Finding Love (11 page)

It felt so good to get all of it off her chest, but at the same time she felt like she was hammering the nails into her own coffin. She’d never get a chance at happiness with Clay. And it was for the best. He needed a woman without so much baggage.

“I don’t know what to say, Addison,” he said. She hated not hearing “Addy” come out of his mouth. And how was it possible that she already missed his kisses?

“You don’t have to say anything, Clay. Just walk away while you can.”

And he did. Moments later, she was watching Clay Hampton walk straight out of her life.

***

Clay had never punched a hole in his wall before, but he stood there looking at two of them. One in the kitchen and one in the hallway. He wasn’t normally an angry guy, but right now he was full of rage. At Jim for treating Addy the way he did. At the mystery guy who got her pregnant and ran out on her and his baby. And mostly at himself for leaving her standing there on the beach.

He hadn’t wanted to walk away, but she seemed to need space. Now he regretted it. Maybe he just didn’t know what to say and took the coward’s way out.

And then there was that last little part of him that was saying maybe she was right. Maybe he did need to walk away while he could.

Moments later, a third hole shattered the quiet of his home.

Note to self: Buy a punching bag.

***

Addison woke up the next morning to the sound of Christmas music playing throughout the house. It was December 23, the day that her mother officially started her Christmas celebration.

Today, they would spend the day decorating cookies with the little kids and finish wrapping presents. Everyone would come over and spent the next couple of nights as a family, drinking hot apple cider in the evenings and probably playing a few board games.

This year would include Jenna and Kaitlyn, Tessa and Tyler and Rebecca and Leo which meant a lot more hustle and bustle in the Parker household. Addison was thankful for the needed distraction of family because all she’d been able to think about all night was Clay and the look on his face when she’d told him what a horrible person she was.

She took a quick shower and dressed in her favorite red Christmas sweater and new maternity jeans. Today was the day she would stop hiding.

It was almost as if the baby knew that she was out of hiding mode because she got the swiftest kick in the belly as she brushed through her hair.

“Hey!” she said, rubbing her belly and smiling. “Merry Christmas to you too.”

She walked downstairs to find her mother in the kitchen, cooking ingredients spread everywhere.

“Good morning, dear,” her mother said smiling as “Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree” played on Pandora.

“Good morning. Getting an early start I see?” Addison said giggling.

“Of course! Kaitlyn and Tyler will be here soon. Leo will follow later because he’s too cool to make cookies, you know.”

Leo was Rebecca’s almost fifteen year old son and was way too hip to be making cookies with adults all day. She’d talked to him a few times in passing at Jolt and he seemed to be a good kid, but a teenager nonetheless. Jackson spent a lot of time with him, though, and Addison knew Rebecca was thankful for that.

“Can I help?” Addison asked.

“Sure. Maybe you can start mixing the batter?” Adele said, handing Addison the mixer and a bowl of ingredients. “I need to get to work on the other desserts for tomorrow and Christmas Day.”

“Mom, do we really need so many sweets?”

“Honey, you’re pregnant. Now’s the time to eat sweets and enjoy!”

“I don’t want to weigh four hundred pounds and have gestational diabetes!” Addison laughed.

They spent hours in the kitchen, later joined by most of the family, making cookies and cakes until it was lunchtime.

***

Clay didn’t know what to do with himself. He wouldn’t have ferry passengers for several days as Christmas was so close. Normally, he spent half of Christmas Day with his parents and the other half with the Parkers. He’d done this for as long as he could remember.

But this year he wasn’t sure he could.

Looking at Addison, especially after that kiss, was an impossible thought. That kiss had been everything he’d ever hoped and more, cementing the idea in his head that she was definitely “the one”, as his mother called it.

No other woman would ever be able to compare to her. The way she made him feel. The way she looked. The way her hair smelled. Everything about her was what he wanted. Even the baby inside of her was what he wanted.

But he’d ruined it by leaving her standing there on the beach. When she’d needed him to understand and still be there, he’d left. Like all the other men in her life, he’d disappeared. First, her father died and left Addison without a Daddy growing up. Then her husband had betrayed her. When Clay had finally had his chance, he had let her down.

