Finding Laila: Some Changes are Necessary (30 page)
Read Finding Laila: Some Changes are Necessary Online
Authors: T.K. Rapp
Haden
laughs and pulls me to my feet. “Thirty minutes or so. I lost count,” he smiles
and kisses the tip of my nose, making me blush. “You ready?”
“I
want to see your drawing.” I walk over to the easel and see the image of me
with my arms wrapped around his neck in a tight embrace. His arms are at my
waist, holding me to him, but his face isn’t visible. My eyes are closed and
there’s sadness to the portrait.
“Can
I have it?” I ask so quietly that I’m not sure he can hear me.
“As
long as I can have you,” he answers just as softly before he kisses me.
The
anticipation of the trip leaves me conflicted on how I feel about the whole
thing. After dinner, I talked through everything with my mom, but tried to hide
my fears from her. I love how supportive she’s trying to be, but I know this
can’t be easy for her. When she and Dad told me about Andie, I felt hurt,
angry, and betrayed, but over the last few months I’ve moved on and embraced
all of it. When I think of it, it’s really a beautiful story how I came to
them, and I’ve never felt anything but loved unconditionally.
Still, I can’t help but
wonder.
I
want to know if I got my blue-green eyes from Andie. Do we share any quirky
traits? Did she finish school after she gave birth to me? What about my
biological father—is he around?
So
many questions have circulated in my head, and as much as I wish I didn’t care,
the truth is I do. And a part of me feels selfish for my need to find her,
because it’s not meant to hurt Mom and Dad.
“You’re
up?” Mom asks as she walks into my room.
“Barely,”
I say. I turn on the water and brush my teeth before tucking all my toiletries
into my travel bag and facing her.
“Are
you ready?” She hugs herself and asks the question that has more than one
meaning.
Am I ready for the trip?
Am I ready for what might happen
when I meet Andie?
“As
ready as I can be before the sun comes up,” I attempt a smile.
I
grab my heaviest bag and she carries the others so we can bring everything
down. She lags behind inside the house while I carry my things to the car
waiting outside.
Since
Cole is the only one who has a car large enough to fit all five of us
comfortably, we talked him into driving. He picked up Braxton and Haden on the
way over, and Joey was supposed to be here already.
“Where’s
Joey?” Braxton asks of anyone who might know the answer.
“Probably
sleeping,” Cole growls. “That’s what I should be doing at five on a Saturday
morning, but someone wants to leave early.”
“We
don’t have to go to Tombstone,” I snap at him, though I’m not really mad. It’s
early and we are all tired.
“I’m
driving, so yeah—we do,” he says with a yawn. “Text him to make sure he’s
up.”
Braxton
pulls out his phone and sends a message while I run to make sure I haven’t
forgotten anything. Luka is asleep on the couch, despite me telling my parents
to leave her alone. I grab my purse and phone charger before heading outside.
It’s
dark out here; the light coming from our front porch barely allows me to see
anything.
Mom
and Dad step through the still open door and check to make sure that everything
is ready to go.
“Call
or text along the way?” Mom asks, though we both know it’s a demand.
“You
know I will. And don’t worry, we’ll be safe,” I say, trying to ease her fears.
“I’m
a mom. It’s in the job description, right under the part about letting go,” she
replies.
“That’s
right, Mom. No matter what happens, I love you both and
you
are my parents. Okay?”
She
takes my face in her hands and her eyes well with tears. I feel like I’m
breaking her heart, but it’s something I have to do and the thought makes my heart
ache. My own tears roll down my cheeks, but she swipes them away with her
thumbs and shakes her head in an attempt to stop them from flowing.
“I
love you, baby girl. So much. You be safe and if you do find her—I hope
she’s everything you imagine.” Mom’s voice cracks and I pull her tightly to me.
“You’re
my mommy,” I whisper in her ear so only she can hear, and she nods in
agreement.
“I
am,” she says softly. “Always.”
Dad
gives me a hug and I see him fighting to stay strong for Mom, but it’s not
working for him. As if on cue, Luka groggily walks outside and rubs her eyes as
she tries to figure out what’s going on. Dad swiftly lifts her up and tickles
her chin while she laughs, effectively distracting him.
“Be
careful,” he says in his stern tone.
