Finding My Highlander (25 page)

“Cannae you see that what you took, you’ve given back many times over? A warrior must always be mindful of the lives he saves if he is to stay sound of mind. And you, my braw lass, are as true a warrior as any one of my men.”

“What awaits you in your time other than men on the moon and buildings like mountains?” She experienced no relief at his attempt to add a bit of levity.

“You’ve said all of your family is dead. I have a family here who already love you. I love you. You need family, a clan to embrace, a husband to protect and provide for you.” His speech was rushed and it was obvious Kendrick would not relent. Since she’d known him, she’d watched him tenaciously pursue every goal. “Will you be my wife, Andra, and bear my bairns?”

“What! Your wife? You’re asking me to be your wife?” Elation and shock rattled her, but he’d also asked her to bear his children and there lay the impediment.

“Oh Kendrick, if only—I—if only that were possible, but you see, I’m not certain I can have another child. After Daniel,” she hesitated, moisture gathered in her eyes before she blinked them back. “The doctors said maybe I could conceive again, but further tests and possible surgery might be necessary to be sure. I never pursued the issue. So, you see, even if I can’t return to my time, I don’t think it’s possible for us to marry. You must marry into a neighboring clan with a woman who can provide an heir, wealth, warriors, and filial connections. Isn’t that what would be expected by the elders?”

Her heart squeezed in her chest. “You would not go against the urging of your clan, not if it caused dissension.” She searched his beautiful face, “If they resented your choice you might eventually grow to resent your decision to take me to wife. And I could never agree to be your mistress nor watch you marry another should the clan not accept us as husband and wife.”

Kendrick cradled her face with his hands. “Husband and wife is what I’m proposing, Andra. I will decide if and who shall fill that role, and I want you. Listen to me, please. Long ago, a tragedy hollowed out my heart. I gladly left it in the dust, dead and disposed of, a tattered, useless thing, then by a miraculous twist of fate or heavenly decree, who can say which, you fell in my path. A wild, brazen beauty from the future awakened my soul, something I am sore to relinquish again.”

“‘Tis true I’ve been lacking in gentlemanly behavior toward you on occasion, but I would never suggest you become my mistress. I’d never insult you in such a manner. Do you believe me so dishonorable that I’d suggest such a thing? You are mine. We belong together.”

With heated fervor, he plastered ardent kisses over her face and neck. “I don’t care aboot the heirs I might father. If you cannae conceive, then neither you nor a child could die in childbirth. That alone would be sufficient reason to rejoice, and I’ll have no regrets. Lorne can provide an heir for the clan. I want you with me. I want you to be my wife.”

As always, his passion pushed her fears aside. He rubbed his hands over the bodice of her shift, and pushed the top down. Licking a hardened nipple, he drew it into his mouth and sucked deeply. His rough, urgent hands pushed up her skirts and slid along her inner thighs to the wet depths at her apex.

Andra threw her head back and groaned as his fingers slipped inside preparing her tight walls for his invasion. She urged him to roll onto his back, and he readily complied. She lifted herself over his hips and pressed her slick folds against his shaft, yet denied him entry.

Her nails scratched his bronzed chest and through the hair that drifted down his belly. A smile creased her lips, the first in days. “You are a magnificent specimen, Kendrick MacLean, every woman’s dream man. I cannot believe you love me.”

“Believe it,
a chuisle mo chroi
. I love you, Andra. I swear I never thought to say those words, and ken I’ll never say them to another.”

What did he just say—
Pulse of my heart?
Were those fireworks going off in her head?
The world spun out of control.

His voice rumbled, prickling over her skin. “When ye smile like that love, you’re like a sparkling star, a summer breeze, everything fine and beautiful. I am yours for a smile,”

He pushed the hair away from her face. “I ache for you, lass.” He lifted his hips pressing against her mons in an urgent plea. “If you’re not ready, I’ll wait, though it may kill me to stop.” He moaned. “There’s no denying my desire to join with you. Do not be afraid. Take the love I offer, be mine, accept me without reservation as I accept you.”

