Finding You (7 page)

“What if I don’t like the way you like it? What if I screw up again and panic? Where does that leave you?”

“Baby I have no doubt you will please me.  You’ve got a hunger inside you that just needs to be fed but you have to believe in me first.”

“You won’t hurt me?” 

“Not unless you ask.”

I darted my eyes back to his.  “I won’t ever ask you to do that.”

He pulled my hands into his and rested his lips against my forehead.  “You will.”

~  ~

I woke up alone curled in front of the fire place where I must have fallen asleep.  I stretched out still finding comfort on the thick pallet on which I had slept.  My nose detected the smell of something great coming from the kitchen. 

I adjusted my clothes and made the best of trying to iron out the wrinkles and went to the kitchen. 

“I hope you like pancakes?”

I was surprised to see him standing at the stove.  “You did this?”

“I have a lot of skills Nova.”  His devilish smile was my undoing. I couldn’t have hid my smile if I had wanted too. 

“Have a seat, breakfast is served.”

I sat down on one of the bar stools.  He had made banana pancakes.  My mouth watered.

“You like,” he asked taking a seat next to me.

“Very much.”

When breakfast was finished I cleared the dishes.  “Is anyone here besides us?”

“No.  My staff comes in the afternoon to clean and cook and leave after dinner.”

“Staff?”  I asked inquisitively.

“You won’t know they are here but that is something we need to discuss.  It seems that you failed to bring to light your limits last night.”

“Do I still have a voice in that?”

I had to remember she was still new to this.  I had to make her understand what I liked wasn’t abuse.  It was consensual.  “You always have a voice with me.  Why would you think you wouldn’t?” 

“You’ve already paid for me.  I just assumed that my limits were a moot point.”

“I apologize if I made you think negotiations were ceased.” 

She had no idea that her voice would control all their play.  She truly didn’t know anything about a D/s relationship.

“I just assumed.  Most deals are negotiated before money exchanges hands, not after.”

“Business 101.”

She smiled.  “Something like that.”

“Well contrary to your Harvard education, negotiations are still open.  You go first.”

She took a deep breath.  “I don’t want to be hurt.”

“I think we discussed that one already, didn’t we?” 

She still looked uncertain but she nodded her head in agreement.

“I don’t want to do this with anyone but you.”

So that’s why she had refused my invite for a three-some.  I intentionally took my time before I answered her.  It wasn’t a deal breaker for me but truly I liked watching her squirm.  “So no three-somes then?”

“No, any-somes just two-somes.  Specifically, me and you-somes.”

Laughing he sat down his glass.  “I don’t think I have ever heard it phrased that way but I will agree.  It will only be you and I.  No one else.”

She looked shocked.  “Really?”

“Is that hard to believe that I agreed to that?”

“You like it with more than one person.  You have invited me on more than one occasion to join in on your parties.”

He laughed again.  To be so smart, she was extremely naïve.  He had only done to rouse her once he figured out she didn’t like the idea of it. 

“Why is that funny?” she asked.

“It’s not funny per say. Anything else?”

“I don’t know anything else to ask for and since I am obviously not prepared to adequately negotiate what is in my best interest I want to be able to say ‘no’ if there is something I don’t think I can do.”

“We will have a safe-word.”

“A safe-word?” 

Her innocence was incredibly seductive to him.  Something about her green eyes searching his for re-assurance and strength made him want her so much more than he already did.  “A safe-word is a word that you say when we do something that either hurts you or you aren’t comfortable with.  When you say the word whatever I am doing I will stop immediately.”

“Really, one word stops it all?” 

“Yes.” 

He could tell she still wasn’t one hundred percent convinced but he had made a lot of headway with her.  The rest would just take time.

“I guess that’s all I have right now.”

“Alright, I agree to your limits.  Are you ready to negotiate mine?”

Her eyes widened as though she hadn’t considered he would have his own.   

“This is consensual Nova; there are certain things I need to discuss with you so that we are clear.”

“Okay.”

“The night I refused to pay you was the first night I have ever had sex like that in my life.  You liked it but I didn’t.  I am well aware that until I gain your trust, that is something I will have to do for you but I want you to know it is a limit of mine.  I don’t know how to be that kind of lover and have no desire to start but when that is what you need you need to tell me. I will do my best to accommodate you but know it won’t happen routinely.”

“Agreed.”

“As long as you are with me, I have complete control of your sexual needs.”

“Hmm.” 

“That means you will not partake in any self-gratification unless I tell you that you can.  I own your orgasms, agreed?”

“Do I have a choice in that?”

I shook my head.  She would love me for that, she just didn’t know it yet.

“Okay then, agreed.” 

“Last limit.  You can’t possibly imagine how dark my sexual desires go.  I have all of my toys tucked away in my own room.  I will expect you to participate with me.  You can safe-word at any time but your willingness to participate needs to be agreed on now.  Otherwise, my needs wont’ be met.”

“You have a room here in the house?”

“Yes.”

“So you do have a torture chamber, you weren’t kidding?” 

              “If I remember, I offered you a tour but you weren’t interested.”

“I was being a smart ass, Ian.  I honestly didn’t think you were serious.”

