Finding Kat (21 page)

He was all I could think about while I was being driven by a madman in an unknown direction. My feelings for him were terrifying. My feelings for him gave him power over me. I’d never felt this strongly for any of the guys in my past, but they managed to hurt me. What kind of damage could he do, when I was pretty sure I loved him? Loving him made me feel so vulnerable and naked. I wasn’t comfortable with it, yet. I had every intention of keeping my feelings for him a secret. I’d been let down too much in my past to risk heartbreak again.

They finally let us leave about 9 AM and Cade led me to his car. I didn’t mutter a peep as he drove us to his house. He quietly led me into his house and to his living room.

I was taken aback when I saw what a wreck it was. There was stuff everywhere. Furniture knocked over. Objects that had been thrown. I turned to him and raised a brow in question.

He looked a little sheepish as he shrugged.

“I was terrified and pissed off. I had to do something and that was the first thing that came to me. I threw one thing and when that didn’t make me feel better, I threw more, and then I kind of channeled Godzilla. Jake came in and calmed me down by coming up with a plan of action. We called the police and gave them all the information we had and then we may have used a hacker we know to get into all of the cameras around the coffee shop. But the police didn’t need to know that. I had every intention of going after you myself when they called and said a tip came in at a gas station you stopped at. That was pretty clever thinking on your part Kat.” He paused for a minute and I lead him to his room so we could sit and talk more comfortably.

“We followed all of the clues you left. They wanted to leave me behind but I said to hell with that and hopped in one of their cars anyway. I really liked the CD you left for me on the side of the road telling us which direction you went. How did you even get one of my CD’s out there?” He asked with a tiny bit of humor breaking through his anger and fear.

“The gas attendant was listening to it when I came in. I told him that if he gave it to me I would make sure he got an autographed one and some tickets to a show to replace it. Make sure you follow up on that.” I smiled a little at the memory.

“I was terrified for you Kat. I was so afraid that we would get to you and you would be hurt or dead. We had no idea what this guy’s mind was like. He seemed so smart when he threw away the phone and switched cars. We didn’t know what he wanted to do with you. This is the part of what we do that is so hard. These people, maybe not to this extent, but these people are always going to be out there. I can’t stand the thought of anything happening to you. And I don’t have the bad ass fighting skills to help. I fucking hate being helpless.” He jerked his hands through his hair again and I sighed.

“I wish there was something I could say to make it better, but we don’t have any control over other people’s actions. We can only control ours. I decided not to let this break me or damage me in any way. This was a scary thing, but I survived. I won’t let this affect me. I can’t.”

I might feel sorry for Allen, but that didn’t negate the experience I went through. I spent several hours uncertain what my future was going to look like, and whether or not I would even have one. But that didn’t mean that I would wallow in my misery and be sad and mopey. I was going to be the same person I was before, just a little more cautious.

I hugged him to me and let my body relax for the first time all day.

“Maybe one of these days we will get to be boring just like everyone else.” I said, aware that it may not be possible for us.

“I can’t wait to be boring with you Kat. I have a feeling that’s not going to happen very often though.”

He pulled me down on the bed beside him and pulled us to face each other on our sides. His hands caressed my face and his lips dipped towards mine. I closed my eyes, leaned in, and sighed at the contact between his lips and mine. Our heads tilted and tongues caressed and collided. I needed this man. I needed him more than I needed my next breath. He was comfort, warmth, and strength to me. He was everything and he had no idea.

Slowly he sat up and pulled his shirt over his head. I grinned and laughed to myself. This man is mine. I fawned over his pictures and interviews. I watched his music videos. I imagined him everywhere but not here. In his bedroom with clothes coming off and with me. It was beyond my wildest dreams and I loved every minute of it.

The rest of our clothes came off in a flurry of need and desire. We craved this connection. This meeting of the hearts and bodies. After all, that we had been through we needed this confirmation of our life and of our feelings for each other.

The only sounds we made were the moans and sighs that couldn’t be held back. Nothing felt as good and right as this. Coming together with him was magic and music.

