Fire Down Below (17 page)

There’s a light tap on the door.
“Kate, are you all right?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I say, checking out
Dita in a peach corset. She’s bent over a console table with her ass on display.
It’s a sexy pose and I imagine Ben probably goes to town with this photo on a
regular basis. As I’m pondering whether I should surprise him with a corset or
not, I can sense he’s still outside the door. “I’ll be out in a minute.” Dita
and I may look alike in the face, but I have to admit, she has a better body
than I do. While I’m trying to decide whether her boobs are real, Ben asks me
if I’m sure I don’t need anything.

“No thanks, I’m almost done.”

I conclude that she has fake boobs
after examining a few more photos. No one has breasts that perfect without surgical
assistance. I close the magazine and tuck it, along with the other
Penthouse,
deep into the stack again.

I’m feeling extremely cheerful as
I leave the bathroom. Discovering that Ben jerks off to pictures of a woman who
looks kind of like me is giving me a cozy feeling. Whether this is strange on
my part I’m not sure. Of course there was also that college issue, but I’m
going to forget I ever saw that.

The apartment is dark when I walk
out of the bathroom. I remember the layout so I head directly for his bedroom.
When I get there it’s empty and there are no pillows or sheets on the bed.
Confused I walk back out into the living area, and still not finding Ben, I
open the French doors, thinking maybe he’s outside.

What I find out there surprises
me. Ben has set up a ‘bed’ on his deck. There are pillows and a comforter
thrown on top of what appears to be a pair of sleeping bags.

“Hey, I was getting worried about
you,” Ben says, grinning at me. “What the heck were you doing in there?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” I
smile and go over to lie next to him. It’s comfortable, though nowhere near as
comfortable as a real bed would be. From what I can tell he’s still naked as he
rolls over so we’re face to face.

“I’ll bet you were snooping
through my stuff weren’t you?”

“Of course not!” I try to act
insulted.

“Did you find anything
interesting?”

I almost mention the magazines,
but then think better of it, not wanting to embarrass him. “I wasn’t snooping.”

 “If you say so.”

“Okay, maybe I snooped a little.
Why do you have so much hair stuff?” I cringe at myself for asking, but I have
to admit I’m curious as to what he’ll say.

“Hair stuff?”

“Gels, mousse, hairspray—you know.”

“Oh that...,” he pauses, “Stacy
left all that stuff. She stayed here a while ago when I was in Wyoming climbing
the Grand Teton.” Stacy is Ben’s younger sister. “Spacy Stacy” we used to call
her. She’s nice, but kind of goofy and spoiled.

“Oh.” It wasn’t the answer I
expected and I’m at a loss for words.

“Let me guess, you thought they
were left here by another woman that I was going out with—right?”

I nod, feeling silly for being so
transparent.

“There’s no one else.” He moves in
closer to me. “I only want you. Though I have to admit I wasn’t sure about it
at first.”

“What do you mean? You acted so
eager after our lunch at Mamacita’s.”

“I know.” He’s silent. “But you
broke my heart once, Kate. I don’t know if I can go through that again.”

I feel myself soften. He’s pushing
all the right guilt buttons, that’s for sure, though I don’t know why I’m
feeling guilty. My heart was broken too. I open my mouth to tell him this, but he
leans over, his lips brushing mine.

“I’m glad we’re together again,” he
murmurs, kissing me softly. His fingertips move slowly down my body creating
little sparks on my skin. My nipples harden and my breath quickens. The desire
to talk is fading fast.

I’m still aware that we’re naked
and outside. Ben obviously doesn’t care though and I wonder if he sleeps out
here a lot. It would be just like him. He’s like a dog that refuses to be kept
indoors.

“What are you thinking about?” he
asks, sensing my distraction.

“You. I was wondering if you sleep
out here a lot.”

He chuckles softly. “I do. Crazy
huh? Sleeping on my deck. You’re finding out all my secrets tonight. I love
sleeping under the stars.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever slept
under the stars.”

“Are you serious?” Ben looks
shocked. “Never?”

I think about it. “I was a girl
scout when I was a little kid. I remember going camping with them once and we
slept outside, but that’s the only time.” What I don’t add is that I hated it.
All the bugs and dirt. It was completely awful.

“You were a girl scout? I’ll bet
you were cute. But I can’t believe you haven’t gone camping since then.” He
buries his face in my neck and murmurs. “We’ll have to fix that. I’d love to go
camping and sleep under the stars with you in my arms every night.”

