Finding Love at Home (The Beiler Sisters) (37 page)

Debbie clutched the edge of the bed. “That can’t happen, Crystal. That would be wrong. Terribly wrong! Leaving the community means giving up everything the Amish person has known and experienced. What if you get an Amish man and one day he realizes what he’s lost? You’ll lose his heart. The Amish people have deep roots in family and the land. His heart is wrapped up in the community. That doesn’t change by saying marriage vows.”

Crystal met Debbie’s gaze. “Are we in competition by any chance?”

Debbie kept her voice steady. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Crystal laughed. “A woman knows, Debbie. I can see it in your eyes. You’re in love with Emery and want him for yourself. Well, so am I, and so do I.”

Debbie controlled her voice. “No, Crystal. Emery’s the bishop’s son. He’ll lose the farm and anything else he has if he leaves the
faith. And if he leaves, Emery may never be allowed back, and he can never just take up where he left off. Especially if he marries you. And what if he finds out he’s made a terrible mistake? I guess that’s happened to you before.”

Crystal frowned. “My past is none of your business.”

“When the marriage doesn’t work out, you can always find someone else and marry again. Emery would never have that option. He wouldn’t be allowed to marry among the Amish. Are you willing to put him through that depth of sorrow? And all for a few years of happiness on your part—if it lasts that long. Your world is not his world. I know. I come from yours, and now I’m in his.”

Crystal regarded her for a moment. “So what’s in this for me? If I abandon my hopes, what benefit do I get? Am I to do that because I love him so much?”

“I don’t believe you love him that much,” Debbie said. “I’m hoping I can appeal to your sense of what is right. You surely understand that concept. Leave and let Emery get over his attraction to you. He’ll be the better and the wiser for it. If you stay nothing good can come out of it.”

Crystal stood. “I’ll think about this.”

Debbie rose and offered Crystal her hand. “We have all been shown great mercy by the Lord.” The two shook, and Crystal led the way downstairs. After saying goodbye, Debbie walked to the parking lot and untied Buttercup. Hopping into the buggy, Debbie drove south with only a brief backward glance. Everything would be okay, she thought. The community would never see Crystal again, and Emery was safe. Crystal would do more than think about this. She would leave now that light had been shed on her plans. “Thank You, dear God, for Your help,” Debbie prayed, her face lifted toward the sky outside the buggy door.

Thirty-Seven

D
ebbie sat quietly beside Emery as the two made their way back to Lily and Mahlon’s wedding site for the evening hymn singing. Emery had been cheerful all day. In fact, he’d been extra happy since the weekend when Crystal hadn’t shown up. Did Emery approve of what she had done? The thought took her breath away.

But she had other things to think about since Friday night. Alvin and Mildred had shown up at the Beiler place. Seeing them pull into the driveway had sent Debbie in a beeline for her room upstairs even as she wondered what in the world those two wanted with the bishop.

It had taken a while to figure that out, but once she listened to the murmuring of voices downstairs, the reason dawned on her. Alvin and Mildred wanted to be married this fall. There could be no other explanation. Distress should have ripped through her heart, but peace came instead. She’d healed faster from Alvin’s betrayal than she’d imagined possible. In fact, she’d considered going down to make the two feel welcomed, but that would have been a little much. Her expression of forgiveness and acceptance to Mildred at the communion service was sufficient.

After Alvin and Mildred left, Saloma told Debbie that she’d been correct. Bishop Beiler would publish Alvin and Mildred’s wedding for the last Thursday in November.

And that’s what had happened on Sunday.

How Alvin had managed to put their love in the past so quickly did sting a little, Debbie admitted to herself. Obviously she’d been a mere fascination for him and nothing more. How could she have been so wrong? She told herself it was time to move on… to look forward to whatever God had in mind for her.

There was so much for her to be thankful for. Crystal hadn’t attended the service or the hymn singing on Sunday. Debbie thanked God for His mercy and grace. He had blessed her trip to Penns Creek. Perhaps she should have asked Emery about Crystal on Sunday, but instead she’d waited to see what would happen. She figured Emery would speak about Crystal when he was ready.

On the buggy seat beside her Emery must have read her mind. He turned and asked, “What did you tell Crystal last week anyway?”

“I said only what needed saying, Emery.”

He grinned and lapsed into silence.

She ventured a look in his direction. “I wish you hadn’t been tempted by her.”

“Who says I was?” Emery asked, sober-faced now.

Debbie took a deep breath. “Please don’t be tempted to see her or ask her to stay, Emery. She knows what’s best.”

Emery nodded. “I agree. But honestly, I’m not tempted. Crystal said she was considering joining the community. She liked the peace and harmony we have and I believed her.”

Debbie grimaced. “Would she have done it, Emery? I think we both know better. She only wanted to steal you away.”

He grinned again. “No one’s stealing me.”

“That’s
gut
to hear.” Debbie tried to breathe evenly. She’d said way too much. Thankfully Emery didn’t appear offended. “I care about
you, Emery. I care about you a lot. I couldn’t sit by and watch Crystal destroy your life.”

“Nothing was happening,” he protested as they arrived at the Kanagy home place. “But thanks for caring.”

