Finding You (2 page)

But they didn’t let go. Instead, they tore me away from my father, telling me it was okay. It wasn’t okay. I wanted my daddy!

People were crying and talking all around me, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying, it was all white noise. All I could hear was my thundering heartbeat, beating heavily as if it was ready to leap out from my chest. Suddenly, I heard a voice it was so clear, so brutal that it splintered through my pain, shutting everybody else out.

“Turn off the life support,” was all I heard, all I needed to hear. My daddy was never coming back. They were going to let him go.

Warm arms suddenly embraced me, pulling me into a hug that took my breath away. The next thing I remember, I was back at home, asleep on our sofa. Logan was crouched down on the floor next to me, wearing a pained expression, stroking lazy circles in my skin on my arm.

“I will always protect you Nev.”

10 years later …

Ten white petals …

Thud.

One yellow center …

Thud.

One … thud. Two … thud. Three … thud.

I can feel hands around my throat, my breathing becoming shallow as I try to scream on the inside, not knowing if my own nightmare filled with the demons of my past will kill me while I sleep. My heartbeat roars as it pounds relentlessly, leaving a ringing sensation in my ears. The smell of antiseptic suddenly hits me, so potent against my nostrils. It is so strong that I can taste it in the back of my throat. The pressure around my neck loosened enough for me to get my bearings. I am back on the bridge again, pinned to the wooden slabs by someone or something I can’t see, nor describe. There is nowhere to go, I am trapped on the bridge that leads to nowhere, keeping me forever in the darkness, never to see the light again.

I can taste the fear in my throat drowning out the antiseptic, I can feel my fear pouring into my gut as my body absorbed it. It is in my bones, in my soul. Gripped with fear, my eyes transfix on the demon above me, a black and smoky silhouette figure towering over my tiny frame, I can never make out who or what the demon is.

The grip around my neck tightens once more, my hands trying to reach for anything to help free me; but there is nothing, there is always nothing. I can see the bridge clearly, but I can never feel it against my skin, just the subconscious pressure of it against my back, a mixture of pressure and the feeling of floating.

“Stop, please. No!” I want to scream, but my vision is becoming blurry as my head swims with weightlessness. Images project against the dark shadow of the demon above me, a car severely damaged, flashing blue lights and screaming, the chaos.

I thought I am going to die, I am ready to just let go, but I never die in my nightmares. I just hang on the edge, the demon forcing me to remember.

Suddenly, the nightmare slowly starts to release me, the twisted dark depths of my past slowly fade into a painful reminder of what was cruelly taken, what I will never get back.

Thud … my heart slamming against my chest.

Thud … my throat constricting tightly.

Thud … my lungs burning with every breath.

Thud. Thud. Thud.

My lids are heavy, so heavy that I don’t think I can open my eyes.

“Come back to me.” A familiar soothing voice wraps around my mind, trying to release me of my own painful imprisonment.

I try desperately to speak to the voice, wanting him to pull me out from the torture that holds me captive within my own mind, my tongue heavy and my mouth dry. My skin becomes saturated with sweat, my toes curl as if in pain, my heart is heavy with unrelenting sadness.

The light is almost too much to bear as I finally manage to open my eyes, squinting as the light penetrate them, burning right through me. There is a figure above me once more, but it isn’t dark and twisted like the demons in my nightmares, it is home. I’m home.

“You haven’t had a nightmare in a really long time.” I squint my eyes painfully as I try to adjust to the light, the darkness of my nightmares had concealed me for too long, keeping me under and not letting go. The voice soothed my soul and punctured through the dark depths of my mind, clearing the haze of dark clouds that rested like an imprint in front of my eyes.

“Logan?” I croaked, my voice hoarse and shaky as if the hands that had pinned me down had caused physical harm. Some people would say nightmares couldn’t physically hurt you, but mine do. You just couldn’t see the bruises, they were deep within my body. My heart and soul, they were bruised, broken and shattered; my mind tumbling back to places I wouldn’t even want an enemy to experience.

“I’m here, it’s okay. You’re safe.” He whispered, placing a glass of water in my shaking hands. I licked my painfully dry lips before quickly forcing the water down my throat. It relieved the dryness but not the taste, I could still taste my fear laced with antiseptic.

“More,” I croaked. I needed to get rid of the taste, otherwise I was going to vomit, my stomach already turning from the fear that was still penetrated deep inside me. Before I could blink, my empty glass was replaced by another, he had been prepared. He was always prepared.

“Thank you.” My voice becoming clearer as the water coated my throat. “I’m sorry.” I apologized, trying to hide the shame within my voice. I hated him seeing me like this, seeing the broken me.

“Don’t be sorry for something you have no control over,” He said gently, the pad of his thumb wiping tears from my eyes that must have escaped while I was in the depths of hell. “Come on, let’s get you in the shower.”

I tentatively threw back my now wet sheets, slowly swinging my legs off the bed while Logan placed my arm around his neck, ready to support my weight. I breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth, trying to settle my still pounding heartbeat before finally pushing through my legs to stand on my feet. On shaky legs I moved my right foot forward. My legs felt so heavy from sheer exhaustion, melting into Logan’s side as he all but carried me to the en-suite bathroom in my dorm.

My oversized shirt clung to my body as Logan placed me in the shower, the water warming my skin, but I knew no matter how hot the water may be, it would never warm my aching heart.