“You win,” she laughed. Tomorrow she’d worry over the time travel matter. Now, she wanted to make love to him, to immerse herself in the intensity of his touch, to release this plaguing melancholy with fierce passion. She wanted to block all other thoughts from her mind. He was a flashing beacon calling her home through the storm. Pulling her skirts to her waist, she lifted above him and guided his throbbing shaft into her heated core. Sliding down and lifting again, she reveled in the undeniable desire evident in his gaze as he watched them join. Clinching him tightly with her inner muscles, she threw her head back and soared.

* * *

Kendrick near exploded as soon as she slid over his hard erection. His hands gripped her hips and aided her movement until their rhythm beat hard and fast. Lifting her head, their eyes locked as he touched the nub where they joined and brought her to an explosive climax.

“You are beautiful,” he whispered, watching her take him into her shuddering depths, clenching him with spasms of need. “I love to feel you writhe and pulse under my hands.” This was his Andra, this magnificent, unguarded, wildly enthusiastic woman he adored. As he brought her to another climax, he joined the tumultuous explosion, releasing his seed deep in her womb. Her ability to give him children didn’t matter; he wanted her, and she would be his.

Lying atop him, both of them panting, trying to slow their breath, a sense of peace settled over him. Their passion had pummeled the angst of the past few days into submission. Every fear singed by insatiable desire, consumed in this absolute moment, until everything else fell away except her flesh against his, and this urgent coupling that merged two souls into one.

Her eyes shining, she pushed against his chest and lifted her torso above his. “That was fantastic. You’re always using sex to bring me back to my senses. Did you notice that?” she chuckled.

“I’m happy to oblige, my love. Lose your senses anytime. I’ll gladly bring you back home.”

Rolling onto her back, she flung her arm across her face. The air had chilled. He felt a shudder ran through her. He couldn’t tell whether the sudden shiver resulted from a decision to forego attempts to return to her time, or due to the air wicking sweat from her skin. But she grew tense and still beside him. “What troubles you, Andra?”

“Kendrick, let us take a few days to think this over and discuss it further. As much as you honor me with your proposal, and as hard as it would be to leave you, I feel we must carefully consider all possible consequences.”

When he started to protest, she shushed him. “Please, listen to me. Although scientists allude to time travel where I’m from, there is no scientific proof that I know of. Still, there are theories, and all of them suggest that changes caused by persons going to the past would result in devastating timeline changes for future generations, possibly resulting in my own demise in the future. According to those theories, no one should bring back information about the future, nor alter the past, as their interference could have devastating impact on the future. Perhaps I have already caused irrevocable damage to my own time.”

“As you say, ‘tis only theories, even in your time, and they may not be correct. Mayhap you fell through time to complete the things you’ve done here. Mayhap God ordains it either way. Even in your time this is not kenned.”

A heartfelt sigh escaped her lips. “I cannot reason it out, but I do believe I should once again try to return to my time, if for no other reason than to assure us both that it’s not possible and won’t happen unexpectedly.”

He abhorred the idea, yet her consideration to stay also encouraged him. That would suffice for now. Besides, he had absolutely no intention of releasing her.

“It grows cold, and the hour is late. We should return before Lorne dispatches a search party to find us.”

* * *

Kyle scrambled around the stables in an effort to corral the puppies. “Lady Andra, ye are out of yer room.” he exclaimed. “Are ye better then?” His voice was so hopeful.

He lifted the wriggly, little beast in his hands. “Look at my pup. Master says I can keep him if I behave, listen to me elders, and help take care of the litter. Isn’t he grand?” His youthful exuberance soothed her soul.

Kendrick dismounted and helped her down, a smile on his lips. Kyle wrapped one hand into hers. His big eyes swallowed her up. “Will ye be joining the clan for the evening meal? Will ye sing tonight, Lady Andra? Everyone misses yer singing, even Struan.” He scowled in an attempt to imitate Struan’s gruff countenance.

Ruffling his auburn curls, she smiled. “Yes, I’m improving, but I think I’ll take my meal in my room tonight. I’m not ready to sing yet. Perhaps I should teach you to sing a song of your own.”

The boy’s mouth dropped open and his eyes grew wide. “Oh? I dinnae ken if I can sing. Dae ye think I can?”

