Finding Peace (Finding Series Book 1) (16 page)

“I promise with all of my heart to write you, if you write me.” I snicker and he rubs his hand up and down my back. I moan causing him to add a little more pressure and it is mind-blowing. He’s massaging my back and every muscle in my body has relaxed; he’s better than a massage therapist.

“You were saying, you are going to write me first, right?”

He is now massaging my shoulders and neck. This is all with just one hand. If he was using both I think I might just faint. I need to take him home with me and keep him as my prisoner. “Mm hmm, I’ll do anything you say.” He laughs and my head shakes with the vibration of his chest.

“That’s another thing that’s good to know. All I have to do is rub your back a little and you’ll be putty in my hands.”

I attempt to tickle him, but he quickly grabs me and flips me onto my back. Now hovering over me, he leans down and kisses me passionately. I don’t want this night to end.

“I don’t want to go home.” Tears threaten to spill over onto my cheeks.

“Then don’t. Stay with me.”

“You know I can’t do that. I have to graduate among other things.” We haven’t spoken of David or the impending talk I will have to have with him.

“I don’t care about the charges. If you need anything at all, you call me. I’ll be there as quick as I can.”

I sit up and he moves over and sits next to me. “I’ll be fine, Blake. I do hope you’ll call me some. To answer your earlier questions, I want you to come and see me. And I would love for you to be at my graduation. I’ll send you all the information in one of my many letters I’m going to write to you.”

He kisses me again and then hugs me so hard I think he might break something. I laugh and he loosens his grip.

“Good. I’ll be there. I can’t wait to get to see you again.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He pulled into the driveway a few minutes ago and we’ve been trying to get up the nerve to say our goodbyes. He lifts my hand up to his mouth and kisses it.

“I’ll think about you every minute of every day.”

The things he says to me are so sweet. I’ve never been treated this way by anyone. “I’ll be thinking about you too. I’ll be reliving every moment we’ve shared.”

“Me, too baby.”

We hug, kiss, and hug some more. He finally gets out of the truck and walks me to the door where we hold on to each other for dear life. He finally backs up and we keep our hands together until only our fingertips are touching. Tears are now flowing down my face.

“Don’t cry, baby. I’ll come and see you as soon as y’all get moved into the lake house. You just let me know. Okay?”

I shake my head yes. His fingertips slip from mine and the loss of contact rips a big hole in my chest. I wrap my arms around myself and watch him walk to the truck. He turns and blows me a kiss. Giving him a weak smile, I watch as he slides into the driver’s seat and shuts his door. When he starts the truck, the rumble of the engine causes me to jump. He motions with his head to the door; I bite my lip to keep from breaking down. I blow him a kiss and turn my back on the only person who has ever treated me like I was a precious jewel. He takes the time to learn what I like, worries about my feelings and my safety. It’s more about my happiness with him than anything else. He wants me to be happy and he will do anything to make sure I am.

I trudge up the steps to the bedroom, barely able to make it there, before I finally give into the ache in my chest. Collapsing on the bed as the wave of grief hits me, my sobs echoing loudly in the quiet room. Tessa rushes to my side trying to console me.

“Kayla, it will be okay. You’ll see him again.”

I continue to cry. “I hope you’re right.”

Kayla

We’re close to the house and I’m feeling heartbroken and physically ill. Tessa talked to her dad earlier, who told her that David had already been riding by the house a bunch today. So, I’m pretty certain that he is scoping out the house waiting for me to get home.

Lisa and Troy have already started moving stuff to the lake house. Tessa and I will be helping move the remaining stuff tomorrow. It’s a blessing that the move will at least put some distance between David and me, after the official break up. I’m still not wearing my ring, so I’m sure as soon as he notices that it’s not on my finger, he will be flipping out on me.

We turn onto the street we live on and I close my eyes and say a silent prayer. “
God, please, let this be as painless as possible. Guide me in what to say so that I don’t cause any more pain than I have to.
” I open my eyes at the sound of Tessa speaking.

“Are you okay?”

“No. This is going to be so hard. I hate to hurt people. This is going to rip him apart and there isn’t anything I can do about that. I’ve tried for so long to make him see we shouldn’t be together.”

I think of Blake and the things he said to me. I often do hurt myself to keep from hurting others. Having him point that out to me really hit home. The week I had with him, showed me how happy I could be, if I would just let myself have that happiness. Even if I never see Blake again, he gave me something so special, the gift of knowing that I deserve to be happy just like everyone else does. He told me over and over that this is something I need to do for myself and for David. Continuing my relationship with him isn’t fair to anyone.

I see the house in the distance and sure enough his car is parked there and he and Troy are standing outside talking.

“Oh no, he’s already here Kayla. Do you want me to keep driving?”

She has slowed the car down, hoping that they haven’t seen us yet. “What good would that do? Even if you turn around, they will see us. I have to face him. I might as well do it now.”

She speeds back up and pulls into the driveway. David is smiling from ear to ear. This sucks. This really sucks. I think I’m going to be sick. I put both of my hands on my stomach and try to calm my nerves.

“Kayla, I’ll stay with you if you want me to. You don’t have to do this alone.”

I reach over and take her hand. “As much as I love you and I would love for you to stay with me while I do this, I need to do it alone. He is going to be embarrassed as it is, he doesn’t need an audience.”

She looks out the window at David and then back at me. “Fine, but I will be just inside and the first sign that you are in trouble, I will be busting out the door to help you.”

I smile at her. “I wouldn’t expect any less from you.” I try to laugh, but it gets stuck and comes out as a choking sound. She reaches across the seat and hugs me. I’m sure that David knows something is up by now.