“I
will,” I agree and kiss his cheek and hug my sister before joining the guys,
who are standing at the car waiting for me. I turn around and wave once more as
my dad holds my mom close while they say goodbye.
“Did
you get ahold of Joey?” I ask of the group.
“He
overslept so we’re going to pick him up.” Cole climbs into the driver’s seat
and starts the engine. Mom and Dad are still standing outside watching as we
drive down to Joey’s, and I feel so sad for them.
And for me.
* * *
“Can
you see through the back window?” I ask Cole, who ignores the question.
It’s
something I should have checked before we got on the road this morning, but it
was early and I was too tired.
“Brax,
play some good music,” Joey requests from next to me in the back seat.
Braxton
pulls out his phone and searches for something to play before attaching his
device to the cord.
“What
time did you say we should get to Roswell?” Braxton turns to me because I’m the
one who set our itinerary.
“Around
three,” I answer.
“That
doesn’t give us much time to go to the UFO Museum,” he states with a hint of
disappointment.
“We’ll
have plenty of time. I called ahead to make sure that we’d be able to see
everything and they said that two hours is more than enough time,” I smile.
“Why
Roswell, anyway?” Joey asks. It’s been the source of debate for a few weeks
now, though none of us understand why.
“Don’t
really have an answer—just something that sounded interesting,” he says.
The
five of us continue talking about how busy the summer’s been. Despite the fact
that none of us have moved yet, we haven’t seen much of each other. My mind
starts to wander and I replay the summer—or what I can remember of
it—as I try to hold onto the last pieces of us.
A
week after graduation, everyone started going in ten different directions. It
was obvious that life was going on, exactly as Joey said it would.
He
went to the Bahamas with his family back in June before the big breakup. They
got home and he seemed so relaxed and happy. When I talked to Bailey last week,
she said his vacation was the beginning of the end for them. By the time he got
home, she was heading to Europe with her parents for two weeks; and when she
got back, things were different between them.
I
look over at Joey, who is blissfully unaware of how miserable his ex is without
him. But then again, I think it’s safe to say he’s just as sad.
Haden
went to Laredo to visit his grandma for a week, but he called me every day. His
grandma told him she was worried about his mom, but he seems to think she’ll be
okay. I missed him, but the time apart was good and I got to hang out with
Braxton—at least before he took off to Colorado with his family. He
wanted to visit his brother before school started up.
Cole
was the only one who didn’t go anywhere, but he was constantly doing something
to prepare for his move and make sure that he had everything together. When I
tried to talk to him about his career plans with the military, he would give me
a look that said I was being over the top and hug me until I dropped the
subject.
Overall,
I think there were only a couple of weeks when all five of us were around at
the same time.
“My
grandma is going to move in with my mom,” Haden announces, seemingly out of the
blue.
“When?”
I ask.
“About
a month. I told her I’d help move her down.”
“Is
she okay?” Joey cocks his head to the side and raises his brow.
Haden
never told anyone about his mom’s drinking and they never knew why we missed
prom. I don’t expect him to say anything, but then he surprises me with his
answer.
“She’s
getting older and Mom’s been worried about her anyway. It’s good, they’ll have
each other to look after,” he says.
“Where
is this place?” Cole starts pushing buttons on his GPS, but the museum isn’t
showing up.
We
all start to look around to see if we can spot it, but I think we are on the
wrong street.
“There
it is,”
Braxton
points way down the road. “Down there
on the left.”
As
the car reaches our destination, albeit a crazy destination, we file out like
kids on Christmas morning and almost forget to lock up the SUV. With money in
hand, we walk over to buy our tickets so we can see what strangeness awaits us
inside, and we aren’t disappointed. We each head for a separate part of the
museum to learn what we can about the mystery surrounding the now infamous
Roswell Incident.
Joey
immediately heads for the facts, because that’s how he rolls. He likes to have
as much information as possible so he can make an educated conclusion about
things. However, this place is fun, so he’ll have to put aside his need for
proof and accept it for what it is: entertainment.
Braxton,
on the other hand, embraces the whole thing. He’s like a kid in a candy store
and I laugh watching him walk from exhibit to exhibit, reading the placards and
taking selfies with the faux aliens. I decide that I like his enthusiasm and
pair up with him to make the most of it.
Cole and Haden
meander aimlessly, sometimes taking pictures of the aliens and others reading
about the history.
