Fire Down Below (28 page)

Having Declan for
Thanksgiving
dinner winds up being a lot of fun, and I can tell my parents really like him. He’s
met them briefly a few other times over the years, but it’s nice for them to
have a chance to get to know him. He winds up being a great dinner guest and
has everyone laughing with some of the stories about when he first moved here
from Ireland.

“I didn’t get the whole Thanksgiving
holiday at all,” he tells everyone as we’re eating dinner. “It seemed odd to
me, especially the way people kept calling it Turkey Day.”

“I take it, there’s no equivalent
holiday in Ireland?” my mom asks.

“No, though we do eat turkey at
Christmas. And then when someone told me it’s a day for giving thanks, I
assumed you were supposed to go around thanking people. For my first
Thanksgiving a friend of my sisters invited us over for dinner and I kept thanking
everyone like crazy. I thanked the hostess for inviting me to dinner. I then thanked
her for taking my coat and for getting me a glass of water. Whenever anyone passed
food to me at the table I thanked them whole heartedly. ‘Thank you so much for
the salt, thank you so much for the potatoes.’ I thought I was really getting
into the spirit of the thing when I noticed that people were looking at me
strangely.”

I grin. “They must have thought
you were nuts. Did someone finally enlighten you about the Indians helping the
Pilgrims?”

“Yes, and then I felt like a
complete idjit. My sister’s friend said she thought I was just a geek and that’s
why I was acting so weird!”

Everyone laughs as Declan slowly shakes
his head and smiles.

Before dinner I had told my
parents that Ben wasn’t going to be able to make it, but that I had invited
Declan instead. They seemed a little surprised and my dad asked me if things
were okay with Ben, but I assured him that everything was fine.

Declan and my mom get along great.
It’s easy to see how they would. Before dinner they talked about a book they had
both just finished reading. What surprised me is how well Declan got along with
my dad. My dad is easygoing, but he doesn’t usually warm to people. After
dessert they disappear into the living room and when I go in there I find them
discussing chess.

I sit on the couch next to Declan
and I’m surprised to hear him talking about some famous games. Later when we’re
alone together, I ask him about it.

“You’re a serious chess player? I
can’t believe I didn’t know that.”

He nods. “Guess it’s never come
up. I gather you also play?”

“I have a regular game with my
dad, plus I was on a chess team in high school.” This is not something I
usually admit to people since it makes me sound like the biggest nerd in the
world, but since Declan didn’t grow up in the states he’s not going to know how
un-cool it is to play chess in high school.

He laughs. “You played on a chess team
in high school? I never knew you were such a nerd.”

So much for assumptions. “Oh, it’s
different in the states,” I tell him. “It was
totally
cool to play chess.
Only the hippest kids were on chess team at my school.”

“Is that right?”

“We even had special tryouts,” I say,
warming to my topic. “They had to perform all sorts of endurance tests, both
mental and physical. Some of the kids were so desperate they resorted to
bribery and blackmail. It was like trying to join the mafia. We even had a
special code we lived by.”

“And what was that—the Nerd
Manifesto?”

I swallow a laugh and then sink
into the couch cushions. “All right, you got me. I was a dweeb in high school.”

“I’ll bet you were a pretty dweeb
though. So are you any good? Being that you were in the chess mafia and all.”

“I guess you’ll have to find that
out for yourself, won’t you?”

“We should have a game sometime.”

“We should. Though I hope you’re
not the kind of guy who has a problem when a woman comes out on top.”

Declan gets a funny little smile
on his face. “With you Kate, I know I’d enjoy it.”

***

The next day I pick up Ben from the
airport on time, so there’s nothing for him to be upset about. He’s still quiet
on the drive home. He doesn’t like to fly, so I figure that’s all it is. We
talk about the work he’s doing in California and I tell him how things have been
up here. I keep wondering whether I should tell him about Declan coming over
for Thanksgiving. I don’t want him to think I was trying to keep it a secret.

When we get to my house we fall on
the bed and have sex, though it’s not as passionate as usual, and I can’t help
feeling that there’s something perfunctory about it.

“Is everything okay?” I ask
afterward.

“I think the food at the airport
is disagreeing with me. I shouldn’t have eaten it, but I didn’t have a chance
to pick up something decent.”

“Can I get you anything?”

“A glass of water.”

I grab my robe and pad barefoot
into the kitchen. When I spot his travel bag on the floor I decide to bring him
his arsenal of vitamins and other remedies that he brings with everywhere. I
hunt through his bag, which is of course neatly organized, everything as tidy
as can be. Finally I find the small zippered toiletry case that he uses to cart
all his herbs and potions around. As I’m putting everything back in order I
notice a piece of paper with Ben’s handwriting on it sticking out from one of
the side pockets. I’m not sure what makes me pull it out, but I do. On it I
find the word
Heather
, along with a phone number that’s local.

