Finding Jessie: A Mystery Romance (15 page)

“That’s right, Sam. Just to be with you is enough for me.”

His heart leapt in his chest. How this woman could move him!

“I love you so much, Jessie,” he blurted. “In that forever way.”

Finally, the ‘forever’ word!
said the angel on his shoulder.
What took you so long?

Chapter Nine

The late afternoon brought a severe thunderstorm that kept Sam from driving home in time for dinner. He tried to call Jessie several times from the cell phone, but the landline at home was busy and she did not have a cell. So he stayed much longer than he intended at the library discard sale. The longer he stayed, the more books he bought, until at last, he pushed all of the boxes to the checkout line and then used his raincoat as a shield for the boxes as he carried them safely to the car.

It took him almost an hour to load them all. His back hurt and the springs of his old Volvo station wagon sagged from the weight of all the books. It had been a good buying day. He knew there was plenty in the lot that several of his regular online customers would buy. He tried to call Jessie again, but the line was still busy and he did not have call waiting. Worried that something was wrong, he drove a little faster than he usually did, the windshield wipers full on and headlights, too, as the sun had gone from the day.

Jessie was upstairs on the phone when he came inside the house. He heard the murmuring of her voice, quite serious in tone, though he did not hear her exact words. He said hello but she did not reply, so he brought in all of the books from the car—it had quit raining for a bit —and went to the stove to see if there was anything there for him. His dinner was warming on a foil-covered stoneware plate in the oven on low heat—barbeque-sauce basted short ribs with an ear of sweet corn and some buttered green beans with slivered almonds. He ate the dinner by himself and soaped and rinsed off the plate and utensils in the sink. He stacked them in the dish drainer on top of hers. She had apparently eaten earlier.

When he heard her hang up the phone, Sam went upstairs to the bedroom.

She kissed him warmly and hugged him tightly. She told him that she loved him. He kissed her neck and her hair and wondered to himself with whom she had been speaking, but did not express that question aloud. Her hair was astray and the bedroom was also in disarray. Their clothing and hangers were everywhere.

He was quite surprised to see his open suitcase on the bed. At first, he was alarmed until he saw that some of his own clothing was packed in the suitcase next to hers.

“What’s up?” he said, and red flags went up in his head.

“Sorry. I didn’t hear you come in, Sam. I was on the phone.”

“I know. I didn’t want to interrupt you or listen, because that would have been impolite.”

“You’ve eaten your dinner?” she asked.

“Yes, it was good. Thank you. I’m sorry that I was so late. I did try to call you and let you know that I was delayed from packing the car by a deluge of rain, but the line was busy.”

“I’ve been on the phone for quite some time. I hope that didn’t worry you too much.”

“It did. What’s going on, Jessie? A road trip for us? Some adventure on the spur of the moment?” he asked, a little intrigued. They had never been on an out-of-town trip together.

She hesitated and wrung her hands, something he had never seen her do. A twist of fear speared through his chest. What was it?

“Sam?” she said, her voice trembling.

“It’s all right. Just slowly tell me what’s happened, Jessie. I can see that something bad has happened and you don’t know how to tell me what it is.”

She nodded. Jessie sat down on the bed and softly patted the place next to her. Her face was very sad now, empty of her look of being happy to see him. He sat down next to her, worried.

“While you were out, your stepmother called. I don’t know how else to tell you this, but your dad had a heart attack this afternoon. He died at the nursing home. He went very quickly and never regained consciousness. I’m so sorry for you, Sam. So very sorry.”

He sat there for long moments, willing himself not to feel the pain, but his efforts were in vain. The sorrow welled up in him for over a minute, as he sat beside her quietly, thinking about his father. The clock on the wall ticked loudly as his life with his father flashed before his eyes—his father carrying him on his shoulders through a wheat field. His father teaching him how to fly fish. His father teaching him how to read. His father comforting him when his dog had been killed by a thresher. His father getting even closer to him after the divorce, making their relationship soar into the closest relationship he had ever had with another human being. He was such a wonderful father. But now, he was gone.

A sob burst from his throat—it was a horrible rasping sound that physically hurt. Jessie stroked his shoulders and his neck while she said comforting words to him. Jessie rocked him in her arms and told him that she was sorry and that his dad had loved him.

Jessie was soft and reassuring. She laid on the bed and he stretched out next to her, on top of all the clothing yet to be packed, and wept. All the while, Jessie comforted him with her hands and her lips and her long slender arms about him. She said, “My love! I’m so sorry,” when he sobbed. She stroked his back. He didn’t expect it from her that she would be the strong one when he needed her, but she was.

At last, he ceased weeping and Jessie and Sam wrapped each other in their arms and legs and breathed softly into each other’s flesh.

