First and Again (13 page)

“Good night.”

She left the house quickly and headed for her car, fighting against the urge to run back into the house and hold Jack in her arms. She wanted to tell him she’d changed her mind, that she wanted to make love with him. For a long time she stood next to her car and watched the house, only getting inside when the lights in the house went out, one by one.

At seventeen, she’d loved Jack with all her heart, but as far back as junior high school, she’d known she couldn’t stay in Paradise. She had dreams and ambitions that couldn’t be fulfilled by staying in the small town. If she’d stayed for Jack’s sake she knew she’d soon grow to resent him, and she couldn’t bear that. Better a clean break than a slow, painful death. But she hadn’t been prepared for the shock of the pain that hit her when she’d learned of Jack’s marriage so soon after their split.

Had anything really changed in twenty years? It struck her as ironic that they were in exactly the same position they’d found themselves in back then. Jack’s life was here and hers was...

Where exactly was her life? Did she and Rebecca belong in Paradise? Or were they better off back in San Francisco? Perhaps somewhere else?

She put her car into gear and gunned the engine. The answer wasn’t any easier now than it had been twenty years ago.

Chapter Thirteen

The next morning Jack played host once more to his German guests as they breakfasted on the delicious buffet Bridget had prepared. Much to his surprise, she and Tina worked as an efficient team in the kitchen. But despite the teamwork, he had no doubt who was in charge. Bridget ran the kitchen with a confident control that Tina responded to without question. He grinned to himself. The fact that they hadn’t come to blows over who was in charge spoke volumes as to her leadership abilities.

He was proud of her, and glad he’d been able to give her a chance to regain her old confidence and overcome the demons that had plagued her since she’d lost her business. Though he knew those demons hadn’t disappeared completely, and maybe never would, she’d beaten them down to the point where she was able to work once more in the profession she loved. Now that she’d rebuilt her tattered confidence she’d likely pick up her life where she left off two years ago.

Once more he’d be left behind.

He shrugged off the self-pity. Instead, he sipped his coffee and discussed with the tour operators the possibilities of hosting German visitors at his ranch. But even as he talked business, a part of his brain replayed his conversation with Bridget the previous night. He’d wanted her with a passion that shocked him, and if he was truly honest with himself, he still wanted her. Maybe he always would.

She had other plans. And they didn’t include staying in Paradise with him.

He could hardly blame her. The only thing he’d offered her was the opportunity to warm his bed for a while. Even if he’d offered her more, why would she stay? It wasn’t like he was such a great catch. He came with a lot of heavy baggage, not the least of it a special needs daughter who would require his care for the rest of her life. How could he ask someone to share that burden?

Bridget was right in keeping her distance. There was no use starting something that would only lead to heartache.

* * *

Three pairs of curious eyes turned to Bridget when she stepped into Celia’s shop. Her sister turned to her with a smile.

“Hey, I didn’t expect to see you this morning!” She nimbly unwound a perm rod from her client’s hair.

“I just stopped by for a cup of coffee and to say hi.” She smiled self-consciously at Celia’s two clients who watched her in the mirror. “So, hi.”

“Hi, yourself. Grab a cup of coffee and have a seat.”

She kicked herself for not phoning Celia first and finding out when she’d be free to talk. She had some questions she wanted answered, but not in front of an audience.

“Bridget, you remember Mrs. Peterson, don’t you?” Celia dipped her head toward the client she was working on. “She was the secretary at the high school back when we were there.”

“Oh yes, of course. Nice to see you again, Mrs. Peterson.” She had a memory of Constance Peterson leading morning assemblies by singing an off-key version of “The Star Spangled Banner.” The image made her grin, much as it had back then.

“And have you met her daughter Shirley?” Celia indicated the woman in the other chair. “She and her husband run the hardware store here in Paradise.”

“Nice to meet you, Shirley.” Bridget judged Shirley to be about her own age but she didn’t look familiar. “Did you go to high school in Paradise?”

“No, we actually lived in Prairieview,” she said, naming the town ten miles down the road. “Mom decided it would be best not to work in the same school her children attended and we’ve always been profoundly grateful for that.”

“And now I still live in Prairieview and Shirley is here in Paradise. We’re only ten miles apart but it seems we never see each other. I’m busy with my things and Shirley’s busy with her kids and the store. So we make sure to book our perms at the same time so we can spend a couple of hours together, just talking girl stuff.”

Shirley gave her mother a fond smile and Bridget’s heart turned over. The two women obviously had a close relationship.