The museum isn’t too crowded, so we make the most of
our time.
“Excuse
me,” I ask the gray-haired woman who looks like she’s been plucked from the
forties. Her wire-rimmed cat-eye glasses and perfectly coifed hairdo only help
to sell the era of times passed. “Could you take a picture of us?”
She
almost looks like a waitress from a diner, and the thought causes me to smile.
I hand her my phone and show her how to work the camera before I call the guys
over so we can take a picture with the spaceship and commemorate one of the
crazier things we’ve done in our twelve years of friendship.
The
woman waits for us to figure out where we want to stand and smiles politely
until it’s time. She counts off before taking a picture, or perhaps ten. We do
our best horror look as if aliens have abducted us, but the rest of the images
are of us laughing hysterically.
Haden
hands the woman a small tip to show our appreciation for her patience and time,
which she refuses.
“I’m
so tired,” I say, noting the time. “We should check into a hotel.”
“What
are
the sleeping arrangements?”
Braxton asks as he wraps his arm around me.
“I
think those three have to figure it out who’s sharing a bed, but you’re with
me,” I tell Braxton and he nods in agreement.
“Works
for me,” he says. “Hear that, Searle? Lai’s with me.”
“I’m
not sharing a bed with these two,” Haden protests, pointing at Cole and Joey.
“One
room, two beds—I suggest you make sure there’s a couch or cot,” Brax says
with a smirk as he leads me out the front doors, followed closely by the
others.
We
reach the car and Braxton lets out a groan so I turn to see what he’s looking
at. The car is still parked beneath the hot sun where we left it, but the
hissing tire was not something we noticed when we got here.
“Cole’s
going to be pissed,” he mutters and I fight laughing at his anticipated
reaction.
“I
don’t want to share a bed with either of you,” Cole says from behind us, and it
occurs to me that he heard what Braxton said but doesn’t know the context.
Braxton
and I step aside, revealing the deflated tire, and watch as Cole freaks the
hell out.
“Hey,” I whisper before removing
Braxton’s arm that’s resting across my head. “Wake up.”
“Go
back to sleep,” he groggily demands.
“We
need to get up,” I counter.
I
try to sit up, but the sheets pin me to the bed so I attempt to slide out so I
can get to the bathroom before the guys get there. It takes some maneuvering,
but I manage to escape the sheets from hell and land on the floor with a thud.
Crap.
I
peek over the edge but the sounds of peaceful snoring let me know that it’s
clear. Slowly I stand up and head to the bathroom. But when I emerge a few
minutes later, the room is no longer peaceful as all eyes fall on me.
“We
can skip Tombstone,” I announce, as if it’s a viable option to allow us more
sleep.
“And
miss the OK Corral?” Cole yawns. “No, get moving. We need to eat and get on the
road.”
Apparently
seeing this historic site is motivation enough for him, but I climb back into
bed and we fall back to sleep, even if only for a few minutes.
“I’m
up,” Haden calls out and stumbles from the sofa bed toward the hotel room door.
“What time is it?”
“Six,”
I reply and pull the covers over my head.
“Screw
that,” he answers and falls onto the bed with Braxton and me. “Wake me up when
it’s eight. I can eat junk food.”
Joey
waits for Cole to finish cleaning up before he hops into the shower and changes
while the rest of us sleep. Those two are ready and I’m half tempted to tell
them to go without us, except that it’s a long drive and I need them in order
to get to San Diego—
the point of
the whole trip.
Fine. I’m up.
We
get dressed and load up the car with our bags before grabbing a quick breakfast
to take on the road. Cole doesn’t seem too pleased with the mess we’re making
of his nice car, but he keeps his mouth shut.
For the most
part.
The
drive is long and uneventful, but we make the most of it by listening to music
or talking about people from high school. It’s a subject we have to tiptoe
around because of the recent breakups. Neither Cole nor Joey appears too torn
up, but I’d rather not push it because we’re all having a good time.
We’ve
been on the road for hours with Cole behind the wheel so Haden pulls out the
game Cards Against Humanity. I’ve never played it before, but I catch on quick
and discover that these guys are some twisted individuals.
Okay, I already knew that—it’s part of the reason why I love
them.
“Can
you repeat the question?” I ask Joey who is
it
this round.
“Last
time,” he says, and asks the question again. “What ended my last relationship?”