My first thought is how on earth
am I ever going to get out of going camping? But then I remember that I’m giving
this relationship my all, that Ben might be The One. “Sounds great,” I say.

“Really?” He strokes my cheek.
“Let’s do it. We’ll go when I get back from California. I know a great spot
that has some really easy hiking trails too.”

“Okay.”

He kisses me again, slow and deliberate,
taking his time, running his tongue under the edge of my lips, slipping it into
the corners of my mouth. I wrap myself around him, dizzy from wanting him
again. He kisses my neck then rolls on top of me, and we make slow lazy love,
nothing strenuous or awkward, no
Kama Sutra
, just Ben and me. I feel the
past fade away in a smoky haze and the present is bright and clear. Opening my
eyes there are stars overheard, and I have to admit the view is beautiful. I
decide that I’m even looking forward to going camping with Ben.

Sort of.

I wake up
to the smell of
salty sea air and the sun hot on my skin. At first I’m confused where I am, but
then I remember that I slept at Ben’s. It only takes another second for the
panic to set in when I realize that with some of the buildings nearby anyone
with a passing interest could see me lying here naked.

“Aaaah!” I yelp and grab the
comforter, throwing it over myself. Frantically I search for Ben, but he’s not
out here. Getting up, I wrap the comforter around myself and head inside,
noticing that my thighs are sore, not to mention certain other parts of my anatomy.

His apartment feels cool and I hear
noises coming from the direction of the kitchen. When I find Ben he’s standing
shirtless in front of a large blender filled with fruit. He’s wearing a pair of
grey UW insignia sweat pants and peeling bananas.

“Hey, look who’s up!” Our eyes
meet and the details of last night come flooding back to me, leaving a warm
glow in their wake.

“Good morning.” I smile.

He comes over and kisses me,
tasting sweet like fruit. “How was your first night sleeping under the stars?”

“It was perfect,” I say, reaching
for the rest of the banana in his hand. Self-conscious of morning breath, I pop
a piece into my mouth. He watches me, looking pleased.

“I’m making breakfast smoothies.” He
moves back over to the blender. “Afterward I was thinking of going for a run
down near the water—care to join me?”

I settle myself on one of the tall
chairs near his kitchen counter, tucking the comforter around me like a cocoon.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t. I’m expected over at my parent’s house. I usually go over
there on Sundays and I told them I’d drop by today.”

He shrugs. “How about I go with
you?”

I’m taken aback for a second.
“Really?”

“Yeah, it’ll be good to see your
parents again.” He grimaces. “Though I imagine your mom would like to see my
head on a stick. I’m feeling brave today.”

I try to hide my smile. He
obviously hasn’t forgotten what she can be like. I love my mom, but she’s
formidable if you cross her or anyone she loves. And I have to admit, that even
though what happened between us was a long time ago, she’s probably not going
to go easy on him. I watch as he peels another banana for the smoothie. It’s
funny, but I feel both wary and pleased at this new development. I’m wary that
things are moving so quickly, but I’m pleased Ben is taking this relationship
seriously.

“You don’t have to come with me
today,” I say, giving him an out in case he was offering to go from a sense of
obligation. “You probably have other plans.”

“You’re afraid for me aren’t you?
It’s going to be like leading a lamb to the slaughter.”

I laugh. “It won’t be that bad.
I’ve already told her that we’ve been talking on the phone and stuff.” Though I
admit I haven’t given her any indication that we’re romantically involved
again, because I know I’m going to get an ear full.  

“We could still go for a quick run
before we head over,” he says, reaching into the fridge for a large brown jar. After
opening it, he spoons out some green powder into the blender along with the
fruit. “It’s nice to go out before the day gets too hot.”

“I, uh....” I open my mouth,
trying to come up with some excuse. The truth is after having sex all night—two
nights in a row, I’m exhausted. I know back in our twenties this would have
been nothing, but I guess I’m an old crone now. Ben, of course, isn’t tired in
the least bit, but then he’s always had enough energy to light up a city. “I
don’t have any clothes,” I say with relief, remembering that all I have is what
I wore last night. “And the only shoes I have with me are those sandals.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot—next time
then.” He turns on the blender and the kitchen is filled with white noise.
After about a minute he turns it off and carefully fills two large glasses with
what appears to be thick swamp water and hands one of them to me.