“I’ll just be right outside the door if you need me, okay?” I could only nod, my throat constricting as the sobs threatened to escape. Pushing away my unshed tears, I mulled over what had happened. The demons were back, my past melting into my present. It was the ten year anniversary of my father’s death, the event had triggered my nightmare, triggered my fears. My stomach churned violently, making me nauseous. Breathing slowly, I tried to push away the sickening feeling, knowing all too well that it would come back sooner or later.

After a longer shower than normal, I quickly dried myself, then brushed my teeth. Pulling on another oversized shirt that was hung on the back of the bathroom door, I threw on some boy shorts from my emergency stash of clean underwear in the hamper before opening the door.

Leaning against the door frame was 6 foot 2 inches of pure male. Long lashes framed the clearest of brown eyes. If you looked close enough, you could make out small scattered flecks of green. His chocolate brown hair was styled into that mussed up and sexy look, sitting at the perfect length to run your fingertips through it, while his smooth, defined lips wore a sexy smirk. Yeah, he actually looks like this every morning.

He wore low-slung jeans designed to show off his toned body, coupled with a white t-shirt, tight enough to count each and every one of his muscles on his sculptured torso. He was my brother’s best friend, but even I couldn’t deny the hotness that seeped out of his every pore. I suddenly forgot what I was doing, all appropriate thoughts had flown out of the window.

“You okay?” He asked. My mind drew a blank, wasn’t I supposed to do something with my brain and my mouth here? Focus Neva!

“I’m fine.” My mouth finally engaged with my brain, an involuntary shiver rolled down my spine as Logan eyed my bare legs.

“Hey, so that’s where my favorite shirt went!” Logan said, shaking his head as if trying to remove thoughts from his mind.

I had borrowed his shirt a couple of days ago. It was deep green in color, matching the flecks in his eyes. I had been over at my brother’s dorm watching a movie when I had spilt soda onto my camisole. My brother had thrown Logan’s shirt at me and told me to wear it. It smelt like Logan, a perfect balance of spiced apple and musky cinnamon, reminding me of Christmas. It was now my favorite shirt.

“You can’t have it, it’s mine.” I smiled. But the smile faded when my stomach churned once again, as if my body was reminding me of why Logan was here in the first place, I shouldn’t be smiling.

“Do you know how many women would kill for my shirt?” Logan asked cockily as he followed me from the bathroom into my room, standing at the edge of my bed.

“I would kill for you, Logan, but not for your shirt.” I said sincerely, a smile gracing my lips.

Logan White was like a brother to Tate. They had known each other since kindergarten, and had been inseparable ever since. Tate and Logan were both seniors, sharing a dorm room. My best friend, Low, and I were sophomores and shared a dorm room as well. I had met Low in high school, she was the devil on my shoulder that pushed me, sometimes too far but I loved her like the sister I never had.

“Are you going to give me my shirt or am I going to have to take it from you?” He smirked, raising his brow as his eyes twinkled with mischief, causing me to take a step back.

“I don’t think …” I started to say before I was lifted up from the floor and slung over Logan’s defined shoulder. I let out a scream and started pounding his solid back. Jeez, he had muscles there too?

“Put me down, Logan, or I swear I will castrate you!” I screamed at him.

Suddenly he stopped mid stride. Turning my head to look at him, his sexy smirk was back on his face once more. Oh shit, this wasn’t good.

“Nev, you know I have an amazing view of your ass right now?” He said, before slapping my right cheek, quickly making me yelp in surprise.

“Ouch!” I shouted before he ever so slowly slid me down the front of his body, ensuring I felt every single tight muscle. Staring straight into my eyes, he slowly caressed my ass with only the thin material separating him from touching my stinging flesh, moving his palm in lazy circles.

I had to bite back a moan from escaping my lips. It felt, well, nice.

“Morning campers! What … oh.” Jerking my head into the direction of my best friend, she must have gotten up early for coffee. The look on Low’s face suddenly brought me back down to reality.

“Morning.” Logan replied in a whisper as he hung his head and swiftly left my room.

“Well, THAT was a surprise! What was all that about?” Low asked, clearly amused by what she just saw.

“Ugh, he’s such a man whore!” I said exasperated “But enough about me, what the hell are you wearing?!” I said as I took in my best friend’s less-than-conservative attire.

Low had to be wearing the most revealing damn top I had ever seen, coupled with denim shorts that showed so much of her ass it should be illegal. Looking down her never ending legs, my eyes landed on a pair of pink cowboy boots. Her hair was a natural honey blonde, it was gorgeous, and today she had curled it at the ends slightly.

I chuckled at my best friend’s outfit, knowing that guys were going to drool the moment they saw her. Today we were both starting our sophomore year of college and I was looking forward to getting back into classes, whereas Low, on the other hand, clearly had different ideas.

“What? I intend on picking up my future husband this year!” She said, waving me off as she walked into the bathroom. I sighed before my stomach churned once more. This was definitely not good.

I did say that Logan was a man whore right? Good, so you won’t be surprised that there were twenty girls flocking around Tate’s Jeep at this precise moment. It was the guys’ meeting spot. In other words, it was a Drool fest full of adoring college girls. It was disgusting watching girls fight over Logan, and I am sure I just heard Georgia Mathews ask if he wanted a quickie before class, ugh.