I
look at my cards and try not to laugh because it’s a sick answer to his
jacked-up question. Haden and Braxton study their cards a bit more before
selecting one to toss in as their answer. Joey collects them and shuffles
before reading out loud the question and answers.
“Okay:
‘not wearing pants,’ ‘grandma in a bikini.’” He laughs out loud. “Who the hell
picked ‘menstrual rage’?”
Braxton
raises his fist in victory and is rewarded with laughter all around. This goes
on for a while before Cole tells us that he’s tired of driving.
Haden
jumps at the chance to be in the driver’s seat for a while, so I move to the
passenger side and let the others sleep or chat in the back.
“You
nervous?” he asks. His eyes are trained on the road ahead, but I know he’s
keenly aware of everything I’m doing and thinking.
“A
little, but who knows, maybe she’s not even there anymore,” I shrug as I try to
ease my own fears. “Maybe she doesn’t care about seeing me.”
He
reaches for my hand and kisses my wrist before looking at me. “There’s no way
she doesn’t care about you.”
“You
can’t know that.” I try to laugh convincingly, but it falls short.
“Based
on the letter she left you, she cares.”
“I’m
with Searle,” Joey pipes up and I turn to face him.
We’d
been driving for a couple of hours, and somewhere between talking about
packing, biological mothers, and avoiding the topic of exes, Braxton and Cole
had fallen asleep. They’re blissfully unaware of the conversation we’re having,
but Joey is always aware. He winks at me and smiles the way he always does when
he’s trying to sell me on his theories.
“Why
don’t you wake those two? We should be in Tombstone soon,” I say.
I
love that these guys always have my back, but this thing with Andie could be
huge and I’m not sure how any of it will work out. Sometimes a girl needs to
prepare herself for the worst, even when she’s silently hoping for the best.
* * *
“I
can’t believe we’re actually here,” I say after the long drive from Roswell to
San Diego.
“Took
us long enough,” Joey scoffs. “You drive like an old lady, Cole.”
“It
was the damned OK Corral,” he argues while opening the hatch of the SUV so we
can grab our things. “It’s sacred ground, dude.”
We
left the iconic OK Corral and those two proceeded to argue for the next two
hours about how it went down and the history that has been passed down since.
It
was a jerk move, but the only way to shut them up was to talk about their
ex-girlfriends, who happened to be
texting
me at that
moment about being at a party together. What I didn’t tell either of them is
that Bailey and Ree were asking about the guys and missing
the
them
. I love my guys—I do—but they’ve been too cavalier
about the breakups, so I withheld the small detail about the girls.
“I’m
going to get my own room,” I tell the guys.
“We’re
good,” Braxton answers, but Cole
speaks
up and
contradicts him.
“If
the woman wants a room all to herself, let her have the damn room all to
herself,” he argues with exasperation. “Hell, go stay with her, I don’t care, I
just want to sleep on a damn bed tonight.”
Braxton
punches his arm playfully and walks over to grab my heavy bag while I check in.
The lobby is buzzing with people coming in and out, but I pay little attention
to the traffic.
“Brax,
wanna share a room with me this time?” I ask and he narrows his eyes at me.
“Laila,
give it up,” he smirks and grabs his bag to follow me. “I’m never going to be
interested in you like that.”
I
laugh as we leave the other three standing behind us while we head up to our
room, but they’ll be in the adjoining room so we can share the large balcony.
There are two beds and we toss our things of the floor before picking a bed to
relax. His phone rings and he moves to the window for privacy, so I leave
altogether to give him some space, but end up in the lobby.
Again.
I’m
sitting here alone looking at the map on my phone. According to the GPS, Andie
is less than fifteen minutes away if I walk; and I’m tempted to walk. I have so
many questions that I didn’t have at this time last year. My parents have
answered as many as they can, but there are others that only Andie can answer.
I
wish I were twenty-one so I could down some liquid courage, but I’m not, so I
sip on a soda and eat my weight in chocolate. Sometimes it’s as if Joey can
read my mind because his text comes through mid-chocolate binge.
Joey: You okay?
Me: Yep.
Joey: Liar
Me: I have her address
Joey: Open your door
Me: I’m in the lobby
Joey: Be right down
I
tuck my phone into my pocket and wait for Joey to appear. When he finally steps
off the elevator, I notice a couple of girls looking at him and openly
flirting. He offers the nod he’s perfected under Cole’s tutelage and continues
toward me. There’s no mistaking the evil sneers I receive from the two
disappointed girls who are stepping into the elevator.