I stare at it, not quite sure what
to make of this. There’s something about it that is tickling my memory, but I
can’t remember why. Is it another woman? I feel a jolt of paranoia, but then
dismiss the idea because I trust Ben. I decide it must be some work contact. He’s
probably mentioned her name to me and that’s why it sounds familiar.

When I bring the water and all the
other stuff into the bedroom Ben thanks me, and asks me how Thanksgiving went.

“It was fine.”

“I hope you told your parents I
was sorry I couldn’t make it.”

“They understood.”

I watch him as he puts a tablet of
something in the water. There’s a slight fizzing sound and I can smell that
it’s lemon-lime. He swirls the glass a little and looks around my bedroom as he
waits for the tablet to dissolve.  I figure this would be a good time to tell
him about Declan, but he doesn’t give me a chance.

“Jesus Kate, this room is a
pigsty. I don’t know how you can stand it. You need to clean in here more often.”

I glance around. Admittedly it
could be neater. There are clothes and books lying around, so it is kind of
messy, but it certainly isn’t a pigsty. My temper flares and I’m tempted to
give him a piece of my mind. He hasn’t seen me in days and all he can do is
complain that I’m a slob?

“I invited Declan over for
Thanksgiving.”

Ben stares at me for a long moment
and then looks down at his glass. “Is that right?”

He drinks while I wait for some
reaction. He doesn’t seem upset at all. If anything he seems resigned, like he
was expecting it or something. I open my mouth to explain why I invited Declan,
but then stop. I don’t need to explain anything and I’m not sure what I’d say
anyway.

Ben puts his glass on the
nightstand and tells me he’s going to go home now, that he needs to unpack his
stuff.

“You don’t have to leave. Just
unpack your stuff here.”

“No, that’s all right. I want to
unwind a little. It’s been a long week.”

Our eyes meet and I know I should
say something that would make everything all right, but I don’t know what that
something is. And the truth is I’m relieved he’s going home.

***

Though I’ve never been engaged
before I’ve always had this vision of what it would be like. I imagined it
would be romantic, that my fiancé and I would dream about our lives together and
have lots of fun doing it.

What I’m finding though is that
it’s nothing like that. There’s one word to describe the way things are between
me and Ben. Tense. I finally decided to stop giving in to everything and start
standing up for myself. The first thing I told him was that I didn’t want to
drink those yucky smoothies in the morning anymore. I said that while I
appreciate him making them, I prefer my smoothies without the green stuff added.

“But it’s good for you,” Ben
insists, opening the brown jar of spirulina.

“Probably. But it tastes
terrible.”

He doesn’t respond. I know he’s
insulted, but I figure come on, get over it. It’s just a stupid smoothie.
Besides I don’t want to spend the rest of my life drinking those things. When I
break the news that I don’t want to work out at the YMCA with him and the Three
Stooges anymore this gets a bigger reaction. I explain that I prefer going back
to my old gym downtown.

“But it’s more expensive,” Ben
says, “and once we’re married we can get a YMCA family membership at a discount.”

I sigh. “I don’t want to work out
with Linda, Juliet, and Rochelle anymore.”

“Why not?”

“Because I like to exercise while
listening to music on my iPod.”

“I didn’t realize it meant so much
to you. You can listen to music. I only wanted to include you.” Ben gets that
familiar I’ve-been-wronged expression on his face.

“It’s more than that. I’m tired of
those women treating me like I’m the enemy.”

“What do you mean?”

I stare at him. Is he really this
dense? “I think you know exactly what I mean. It’s obvious Rochelle has a ‘thing’
for you and that they wish you were with her instead of me.”

Ben meets my eyes for a couple
beats then looks away.

“Why don’t you just tell her
you’re not interested?”

“I have. Believe me.”    

 “And?”

“She won’t give up.”

I don’t say anything. Frankly it’s
his problem. He’s the one that keeps going there meeting with them. In a way
it’s like he’s encouraging it.  

“You could always join my gym,” I
say, trying to coax a smile out of him. “It’s really fun.”

“Maybe.”

So things are tense. Ben isn’t the
most flexible person, and I can be stubborn too. Plus we both tend to hold
grudges which obviously doesn’t help the situation. And all this tension is
affecting our sex life. Obviously we’ve never had any issues in that
department, but things feel different between us lately. I want to say it’s all
Ben, but I have to admit I’m not feeling that passionate either.

When I meet Suzy and Lauren at a
new restaurant downtown that Lauren wanted to try, I decide to ask the two of
them if I’m overreacting.

“You’re doing the right thing,”
Lauren says. “It’s best to get all the stuff out in the open now. I’m sure Ben
will relax once you’re married.”

“I can’t believe he’s holding a
grudge because of a smoothie,” Suzy says. “That’s really childish.”

  I sigh. “I know. That’s not how
Ben views it though. He believes he knows the best way something should be done
and it doesn’t make sense to him when I don’t go along with it. In his mind he
thinks
I’m
the one being difficult.”

“Maybe you guys should go in for
marriage counseling,” Lauren suggests.

“But we’re not even married yet!”

