Fires of Autumn (43 page)

He
grinned, reaching out to tuck hair behind her ear. “My parents will be fine,”
he said.  “What about yours?”

She
shifted so she was snuggled up against him. “My dad will probably wear a rebel
flag tee shirt, but other than that, things should be fine,” she giggled when
he did. “Do you think we can do it this weekend? Is that too soon?”

His smile
faded. “It’s not too soon,” he whispered. “But before we go into that, I need
to talk to you about something.”

“What
about?”

He was
quiet a moment as he organized his thoughts, thinking of what he had to say and
wanting to phrase it carefully so she wouldn’t implode. He’d been gearing up
for this since his meeting with Meade, knowing what was coming and trying to
ignore the grief it provoked until he could ignore it no longer.  His task was
set and tomorrow, he was leaving. Casey still didn’t know but he’d meant it
that way. He was genuinely afraid of her reaction.

He stopped
playing with her hair and wrapped his arms around her.  “We need to discuss
everything you and the President and I talked about the other day,” he
murmured, watching her features tighten. “We haven’t talked about it since it
happened, but we need to. It’s not going to go away.”

Casey’s
smile faded completely as she gazed at him. “I was really hoping it would,” she
said softly. “I still don’t think I’m over the fact that you told the President
everything.”

“I didn’t
have a choice.

“I know.”

He kissed
her forehead and tucked her head against his chest. “I had a long talk with Mr.
Meade about it,” he muttered. “I explained everything to him and he saw my
point.”

“Did he
really? Or did you force him to?”

“Either
way, he saw my point.  I’m leaving for Bogota in the morning.”

Her head
shot up, the violet eyes wide. “What?” she gasped. “
You’re
going to
Bogota?”

He nodded,
seeing that she was not going to be calm about this but the truth was that he
didn’t expect her to.  He could only do his best to help her through what had
to come.

 “Yes,” he
whispered firmly. “Angel, this is my job. This is what I do. I can’t trust this
to anyone else, not when your life hangs in the balance.”

She stared
at him with big eyes and he could see that they were already filling with
tears. “Why not?”

“I told
you why.  This is the most important mission of my life.  I have to see it
through.”

Casey
stared at him, shocked to realize that he was deadly serious.  Since their
meeting with the President, Colt hadn’t said another word and she’d been lulled
into a false sense of security by it.  Everything in their life had gone on
like normal, including the family dinner tonight.  She had cooked, Colt had
helped. It had been sweet and wonderful and normal. She was looking forward to
the rest of her life being like that, every day spent with the man she loved
more than life. Now….

  “But…,”
she shook her head and the tears spilled over. “I don’t want you to go. You
promised I wouldn’t have to raise the baby on my own. Colt, you
promised
.”

She was
starting to sob, pulling away from him as he tried to hold her. “You won’t,” he
sat up and pulled her against him even as she struggled. “I’ll be back, I
promise. But I just can’t trust this job to anyone else. Your life and my
baby’s life hang in the balance.  I have to do this myself to make sure it gets
done, to make sure you’re safe. A very bad man has to die in order to eliminate
the threat against you and against the President. This has huge implications,
Casey. Do you understand that?”

 She was
weeping deeply by the time he was finished.  She just wrapped her arms around
his neck and held him tightly.

“Please
don’t go,” she begged. “Please don’t leave me.”

He held
her close, lying back on the bed with her in his arms. A big hand stroked her
hair, trying to give her some comfort.

“I will
never, ever leave you,” he murmured. “I will always be with you, no matter
where I am or what I’m doing, because my thoughts will be with you.”

Casey
didn’t hear him.  She was emotional and hormonal, translating into volatile
moods.  She sobbed painfully against him as he tried to soothe her. 

“Please,”
she whispered. “Please don’t go.”

He could
feel a lump in his throat at her anguish-filled weeping. He held her tightly,
rocking her, thinking of what lay ahead.  He wasn’t about to tell her how
dangerous it was going to be or the hazards he would face.  That would only
make her more upset.  But there was little time and much had to be said.  For
his own peace of mind, he had to.

Colt
pulled Casey from the crook of his neck, his big hands cupping her face as he
gazed steadily into her eyes.

“Casey,
listen to me,” he said as evenly and as gently as he could.  “It’s very important
that you do. Please?”

She was
still wallowing in great misery, shaking her head. “I… I don’t want to,” she
sobbed. “I don’t want you to go but you….”

He kissed
her to shut her up. “Listen to me.”

“I….”

He kissed
her again, cutting her off firmly.  When he pulled away, she had to catch her
breath because he had kissed her so hard. “I can do this all night but I’d
rather have a meaningful conversation with you,” he whispered. “I want you to
be calm and listen very carefully to me. Please?”

By this
time, she was starting to come around, realizing that he wasn’t going to give
her time to have a temper tantrum. Colt was serious and level-headed, and she
wasn’t.  Her violet eyes were wet with tears.

“I don’t
want to listen to you,” she hissed. “I don’t want you to go and I want you to
stay here with me. There has to be something else that can be done that doesn’t
involve you going to Columbia to assassinate the drug lord that’s blackmailing
Russ. You’re too important to risk your life like that. There are others who
can do the job.”

“I don’t
want to trust the job to anyone else.”

“That’s
your ego talking. You have to be the big hero.”

She was
pitching a good fit; he had to give her credit.  Colt tried not to grin as she
did everything but stomp her feet. 