He licked and kissed a path down my body worshiping every inch of skin he found. I moaned aloud with every sensitive patch he found and even giggled when he discovered a ticklish place. My laughter died quickly as his tongue found my clit. He lapped, licked, and discovered all of the things that made me squirm. He added a finger, moved it expertly inside me, and found the magic button that built and built into my release. Stars burst behind my eyelids and I shuddered and quaked overwhelmed by the pleasure I had never felt before.

He climbed back up the bed and kissed me deeply. He quickly put on a condom he had magically produced from somewhere. I was too busy being blissed out to pay much attention to where it came from. I lost all thought them moment he entered me. This was a connection like no other. We looked into each other’s eyes unafraid to share this moment with each other. This was making love; the ultimate expression of our feelings for each other. Embarrassment or shyness had no place in this bed with us. We pushed, pulled, and moved together building towards our peak. Our movements became erratic and our eyes closed of their own volition. Then, suddenly we exploded in a collision of movement and sound. Our voices blended and my ears went deaf. There was nothing beyond this moment and this feeling. I don’t know how long we laid there breathing erratically and spent. I was overwhelmed again, by how powerful my feelings for him had become. I hadn’t known him for long but the events of the past few days had made us stronger and made our bond that much tighter.

Cade got up to dispose of the condom and I put on his tee-shirt and my underwear and climbed under the covers. He returned wearing boxer briefs and looking yummier than he should when I didn’t have the energy to do something about it. He kissed my head once he was settled into the bed and pulled me tight against him. It wasn’t long before I drifted to sleep with his whispered words warming my heart.

He loves me.

Chapter Eleven

CADE

I tucked Kat securely against me and sighed. I whispered into her hair. I didn’t want her to think that I was only saying the words in the heat of the moment. I wasn’t sure if she heard me or if she had already fallen asleep but I knew, I’d have plenty of chances to say them again. She was alive and we had survived this test of strength and will. I knew that I would have a hard time falling asleep. Even now that she was safe, I couldn’t stop replaying the terrifying day we had over and over in my head. There were so many ways it could have gone wrong. She could have been hurt or killed, but she wasn’t and I knew obsessing over everything I felt I’d done wrong wasn’t a good idea. I kept doing it anyway. Maybe tomorrow or next week I will be able let it go, but for now I would let myself remember while I was holding her knowing that she was OK. I didn’t want her to see how much it affected me. I didn’t want my worry and fear to affect her or her feelings about what happened. I wanted to move past it with her. Somehow, I knew that it would be that easy. How would I let her leave me and go back to the way things were? I was worried about her safety still even though this guy was locked away from us and from Kat. I was irrationally worried about some other fanatic thinking that what Allen did was a good idea.

My worry was making me restless and when I shifted, Kat jerked in her sleep. I stilled trying not to wake her up. She turned over and fell back asleep completely unaware of my mental anguish. It wouldn’t do me any good to keep myself up all night worrying over things I had no control over. I decided then to make a plan to ensure Kat’s safety in the future. I would assign men to stay with her at all times. I would get Jake on her house and improve her home security even more than we already did. Camera’s, I decided. Motion sensors. Microphones to pick up sound. I wasn’t going to risk her life again. Sure, it would all be overkill and probably piss her off, but I was determined to do what was best for her. Maybe I could call her mom. Having more people on my side was sure to help. I’d call Ally too. Surely, her best friend would be able to help convince her of the necessity of being more secure.

I fell asleep soon after, content with my plan. My dreams were a mix of nightmares featuring a faceless man bent on taking Kat away from me. I didn’t remember the details the next morning but they left me feeling unsettled. Obviously, it was going to take some time to recover from this.

KAT

I woke up the next morning feeling more secure in my relationship. I felt much stronger and more confident knowing that he was beside me and would have my back. I could see the tension in him and could tell he was still struggling with what happened. I left him to it, knowing that when he was ready to talk he would. Maybe I should be having nightmares, but from my perspective of what happened I was never in fear for my life. I always felt that he wouldn’t hurt me. I was just worried that I would have to hurt him to get away, that the police would hurt him, or put him in jail instead of finding him help. In his mind, he was still a boy, a boy trapped in his memories of his mistreatment. He just wanted to help me. I couldn’t fault him for that.