He had to do something besides punching holes in his walls, so he grabbed his laptop. There was only one way he knew to occupy his time, so he pulled up Google and started his plan.

***

Adele had definitely made way too many fruitcakes this year. That was for sure. Addison decided to take one of them and give it to Clay’s mother, since she was sure that she’d enjoy it while taking care of his father.

Clay hadn’t made an effort to get in contact, and a small part of her hoped he might be at their house. When she pulled up in her car, his truck wasn’t at his house or his parents’. And she hadn’t seen it at the ferry dock either, which was strange.

She knocked on the door. Clay’s mother, Patricia, answered almost immediately and smiled when she saw Addison.

“Oh my goodness! Clay said you were back, Addison. I was hoping we’d see you before you left to go back to Atlanta!” she said.

“It’s so good to see you, Patricia. And I think I’m staying in January Cove for the foreseeable future,” Addison said as she hugged the older woman. Patricia had aged well and still had a trim figure and platinum blond hair. She’d always kept that hair color no matter how obvious it was that her natural color was nowhere near it.

“Please, come in,” she said, opening the door.

Addison walked inside and was struck by how the house still looked much the same. There was a new sofa, but the decor was trapped in a time from long ago.

“I brought you one of Mom’s fruitcakes,” Addison said, holding out the plastic wrapped mound of sugar.

“Oh, wonderful! Adele makes the best fruitcakes in town,” Patricia said. And then there was an uncomfortable silence as the two women sat across from each other.

“I guess you’ve heard about my predicament?” Addison finally said.

“Your divorce? Yes, I’ve heard. Clay said the guy is a jerk,” Patricia said with a sad smile.

“Very true,” Addison said. “And you’ve heard about this?” she said, pointing to her belly.

“I did,” she said softly. “And I’m so happy for you, Addison.”

“Thank you.”

“Can I say something?” Patricia asked.

“Of course.”

“Don’t give up on Clay just yet.”

“Excuse me?” Addison said, taken aback by his mother’s words.

“Addison, he’s always been fond of you, even when your brothers told him to cut it out,” she laughed. “But Clay is a serious soul. He believes in love, and he stands by those he loves. I’m just saying not to count him out yet…”

“Patricia, I appreciate that but this mess isn’t Clay’s to clean up. He deserves a woman without so much baggage.”

“You let him decide how much baggage he’s willing to carry,” she said softly. Before Addison could respond, Clay’s father appeared in the room. He looked confused and much thinner than Addison remembered.

“Pat, have you seen the dog?” he said, totally ignoring Addison.

“No, dear. I think he went for a walk,” she said before whispering to Addison that they didn’t have a dog.

“Who’s this?” he asked, pointing at Addison.

“This is Addison Parker, dear,” she said loudly. “You remember her, don’t you?”

“Oh, yes, Addison. My, she’s grown up, hasn’t she? Did Clay finally marry her?” Addison’s heart skipped a beat.

“No, honey. Addison is married to someone else,” she said.

“Well, that’s too bad. Clay sure did love her,” he said before shuffling back into the kitchen. Addison was left speechless for once in her life.

Christmas at the Parker house was legendary, and Addison was enjoying it more this year with everyone around. Somehow, she’d successfully managed to stay in the house and not go looking for Clay to see if she could get another kiss out of him.

But she’d thought about it. A lot.

It was Christmas Day and everyone had breakfast together. They enjoyed hash browns, scrambled eggs and coffee along with biscuits and gravy.  Addison was stuffed, and the baby was moving like crazy. She considered it a Christmas gift that she could now feel her baby moving, giving her the knowledge that things were okay in there.

Being alone and pregnant was hard. She longed to have a husband who cared about her and their baby. Someone to rub her back at night, make her put her feet up, run a hot bath for her. Someone to care. She’d never had that, even when Jim was at his “best”.

After breakfast, the family gathered in the living room and exchanged presents. It was a happy time with kids running everywhere and laughter filling the room. She smell of cinnamon and pine wafted around the room, but was in jeopardy of being overpowered by the homemade apple pie cooking in the oven.

And Addison couldn’t help but feel a void. She really wished Clay had come.

***

“This room isn’t big enough for all these people,” Aaron said with a laugh as he sat beside Addison on the fireplace.

