Finding You (6 page)

She worked diligently on her eye.  She did a good job and stopped the swelling but her eye was still black when she got up the next morning.  It made her hate her mother even more than she already did.  If she had only lived long enough for Nova to graduate and go to college, Stanford would have never done the horrible things to her.  He had never touched her until after her mother died.   

At 5:00 she finally admitted the inevitable, she couldn’t work.  She called Caroline and tried to call in but she refused.  When she got to the club she went to her room and called for her.  She didn’t want Caroline or anyone for that matter see her like this but she couldn’t go out in front of the members. 

“What happened to you Nova?”

She shook her head.

“You know I can’t let you work looking like that?”

“Yes ma’am I know.  That is why I tried to call in.”

“This didn’t happen to you here did it?”

“No ma’am it didn’t.”

“You should make sure you let whoever did this to you know that the next time they will answer for it.  Do you understand?”

She had expected her to kick her out and demand her money back.  “I am very sorry Caroline.  I will never let this happen again. I’ll work extra nights. I’ll do whatever it takes to make up for this but it won’t happen again.”

Caroline brought her dinner to her room and Nova slept until 11:30.  When she woke up she cleaned up her dishes and took them to the kitchen.  She avoided the member areas with the exception of the back stair case. 

“Where are you going?”  His voice stopped her in her tracks.

“I’m sorry, I’m not working tonight. I have to go.” 

He grabbed her arm before she could get around to the stairs that led down to the basement.  As soon as their eyes met he saw the blackness that had engulfed her eye and turned her loose. 

              Outside she hustled down the street.  Her car was just a few blocks away.  Caroline wouldn’t let the girl’s park at the building.  Instead, they used a public lot down the street. 

Two blocks from the parking lot she stopped to wait on the traffic light to turn.  A black Porsche pulled up at the corner and Seven stepped out.

Walking around he opened in the door. “Get in the car.”

“I am not getting in the car with you.” 

He stepped up to her. “I said get in the car now!” 

It was the seriousness in his voice that made her change her mind and get in.  He wasted no time in driving off. 

“Please take me back to my car.  I shouldn’t be here, I don’t even know you and more importantly you are going to get me fired.”

“I think you know me pretty well.” 

His devilish smile enraged her.

“No, I don’t know you.  I don’t even know your name.”

He pushed the pedal to the floor and she scrambled for her seatbelt.  “Please just take me back to my car.  I don’t want to die tonight.”

She knew from the look in his eyes he was mad again.  She was tired of trying to figure him out and physically too tired to argue anymore.  She sank back in the seat and said nothing else. 

After a few minutes he finally spoke. “Ian.”

“What?” she asked turning to him.

“My name, it’s Ian.”

Letting out a deep breath she honestly didn’t care anymore. “Whatever.  It doesn’t matter anyway.  I was lucky I didn’t get fired tonight already. You don’t seem to care that I can’t afford to lose my job.” 

“No one will see us.”  By the sound of his voice he was very sure of himself.  But I wasn’t.

“Please take me back to my car.” 

“I’m sorry but I can’t do that.”

What was he trying to do?  “Why not?”

“Because your car isn’t where you left it.”

What the hell?
  “Where is my car?” 

“I had your car moved to my house a few hours ago. I told you that no one would see us.”

I picked up my purse searching for my keys but I couldn’t find them.  “How did you get my keys out of my purse?”

“The same way I learned your name.  I have my ways.” 

I wasn’t sure if his smirk was an heir of cockiness or simply a statement that further made me realize how little I knew of him.  “So you aren’t going to tell me?”

He shook his head.

Gothic iron gates towered over the drive way when we pulled in.  Years of lush vegetation hung over the brick columns that held the gates upright.  We waited for just a few seconds and the gates started to open.  I couldn’t help but feel that my leaving was completely up to him when I turned to watch the gates close behind us. 

We pulled into the garage and just like he said, my car was parked inside one of the empty bays next to a Range Rover. 

“Will you at least tell me why you have kidnapped me and my car?”

He turned off the engine.  “You and I have some unfinished business.”

He got out and I followed.  “You have no right to make decisions for me outside that club.”