“I’m
surprised you didn’t entertain that,” I say when he’s close enough.
“Entertain
what?”
“Joey
Parker the third, don’t play dumb, it’s insulting,” I laugh. “You know those
girls were checking you out. Own it.”
“Yeah,
I do look pretty damn good today,” he answers with a cocky grin.
“And
now we’re going to dial it back a notch,” I laugh.
“Why’d
you call me down?”
“I
didn’t,” I argue. “You texted me.”
He
sits on the chair next to me and leans back, pleased with
himself
.
Joey has always enjoyed pushing my buttons, and I’ve given as
good
as I’ve received. He’s been my very best friend since
day one and I don’t know what I’d do without him. Knowing that he’s going to be
so far from home physically hurts my heart, so I’ve done my best not to think
about it.
“What’s
up?” he asks.
I
pull out the address and hand it to him, waiting while he plugs the information
into his phone. I’m sure he’s receiving the same search results because not
much has changed in ten minutes.
“Joey?”
“Yep?”
“I
want to see where she lives.”
“I’ll
tell the guys to get down here so we can check it out.”
“Don’t.”
I
stand up and he does the same, but looks confused by my lack of clarification.
“I
don’t want an audience. Public humiliation is so high school.” I try to laugh,
but it sounds as forced as it feels.
“It
can’t hurt to have them come with.”
I
start to walk through the revolving hotel door when I am stopped by the voices
of Braxton, Cole, and Haden. I turn to face them and Joey laughs softly, and I
know he told them what was up. Haden walks over to me and tries to look me in
the eyes, but I avoid contact.
“If
you don’t want me there, I’ll stay here,” he whispers so only I can hear.
“It’s
not that, I’m just scared. What if she’s a jerk? Or what if she doesn’t want to
see me?”
“I
think it’s safe to say that if she does either of those things, you’ll need us
there to have your back.”
The
hotel door spins once again and I step through as it leads me outside. It’s
getting late, but we still have sunlight and the temperature is far better than
it is in Texas. Haden wraps his hand around mine and I appreciate the gesture
immensely. The five of us walk the mile and half toward a street that looks to
be lined with small cabana houses. Each house has a
beachy
charm to it, with the windows open as if the owners were from a different time.
A safer time
.
I
look at the map application on my phone and note that we are only a few houses
away from my destination.
From my birth mom.
There’s
a small sports car in the driveway that looks almost vintage, but I’m sure it’s
more modern than it appears. I study the house and log it to my memory. White
siding, rust-colored shutters, and Spanish-tiled roof mark the home of the
woman I’ve never laid eyes on and only learned about recently.
“What
am I supposed to say? ‘Hi, Andie, could I interest you in a magazine
subscription—or perhaps you’d be interested in a long-lost daughter that
you gave up for adoption?’”
“You
don’t have to do anything right now,” Cole advises. “There’s no rush.”
“He’s
right,” Haden says, kissing my temple.
“I
just want to see her,” I say, hoping to catch a glimpse of the woman from the
pictures my parents showed me.
Joey
places a hand on my shoulder and squeezes gently before turning around and
walking off. One by one, the others follow until it’s just me standing here alone.
They don’t go too far, but give me enough space to make a decision for myself.
“I
don’t hate you,” I whisper at the phantom mom I’ve yet to lay eyes on.
The
guys are at the corner of the street when I begin walking toward them but stop
when I hear a screen door slam closed. I turn at a painfully slow pace to see
where the noise came from and see a woman who looks to be my height checking
her mail. She is blissfully unaware of my presence so I take the opportunity to
watch her from this distance to see if we have anything in common I can spot,
but the only thing I notice is our hair color.
“Someone
went outside, but I couldn’t tell if it was her,” I tell the guys when I catch
up. “I’m an idiot.”
“Why?”
“It
may not even be her. Andie could have moved years ago and I’m the weird stalker
who is thinking of showing up on someone’s doorstep unannounced.”
“Let’s
get something to eat and maybe we can figure something out,” Braxton coaxes,
and I finally give in after turning one last time to see the house where my
birth mom, at some point,
did
live.