“I’m starting to wonder if we’ll be able to fit the new baby in here next year!” she said.

“Wow. That’s hard to believe. This time next year, you’ll be a mother.”

“I know. Someone will call me mother. Crazy!” she said giggling.

“You’ll be a great mom, Addy.”

“Thanks, Aaron. And you’ll be a great Daddy. I guess you already are.”

Aaron looked over at Tyler, all hyped on Christmas cookies he swiped before breakfast, playing with his new firetruck. It warmed Aaron’s heart. He really did think of Tyler as his son.

Then he looked at Tessa who was sitting with Adele laughing. Her beautiful eyes lit up the room as she quickly found him in the crowd and smiled. God, her smile went straight through his soul. All he knew in that moment was that he wanted to spend all of his Christmases with Tessa and Tyler. He wanted to build a family with her.

She was nothing like Natalie. Brad had been right. Love means trusting someone, and he was going to put his trust into Tessa.

***

It was almost lunchtime, and Addison needed to freshen up. She went upstairs to her room to brush her teeth and touch up her makeup before they did family Christmas pictures in the afternoon.

When she walked into her room, she noticed a wrapped gift sitting on her bed. The tag had her name on it, but she didn’t recognize the handwriting as her mother’s.

She sat down and did what she always did; she opened the gift before the card. It was a beautiful set of handmade ABC blocks, intricately carved and painted in vibrant blues, reds and yellows. Someone had obviously put a great deal of time into making them, and Addison wondered where a person could buy them around town. They didn’t sell any handmade toys in January Cove that she knew of.

When she opened the card, it took her breath away.

Dear Addy,

I’m sorry I left you standing on the beach at the time you needed me most. You’re going to make the most incredible mother. You’re a strong woman, and I admire what you’re doing. I hope you’ll forgive me.

Merry Christmas.

Clay

She was stunned. Had he made these in the last two days? While she was thinking of him and wishing he’d call or come by, he was doing this?

Just then, she heard the doorbell ring. How romantic! It had to be Clay coming to see her. She moved as quickly as a pregnant woman could, bounding down the stairs and right past her mother who was attempting to answer the door.

She swung it open, ready to hug Clay and say she was sorry. Instead, Harrison Gibbs was standing in front of her.

“Mr. Gibbs? Did we have an appointment?” she stammered, disappointed that Clay wasn’t the one standing in front of her.

“No…” he started.

“Well, no offense, but it’s Christmas Day and my family…” she said.

“Addison, I invited Harrison over for Christmas lunch,” Adele said, pulling the door back and smiling at him. Addison bit her lips.

“Sorry, I didn’t know… I thought…” she stammered.

“No big deal, Addison. Today isn’t about business. My kids are out of town, so your mother was nice enough to invite me to lunch,” he smiled. She was starting to feel like a third wheel with these two. But it was kind of cute.

Harrison came inside and the family gathered around the table for the traditional blessing. Addison closed her eyes and silently thanked God for all the people who were rallying around her and the baby. She thanked God for the blessing of a healthy pregnancy so far, her brothers, her mother and even for Clay’s friendship. She had a lot to be thankful for this Christmas season, and she intended to start the new year as a new person.

***

A few days after Christmas, Harrison came back over to the house, but this time it was for business. Adele was at her real estate office, so Addison met with him alone.

“Thanks for meeting with me today, Addison. We have lots to go over.”

“Good. I’m ready to get this over with soon,” she said, shutting the front door and pointing him toward the kitchen table again.

He spread some papers out in front of him. “First, we’ve got the goods on Jim.”

She smiled. “Oh yeah?”

“Look at this,” Harrison said, pulling out his iPad and opening a video. It was a bit grainy and in black and white, but it showed Jim and Tiffani in an elevator somewhere. They were all over each other, kissing and going further than one would in an elevator - if they had any class.

“When was this?” she asked.

“It was about six months before you left him. Plenty of time before your ‘indiscretion’,” he said, using air quotes.

“Was this at his office?” she asked, watching the video again. It was amazing how unattached she was. There was no pain in her heart watching her own husband kiss another woman because she didn’t love him. She wasn’t sure she’d ever really loved him, though she’d tried as hard as she knew how.

