Finding Laila: Some Changes are Necessary (32 page)

“Hey
guys, see this lady here? She works really hard to be a good mom to you both,
so take it easy on her, okay?
Because you’re pretty lucky to
have her.
Don’t you think?”

The
twins smile as if I’ve given them the keys to some secret that no one else
knows and nod in agreement.

“Good.”

I
stand up and when my eyes meet Andie’s, for a split second I think she knows
who I am, but then the flicker of recognition is gone. The time has come and I
need to go, so I extend my hand and she takes it. It’s soft with a few
calluses, and shows the wear of hard work.

“It
was nice to meet you, Andie.”

Goodbye, Mom.

“You,
too, Luka.”

I
smile one last time and wave to the twins but hurry away because I’m about to
lose it in big, embarrassing tears in front of the woman who gave me life and
has no idea who I am. For whatever reason, I can’t open the door fast enough
and I climb into the SUV, burying my face in my hands as my sobs consume me.

The
opportunity to let her know who I am, the person I’ve grown into, where I’m
going in life, has passed me by. Yet I don’t feel like I missed out. I’ve just
said goodbye to a woman I’ve never known and as painful as it is, I know it was
the right thing.

“Call me later, after you’ve talked to
your mom and dad,” Haden says after he kisses my forehead.

“Yeah,”
I answer and take my duffle bag from his hand. “I love you.”

“Love
you back,” he answers and stands at the end of the driveway while I walk to the
door. I turn around to face him and watch him climb into his car and drive off.

“You’re
back early,” Mom says and jumps off the couch to hug me. “Come tell me all
about it. Did you see her?”

She
looks scared by my answer and sits down to wait for me to join her. I’ve
avoided sharing any details about meeting Andie because I wanted to talk to my
parents in person.

“Is
Luka sleeping?” I ask. It’s only six, but they make her go to bed early.

“Yeah,
but she’ll be excited to see you in the morning,” she says through teary eyes.
“I missed you so much.”

“I
missed you, too.”

“Where’s
Dad?”

“He
was in the back, I’ll go get him.” She stands up and heads through the kitchen
and leaves me sitting alone in our living room.

“Mommy?”
Luka calls out from the stairs.

“Hey
kiddo,” I call out, “what are you doing out of bed?”

“Lala!”
she yells and bolts down the stairs and into my lap.

“You
didn’t miss me, did you?” I ask and kiss her cheek.

She
nods and sits with her legs across my lap. “Did you see your friend?” she asks
innocently and a tingle runs down my spine.

“What
are you talking about?”

“Mommy
said you went to California to see your friend.”

“I
sure did,” I agree.

Mom
and Dad walk into the room but stop at the threshold and watch the two of us.

“Was
she pretty?”

“She
was.” I smile and tell her about her long brown hair and pretty brown eyes.

“Was
she nice?”

I
look up at Mom and see Dad with his arms wrapped around her. Luka is messing
with her fingers and not paying attention to the adults in the room, but I am.
I make eye contact with my mom and smile.

“She
was very nice.”

“What’s
her name?”

“Her
name is Andie.”

Luka
starts laughing as though I’ve told the funniest joke ever and I can’t help but
laugh as well.

“What’s
so funny?”

“Andie
is a boy’s name,” she informs me.

“Sometimes.
But this Andie is a girl.”

Mom
and Dad take a seat on the other couch but lean forward to get more
information. I start from the beginning about trying to find the house and
meeting her on the street.

“When
are you going to see her again?” she asks. “Can I meet her next time?”

“Sorry,
kid, there won’t be a next time. She’s got kids of her own and I’ll be in
school. I’ll probably never see her again.”

“She
has kids?” Mom asks. Her forehead crinkles between her brows and I know she’s
worried about how this information affects me.

“She
does,” I smile. “Twins that are younger than you, Squirt, but just as crazy.”

“And
she’s doing well,” Mom states, but I think it’s more of a question.

“Yeah,
from what I could tell. I mean, she thought I was the nanny, but she seemed
good. It was nice to see her, but you know, it was something that I needed to
do and I’ve done it. She looks happy, and her kids are adorable, but this is
home.”

