Finding Laila: Some Changes are Necessary (26 page)

I
nod, and everyone hurries outside to the limo laughing and smiling. Something
about the way Haden took off nags at me, but I’m trying my best to ignore it.
This is prom, the night I’ve been waiting for since I was a kid, yet with him
not here, it doesn’t feel right.

“Joey,”
I say, as he helps Bailey into the limo, but I never finish.

He
nods his head and closes the door when he climbs in. I wave to everyone as the
car drives off and stand at the end of the street unsure of my choice.

“What’s
wrong?” Dad asks walking toward me.

“I
don’t know. Haden said that his grandma isn’t doing so well. He said he’ll meet
me at prom, but I feel like I should be with him.”

He
reaches into his pocket and pulls out a set of car keys and hands them over to
me.

“Be
careful. Call to let us know you’re okay,” he says before kissing my head and
walking inside.

I can’t believe I’m about
to miss my prom
.

Even
though I could walk the short distance to the Searle’s house, these heels and
dress aren’t exactly the right attire. I start the car and drive a block before
reaching their house and pulling into the driveway. When I step out, I get to
the front door and ring the doorbell.

I should’ve waited.

All
of a sudden I hear Mrs. Searle shouting something, and crashing noises inside.
I debate walking back to the car and leaving when the door swings open and
Haden’s face pales; he looks completely broken.

“What
are you doing here?” he asks with a hint of anger. “I told you I’d meet you
there.”

“I
know, but you know me, I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m
fine,” he says, but his mom cuts in and swings the door open.

“Laila,
you look beautiful,” she slurs, walking toward me for a hug, but Haden blocks
her access.

“You
need to go,” Haden says with a calm, straight face.

“I
just wanted to see how your grandma is doing.”

Ms.
Searle swings her head and looks at Haden in shock before starting to cry.

“What
happened to her?” she wails.

“Nothing,”
he answers as she falls into his arms. He wraps them around her and tries to
soothe his mom, but she only keeps crying. When his eyes meet mine, they are filled
with sadness and he motions for me to follow them inside while he walks her to
the couch.

The
living room is in complete disarray. Pillows are strewn about the room, a vase
is shattered on the floor near the coffee table, and pictures are scattered all
over the couch. There is a small glass on the table with a half empty bottle of
tequila next to it, and the pieces start to fall into place. Haden walks her to
the recliner and gets her to sit down while I walk over to the couch and begin
picking up the images.

“Why
did he have to go?” she cries quietly. I don’t have to ask whom she’s talking
about. Haden’s dad was the love of her life. She’s never dated anyone since he
died and even though she rarely shows it, I know that even all these years
later, it’s still fresh for her when she thinks about it.

“It’s
okay, Mom,” Haden says with a loving calm. “Just get some rest.”

There
is a small box on a shelf next to her, so I walk over to set the pictures in
it, but she takes my hand and stops me so I kneel down next to her. She takes
the stack from my hands and flips through them until she finds the one she
wants and hands the rest to me. She holds the image close to her chest and
quietly cries until she’s asleep.

Dad:
Everything okay?

Me: Yeah. Just sitting here
with Haden & Ms. Searle.

I
place my phone on the mantel before leaving her alone in her chair.

“Don’t,”
Haden
says when I find him in the kitchen standing
still at the sink, but I refuse to listen.

Instead,
I walk over and wrap my arms around his waist and hug him.

“You
shouldn’t be here.”

Neither
of us says a word and he finally turns around to face me and buries his head in
my neck. Slowly, his breathing becomes normal as he relaxes, but I know he’s
holding back. I wish I knew what to say, but I say nothing, opting to be
whatever he needs right now. When he releases me from his grasp, I look up at
him and see the worry in his eyes so I reach up and smooth the furrow in his
brow.

“I
don’t know what to do anymore.”

He
walks over to the kitchen table and takes a seat, so I do the same. I reach for
his hand and he squeezes it and keeps his eyes trained on that sole connection.
I wish I could take away whatever it is he’s feeling, but something tells me I
can’t.

“How
am I supposed to leave her?”

“What
are you talking about?” I finally ask.

“When
Dad died, she started drinking more. It wasn’t anything too bad, but now it’s
out of control. Luckily, on days that she works, she’s clean. But the times
that she’s off, well—she’s really off.” He scoffs to himself.

I
think about it for a moment and realize that in the years since his dad died,
I’ve never noticed her drinking.

“She
hides it well,” he answers, as if he can read my mind.

“So
what happened tonight?”

“I’m
so sorry, Lai. I wanted tonight to be perfect for you.”