“No. This was at a fancy hotel in downtown San Francisco when he took a business trip.”

“He never took a trip there. What’s the date on this?” she asked, answering her own question when she saw it stamped on the video. “Wow.”

“What?”

“That was our wedding anniversary. He canceled our plans because he said his Uncle Ned, who lives in Montana, had died. He told me there was no need to come, so he went alone.”

“Hmm…. Maybe we need to see if old Uncle Ned even died?”

“Yep. How’s that going to look if he used a family member’s fake death to screw his ditzy secretary?” she said with a chuckle. “What an idiot.”

“I’ve got more news for you too.”

“Okay…”

“I spoke with your attorney. She’s aware of this information, but I also had her get into contact with the father of your baby. He still wants no contact with the baby, and he’s signed over his parental rights, Addison.” He pushed the stack of paperwork over to her.

Addison’s eyes filled with tears. She didn’t really know why as she hadn’t planned on him being involved anyway, but it still made her sad for the baby. Being rejected wasn’t easy for anyone, and one day she’d have to explain that to her child.

“Thanks, Mr. Gibbs. I’m glad to have that part over with, but it’s still sad that a man would deny his own child,” she said, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. Harrison handed her his handkerchief. Who still carried those things?

“It is, but you know you’ll find love again, Addison. Real love. And that man will love your child as if it was his own.”

She smiled and handed him back the handkerchief. “You think so, huh?”

“I think you know a friend of mine,” he said, raising one eyebrow.

“I do?”

“Clay Hampton. He’s actually my god son.”

Addison was shocked. Of course, she shouldn’t have been. Practically everyone in their small town knew each other.

“Wow. I had no idea. I’ve known Clay my whole life,” she said. “He’s a great guy.”

“That he is,” Harrison said with a smile. “And he really likes you, Addison.”

“Excuse me?” she said.

“Look, I’m an old man and I don’t have a lot of time for beating around the bush. Plus, I’m a private investigator and ex-cop, so I know how to read people. He loves you, Addison. And he has for a long time.”

“Mr. Gibbs…”

“Please call me Harrison.”

“Okay. Harrison, this whole trip back home has been a lot to take in. Add to that a terrible divorce and a baby, and well, my mind just can’t take much more.”

“Do you love him?” he asked.

“I don’t know him like that. He’s always been my friend, almost like a brother.”

“Don’t lie, Addison,” he said chuckling. “Remember I used to grill people for hours in tiny rooms with lights above their heads. You’re no better at lying than a two-bit thief.”

“Gee, thanks,” she said crossing her arms. “Guess my plans of becoming a thief have been dashed.” This guy really had some gall.

“I just want to see Clay happy. And truthfully, I want to see you happy too. I like your mother, you can plainly see that. I know she’d be delighted if you had someone who would love you and that baby and take care of you.”

“I think you’re jumping the gun here, Harrison. First, I’m not even divorced yet. Second, no one said Clay would love my baby.”

“Actually, Clay told me that, Addison.” You could’ve heard a pin drop in the room.

“What?” she said, her mouth gaping open.

“Look, Addison, your father was one of my best friends. He was such a good, decent, family man. Clay reminds me of your Dad. He loves you, I know he does. And I think you know he does. All I’m saying is that you deserve to be happy and to have someone to love you, and I think Clay could be that person if you give him a chance.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“What was my Dad like? I don’t remember him, and all I have to go on is the memories of my family members.”

“Oh, your Dad was a great guy. Super funny. Always the life of the party. Told the silliest jokes and always played pranks on his friends.”

“Really?” Addison found herself smiling at the thought of her Dad being such a clown. “I’m the funny one in my family. At least that’s what I’m told. Of course, I haven’t felt so funny lately.”

“I know one thing for sure. When you were born, your Dad was over the moon. He finally had his girl after three boys before you. He loved his boys, but he doted on you like you were a real life princess. Told me that he was going to sit at the front door with his shot gun when you started dating. Figured he’d clean it while he met the boys who came calling.” Harrison chuckled. “I believe he’d have done it.”

“I bet,” Addison said smiling. “I miss him even though I don’t remember him.”