“Angel,”
he cooed, knowing it wouldn’t do any good to butt heads with her. “Baby,
there’s a couple of things we need to settle before I go for my own peace of
mind.  First of all, I want you to keep on with your life as it is.  Go to
work, take the boys to school, and come home and make plans for our wedding.
I’ve put you on my bank account, so you’ll have access to my money. You’re
going to need to buy things for the baby and I want you to be able to do
whatever you want to do. Word at the White House will be that I’ve been
reassigned to the European Bureau as a temporary promotion overseeing the
operations for Western Europe.  If anyone asks, that’s all you know.  As far as
you’re concerned, I’m fine, I’m busy, and I miss you. That’s all anyone needs
to know.”

By this
time, she was still in pouting mode but at least she’d stopped sobbing.  She
watched him, a frown on her lush lips.

“What can
I say that will convince you not to go?” she begged softly.

His dark
eyes glimmered. “Nothing,” he kissed her. “This is something I have to do and
no amount of begging or crying is going to change it.”

Casey
didn’t like that answer in the least but she nodded stiffly, as if to let him
know she losing this argument kicking and screaming. Colt wiped the last of her
tears from her temple.

“I’m not
sure how long this is going to take,” he murmured. “It could take a week, it
could take a year. I just don’t know.  But I want you to know that I will think
of you every minute of every day, and I will try to contact you from time to time
to let you know I’m okay.”

She was
starting to tear up again. “If you’re gone a year, you’ll miss the birth of the
baby. You
can’t
miss it.”

He shushed
her softly.  “I’m not going to miss anything,” he assured her. “The baby’s due
date is August 3
^rd
.  I
will
be here, Casey, one way or the
other. Even if it’s just for an hour to see you both, I’ll be here. This baby
means more to me than you can ever imagine. Please believe me.”

She was
struggling against the tears again. “I do.”

He knew
she didn’t but he gave her credit for the brave lie.  While she was marginally
focused, he continued with what he needed to say.  For both their sakes, he had
to.

“I want
you to listen to me carefully,” his thumbs stroked her damp cheeks. “I will try
to check in regularly with you so you know I’m alive and also so I can find out
how you are.  But if my calls or emails stop for longer than six months, you’re
going to have to assume something has happened to me and I’m not coming home.
If that happens, I….”

She burst
into tears, interrupting him, and he moved quickly to get through what he
needed to say. She had to know.

“I want
you to know how much I love you,” he whispered, feeling a lump in his throat at
the thought of not returning to her. “I also want you to raise this baby in the
manner you see fit. You’re a wonderful mother and I trust you completely with
any decisions regarding our child.  All I ask is that, if it’s a boy, you let
him fulfill his destiny as Philip Henry Sheridan VI.  I would also ask that you
maintain close contact with my parents and seek out my dad’s advice for any
critical decisions regarding him.  And if it’s a girl… well, I really
would
like to name her Adelaide after my grandmother and if she wants to go into the
military, then she has my blessing. In fact, she has my blessing whatever she
wants to do.  I… I really hope you’ll tell the baby about me and tell him or
her how much I love him.  That would mean the world to me.”

Casey
could only nod, far gone with tears, and collapsed against his chest. Colt held
her tightly, knowing their conversation was over but also knowing he’d said
what he needed to say. He was comforted with that. He remained awake for the
rest of the night even after she fell into a fitful sleep, not wanting to
relinquish his last moments with her to something as mundane as sleep.  He
wanted to remember her feel, her scent, the feel of her flesh against his. 

By the
time morning broke, tears were streaming down his face as he thought of leaving
her and the unknown task ahead.  Maybe it would be better for him to forget
about the President, the Secret Service, the Columbians, the Core, and
everything else, and just take Casey and the boys and go live on his
grandparents ranch in Montana.   Maybe he would have blown a brilliant career,
but at least he’d have Casey and they’d be together.

The
eastern sky was turning shades of pink. He could see it through the blinds. He
knew he had to make up his mind, to stay or go, and for several minutes he
actually thought he would stay.  His resolve was weakening. But the shadows of
his heritage began to drift over his mind and he realized his sense of
commitment, his sense of honor, meant more than anything else.  It would be the
one thing he left to his child that no one could ever take away from him.   He
had to see it through. He knew that.

Casey
awoke to Colt making love to her, one last time, as dawn broke over the eastern
seaboard.  When they finally parted, it was with quiet tears and kisses, and
Casey thought she was all right until an hour after he left.  Then, she
crumbled.

She took
to bed and stayed there for three straight days.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Early July

Russ was
standing in the doorway to the Oval Office, speaking to his aide, Jason.  They
were discussing the assassination of a major drug lord in Columbia, something
that had been plastered all over the news and the news outlets wanted a comment
from the President.   The drug lord had been very popular, a good friend of the
Columbian President, and the Columbians were throwing all sorts of accusations
at the United States.  But Russ couldn’t have cared less.

All he
knew was that he felt more relief than he had ever felt in his life.  Somehow,
someway, Sheridan had orchestrated what he had promised. He had taken care of
the man who had been menacing the President for over ten years. 

Russ felt
complete and utter elation except when he looked over at Casey, seated behind
her desk and concentrating on her work.  Then, his elation took a hit.  The
cost for his freedom had been her heart and soul.  For the past six months, she
had been a truly miserable person. His heart hurt every day that he saw her,
knowing what she was going through and the sacrifices she had made. He felt
guilty.

When Jason
went off to talk to the Press Secretary, Russ wandered over to Casey’s desk. 
She was working on a spreadsheet, focused and pale, as he cleared his throat
softly.