“I bought you Nova, I can make any decision I want.”

Did I hear him right? “What did you just say?”

“Come inside.”

Reluctantly, I followed behind him.

The house was exactly the opposite of what I expected his dominating style to look like.  I guessed medieval and cold but it was quite the opposite.  The walls were painted in warm earth tones.  The furniture in the living room consisted of a dark leather sofa and love seat with plush white chairs all situated on a furry white rug.  Ornate candle holders on aged wood hung from both sides of the fire place.  It was surprisingly warm and inviting.  Staying close behind him I followed him to the kitchen. 

The kitchen was slate gray with a wraparound island and black granite countertops.  Surprisingly his taste was very similar to my own.

“You look surprised.” He pulled up a bar stool and sat down. “Not what you expected?”

I let out a huff. “No! Where do you keep your torture chamber?” 

I couldn’t help myself with the sarcasm.  I meant what I said to have a sting with it but it didn’t faze him in the least. 

“I hadn’t expected you to be interested so soon but by all means, I’ll show you the way.”

He stood motioning back towards the living room.  He was a smug bastard.  I kept my mouth shut even though it was killing me inside not to lash back at him.

“Very well, another time perhaps?”

He poured a glass of his usual Johnny Walker.  The blue label caught my eye.  Why I wasn’t sure.  From the likes of his house he could certainly afford anything he wanted. 

“Care for a glass?”

I shook my head.  “No.”

“No?”  His eye brows creased as he repeated my answer.

There was no way I was saying “No sir.”  “You can’t buy me.  Not out here.”

He smirked.  “Yes I can.”

I couldn’t believe what he was saying to me.  “How do you think you are going to buy me? I’m not a bottle of liquor, I’m not for sale.”

He sat down his glass.  His brown eyes softened for just a moment.  “You are going to let me.”

I couldn’t control my laughter.  “Why do you think I would let you buy me?”

The soft seduction in his brown eyes changed.  Hyde was back.

“You really don’t have any other alternatives.”

I turned to walk back towards the front door.  No way was I going to start playing some fucked up mind games   I had enough bullshit to deal with to throw a dominating sex feign into the mix.

“If you leave now I hope you have a backup plan for paying your debt back to the club.”

I stopped dead in my tracks.  “Are you threatening me?”   

“I am merely stating the facts to you.”

“So if I leave you are telling me I don’t have a job anymore?”

“The only job prospect you currently have is standing right in front of you.”

I couldn’t speak.  What had just happened?

“Hartsen’s little performance the other night has ruffled a few feathers.  It was decided it was best to let you go to keep the peace amongst all of us.”

That couldn’t be true.  “I was at the club tonight.  If she was going to fire me she could have done it then.”

“See it how you want but you have been deemed a liability.  Your job ended tonight, you just haven’t been formally dismissed.”

“You are lying?”

“Call her and ask her.  I don’t lie.”

Now he decides to pretend he’s morally sound.  “I had nothing to do with Hartsen, I wasn’t even there.” 

“Would you really want to be there when he does come back?  He has humiliated himself and I am certain it is you who he will seek to punish.”

That sick fucker.
  The idea of it made my knees weaken.

“You are in quite a predicament owing the club such a hefty debt.  I am offering you a solution.”

I scowled.  “You have got to be kidding me.  Do you really think I am for sale?”

He smirked.  “You went up for sale the minute you set foot in
X. 
Don’t act like this is a new concept to you.”             

In just a few words he leveled me to the pathetic whore that I tried so hard to convince myself that I wasn’t.

“I don’t know the exact terms of the contract you signed but I do know your debt has to be repaid in full.  How many days did your contract specify you had to repay it?”

Oh, God. 
“Ten days.”

My hands started shaking, there was no way I could come up with the money. 

He poured me a glass of Gray Goose straight up.  He didn’t have to ask, I took it. 

“Would you like to discuss my proposal?”

I took a drink barely noticing the burn from the alcohol before I looked back at him. 

“I will buy out your contract and pay off your debt.”

“Under what terms?” 

“You stay here with me at my disposal.”

“I can’t be at your disposal.  I have to go to class.” 