“I’m glad you think so,” Debbie said as she climbed out of the buggy. She reached in and gave his hand a squeeze and smiled warmly. He smiled in return and drove on toward the barn.

Debbie paused to catch her breath before she went inside the washroom. She’d ventured where angels feared to tread for the sake of Emery and had survived by the mercy of God. Beyond that, she’d better not go.

Debbie stepped inside the kitchen to find a roomful of girls spilling into the living room. All of the couple matchups for the evening had been done, she guessed. Two boys with notepads still hung around the front door looking for stragglers like Emery and herself. One of them headed out the door toward Emery while the other glanced her direction. He looked down at his pad and smiled. She had no reason to feel embarrassed. Phillip Kanagy was going to take her to the table tonight. It was an honor to be chosen ahead of time. With her inappropriate thoughts about Emery, she ought to let go tonight and get lost in Phillip’s awesome smile, in his understanding of her feelings, in his instinctual touch he seemed to have. Wasn’t that what she wanted? A man who understood her for once? Who didn’t have to be led along and encouraged constantly like Alvin Knepp and wasn’t impossible like Emery?

Debbie’s thoughts were interrupted by the sight of Phillip among the crowd of men outside the barn. She caught only a momentary glimpse through the kitchen window. He was as handsome as ever. He seemed so perfect! Can anyone be perfect? She’d heard there was a problem within the Kanagy family. Perhaps Phillip was the black sheep? Had he done something to cause a rift? Minister Kanagy’s piercing looks during her months of instruction classes flashed in
front of Debbie’s eyes. It wouldn’t take much to earn Minister Kanagy’s disapproval. Ida claimed Ben had a kind heart underneath all that strictness, but that didn’t mean he would slack off when it came to church matters and discipline.

Debbie sighed. All this was just to avoid thinking about Emery, which wouldn’t work anyway.

Debbie pressed through the crowd in the kitchen and moved into the living room looking for Ida. After searching downstairs, she went upstairs. The first bedroom door was ajar, and Debbie peeked in. Ida was on the bed beside the youngest of Melvin’s children, little Lisa, who was fast asleep. Ida noticed Debbie and smiled. She put her finger to her lips before tiptoeing out into the hallway.

“The poor thing is just exhausted,” Ida whispered. “I’ll wake her in a minute since supper’s about ready to start.”

Debbie nodded. Ida was clearly in her element now, surrounded as she was by eight children. If there had been any doubt that Ida was up to the task, they’d been vanquished in the two weeks since the wedding.

Ida spoke softly. “How’s things going with Phillip?”

“Okay, I guess.” Debbie forced a smile.

Ida glanced away. “I’m not getting involved this time, Debbie, I’ve worked so hard for so long encouraging you to accept Paul’s attentions. And you never would consider it. I figured it was time I stopped.”

Debbie considered this for a moment. “Well, I know you care about me. But I still want to hear what you think. Don’t ever be afraid of advising me. You’re like a sister to me, you know.”

Ida smiled. “I won’t. I care deeply about you. I do have my hands full now with a husband and eight children. In matters of the heart, I’m afraid you’ll have to make up your own mind. My advice? Just follow your heart. It led you to us, didn’t it? And
Da Hah
will keep you on the right path if you ask Him to help you.”

“Thank you, Ida,” Debbie said. From downstairs came the
rustling of clothing and the decrescendo of voices, so she surmised the girls were heading out. “It sounds as if the girls are leaving. I guess I’d better go join them.”

Ida squeezed her arm and disappeared back into the bedroom. Debbie made her way down the stairs and moved to the front of the group of girls. She’d be expected, as one of the oldest unmarried girls, to lead the way just behind the girls who had established relationships.

Soon she would be the oldest unmarried girl. The current wedding season would marry off most of the older dating couples. Maybe the single life was an option for her. It had its pleasant side. She could live on the Beiler farm until Emery married… but that might not be so very long. Emery would soon find the right girl and settle down.

Debbie sighed. She should prepare her heart for the single life, but the vision she had of being an Amish farmer’s wife was still strong. She envisioned a life of morning and evening chores, of cows that needed care, and, perhaps, children of her own to care for someday. Children who would have what she’d always dreamed of while she grew up—the soil of a farm to call their own. She wanted them to experience open fields in winter right outside bedroom windows, the longing for spring to arrive, and fascinating moments watching a summer thunderstorm move toward the farmhouse, knowing it would bring life-giving water for the livestock and the family for the months ahead. How could she leave that vision behind? That was the question. But it took a man to realize such a dream. And that seemed quite impossible at the moment.

Thirty-Eight

T
hrough the open, pole barn door where Lily and Mahlon’s wedding meal had been served this afternoon and the hymn singing would be held tonight, Debbie caught a glimpse of the old woodstove the Kanagy family used to heat the building. Minister Kanagy, his back turned toward her, threw in fresh wood. Her feelings were still mixed toward the man.

Debbie turned her thoughts to what was going on ahead of her. The steady couples matched up first. The boys coming out of the group gathered near the pole barn to join their girlfriends. Debbie drew in her breath as Alvin approached Mildred and took her hand. Mildred glowed, just as she should be. She had, after all, pulled off quite a coup by snatching Alvin from the affections of another girl—her—and now they planned to wed not many weeks later.