Finding Rebecca (6 page)

I know a lot of people would have frowned on our relationship because of the age difference. That’s why we had kept it secret for so long, but I didn’t care anymore. Neil had made me feel desirable and alive, something that I hadn’t felt in years. 

It had been months since I came back from Los Angeles and I was missing Neil more than ever. We talked several nights a week, but it didn’t come close to making up for him not being with me. I didn’t want to leave him out there, but I had to return to work. I knew that his sister was perfectly capable of getting him through rehab and getting him well enough to come home. I just didn’t know how much longer that would take and I was impatient. It didn’t help any that everyone at work was always asking me about his recovery. It seemed like I fielded the same questions every day.

“Hi, Rebecca. How’s Neil doing?”

“He’s improving.”

“When will he come home?”

“I’m not sure, but probably as soon as the doctors release him to travel.”

“Is he coming back to work?”

“I assume so.”

I had actually gotten to the point where I looked forward to being home alone. I didn’t have to answer questions or see the sympathetic looks that people sent my way. I still occasionally saw Carly, usually on the weekends just for drinks or dinner, but once in a while it was too release a little sexual tension. She could never take the place of Neil, but she definitely made me feel good.

I needed some company that Thursday night. Something had to take my mind off of everything, so I called Carly.

“Hey. What’s up?” she asked when she answered the phone.

“Not much. I was calling to see if you had anything going on tonight.”

“Actually, no. This is a little odd on a week day. Is everything all right?”

“I just wanted some company. I’m on my way home from the office. If you want to bring something to drink, I’ll stop and pick up some take out. We can have a girls’ night.”

“Is there anything else I should bring?”

“I’ll let you decide on that one.”

I knew what she meant, but I wasn’t going to come right out and say it. I was still a little shy, even though it wasn’t the first time.

“Okay,” she laughed. “I’ll see you in about an hour.”

I rushed home and took a shower to wash away the gloom of the day. I was just getting dressed when I heard the soft knock on my door. I ran a comb through my hair and walked quickly through the apartment to answer the door. I was still a little nervous so I looked through the opening and saw Carly standing there holding a large shopping bag.

“It took you long enough,” she said when I opened the door.

“Sorry. I just got out of the shower,” I apologized. “The food is in the kitchen. I hope Chinese is okay.”

“As long as there are egg rolls,” she said as she put the bag on the table.

“Of course,” I smiled.

“Where are your wine glasses?” she asked, popping the cork on a bottle of white wine.

“In that cabinet over the sink. You want chopsticks or a fork?”

“I can’t do chopsticks. I’m not patient enough.”

Neither of us said a lot in the beginning. I mostly picked at my food, not really eating.

“You know you need to eat,” she finally said.

“I know. I just don’t have much of an appetite today.”

“Rough day? Never mind. I could tell by your tone on the phone that it was a rough day. You want to tell me about it?”

“Just the usual,” I answered.

Carly picked up both of our wine glasses and took my hand. I followed her to the living room without a word. She eased me down on the sofa and put the glasses on the coffee table. Sitting beside me, she stroked my damp hair and tried to console me.

“It’s going to be okay,” she said.

“I know, but it’s hard.”

“You just have to be patient a little while longer. Neil will be back soon, you guys can find a place to live together, and all will be right in the world.”

I looked into her eyes and immediately forgot all about my problems. This may sound twisted, but she was my only real connection to Neil at that time. He had introduced us and being near her made me feel like I was somewhat near him.

Before I realized what I was doing, I had leaned in and kissed her luscious lips. I couldn’t get enough of her flavored lip gloss. My tongue pressed into her mouth and she wrapped her arms around me. Leaning back, she pulled me on top of her. I could feel her breasts through the thin material of her blouse. She broke the kiss and pushed me back slightly.

“Are you sure about this?”

“Of course I am,” I said and tried to kiss her again.

“I don’t want you to regret this later on and think that I took advantage of you in a vulnerable situation.”

“I invited you here. You aren’t taking advantage of anything.”

I pushed myself up and slowly unbuttoned her blouse to expose her beautiful round breasts. Her chest rose and fell slowly as she breathed. I admired her slim body for a moment before I hungrily licked and sucked on her nipples. She held my head to her and pushed it lower. My tongue ran down her stomach to the edge of her skirt and back up to her neck.

I slid my hand under her skirt and found her wetness. My fingers easily slid inside of her and she raised her hips into the air. I slowly eased my fingers in and out of her as she unbuttoned my jeans.

I drew in a sharp breath when her finger pressed into my swollen clit. She rubbed across it and up and down between my lips.

“Oh yeah,” I moaned as she penetrated me with her fingers.

She thrust in and out of me as fast as the restriction of my jeans would allow. I moaned and fucked her faster with my own fingers. We both moaned as our bodies became a writhing tangled heap on the sofa.

The grip of her thighs on my hand and the contractions of her pussy sent me into an excruciatingly pleasurable orgasm. My own muscles constricted and my juices exploded around her fingers. We lay perfectly still in each other’s arms, neither of us wanting to move until the knock at the door startled us.

“Are you expecting someone?”

“No,” I answered, feeling puzzled. “No one ever comes to visit.”

I stood up and adjusted my clothes as Carly stepped into the kitchen to fix hers. I didn’t want to answer the door, but something inside told me I should. I didn’t know the guy standing outside my door, but I did recognize him from the building so I opened the door.

“Hi,” he said. “Are you Rebecca?”