“I know, but that’s when people
are doing it nowadays. It’s called pre-marriage counseling and it’s all the
rage.”

“Really?”

“I don’t know,” Suzy says. “I
think if you need marriage counseling before you’re even married then something
is seriously wrong.”

I pick up my menu. “I don’t think
it’s gotten to that point or anything. We’re just having a few disagreements.
I’m sure it will all work out.” Staring at the menu I realize that Ben would
really like this place. It’s mostly health food, but prepared more gourmet then
you’re average granola and sprouts kind of place. I’ll have to bring him here
sometime. I asked him if he wanted to join the three of us for dinner tonight,
but he said he couldn’t make it, since he’s going snowboarding this weekend and
needed to pick up new chains for his jeep in case the roads are bad. “How did
you find this place?” I ask Lauren.

“My yoga instructor recommended
it. She said the food is delicious.”

I glance around the restaurant.
“It’s really crowded. That’s always a good sign.”

“I wonder if I should try prenatal
yoga,” Suzy muses. “I was reading something about it the other day. People say
it can help with the delivery and I know I’ll need all the help I can get.”

“Oh, you should!” Lauren puts her
menu down. “They even have classes for it at the studio that I go to. I’ll
definitely do it if I ever get pregnant.”

“So the yoga’s really working out,
huh?”

Lauren nods. “It is. It might
sound weird, but I feel like meeting Paul has come about partly because of my practicing
yoga.”

I take a sip from my glass of
water. “What do you mean?”

“I feel so much more centered in
my life. I was ready for this relationship and I don’t think I would have been a
few months ago. It’s like I had decided to stop looking for a man and just concentrate
on myself and lo and behold this amazing guy comes along.”

This all sounds a little too woo-woo
for me, but I decide it’s best not to say anything. After all, who am I to
judge? Besides I think it’s awesome that Lauren has found the man of her dreams.

The waiter comes over. I decide to
try a nut burger along with a bottle of organic beer. Suzy and Lauren give
their orders and then Suzy excuses herself to use the bathroom.

“So, have you and Ben set a date
yet?”

“No. I can’t pin him down. Whenever
I bring up any wedding stuff, Ben never wants to talk about it. He always says
we have plenty of time.”

“Men,” Lauren rolls her eyes, “I’m
sure he has no idea how much planning is involved in putting together even a
small ceremony. Maybe you should talk to his mom.”

I shudder, but then think maybe
that isn’t such a bad idea. She is going to be my future mother-in-law so I
should be trying to get along with her.  I ask her if Paul has gotten his
ticket to come out here yet.

“He has,” she says, smiling as the
waiter places our organic beers in front of us. “He’s flying out the week
before Christmas and then we’ll fly to LA together. I can’t wait to see him. I’m
so excited!”

“That sounds awesome. What does
his family think about all this?”

“Hasn’t Declan told you?
Apparently there’s been quite a buzz. I even talked to his parents on the phone
the other day. They all want me to come and visit. It looks like I’ll be going out
there in March.”

“Wow, I had no idea...you don’t
think this is all moving too fast? You guys only spent three days together.”

“I know, but I just can’t explain
it Kate. I feel like I’ve met my soul mate. We both realize it’s happening
fast, but it feels right—you know? There’s no point in taking it slow if that feels
wrong.”

“I guess I understand.”

Suzy comes back to the table at
the same time our waiter is bringing all our food. She sits down as he puts
each of our plates in front of us. When I glance at her I notice that she has
an odd expression as if she isn’t feeling well.

“Are you all right? Is something
wrong with your order?”

“No, its fine.”

“Are you sick?” Lauren asks.

Suzy shakes her head and then
takes a breath. “Ben is here. I saw him when I was coming back from the
bathroom.”

“He is? I should ask him to join
us.”

“That might not be such a good
idea.”

“Why not?”

Suzy looks at me uneasily. “He’s
with another woman.”

My mouth drops open. “What?”

“Well, it’s probably just a
friend,” Lauren says quickly. “Doesn’t Ben have all those women friends that he
works out with?”

“That’s true,” I say, feeling uncertain.
He never mentioned that he was meeting anyone for dinner tonight. “What does
she look like? Are you sure it was him?”

“I didn’t see her face. All I
could tell was that she has blonde hair.”

The only person I can think of who
fits that description is Rochelle. “Okay, I think I know who it is. It’s this
woman he works out with. Her name’s Rochelle—remember I told you guys about
her? She’s a total floozy, but Ben is still friends with her.”

“I don’t know Kate. The way they
were sitting it looked like they were more than friends,” Suzy says quietly. She
takes my hand from across the table. “What do you want us to do? We’re here for
you whatever you decide. You know that.”

   I remain still, trying to
absorb this information. Is it really possible that Ben is cheating on me with Rochelle?
Why would he do that? It doesn’t make sense.

“You must have misinterpreted it,”
I say. “I’m going to go talk to him. Where’s he sitting?”

“They’re at the bar.” Suzy motions
to her right.

“I’ll be right back.”