His father was dead. It was the end of a life, but a life well lived. Just as his father had, Sam had once loved a woman or two and lost her. But then Jessie came, and he knew love again, stronger than any love he had ever known and with Jessie, he felt safe, too, that she would not betray him or make a fickle play for another man. He knew that his father had loved his second wife like that, without reservations, was extremely passionate about her, even in his seventies. Not that Sam was that fond of his stepmother. She had her allure and he recognized it for what it was. Window dressing of the forbidden fruits.

Sam realized, laying there, that he was so like his father, afraid to give his heart completely in his youth, and then on fire in his older years. He and his father were cut from the same cloth, intelligent, yet imperfect men, and at the mercy of the women who stole their hearts in middle age.

“We live. We love. We die,” he heard Jessie whisper. “Love me, Sam. Love me until I die, Sam.”

“Even after, Jessie,” Sam replied. “Even after.”

“I thought you were an atheist,” she said.

“I exaggerated. Over the months, it’s been pretty hard to discount us meeting over a book at an estate sale and how it blossomed into this. If this isn’t God, then I am not Sam Gold.”

“My goodness,” she said, the tears of gratitude welling up, for all of her prayers that he never even knew about, and that he would come into this understanding that was so peacefully sure. “I didn’t realize how much you had changed, but you have.”

“It’s good to evolve.” Sam felt empowered as understanding gripped him. Sam did feel better. He made love to Jessie, right there on top of the clothes to be packed. Perhaps it was only the first time in his life that he felt connected at a spiritual level with the woman he loved. Perhaps it was the first spontaneous thing he had ever done in his life. He didn’t think about being careful with Jessie and he just reached out to her and found her, just as ready and just as passionate.

Their lovemaking was hard and swift and intense. This time, she was not the one who cried out the loudest. His cry of her name, this time, was full of passion and pain and loss, and yes, the greatest and most exquisite love he had ever known.

Afterward, she kissed his perspiring face and lips with extreme tenderness, and covered him with the blankets. She lifted the blanket once and he felt her put a big pillow under his knees, so his back wouldn’t act up in the morning.

Then she covered him again and kissed his cheek and said his name. He sighed, long and low. For as long as he had breath in his body, this woman would be in his heart.
Jessie.
He meant to say her name, but instead, he said, “Jesus.” It was not a curse, but a thanks. It was the first time since he was a little boy that he acknowledged that part of his heart. It felt good to be loved by a power greater than himself. A tingle spread through him as he began to let his body relax.

“I hope I didn’t scare you or hurt you,” he said.

“I’m perfectly fine. You have needed that level of comfort,” she said. “To let go and not think. Just
be
.”

She laced her fingers with his. “I’m here for you, too, Sam. I don’t want the entire weight of our relationship to be on what I need.”

“You take my breath away, Jessie.”

She smiled. “You sleep. I’ll finish packing.”

“How will you know what to pack?”

“Stuff out of the clean laundry that I know fits, and your black suit and white shirt and black tie that you wore last week to the funeral of a political activist.”

“What would I do without you, Jessie?”

“You never have to worry about that again.”

“Good.”

She leaned over and kissed him. “Rest.”

“Okay.” He was exhausted and perhaps he realized the true meaning of the word “spent.”

The rain began drumming on the slate roof again. He fell asleep watching Jessie pack the rest of their clothing for the trip to the funeral in Ohio. When she was done, she stood his two suitcases by the front door downstairs, packed some books into a big box with shipping supplies, and then slipped back into the warm bed with him.

“We leave for Ohio in the morning,” she whispered to his sleeping form. He stirred a bit and when she turned out the light.

At a thunderclap outside, his hand went possessively to her breast under the covers, and stayed there until morning.

The angel whispered into Sam’s sleeping ear,
Your father is with us now. He sends his love.

Chapter Ten

“What about my book auctions?” Sam asked, when they were already five hours away from home.

“I packed all of those books in a box with shipping supplies. None of your online customers will suffer any interruption.”

“Wow. Thanks!”

“You can check your auctions on your phone, and mail your book orders from any post office. Mrs. Foster is going to send Cindy to pick up our mail and newspapers while we are gone. I also made roast beef sandwiches, which are in the cooler in the back seat with some sodas. And I have those vinegar potato chips that you like.”

“Will the wonder that is Jessie never cease to be!” he exclaimed.

“It isn’t like you’ve never saved my ass!” she replied appreciatively, and he laughed because she never said the word ‘ass’ before.

“Thank you, Jessie!”

“You’re welcome, Sam.” She kept her eyes on the road while driving his Volvo, the first time she had driven since her near-fatal accident, months before.

“So, how do you like driving my sexy old Volvo station wagon?”

“It is smooth, like driving a motorboat,” she admitted. “Who knew such an old car would be such a dream to drive?” She paused. “But who knew such a proper man like you would be such a passionate lover?”

He smiled and reddened. “Better not think about sex while you drive, Jessie.”