He smiled.  It was then that I realized my response was a negotiation instead of a refusal.  He had me.  What choice did I have? 

“I won’t interfere with your classes.  You can drive back and forth.”

“How long do I have to stay?”

“Until you graduate.”

Graduation was three months away.  “What happens when I graduate?”

“You are free to go.”

I shot my eyes back to his.  “Debt free?”

“Debt free.”

I finished the glass.  I couldn’t be fooled by the person who made love to me that night, that person wasn’t real.

He tapped his finger on his glass redirecting my attention back to him. 

“Why do you want me?  You don’t even like me?”

“Like” and “want” are two different things.”

“How so?”

“I like you enough Nova.”

“Enough to let me leave?”

He smiled.  “That’s where my problem seems to lie with you.  I want you too much to let you leave.”

“You’ve had me.”

He shook his head playfully.  “No, I have only had a taste of you.”

How could what he said sound so erotic in lieu of the proposition lying in front of me? 

He pulled his mouth in close to my ear.  “I want you Nova and despite how you would love nothing more than to walk out my door, you can’t.”

“I can’t?” I scoffed.

“Your body wants me just as much as I want you.”

My breath quickened.  

“Tell me Nova. Tell me you will give yourself to me.”

His smell, the closeness of his body next to mine was too much.

“Give me the chance to show you just how gratifying being submissive can be.”

I had no idea how to give him what he wanted. 

“I won’t hurt you Nova but you will tell me who did this to you or the deal is off.”

I pulled away from him.  “I can’t tell you.”  There was no way I could risk Stanford finding out. 

He kissed my forehead.  “You can and you will.”

I had a day to make my decision.  When I woke up the next morning I went to class.  When I got back home I had a message from Caroline telling me that my services were no longer needed.   She also let me know that I had a meeting scheduled with her on March 15
th
, in exactly ten days.

              There was no way I could repay in ten days what I still owed her. 
Damn, Hartsen.

             
I did the only thing I could think of, I went to the liquor store.  At 5:00 my phone rang.  I had thought of every way I could get out of not telling him about my past but the truth was he deserved to know. At least some of it. 

Taking a deep breath for encouragement I answered the phone. “If you still want me after I tell you truth then I will agree with the exception of some limitations I would like to discuss.”

He met me at the front door after he sent a driver to pick me up.  I had completely sobered up on the drive which was a good thing.

I followed him into the kitchen.  I was ready to discuss business but when I saw the elaborate display in the dining room I knew he had other plans.

“Dinner first, then we will talk.”

I sat down directly across from him.  Dinner consisted of roasted vegetables and Cornish hen and it was delicious.  My nervousness obviously hadn’t impacted my appetite because I ate everything on my plate.

“How was your dinner?”

His voice brought my attention back to him full circle.  I then realized we had eaten in complete silence.  “I’m sorry. I guess…”

“You have a lot on your mind it seems?”  He smiled trying to thaw the ice in the room but the truth was, this was me.  Seen but not heard.

“How about a glass of wine and we have our conversation somewhere a little more relaxing?”

I agreed and followed him to living room.  He poured us each a glass of wine and sat down next to me.  I expected him to put distance between us but he didn’t.  It wasn’t easy for me having him sit so close.  I retracted myself slightly and bumped his wine glass spilling it on his shirt.   “I’m so sorry!” 

“You’re nervous, it’s alright Nova.  Just give me a minute to change.”

I didn’t know how to take him.  Obviously he should have been mad at my carelessness but he was the extreme opposite.  His constant changing attitude towards me had me so nervous and apprehensive of him that I didn’t know how to speak or act in front of him.  One minute he despised me, the next minute he was protecting me.  Sometimes he wanted to fuck me and other times he sent me away.   

I waited nervously afraid that his demeanor would be different but when he came back down stairs I forgot about being concerned.  All I focused on was him.  He was in a pair of faded blue jeans and a grey V-neck t-shirt with no shoes.  The sight of him caused a stir inside of me. 

