Finding Laila: Some Changes are Necessary (31 page)
Read Finding Laila: Some Changes are Necessary Online
Authors: T.K. Rapp
It’s
early, so the beach is relatively empty except for the few people running along
the waterline with headphones on.
I
wonder if they know how lucky they are to live in such a beautiful place.
There’s
a spot that catches my eye so I take a seat on the sand and let my toes wiggle
beneath to the soft, cool earth as I hug my knees to my body.
It’s
still early in Texas, but I pull out my phone to check in with Mom and Dad.
Me: You up?
Mom: I am. Having fun?
Me: Yeah. It’s beautiful
out here.
Mom: I bet. I guess you
haven’t seen her yet.
Me: Not yet. Nervous.
Mom: You’ll be fine
Me: R u ok?
Mom: I am now
Me: I miss you
Mom: I love you so much and
I miss you too. Always.
She
doesn’t send anything else and neither do I. This is an almost perfect morning,
and as much as I’d love to go for a run on the beach, there’s no time. If I am
going to see her, I need to do it before my nerve is gone. And the guys and I
decided we wanted to check out the zoo later before we head back home, so I
stand up and shake the sand from my clothes before walking back to the hotel
room.
The
screen doors are still open when I return to the room, and the guys are
starting to wake up. I look over to see Haden with his arms propped behind his
head, watching me. A smile plays on his lips when my eyes meet his and he
motions for me to come to him.
“How
long have you been up?”
He
rolls to his side and faces me so I sit next to him where his body curves.
He
moves a strand of hair from my face and yawns. “Not too long. I saw you sitting
on the beach, but you looked like you wanted to be alone,” he says.
“You
should have joined me—could’ve used the company,” I answer and lean down
to kiss his cheek. “It’s pretty out there.”
“Maybe
we can go for a run later, or just lay out,” he suggests and my mood brightens.
“Everyone
still up for the zoo?” I ask loudly for any
that are
up listening at the moment.
Braxton
raises a limp arm before dropping to the pillow next to his head. Joey gets up
from the bed and stretches, revealing his stomach as he steps outside to the
patio. He looks back and gives me thumbs up, but Cole still hasn’t responded.
“Cole,”
I wait to get his attention before continuing. “I need a favor.”
“If
it calls for me leaving this hotel, count me out,” he says with his eyes shut
as he fights the incoming light.
“Can
I borrow your car?”
He
sits upright and looks at me with wide eyes as if he didn’t hear me correctly.
“Please?”
“Where
are you going?”
“To
Andie’s house,” I say her name as if she’s an old friend.
“Just
wait and I’ll come with you,” he breathes out at the same time as he reaches
for his jeans from a pile on the floor.
“No,
it’s fine. I’d rather go alone,” I tell him loud enough for everyone to hear.
“I
don’t think that’s a good idea,” Braxton says now that he’s fully awake.
“I
love you, Brax, but I’ll be fine. You know I will.”
He
watches me for any signs that I’m lying before giving me the Braxton Jameson
smile he’s always been known for. Everyone usually follows his lead, so his
confidence in me is a plus.
“You
shouldn’t go alone,” Cole snaps, looking to the guys for support.
The
room is silent, leaving only the sounds of the tide and birds squawking outside
to fill it. Cole bites the inside of his mouth and looks out the window,
clearly annoyed that no one jumped on his bandwagon.
“Cole,
I’m going to do this alone with or without your awesome car, I’d just prefer to
do it with. I’m not asking for permission to go—because I am going.”
“She’ll
be fine,” Joey finally says from the patio and I smile knowing he believes I
can handle whatever comes my way.
Because I can.
“Yeah,
Lai’s got this,” Haden adds, and turns to me. “Make sure you have your phone in
case you need us.”
“Cole?”
I say his name in an attempt to get him to look at me.
“Yeah,
take it,” he says as he hands the keys to me but doesn’t let go. “We’ll be at
the beach when you get back.”
“Thank
you, you’re the best,” I say when I finally take the keys. “Behave,” I warn
before I rush off to get changed.
White
shorts and a denim shirt are what I brought with me, which is nicer than I
usually dress in the summer. I wash my face and apply a natural layer of makeup
so I don’t look like I’m trying too hard, but there’s no doubt I am.
I want her to like me.
I finish the look
with a pair of brown hoop earrings and pull my hair into a loose ponytail.
This is it.
I
step out of the small bathroom but the guys are gone—all but Haden. I
look around and he points out to the beach.
“You
look hot,” he says and gives me a kiss. “I wanted to tell you I love you and no
matter what happens, you’re going to be fine.”
“I
know,” I smile confidently. “Thanks for sticking around.”
“Always,”
he answers. “Text me so I know
you’re
okay?”
I
wrap my arms around his neck and look him in the eyes as I let the gravity of
what’s about to happen sink in. He leans his forehead to mine, closes his eyes,
and wraps his arms around my waist. I could stay here with him, like this, and
never want anything else, but I have something to do.
“I’ll
call you,” I say, kissing him before releasing my grip, and as I walk to the
door I turn to see him watching me leave.
* * *
“What
am I doing here?”
I’ve
been sitting in the car, parked across the street from the house I think
belongs to Andie for twenty minutes, but I have not been able to get myself to
make the next step: getting out.
“She’s
going to think I’m crazy,” I say out loud again. “I
am
crazy: I’m sitting in a car. Alone. Talking to myself.”