“It’s
fine.” I try my best to sound convincing. “Maybe we’ll go later.”

He
shakes his head and finally looks at me. “I need to get her to bed. She’s going
to be embarrassed when she realizes you saw her like this.”

“It’s
fine, Haden.”

“No,
it’s not. I’m sick of it. You know why I left? I left because she called me in
hysterics saying that she couldn’t find her pills.”

I
try to keep my jaw from falling open, but remain quiet while he continues to
talk.

“Pills,
Lai. I’m done with all of this. I knew when I left that she was already drunk
and I almost ignored the phone call, but I didn’t. I was so worried that this
time she’d do it, so I rushed over and found them before she did and threw them
away. She wasn’t too happy with me when I told her.”

“Is
that what-?” I point to the living room, implying the mess I walked into.

“Yeah,
she threw a fit, and it probably would have lasted longer had you not shown
up.”

“So
what happens now?” I ask.

“I
wait until she wakes up. She sleeps some of it off and then she comes to and I
help her to bed.”

“Sounds
like some sort of routine,” I observe out loud and cringe when I realize how
judgmental it sounds.

“Pretty
much is.” He shrugs.

“Well,
then I guess we’ll wait.” I try for a smile, but it falls short.

“This
is my mess to deal with,” he says, but I interrupt.

“She’s
your mom and I love her, but technically, it’s
hers
. Haden, you’re just enabling her—what about
your
life?”

“You
don’t get it, she’s my mom,” he says, but realizes his choice of words.

“No,
you’re right, I don’t get it. I mean, my mom gave me away because she couldn’t
take care of me, so I have completely different set of mommy issues.”

“Ah,
hell, Lai, I didn’t mean it like that.”

I
shake off his words and try not to read into them because I know what he means.
“It’s fine, really.”

“I’m
an ass,” he scolds and touches his hand to my cheek sweetly.

“She’s
done everything for me since Dad died. I can’t just let her fall apart.”

“I’m
not saying to abandon her, but it sounds like maybe she needs some
help—more than you can give her.”

“Lai,”
he says as if it’s a warning but I put my hand up to stop him.

“Have
you talked to her about it?”

“I’ve
tried, but she always promises that she’s fine and that she’s okay with my
leaving. Then a night like tonight happens.”

“So
what do you usually do when this happens?”

He
sits back in his chair and crosses his arms to signal this is it. Neither of us
say
anything for a while, and I wonder if I’m making
things worse for him by being here right now.

The
clock on their kitchen oven reads almost ten o’clock. I’ve been here almost two
hours and she’s still out of it.
We could
have gone for an hour, come back, and she’d be exactly as we left her.
Haden
cocks his head to the side and waves me over, not saying a word. When I stand
up, he pulls me to his lap, wraps his arms around my waist, and leans his head
against my neck.

“I’m
so sorry I ruined everything,” he mutters and I know he means it.

“There’s
nothing we can do now,” I say, trying to sound reasonable. “She needs you, and
it wouldn’t be the same without you there.”

“I’m
going to make it up to you,” he promises.

“Haden?”
his mom calls from the living room and he sits upright.

“Yeah,
Ma.” He lifts his finger to shush
me and stands
up to tend
to her.

I
can hear them talking and her apologizing but she’s still out of it. I remain
rooted to my chair until I hear their voices disappear as they walk away, and I
bury my face in my hands.

How
is it that none of us saw what was going on? I suppose, looking back, they
never invite anyone over, and for the most part Haden goes everywhere else but
home. This explains why he’s always quiet and keeps so much to
himself—probably a tough load to carry alone.

I
remember my phone so I sneak into the living room and the screen lights up with
missed texts.

8:03—Bailey: You’re
missing it. Hurry up. I miss your face.

8:38—Braxton: On your
way yet?

9:47—Joey: Everything
Ok?

Ree
sent some pictures of everyone dancing and having a great time. The ballroom
looks amazing, and seeing everyone dressed up—I can’t help my
disappointment. Of course I want to be there, but being there without Haden
sounds equally disappointing. I tap out a quick message to Joey, since he was
the last one.

Me: It’s ok. Don’t think
we’ll make it.

Joey: I’ll save you a dance
in case.

I
close out my screen, but not before Haden walks in and I’ve been caught
red-handed. I offer a crooked smile and shrug before tucking it back into my
purse.

“I’m
sorry,” he apologizes again and reaches for my hand.

“I
chose to be here,” I remind him.

“She’s
asleep now, I think we might have time to enjoy the last hour or so,” he says
with a sad optimism.