I was nervous to get to close so I cautiously sat down keeping a few feet between us.  I couldn’t help but stare at him.  God he was beautiful.  I mentally scolded my body for being so attracted to him.  I had to keep reminding myself he wasn’t what I wanted him to be and this was a business deal.  Nothing more.

“Where would you like to start?”

I picked up the wine glass, finished it and carefully sat the empty glass back down on the table. 

“I’m not going to turn this into a therapy session so don’t try to probe me about my feelings.  Agreed?”

“Agreed.”

“I don’t want your pity.  Agreed?”

He shook his head acknowledging me.  “Anything else,” he asked?

“Yes.”  I paused, this was the hardest part.  “I have never told anyone about my life. I need you to promise me that even if you send me away when I’m finished that you won’t tell anyone my secrets.  If anyone to ever find out I would be ruined.”

After a moment he finally nodded his head, “I promise Nova. I’ll never tell anyone whatever it is you have to say.”

I got nervous and stood up.  Then I sat down.  Then I stood up again.  Hell, I must look like a spastic.  He had promised, why was I stalling?

He leaned up on the edge of the couch.  “Nova, would you like me to pour you another glass of wine?”

“Yes,” I said sitting back down.  My hand was trembling when I took the glass from him.

“Nova, do I make you nervous?”

Despite my physical attraction for him, it went much deeper.  There was something between us, a connection of some sort, something that pulled at my insides when I was near him.  Why else would I take him at his word that he wouldn’t tell anyone my secret?  

“You have no idea how nervous you make me,” I whispered.

As I finished the second glass of wine I saw him smile.  The fact that he enjoyed how he made me feel only exaggerated my nervousness but I wasn’t here to discuss how I felt about him, I was there to tell him my truth, the truth that I knew would make him run from me.  Maybe that was the main reason I felt so scared.  I knew he wouldn’t want me anymore.

“When I left home to come to Harvard, I was running.” 

Just saying those words somehow lessened the anxiety.  It was almost cathartic to say it out loud. 

“What were you running from?”

“A monster.”

He ran his hands down the front of his jeans.  She knew then he realized there was much worse to her secret than just the black eye.  He looked like he was ready to get up and walk out but she couldn’t let him, not until he heard her out. 

“I know you don’t owe me anything but before I finish I need to ask you something?”

He was already withdrawing from her, she could see it in his eyes. 

“Ask me.”

“Will you promise not to judge me?”

“I will never judge you Nova.  That I promise.”

Shaking her head, she sat back down.  “My mother died when I was sixteen years old.  It was a heroin overdose but nobody knows that really.  Everyone thinks she died from an undiagnosed heart condition.  I don’t have any other family besides my step father so after she died I stayed with him.”

When he didn’t speak, she continued.  “About three months after she died, my step father started drinking more and starting pushing me around.  I couldn’t leave because I didn’t have anywhere to go.  See, my step father isn’t the type of person to be defiant against but I knew I had to get away from him.  The abuse had gotten a lot worse I went behind his back and applied to Harvard.  When he found out he was furious with me.” 

His eyes softened just slightly but still he said nothing.

“The day he found out I had been accepted to Harvard he called me to his office after school.  He was in a meeting when I got there.  I knew he wouldn’t let me go so I did the only thing I could think of to try and get away from him.  I told one of his colleagues I had been accepted to Harvard.    When I got home that night he…punished me.”

“Stop.”  He got up and walked a few feet from the couch.

“Look, he has left me alone for years.”

“Do you really expect me to believe that Nova?  Abusers don’t just stop.”

“It is the truth.  He called me just before this semester started to tell me about a job that he wanted me to take after graduation.  He wanted me to come back to Georgia and I told him no.”

“And?”

“He sent me a ticket to fly home and when I didn’t go he emptied out my bank account and refused to pay for my tuition and my apartment.”

“What does Hartsen have to do with all of this?”

She knew he still didn’t trust her about what she had said about Hartsen but she hadn’t lied to him.  “I went to see the Dean to let him know that I was going to withdraw.  The Dean never came to his office so I went home, sent out some resumes and went to a bar a friend of mine owns.  Hartsen overheard the conversation about me having to drop out of school.  He came up to me and I tried to blow him off but he was persistent.  He gave me the card for
X.
”

He cursed under his breath and sat back down.