A
sob escapes Mom and she buries her face in Dad’s shirt while he holds her.

“Mommy,
why you crying?” Luka asks.

“I’m
glad your sister’s home,” she smiles a glassy-eyed smile. “She’s my first baby
and I missed her. A lot.”

“What
are you gonna do when I go off to school, Mom?” I tease.

“You’re
not going,” she responds quickly. “I’ve decided that you can never leave
again.”

“What
about me?” Luka pouts.

“She
wants to send you off instead,” I tease.

I
grab the little brat and squeeze her tight to me until she laughs and begs for
me to let her go. She has no idea how lucky she is—how lucky we
both
are—to have these two for
parents.

“I’m
kidding. Even if she did want to, you’re my annoying little sister and you’re
not going anywhere.” I kiss her cheek.

“Well
you’re my big cranky sister,” she answers quickly.

“Luka,
why don’t you get back to bed?” Dad suggests to a disappointed Luka.

She
leaves but we remain silent until the door shuts and I’m left alone with my
parents.

“So
how is she?” Mom asks.

“She
really seems to be good,” I answer.

“What
did she say when you introduced yourself?”

I
scrunch my face before answering, but she knows.

“You
didn’t introduce yourself, did you, Laila Jude?” Mom asks in disbelief.

“I
did,” I argue, “I just told her my name was Luka.”

“You’re
joking, right?” Dad sits back and scratches the scruff on his face. “I thought
you wanted to meet her and get to know her.”

“I
did, but when the time came it just didn’t seem right. I
wanted
to meet her, but I’ve had the best parents.
You’ve made mistakes
,
I’ve made mistakes
.
But you’re my family and taking that step didn’t seem important anymore when I
was there. I got to see where she lives and meet her kids-”

“Your
brother and sister,” Mom interrupts.

“Luka
is my sister. Ava and Evan, those are Andie’s kids—and Andie is the woman
who gave birth to me, but you two are my mom and dad. You put in the hard work
and effort to raise me, and now she gets to do that with the twins.”

“Are
you sure about this?” Dad asks, taking my hand in his and squeezing. “Having
her in your life doesn’t mean you lose us. We want you to do whatever you need
to and know that we’ll support you.”

With
my free hand I swipe a tear that is falling down my cheek and try to ignore the
growing lump in my throat, but a sob escapes anyway.

“What
did the boys think of her?” Mom asks.

“I
went alone, but of course it turns out they were down the road. They told me
they were going to the beach, but apparently they followed me. When I drove
off, I saw them sitting at the coffee shop down the road trying to hide.” I
laugh at the absurdity, but also love that they care about me so much.

“What
did you say?” Mom laughs.

“I
didn’t say anything,” I shrug. “Chalked it up to being the last official act of
being in my barmy. Speaking of, I know I just got home, but Cole and Joey are
leaving tomorrow morning and I want to say goodbye.”

“Give
them both a hug from me,” Mom says, and I nod.

* * *

Sitting
out here on my rock alone gives me time to think about how everything has played
out up to this point. When I moved here as a little girl, I had no friends, but
these guys took me in and gave me more than I ever imagined. They have been my
family, my best friends, my support, my protectors, my co-conspirators, and my
allies. For twelve years, I’ve had the comfort of knowing that if I ever needed
them, all I had to do was ask and they’d be there—no questions asked.

That’s what best friends
do, right?

I
don’t know what I’m supposed to do without my lifeline.

I
close my eyes and inhale as I try to steady my building sadness. This will be
the last time I see my guys step through the bushes to our spot. Before long,
this hideout will belong to another group of kids, or maybe someone will come
in and develop it. Regardless, this is the end of an era and the knowledge of
this makes me incredibly sad.

Two
of my guys leave today, and in another week, I’ll be gone.

“You’re
early, too,” Joey calls out as he steps toward me.

“Just
waiting,” I say wistfully. “And thinking.”

“Don’t
do that, it only gets you in trouble,” he teases.

“I’m
going to miss you most,” I say, recalling the famous line from
The Wizard of Oz
.