“Never underestimate your opponent Nova.  You should know that already.”

She rolled her eyes at me.  It was starting to drive me crazy but I wouldn’t push the issue,
right now
. 

“Will you show it to me?”

“I will but first I need you to understand and agree that the safe word isn’t something to use whimsically.  I will push you each and every time we are together.  I can recognize from your body alone when I am pushing too far and when I need to slow down.  I need you to trust me that I won’t give you more than you can take.  Your safe word is your last resort not a cop out when you think you might not enjoy something.  You won’t know until you try it.  Understand?”

“Agreed.”

The west wing of the house was very quiet.  All decorated well but I could tell no one ever used that end of the house.  The only plus was the expansive library located on the way to his room.   On the upper level we went all the way to end of the hall.  He pulled a key out of his pocket, unlocked the door and I walked in. 

Oh my God! 

“What do you think?”

“I don’t know.” 
He wasn’t lying.  He really had a room.

“You don’t know because you are shocked?”

“I don’t know because I have no idea what you do with any of this stuff.” 

“None of it?”

I scanned the room again.  “Well I know what you do with the bed.” 

The room was as medieval as I could imagine.  The walls were chocolate brown.  The windows were covered with thick drapes and the room had very little light.  I glanced up noticing something suspended from the ceiling.  “What is that for?”

“Have you ever been restrained Nova?”

I didn’t answer but my finger immediately found the scar on the inside of my wrist.  I knew exactly what being restrained meant.  “How do you get up there?”

He laughed at her.  “It lowers down.”

“What is that,” I asked motioning to a suspension system hanging in the far corner of the room.  It looked like a seat.

“That is a swing.”

Two large wooden cabinets sat side by side.  I ran my hand across the ornate wood on the front of one of them.  “May I open it?”

“Yes, you may.” 

She had no idea what was behind the door and she found herself holding her breath while she opened it. 

“Oh my God.” 

Cabinet number one was filled with whips, floggers and…, “Are those paddles?”

He smiled again.  “Yes.”

She didn’t ask before opening the doors to cabinet number two.  It held vibrators, various assortments of sex toys, feathers, and something that looked like a gag.  She picked up one of the vibrators. 

“I was wrong. I do know what these are for.”

He smiled again watching her take in his room.  “What do you think?”

“I’m not sure really.  I mean, I honestly think I am afraid but…”

“But…What?” he asked closing in the distance between them.

Her cheeks flushed.  “I am a little mortified.”

She stopped him dead in his tracks. 

“Mortified?” 

She closed the doors back to both cabinets.

“Why?” 

He looked extremely nervous. “Because I just never thought I would like the idea of any of this kind of stuff and certainly not any of those,” she said gesturing back to cabinet number one.

He reached and pulled her into his arms.  “Don’t be afraid to want something you’ve never considered.” 

Maybe.
“So this is your playground?”

“Yes, I suppose it is.”

I looked deep into his eyes.  She knew he was nervous how she would take the room but there was something else in his eyes.  What she didn’t know but she would find out. 

He locked the door and they went back to the living room to sit by the fire. 

“You are still here so I am interpreting that to mean you are agreeable?”

He was right, she was still nervous but she hadn’t run out the front door.  “Will you show me how all of that stuff works?”

“Are you saying that you agree?”

“I agree.”

I wasn’t sure if the glimmer of fire I saw in his eye was because he was pleased that I was agreeable or if it was because he got what he wanted.  The later was certainly a little disturbing. 

“Can I still stay some at my apartment?  All of my things are there.”

“No.  If you aren’t in school I want you here.  We can go to your place today and get your things or I can have them moved here tomorrow.”

“Where will I sleep?”

“I don’t want to push you too hard too fast so I will leave that up to you.”

“What do you want?”

~  ~

She was so eager to please him.  What was even better was knowing she didn’t realize she was putting his needs ahead of her own.  He had to bring his mind back to her and not his “playground.” The thought of seeing her tied up and at his disposal made his dick hard.

Not yet though, he had to remind himself.  He would have to go slow with her but the idea of it was more exciting.  He wanted to teach her.  He wanted to show her what he could see in her, that fire that he would open up in her. 

“Ian?”

Her voice, God she had him coming undone again. 

“Ultimately I want you to sleep with me but I understand if you want some privacy.  For the time being I will leave that up to you.”

“I think I might like my own room.”

He would be lying if he wasn’t disappointed but he knew he had to gain her trust.  

“Alright, we can do that.” 

She let out a sigh.  “What do I do when you aren’t here?  I mean you do work obviously.”

“I get home from work every day around 5:30 unless I have engagements.  Of which you will attend with me.  Those nights are planned in advance so I will forward you a calendar on Monday of events that I will go to and ones you will be required to go with me.”

“Alright.”

“I am never late and I expect the same of you.  I have a very structured life and I work well within it.  If you don’t keep up I have methods for keeping you on track.”

He knew she was thinking about the cabinet in his room. 

“Understood.”

“Use your time while I am at work to study.  When I get home I want the books put away.  You can study on your own time. Not mine.”

“What about the house and your staff?”