“We need to get out of the car before he walks over here.” I take a deep breath and open my door.

“You can do this.”

I nod my head at her, and get out of the car. He walks up and picks me up, then spins me around. He kisses my cheek and sits me back down onto my feet.

“I’m so glad to see you. You have no idea how much I have missed you. Everything is going to be different now. We are going to work everything out. I got you a gift.”

He’s not letting me talk. It’s like he knows something is up and he is talking as fast as he can. He reaches in his pocket and pulls out a box. Oh no! Please, no! Just then, Troy walks over to get our suitcases out of the car. He walks over to me and puts his arm around my shoulder.

“We’re going to go inside. If you need us you know we’re here for you.”

He nods to David. Then he puts his arm out for Tessa to walk with him. As they walk up the steps of the house, she keeps looking over her shoulder to check on me. I know she will be sitting right inside the door and I’m pretty sure Troy will be close by too.

I turn back to David. “I don’t need a gift. Just keep that.”

His expression changes to one of confusion. He then places the box in the palm of his hand and holds it out to me.

“I bought it for you and I want you to have it.”

I just need this to be over. I’ve been going through this for way too long. “Okay. Thank you.” I open the box as he continues to smile while watching me. It’s a gold circle ring with two diamonds in the center. It’s pretty.

“I had a jeweler make it. I told him what I wanted and he designed it. The diamonds represent us.”

Oh great. I rub my eyes and run my hand down my face. I let out the breath I was holding.

“Put it on. I want to make sure it fits. He said if it didn’t we could bring it back and he can size it. I missed you so much, baby. I know you’re probably tired, but do you feel like going to get something to eat? I took your car earlier and filled it up. I wanted to make sure you had gas since you’ll be driving back and forth to the lake now.”

He is making this so much harder. He has to know what’s coming. Why is he playing this game? “David, sit down. We need to talk.”

“Honey, we don’t have to talk right now. You’re tired from the trip. Let’s go get something to eat and then you can come home and rest. I’ll come and help you and Tessa move your stuff to the lake tomorrow.”

This is beyond frustrating. “David, we do need to talk. I’m not going anywhere with you tonight and we don’t need your help tomorrow. Please, just sit down.”

He looks hurt and angry. I ignore him and walk over to sit on the steps to the porch. “Come and sit David.” He runs his hands through his hair.

“What’s going on Kayla?”

I just look up at him and motion my head for him to sit down. He walks around a few times and finally sits down beside me. I wipe my hands down my shorts. David reaches for my hands.

“Where the hell is your ring?”

He is staring a hole into me. “It’s in my pocket and that’s what we need to talk about.” I’m holding the new ring he gave me in my hand and I’m squeezing it so tight that it’s cutting into my flesh.

“Is there something wrong with it? Do we need to get it repaired?”

He looks worried and sad. His hands are gripped together so tight his knuckles are turning white.

“The ring is fine. I just can’t be engaged to you anymore David. I’ve tried to tell you this over and over, but you just won’t listen.”

He puts his head down and holds it with his hands. “Why, Kayla? Why are you doing this?”

I shake my head. How am I going to make him understand when he refuses to see that we have a major problem?

“I don’t love you the way I should. The love I had for you is not the love you build a marriage on. I know that now. You have to understand that this is best for both of us. We are just going to continue to hurt each other if we try to stay together.”

“Kayla, don’t do this, please. I can’t live without you.”

Here it comes; this is where I always cave in. “You can. You’re going to find someone who loves you and then you’re going to realize that what we had was nothing compared to what you will have with her.”

David’s crying now. He’s keeping his head buried in his hands, but his sobs are obvious.

“Don’t you want to be happy? Don’t you want me to be happy?”

He picks his head up and turns it toward me. I try not to let my face show any emotion, he’ll know he is getting to me and he’ll use that to his advantage.

“I am happy and I’ll do anything to make you happy. I’ve been trying to make you happy for years now. You started closing me out a long time ago and I just can’t seem to reach you anymore.”

His crying is getting worse. I feel my own tears now. “I’m sorry, David. I just don’t love you. I know that has to be hard to hear, but you need to know the truth.”

“I won’t live without you. I can’t.”

He reaches over and grabs my hands.

“Please Kayla. You can’t do this to us. We were going to be a family. We had everything planned out. It was going to be perfect. I can give that back to you. Our baby didn’t make it, but we can have another one. We can still be that family.”

Oh God! How could he do this to me? My throat feels like it’s closing up. Losing my baby was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face and he or she is the reason I have held on to him for so long. I almost died that night. It was less than a year ago when I had the miscarriage. I was still living at my dad’s and he was furious. He couldn’t believe I had let myself get into that situation.

It’s two in the morning and I wake up with a terrible pain in my stomach. I yell out into the darkness and sit up in the bed. It happens again. It’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt. I get up to go to the bathroom, I feel like I’m going to throw up, the pain is so intense.

I have been sick with a chest cold for a few days. Tessa finally convinced me to go to the doctor. I am around three months pregnant. The doctor gave me some medicine and told me I needed to rest. I have been spotting all day and he said it wasn’t anything to worry about unless it got worse. I then heard him tell my step-mother, Anne, that I was more than likely going to lose the fetus or whatever it was. This pissed me off. How dare he say that and talk about my baby like that. He didn’t know, he wasn’t God.

When I reach the bathroom I realize that my gown is soaked in blood. I sit on the toilet and cry. The pain is excruciating. I hear Nick right outside the door.