as the man continued to suck and kiss his way down towards his abdomen. A hot tongue dipped into his belly button, then went lower. As Cal worked him in deeper, Finn felt Rhys shift and then suddenly Cal’s mouth was releasing him. Finn leaned up on his elbows to beg him not to stop, then lost the ability to speak when he saw Cal and Rhys kissing, their mouths just inches from his aching dick. He didn’t want to do anything to stop it, so he hung there and enjoyed the sight of the two men battling over control of the kiss. Rhys finally won and Finn knew exactly the pleasure Cal would be experiencing as that talented tongue fucked in and out of his mouth.

The show only lasted for a minute before two sets of eyes latched onto his. Before he could even consider what might happen next, two tongues curled around his pulsing length. With one man on each side of him and mouths working in tandem, Finn knew he was a goner and he dropped back down on the bed and closed his eyes as the tingle in his spine signaled the end. Someone’s mouth closed over his cock – he wasn’t sure whose – and he felt a tongue dip back into his mouth. He didn’t need to open his eyes to know it was Rhys who claimed his mouth because his and Cal’s unique flavors would be burned into his mind forever.