He
pulls me tightly to his body and I wrap my arms around his waist as I fight the
impending tears and ugly cry.

“We’ll
still talk every day,” he says, almost convincingly.

“Okay,”
I agree, even though I’m not sure I believe it.

One
by one, the rest of the guys show up and join us at our safe haven, the place
we grew up together. We reminisce about the first time we met and how we were an
unlikely group.

“When
are you leaving, Searle?” Joey asks.

“I’m
going to visit my grandma this weekend and then I’m planning to drive with Lai
to Waco. I’ll take off to school from there. The place I’m moving into is
furnished, so I don’t need much but my clothes.”

“What
about you, Brax?” Joey asks.

“Leaving
in a couple of days. Scot wants to show me around campus before classes start.
Mom and Dad are going to come out with my things next weekend.”

“Guess
that means you’ll be here all alone this weekend,” Cole teases when he points
at me.

“Not
alone.” I lean my head on Haden’s shoulder and smile. “I told Bailey we’d hang
out before she moves.”

“When
is she leaving?” Joey asks with a slight edge to his tone.

“Friday,”
I answer. “Are you sure you don’t want to call her?”

“Clean
break—that’s what she wanted,” he says. “It’s fine.”

I
can tell he’s lying, but I don’t want to push, especially when everyone is here
listening. If it were just the two of us, I’d totally get on his case and push him
to tell me more and he would—but he acts tougher when everyone’s here.

“I
say we jump into the quarry for old time’s sake,” Braxton challenges.

“Not
me,” I argue. “I’d rather not start my first week of school in a cast.”

“Let
it go, Nixon,” Cole calls out as he pulls off his shirt, clearly accepting the
challenge.

“He’s
right—it happened one time, and you never let it stop you before,” Haden
smirks knowing I’m going to give in.

“Fine,”
I draw out and take off my shirt, revealing my bathing suit.

They
all stare at me with looks of disbelief, but I simply shrug it off.

“What?
I figured someone would put it out there, and if you didn’t, I was going to,” I
laugh.

The
guys take off their shirts and shorts and it becomes apparent we all had the
same idea because they are in their swim trunks. We step carefully through the
overgrown trail that leads to the safest edge. Looking down, the drop seems so
much scarier than it did when I was a kid. I was fearless—or maybe it was
stupidity, I don’t know. But right now, the jump I’ve done a million times
before seems like the craziest thing to do.

“On
three?” Cole asks with his eyes glued to the water’s surface.

“On
three,” Braxton agrees with a crack in his tone.

Everyone
walks back a ways and looks to the others to see who’s going to back out, but
none of us will.

“One,”
Cole calls out.

“Two,”
Haden mutters.

“Three,”
I scream as I run full-speed to the edge with the guys alongside me.

As
we crash the glassy water, the sound of water rushing past my ears and the cold
temperature has me swimming for the surface manically. I’m the first to reach
the top and take a deep breath to fill my lungs and steady my heart rate. One
by one the guys pop up laughing, and offer each other high fives.

Swimming
here has been an escape for all of these years, but as much as we are saying
goodbye to each other, we’re saying goodbye to the quarry. We revert to our old
ways, playing games and harassing Cole when he changes the
rules—again—to give himself the winning edge.

The
sun begins to set and Joey is the first to say he has to go so we follow him
out of the water and climb the hill back to our spot. Our
dry
clothes are immediately soaked by our suits
, but we put them on anyway
and stand there in awkward silence.

“I
don’t want to do this,” I laugh-cry as I try to avoid eye contact. “Can we just
pretend we’re meeting back here tomorrow?”

“It
won’t change anything,” Cole says sadly. “Tomorrow will come and none of us
will show up.”

“I
don’t want to say goodbye. You guys are my family, my best friends—how am
I supposed to let you go?”

“The
same way we’re supposed to let you go,” Joey says as he steps forward. He
kisses my forehead and hugs me so tight that I fear I’ll never be able to take
another breath. Cole walks over and joins us in our hug and it eventually turns
into a huddle with arms and hands everywhere as we hold on as tight as
possible.
For the last
time.