“By
the time we leave, park, get inside, we might have twenty minutes, tops. Why
don’t we just head back to my house and make sure that everything’s set up?
Everyone will be there in a little while anyway,” I stand up and straighten out
my dress. “At least you got to see me in it.”

He
reaches for my hand and grabs my clutch before we walk outside. It’s a
beautiful, star-filled night that would only have been better if we’d made it
to the prom. We drive the short distance back home and see the lights are on
inside the house, but the other car is gone.

“They’re
at Cole’s.” I point and walk up to the front door to let us inside.

I
set my purse down and walk outside, where Mom and Dad spent the last two days
fixing it up for tonight. They put Christmas lights in the trees in the
backyard last year for their anniversary and liked them so much that they never
took them down. The patio table and chairs have been cleaned up and rearranged
to make room for everyone to sit together, but off to the side is a buffet
table.

Haden
walks over and takes my hand as we walk down the stairs to the rock pathway
that leads to the pool.

“I
owe you a dance,” he says when he comes to a stop on the grass.

“Next
time,” I smile.

“No,
tonight is prom and we didn’t make it, so will you dance with me?”

It’s
a sweet gesture and I comply with the awkward request by giving him a simple
nod. He holds a finger up and reaches into his jacket pocket to pull out his
cell phone. The screen illuminates his face as his finger runs up and down the
device. While he continues to look through his phone, I sit back in the lounge
chair and gaze at the stars again. There isn’t a cloud in the sky, and with the
limited light coming from the house, I feel like I see everything.

“We’re
up there,” he says.

I
look over to see him staring up at the sky as well and turn my eyes back to the
view and smile. “I know.”

“Dance?”
He extends his hand to help me out of the chair and sets his phone down before
turning back to me. We stand there for a moment before “Let Her Go” by
Passenger starts to softly play.

“I
love this song,” I say as I step into his arms and wrap mine around his neck.

“I
love you,” he answers quickly.

I
wish I could express how much those words mean to me, but something tells me he
already knows.

“This
song’s the reason I finally said something,” he says. It’s almost like a
thought he didn’t intend to admit.

I
move my head back so I can look into his face, and cock my head to the side,
hoping he continues. He leans down and kisses me before speaking again.

“I
didn’t want to live with the ‘what ifs.’ I couldn’t let you go without trying
to see if I stood a chance in the first place.”

“Screw
prom, this
is
better,” I admit
truthfully.

My
heart pounds in my chest because I know the feeling, only I wasn’t brave
enough—I’ve never been brave enough—to see if there was more.
But not Haden.
He put everything on the line—our
friendship, the fate of our group, all of it—for me.
For us
.

“I
don’t think anyone stands a chance after you,” I say past the lump in my
throat.

“You
can’t know that.”

“I
know there’s so much out there after this is all over, but you have completely
stolen my heart and made the chances for any other guy to get in there next to
impossible. How can there be room for anyone after you?”

“That’s
what I’m banking on,” he says.

He
pulls me close as we continue to move to the music and I rest my head against
his chest to listen to his heartbeat. I’ve fought so hard not to think of what
happens when all of this is over, but in less than a month, we graduate.
Acceptance letters have come in for everyone but Cole and the two of us. Who
knows where we will end up? I fight the sadness inside of me, because I want to
stay in this moment with him.

“We’re
too young for
forevers
, aren’t we?” I ask, but the
increase in the beating in his chest causes me to look at him.

He’s
staring at me, but his features are hard to make out in the darkness.

“What
are you thinking about?”

“Your
question. Forever.”

“And?”

“I
don’t know what the future holds, but I know it’s a million times better
with
you.”

“Hey!”
I hear Cole yell when he opens the back door. “What happened to you
two—why didn’t you show up?”

Haden
and I are staring at each other, and I wish the others would go inside so we
can finish our conversation, but that’s not going to happen. He cups my face in
his hand and wipes his thumb across my cheek before kissing me.

“Forever,”
he mutters when he takes my hand in his so we can join everyone. At least
that’s what I think he said.

“How
was it?” I ask the group when we get to the table.

“It
was okay,” Bailey says, but I can tell she’s trying to downplay it.

“Liar,”
I laugh and sit on Haden’s lap. He wraps his arm around my waist and I lean
into him, enjoying the connection.

“Yeah,
she’s a bad liar,” Ree admits. “It was so much fun. I wish y’all could’ve been
there.”

“So
do we,” Haden chimes in. “But my mom wasn’t feeling well. I told Lai to go
without me, but-”

“She
never listens,” Joey finishes for him and Haden nods in agreement.

“Should’ve
been there, Lai. You were announced prom queen,” Braxton smirks and everyone
laughs, including me.