“Most assuredly. Perhaps we’ll have all the children learn a song together.”

“Tonight? Can we learn tonight?”

Kendrick stepped in, “Lady Andra is fatigued from her ride today and still needs her rest, Kyle. You can talk with her about singing tomorrow.”

When they reached her chambers, Andra knew he wanted to join her. He’d been the only visitor she’d allowed for days, but she needed time alone. “We have much to think on tonight, and I’m exhausted.” She lifted onto her toes and sweetly kissed his lips. “Until tomorrow, my love.”

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Andra did not teach the children to sing the next morning. Before the sun rose, she sought Kendrick on his pre-dawn stroll along the parapet.

At the top of the stairs, she spied him. Even in shadow, his wide stance, broad shoulders, and flowing dark-blond hair was unmistakable. He exuded confidence and strength while watching over his lands for any untoward movement in the hills. His enjoyment of the morning’s peace and quiet radiated from him. She thought to turn back, leave him to his reverie when he turned and reached out his hand.

“Come to me, lass.”

“How did you know it was me?”

“I heard the rustle of your skirts as you climbed the stairs, but I would ken you in the blackest night even if you never spoke. Your sweet scent precedes you, Andra, and invades my senses on the slightest breeze.”

The thick burr of his words made her tingle with desire. He made her want to toss up her skirts and behave like a simpering, love-struck idiot. However, she hadn’t searched him out for a tryst. They had important matters to discuss. His hand, still extended to her, flicked ever so slightly, and she felt his pull straight to her center.

Neatly tucked under his shoulder, his arm wrapped tightly along her back and arm, she lay her head against him, realizing how sheltered and secure he made her feel.

“I didn’t sleep well. My mind bursts with unanswered questions. The why and how this happened to me, and all that we discussed yesterday. I have come up with a plan.”

He squeezed her shoulder. “Why do I feel as though this plan will not be to my liking?”

“Like it or not, I feel certain we must return to the spot where you first found me.” She rushed the words to maintain her courage.

“Nae, Andra, I definitely dinnae like this idea.”

She pried herself from under his hold and turned to face him. “Did you mean what you asked me yesterday?”

“If you mean my request that you become my wife, I did and still do mean every word. I want you with me, Andra. You make me feel whole in a way I have never known.”

Her cool fingers sculpted the curve of his face, studying with their touch as if to memorize its contours even in shadow. “I have fallen madly in love with you. I want to stay with you yet am equally terrified of staying. Before we go any further, we must know if I am meant to return.”

“Love, I can make certain that you are never in that spot again in your life. You simply have to decide that you want to be with me as much as I want you to stay.”

She shook her head. “Despite the fact our time together has been relatively short, I have never loved nor wanted to be with anyone more in my life than with you, Kendrick.” Yet every possible scenario of an abrupt catapult through time scattered through her mind like a swarm of annoying wasps.

“You confess your love, yet persist in this desire to explore something even you don’t understand?” His clipped response, lacking any of the previous endearments, revealed his frustration. His expression hardened. “As you wish.”

Yep.
He was angry.
Nevertheless, though she desperately wanted this man, she could not ignore her feelings. If she didn’t do her best to find an answer, her fears would endlessly trouble her peace of mind.

“Please, don’t be angry, my love. If I should be torn away, I don’t want a moment of our time marred with bad feelings.”

He pulled her hard against his chest and crushed his mouth to hers, invading and quarreling with his ravenous tongue, imploring, pleading with the prowess of his kiss.

Breaking the connection, he said, “This is what you will leave behind: a family and a man who will always love and protect you. Will you find that where you might go? How do you even ken you’ll return to where you came from? Mayhap you’ll land somewhere else.”

She could barely concentrate when he broke away, “I—I do not minimize the significance of your love or offer of marriage. I simply must have this answered. Please try to understand.”

His hands clamped ahold of her wrists. “Are you saying you will only stay with me if you have no other choice?” She could see him bite down on that last retort, holding other words at bay. Anger and disappointment flashed across his brow. “You wound a man’s pride,” he snapped.