“I am,” I answered tentatively.

“I’m sorry to bother you, but this was mixed in with my mail. It belongs to you.”

“Thank you for bringing it to me,” I said as I took the piece of mail from him.

“No problem. Have a good night,” he said and walked away.

I closed the door and examined the envelope. There was no return address anywhere on it. I was about to open it when Carly emerged from the kitchen.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Some of my mail got sent to another apartment. It’s no big deal.”

I tossed it on the coffee table, sat back down on the sofa, and took a long sip of my wine.

“You should open it in case it’s important,” Carly said looking at the mysterious envelope.

Taking her advice, I picked it up and slid my finger under the flap. There was a single piece of folded paper in it. I scanned it and saw that it was from Neil. My heart fluttered as I thought it was a letter telling me he was coming home. That flutter transformed to an ache as I read the typed words on the page. I didn’t realize I was crying until Carly touched my shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

I couldn’t speak so I just handed her the letter. She read it quickly and laid it back on the table.

“I’m not sure what to say,” she said.

I gulped down the last of my wine and went to the kitchen to refill my glass. Carly followed me silently. I was shaking so badly that I couldn’t even pour the liquid from one container to another. Carly took the bottle and glass from my hand and poured it for me.

“Do you want me to call him and find out what’s going on with him?” she asked.

“You read the letter,” I told her through the tears. “He doesn’t want to come back here. He thinks he’ll be a burden. He doesn’t want me taking care of him. What more is there to find out? I just don’t understand why he wouldn’t tell me himself instead of in a letter.”

“He’s dealing with a lot,” she defended him. “Maybe he just needs a little more time to come to grips with everything.”

“It’s been so long already. I don’t mean to be rude, but I really want to be alone right now. Can I call you tomorrow or something?”

“Of course,” she said and gave me a gentle hug. “You can call me anytime. I mean that.”

I walked Carly to the door and once she was gone, I picked up my phone. I stared as Neil’s number in the contact list. I debated on calling him for a short time before I actually did it. It rang several times before going to voicemail. I cleared my throat and tried to sound normal before I spoke.

“Hey. I was just thinking about you and thought I would give you a call. I’ll be home all night if you want to call.”

I didn’t want to let on that I had gotten the letter. I was hoping that he would call me back and we could talk about this, but he didn’t.

I had left several voicemails throughout the weekend, but he never returned any of them. By Monday morning I was completely devastated. I had to force myself to go to work. I didn’t know how I would react if someone asked me about Neil. I kept to myself all morning in an attempt to avoid those questions. Shortly after lunch, Samantha knocked on my door.

“You got a minute?” she asked.

“Sure. Come on in,” I said closing up the file I was working on.

She sat down in the chair in front of my desk and I noticed she was holding a file.

“I wanted to talk with you about something before I made a decision.”

“Okay,” I said confused. “What is it?”

“I got a strange phone call this morning,” she began.

She paused like she was testing me to see if I had any idea what she was talking about. I definitely didn’t.

“It was from Neil.”

“Really?’ I asked as casually as I could. “Why was he calling?”

I braced myself for what was coming.

“He asked me to permanently assign him to the office out there. Do you know anything about that?”

Samantha was studying my face and trying to gauge my reaction. I got up from my desk and closed my office door. I didn’t want anyone to see or hear if I broke down. I carefully chose my words when I finally answered.

“I got a letter from him a few days ago. He said he wasn’t coming back here. I’ve called a couple of times, but only got his voicemail.”

“This is a huge shock.”

I swallowed hard to get rid of the lump in my throat, but was unsuccessful. The tears were welling up in my eyes. I was losing control of my emotions, regardless of my efforts.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Samantha. I was just as shocked when I got that letter. Like I said, I’ve called several times, but he won’t answer when I do.”

I wiped the tears and continued.

“I know he was very depressed when I was there. I thought he was getting better when I came home. If I hadn’t thought that, I wouldn’t have left him. Up until I got that letter, we had talked about how things would be when he did come home. We talked about him coming back to work and all that. I was blindsided by the letter.”

“You know I don’t want him to leave this office,” she said sympathetically. “As much as I hate to do it, I have no choice but to transfer him to keep him from leaving the firm completely. Will you be okay with that?”

“The good of the firm takes priority over me,” I told her. “I’ll eventually be all right.”

“Do you need some time off?” Samantha asked.

“The last thing I need is to sit at home and have nothing to keep my mind busy.”

It took weeks for me to get to a point where I wasn’t crying myself to sleep at night, but I finally did. I had eventually given up on talking with Neil about his decision. I left him one final voicemail.

“Neil, I will never fully understand why you have made this decision, but I respect it. I owe you more than I can ever express for what you have done for me. I met you at a time in my life when I felt like I was nothing. I didn’t feel like I could be loved and you proved me wrong, even if it was only for a short time. You introduced me to a side of me that had never existed. You made me feel beautiful, even sexy. The only way I can express my thanks for that is to allow you to do what you feel is necessary to go on with your life. I love you, Neil. As bad as it hurts, this will be my last attempt to contact you. If you ever want to talk, you know how to reach me.”

I hung up the phone and had one last cry. It was time to move on with my own life. I had started over once before and I could do it again.

I saw less and less of Carly, by my choosing. Even though I enjoyed her company, it was a connection to Neil that I needed to sever. I spent a lot of time alone, but I successfully evaluated what I wanted for the rest of my life.