I stare inside the glass. “Why is
it so green?” I may not be a health nut, but I love smoothies. In my experience
though they’re usually pink or purple from the berries. Leave it to Ben to come
up with some concoction that looks like a science experiment gone wrong.

“It’s the spirulina. Don’t worry,
you can barely taste it when it’s mixed with all the fruit.”

“Oh.” I wonder what the heck
spirulina is, but I’m afraid to ask. I probably don’t want to know anyway. I
take a tentative sip. It’s fruity, but definitely swampy.

Ben eyes me expectantly. “What do
you think?

“It’s sweet.”

“See, it’s good.” He lifts his
glass and drinks it down in a few large gulps.

It occurs to me that if I’m going to
keep up with Ben I’ll probably need to drink weird stuff like this. Maybe it’s
werewolf juice or the human equivalent to vampire blood. I should be glad he’s
feeding it to me, or at least that’s what I tell myself, as I bring it to my
lips and hold my breath.

***

We arrive at my parent’s house
around noon.  Pulling into their driveway, I park right behind another car that
I don’t recognize. This isn’t that unusual as my parents are fairly social and
have friends over regularly. Since it’s a sunny day I figure they’re probably
in the backyard. My dad is a master gardener and as a result the backyard is so
lush and overflowing with vegetables and flowers that it generally looks like
something out of a magazine. When I was a little kid I used to help him and it
was a nice way for us to spend time together.

Ben and I walk along the gravel
path and through the wooden gate that leads out back and sure enough I find my
dad. He’s standing next to a wooden frame, building something. I’m a little
nervous at how he’ll react to seeing Ben again, though not as nervous as how my
mom is going to react.

“Hey Kiddo!” he calls over to me.
He sees Ben and I can tell he’s trying to place him.

“Hi Dad, I brought someone you
haven’t seen in a while. Do you remember Ben Mathews?”

“Ben Mathews?” His face clears,
but he seems unsure of how to respond. He looks at me for guidance and I smile.

“Ben and I met up recently and have
been spending some time together.”

“Is that right?” My dad puts his
hand out towards Ben. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been great, thank you. How
about yourself?” Ben says, shaking my dad’s hand.

Luckily my dad isn’t one to hold a
grudge, though I know he was stunned by how things ended between Ben and me all
those years ago. My parents liked him and even suspected we’d marry though—unlike
Ben—they understood when I told them I wasn’t ready yet.

“Good. I can’t complain.
Retirement has kept me busy. There are a lot of projects around here, so I’m
enjoying myself.”

“Whose car is that parked in the
driveway?” I ask.

“Some friends of your mother’s.”  

Just as he says this a little girl
of about three comes running up to us. She’s super cute with a riot of long
blonde curls and dazzling blue eyes. “Hi!” she says, grinning up at the three
of us. I smile down at her and then look around confused as to where this child
came from. It’s then that I notice my mother walking towards us with two other
women beside her. 

“Maddie!” One of the women calls out.
“Come on back over here.”

The little girl immediately turns
on her heels and runs back over.

“Hi Mom,” I say, when the group
comes up to us.

“Hi Sweetheart,” she says. “I’m
glad you’re here. I invited some friends over that I think you’ll be interested
in speaking with.” She suddenly notices Ben standing next to me. “My goodness,
Ben Mathews—is that you?”

“Hello Mrs. Alexander,” Ben says
politely. “It’s nice to see you again.”

My mom stares at him and then at
me, her eyes sharp. Nothing gets past her. I can tell she’s already figured
everything out. It’s scary.

“Hello Benjamin,” she says curtly,
and then to me, “I hope you know what you’re doing, Kate.”

“I’m fine.”

She nods, but I can tell she’s not
convinced. And even though she usually stays out of my love life I know this
time I’m going to hear all about it. “This is Lynn and Karma.” She motions towards
the two women. The one standing next to me smiles, and the other one who’s a
few feet away, pulling the little girl’s hands off my dad’s tomato plants, turns
and says “Hi” to me. “I told them about your situation and they said they didn’t
mind coming over to talk to you about what their experience has been like.”

“Their experience?” Something
about this is tickling my memory, but for some reason I can’t conjure it up.

“Yes, with using a sperm donor.
That’s how they had Maddie.” She turns to the blonde woman on her right, “I’m
sorry, you don’t mind my discussing this openly here do you?”