She knew him to be a most prideful man, and this must feel like a rejection to him. Her eyes filled with tears she fought hard to blink away. “It is difficult to explain, Kendrick. In answer to your question, no, I would not stay simply because I had no other choice. I want to stay. I want to become your wife. Yet I feel I must have an answer to whether I can or might be forced to leave.”

“You seek assurances and answers for things that are impossible to ken.” He studied her carefully. “I can see there’s no sense refusing you this chance to try, though I think it a most foolish endeavor. What ridiculous plan have you concocted?”

“I believe we must re-enact the scene of the day you found me as realistically as possible. I will take my things and place them on my plaid. You and the men will charge through the forest toward me, and we shall see what happens.”

He remained stalwart and silent, his hands lightly holding hers. “You dinnae expect Lorne to suffer similar injuries to those he sustained that day, nor recreate your head injury, do you?” The asperity of his attempted jest confirmed his discontent with her.

“Of course not,” she huffed. “If it is any comfort to you, I promise if this attempt fails, I will never try it again.” A piercing intensity blanketed his expression but he uttered no additional protestations.

“Perhaps you will ask...?” She quickly clamped a hand over her mouth and dropped her head stopping the words about to spill forth. They should not discuss a future together until it was determined whether she would be staying.

His arms clamped around her like a vise as he pulled her hard against him. He breathed deeply, absorbing her scent. A breath never sounded more cheerless. “Let us get this over with then. We will go before first light tomorrow. You’d best get busy preparing for our trip. I’ll speak with the men.”

She turned to leave, then turned back, “Do the men know what I disclosed about being…?” She lowered her voice and leaned in. “About being from the future?”

“Rabbie knows, and Lorne suspects something unusual is amiss, but telling Struan is another matter. You handled his superstitious reaction at the river, but this revelation might cause him a fatal fit of apoplexy.” He laughed at the thought.

“Perhaps we should just say that I lost something very important and want to search for it.”

“Aye, I’ll think on that. But if I say we go, my men will obey without question.” He turned her away and smacked her bottom, none too lightly, “Now off with you. I must see to my men and prepare for our departure.”

That evening she joined the family and clan in the great hall. If others noticed her state of quiet reserve, no one mentioned it. After the meal, Kyle pestered her about teaching the children a song of their own. She finally relented and took them aside, settling the girls on one side of her and the lads on the other. This song is about Old MacDonald and his farm of singing animals. The children burst into guffaws and giggles. She gave each group a number of animal sounds they would sing and then the refrain, “Old MacDonald had a farm, EIEIO,” which they would all sing together. It didn’t take long before the children eagerly practiced their lines and ancillary noises mimicking the animals mentioned in the verses.

When the song ended, the audience awarded their efforts with much applause and pounding of feet. After she declined to sing additional songs and excused herself for the evening, Kendrick escorted her from the hall. “You have made the bairns and their kin verra happy this evening, Andra. These songs you sing, they are well kenned where you’re from?”

“Oh, yes. All the songs I’ve sung are very popular.”

When they reached her room, he followed her in and went to stoke the fire. “May I sit with you a while?”

She tilted her head and gave him a lopsided smile. “We must be up early and should be well rested before we leave.” While she spoke, she fumbled at the ties of her stomacher then dropped it to the floor.

With no further preamble, he removed his brooch and folded his plaid neatly over the chair by the hearth. Wearing just his knee-length linen shirt, he approached her, a smoldering heat in his eyes.

“Will you help me with the ties to my gown?”

He growled in compliance and helped her strip away each piece of clothing with exquisite tenderness. Then she removed his shirt.

They stood toe-to-toe, naked and glowing from the fire’s light. She placed her hands on him, trailing her nails up the sculpted muscles of his chest to cling behind his neck. Leaning into his strength, she lifted her legs and wrapped them around his hips. “I need to feel you inside me,” she breathed into his ear.

A responding groan rose out of his throat. With hands firmly gripping her buttocks, he walked her to the bed. They made love with slow, exploratory touches, and she saddened over what they might soon lose. Before long, they both cried out in a frantic rush of passion. They quickly plunged into the oblivion only sexual congress afforded.

Later that night, Andra woke to find her bed empty. She rose and carefully packed all of her things in her bags.