“I took the job as a last resort.  I have told you all of this already.  If I don’t graduate I have nothing.  I have already been offered a job and they won’t hold it for me if I don’t graduate.”

“You swear to me that you have no other involvement with Hartsen?”

“I swear to you.”   

“How did you get the black eye?”

“When my step dad cut me off, I threatened him.”

“Threatened him how?”

“I had a camera hid in my bedroom when I lived at home.  I have a video of him… hitting me.”  I couldn’t bring myself to tell him what else he had done to me that was on the tape.  “I called him the afternoon I started working at
X. 
I told him if he ever bothered me again I would send a copy of the video to the Georgia State Bar.”

“I don’t understand.”

“My step father is a judge.”

“Is that how you got the black eye?”    

“I should have known that I couldn’t beat him but it felt so good to stand up to him.  I had never done that before but stupidly I thought I had scared him enough to leave me alone.  He paid me an unexpected visit a few nights ago.”

He took the wine bottle to the kitchen.  When he didn’t come back I followed him. 

“I wish I could say that was all of it but it’s not.  When my step father came to see me, he had pictures of me.”

“What kind of pictures?”

“They were from
X
.  I guess he paid someone to watch me and then he found someone he could pay on the inside. He told me that if I ever leaked the video I sent him he would make sure everyone saw the pictures of me at
X
”

“Are the pictures of us?”

“No.  It was pictures of me and that…other man.” 

He ran his fingers through his hair.  I was worried he might start pulling it out. 

“Someone took pictures of you while you were fucking somebody else at
X?
”

“I didn’t have sex with him.  He passed out before he could…”

Seemingly unconcerned about me being with anyone else he brought me another glass of wine.  “Does anybody else know about the pictures?”

“Just you.”

He turned the bottle of scotch up.

“I will tell Caroline when I meet her on the 15
th
about the pictures.  I should have told her last night but I was too ashamed.  I didn’t want anyone to know about me.”

Finally after a few minutes he sat down and looked at her.  “Did he abuse you, sexually?”

Yes.
“No.” 

She knew if she told him just how dirty she was he would never want her.  It was wrong not to tell him, he had the right to have someone much better than her but she wanted him so bad that she made the lie justifiable. 

“Give me just a moment, please.”  He got up and left the kitchen.

Without asking she got out the bottle of Vodka and poured a glass.   She would call Caroline tomorrow and see what she could do to work out what she owed her.  She could manage if Caroline would be willing to let her make payments. She knew there was no point in saying anything else to Ian, he had made up his mind.  She wasn’t worth his time.  She had too much baggage. 

“Nova.”

I turned not realizing he was in the room with me but I was glad, I did in fact have something that I needed to say.  “I’m so sorry I wasted your time.  I hope you won’t tell anyone about me.  I would very much like to make something of myself.  I would appreciate your confidence.”

“I can’t make that promise.”

My heart sank. 

“Do you mind coming with me just a minute?  I have something to give you.”

I followed him to his office.  His fax machine was printing.  He collected the pages, stapled them together and handed them to me. 

“What is this?”

Staring down at the papers in my hand I realized it was a copy of the contract I had signed with
X
, the only exception was the word “Void” stamped across it. 

“I don’t understand.”

“Your meeting with Caroline has been cancelled.”

“But you said.” He stopped me before I could finish.

“I said I couldn’t make that promise because I had already discussed something that you told me with Caroline.  I had to tell her about the pictures.”

“And the rest?” 

“You have my word.”

“Why would you want me after what I told you? I’m not worth investing your money in.  I am nothing.” 

“You are so very wrong.” 

“No, I am not.  I am sexually,
what was my word,
incompetent,
in what you are asking of me
.”

He laughed.  “I have tried the merchandise, you do remember that don’t you.”

“How could I forget?  You fucked me and told me to leave.  The second time, you…”  I couldn’t say it aloud.     

“Nova, you have no idea how frustrating you are for me.  I like being the one in control.  It’s how I fuck.  That night at the club I knew someone had hurt you.  It wasn’t you I was mad at, it was the man who had hurt you.”