Lynn shrugs. “Not at all.” She
turns to me and smiles, putting her hand on my arm. “It’s been a really
positive experience for us. Obviously I have a partner, so I didn’t go through
pregnancy alone, but it sounds like you have a super supportive family.”

Oh. My. God.

I nearly groan out loud as I
remember exactly who they are. Of all days for Ben to have come along for a
visit with my parents. I look over at him, feeling completely mortified. He has
a stunned expression on his face and I can only imagine what he’s thinking.

“Uh, I think I’ll get back to building
those cold frames,” my dad says, never one for being around too much ‘female
talk’.

“Need any help?” Ben offers.

My dad gives him an assessing
gaze. “Sure, I could use a hand.”

My mom leads the rest of us back
into the house where we sit down at the kitchen table, which has already been
set up with a platter of cookies and sweet breads.

“Coffee anyone?” she asks.

We all agree to a cup and my mom
busies herself preparing it. Lynn and Karma are both looking at me expectantly
as if I must have all sorts of questions, when in truth I can’t think of
anything. Not wanting to appear impolite, I rack my brain.

“So how did you guys decide on
which donor?” I finally ask.

Karma grins. “It wasn’t easy, but
we knew we wanted someone that had Lynn’s physical characteristics and some of
her interests too.”

I look at them confused. “Oh, why
is that? I thought—didn’t Lynn give birth to Maddie?”

Upon hearing her name Maddie comes
over from where she was playing on the floor and climbs into Lynn’s lap. Spying
the plate of cookies she immediately tries to scramble onto the table for them.
I watch as Lynn pulls her back down and then puts an oatmeal chip cookie on a
napkin. The little girl picks it up and nibbles on it, beaming up at me. “These
are good!”

I nod in agreement. “My mom makes
them and they’re my favorite cookies in the whole world.”

She nods solemnly upon hearing
this, her lips pursed. Discussions about cookies are serious business. But then
she smiles again. “Can I have another one?”

“First eat the one you have,” Lynn
says. She kisses the top of her head.

Karma looks at the two of them and
then over to me. “Maddie is biologically my daughter.”

“Really?” I take a bite of cookie,
trying to figure this out. “How is that possible?”

Karma explains how they
impregnated Lynn with one of Karma’s fertilized eggs, so Lynn in actuality gave
birth to her partner’s child. She explains how a lot of fertility doctors
prefer this method of insemination. Instead of putting the sperm inside you and
hoping for the best they pull a few eggs out, fertilize them with the donor
sperm and then implant them in your uterus. 

“Really? I didn’t know that.”
Truth is I don’t know how any of this works. I figured you brought the sperm
home and stuck it in the freezer right next to the Rocky Road.

“Of course you could always
inseminate vaginally,” Lynn says. “You don’t have to use IVF like we did,
although because of your age they might suggest it.”

“Oh.” It’s weird to think of
myself as being so old that pregnancy could be a problem for me. I’ve spent my
whole adult life trying
not
to get pregnant. What if I really am too old?
The thought sends a strange panic coursing through me and I take another bite
of cookie, trying to push it back down again.

Karma tells me how with their next
child they plan to do the exact same thing except they’ll use Lynn’s fertilized
egg to impregnate Karma. They’ve already purchased the sperm.

“Wow,” I say.

Lynn laughs. “It’s a bit like
something from a science fiction movie, isn’t it?”

“It is.” I nod, laughing with her.

“It’s wonderful to have options
though,” my mom says as she comes over and joins us with a carafe of coffee,
placing it on the table along with some creamer. She brings mugs over and sits
down to join us.

Karma is nodding her head. “Using
an anonymous donor has given us a lot of freedom and I think it’s made the
whole process easier in many ways for everyone.”

She starts to tell us about their
family’s reaction to all this and how hard it was at times, but also how
supportive they were once they accepted it. As they talk about their
experiences I can’t help but notice how well the two of them complement each
other. I watch the way Lynn passes Maddie to Karma for a while, so she can eat
and enjoy a mug of coffee. They’re so in sync, not just lovers, but friends
too. Watching them I feel envious. They have what I want. I want that kind of
ease and comfort. I want to be with someone who really understands me. Someone
I can have a meeting of the minds with, not just the bodies. I wonder if maybe
I haven’t been making the best choices with the men I’ve dated over the years
since Ben. Why didn’t I ever find this? Is it really that difficult? At least
Ben and I are together again. Despite our differences, we were once close.