Get out of the car.
I
will my body to cooperate with my mind, but it doesn’t appear to care. The guys
said I don’t have to do anything, and I know that, but I don’t think I’ve ever
been afraid of anything as much as I am right now.
Maybe I’ll take a walk.
In
front of her house.
That
seems completely normal.
The
mental pep talk I gave myself on the way over doesn’t seem to be working, so
maybe good, old-fashioned self-deception will. When I open the car door to step
out, I feel as if I’m running on autopilot without control of my body. The door
slams shut behind me and I straighten my clothes in an effort to look
presentable before checking my appearance in the side view mirror.
The
car makes the familiar sound to indicate that it’s locked as I cross the
street, but a car whizzing past stops me.
Maybe it’s a sign that I
should turn around.
The
thought comes to mind, but then I recall the words of Madame Rae:
“…things are not always what they seem, so
keep an open mind…”
You got this.
There
are no cars coming, so I walk the three car lanes safely avoiding any mishap,
but walk in the opposite direction of the house I want to visit. I think I need
a few more minutes to prepare—or at least that’s what I’m trying to
convince myself.
Turn around. What’s the
worst thing that can happen
—
she rejects you? Been there, done that.
I
close my eyes and take a cleansing breath as I force myself to turn around and
face my fear. The last address I have for her is four houses away and the
journey to get there is painfully slow. There are two women jogging toward me
as they push strollers with sleeping babies in them, and for some reason I want
to laugh. Maybe it’s nerves.
As
I get closer, the butterflies in my stomach work overtime and I’m not sure if
I’m going to make it, but I push through until I’m standing in front of the
house I stared at yesterday. It’s small and the yard leaves little room for a
pet since a blossoming garden takes over the entire site. Beautiful roses and
exotic flowers grow wild and there looks to be a vegetable garden, too.
I
look up at the house and prepare myself to walk the short distance to the door,
but I lose my nerve when I see the children’s toys strewn across the small
front porch. My body refuses to take the steps that lead me there and before I
know it, I’ve turned around to make a hasty retreat for Cole’s car.
“Are
you Charlize?” a voice calls from behind me and I freeze in place.
Don’t turn around
, I tell myself over again, but my body
doesn’t cooperate at all.
“I’m
sorry,” I say as I turn around and I’m faced with a beautiful woman with dark
brown hair, much darker than my own.
“Charlize?”
she repeats with a smile.
I
swallow hard and shake my head since the words don’t seem to want to come out
of my mouth.
“Oh,
I’m sorry, I thought you were the person I was interviewing for the nanny
position,” she says as her cheeks flush. “She’s supposed to be here in an hour,
but when I saw you standing on the sidewalk, I thought you were her and you
were early.”
“I’m
sorry, ma’am, I was just out for a walk,” I lie, unable to take my eyes off
her.
“Do
I know you?” She cocks her head to the side and examines my face as she offers
a friendly smile.
“I
don’t think we’ve ever met,” I answer genuinely because I have never met her.
“My name is L—
uka
, my name is Luka.”
If
I say “Laila,” she may figure it out and I’ll scare her. Thank God my parents
gave my sister an “L” name.
“That’s
a great name,” she grins and stares at me more intently.
“Mommy,”
a little girl yells and runs out of the house into her arms. “Evan hit me.”
“I’m
sorry,” she says to me before looking at her daughter. She has wispy blond hair
that’s pulled into a small barrette, and electric blue eyes that catch my
attention. “Ava, you two need to be nice. Go tell your brother to come here.”
“Terrible
twos my ass,” she laughs. “Terrible threes and fours
is
more like it. I’m sorry, I didn’t introduce myself, I’m Andie—I’m sorry,
but are you sure we’ve never met?”
“I’m
positive, I’m not from here,
I’m
from—Arizona—visiting a friend.”
It’s amazing how easily the lies are coming to me.
“Maybe
you have a familiar face. I’m a hotel manager downtown and I see lots of
faces.” She shrugs, maintaining her smile.
“That’s
probably it,” I answer.
She
extends her hand to me and I take with an easy smile.
Hi, Mom.
“Nice
to meet you,” I say in return. “So you have two kids?”
Her
face looks sad for a fleeting moment and she nods. “Yeah, twins just turned
four.”
“It
only gets crazier,” I offer. “My sister is five and she’s a handful.”
“Don’t
tell me that, I’m so scared of anything over ten,” she says when the little boy
comes running out to her begging to be held.
“Mommy,
who’s
dat
?” he asks, pointing to me.
“That’s
Luka,” she says. “Can you say hello?”
“Hi,”
the two say in unison.
“Hi,”
I say back.
I’m your big sister.
Observing
my birth mom with her new family, one that she was actually able to care for,
causes a mix of emotions in me. On the one hand, I’m thankful for the parents I
have—they are amazing.
But at the same time, why wasn’t
I worth keeping?
Was it easy for
her to start this new life?
“I
should get going and call my mom. If I don’t call every few hours, she starts
to get worried.”
“I
hope these two grow up to be as considerate as you,” she remarks as she sets
Ava on the ground and looks at me appreciatively.
Something
takes over and before I know it, I’m kneeling on the ground in front of Ava and
Evan with a smile on my face. They each have an arm wrapped around their mom’s
leg and watch me warily. I look up at Andie and wink as if we are in on our own
secret.