She poured herself coffee and grabbed a six-month-old gossip magazine before taking a seat, suddenly feeling restless. She flipped absently through the pages, checking out the latest fashions and the exploits of the teenage starlet
de jour
. She’d finish her coffee and head back to the motel. Perhaps she and Celia could talk another time.

“How are you liking your haircut, Bridge?” Celia asked as she rinsed perm solution from Mrs. Peterson’s hair.

“It’s great. It’s easy to look after and I’ve gotten a lot of compliments on it.”

Celia looked pleased. “Good. Maybe next time you won’t hesitate quite so long before you let me cut it.”

“You know, I used to pay a hairdresser in San Francisco at least three times what you charge for a cut. Have you ever thought about working in Bismarck? It’s not that far and I’ll bet you could make a lot more money.”

“Oh don’t tell her that,” Shirley said. “We’d hate to lose our hairdresser.”

“You don’t have to worry,” Celia said as she dried Mrs. Peterson’s hair with a towel. “I have no intention of moving my shop. I might make three times the money but I’m sure working in the city would be three times the aggravation. I’m perfectly happy right here.”

She finished drying Mrs. Peterson’s hair and looked at Bridget with a critical eye. “I see a couple of curls that need trimming. Why don’t you hang around and I’ll fix you up when I’m done?”

Bridget met Celia’s gaze across the room. Her sister seemed to sense that she needed to talk. She nodded.

“Sure. That would be great.”

Celia quickly finished blow drying the ladies’s hair. They left soon after, and she turned to Bridget with a grin.

“You can tell me what’s on your mind while I wash your hair.”

Bridget followed her to the sink where she wrapped a plastic cape around her neck. She relaxed and let her head rest against the hard porcelain, her hair falling into the sink. Celia wet it down and began to lather.

“So what did you want to talk about?”

Now that she had Celia’s undivided attention, she found she was reluctant to talk.

“I was just wondering,” she began slowly. “What happened to Leslie’s mother? Neither Jack nor Leslie ever talks about her.”

Celia sighed as she applied creme rinse to Bridget’s hair. “Victoria. I haven’t thought about her in a while.”

“Did something happen to her?”

“I’m sure many things have happened to her in the last ten years. I just don’t care to know about any of them.”

Bridget opened her eyes to look up at her sister as she rinsed her hair. She weighed her words carefully, not wanting Celia to guess how truly curious she was. “Leslie never talks about her. I thought maybe her mother might have passed away and I didn’t want to say something that might upset her.”

“No, as far as I know, Victoria is very much alive.”

“Doesn’t she visit Leslie?” Even if Jack and Victoria had divorced that was no reason to not see her daughter. She couldn’t imagine her life without Rebecca.

“No. Victoria wants nothing to do with Leslie.”

“What do you mean?”

Celia helped Bridget to a sitting position and started towel-drying her hair.

“When Leslie was born and wasn’t, well, perfect, Victoria decided she didn’t want her. She wanted to put her up for adoption. Jack refused, of course. He and Leslie moved back here from Texas when Leslie was an infant. Jane looked after her while Jack worked in the city. After a couple of years he saved up some money and bought the ranch.”

Bridget was stunned by all this news. No wonder Jack seemed sad at times.

“I don’t understand. How could anyone reject Leslie, much less her own mother? It just doesn’t make sense. She’s such a sweet child.”

“I don’t understand either. I like to think that if one of my kids had been born with some kind of disability I’d love them the same as I do now. But you don’t really know until it happens to you.”

“You’re not defending Victoria, are you?”

“No, not at all. She washed her hands of Leslie and Jack ten years ago and hasn’t looked back. She’s never offered financial or emotional support or made any effort to contact Leslie.” Celia combed out Bridget’s wet hair. “But in her defense, things were pretty rough when Leslie was a baby.”

“What do you mean?”

“She had a heart problem. She was sick for quite a while as an infant.”

“Oh no. Poor kid.”

“Jack hasn’t had an easy time of it. Leslie had heart surgery as an infant and seemed to be doing okay. But then when she was five she got sick again and needed more surgery. By this time, Jack was involved with a woman he’d met in Bismarck. She was several years younger than Jack but she was a good person. She loved Leslie and she and Jack were talking about getting married. But when Leslie got sick again, I think Meridith realized how difficult raising a child with a handicap was going to be. She broke it off. Since then he hasn’t had any serious relationships.”

“How come you never told me any of this before? You never told me Jack had broken up with his wife or that he’d moved back to Paradise. You told me Jack had a child but you never told me she had Down syndrome.”

“You always changed the subject when I talked about Paradise and the people here, especially Jack. I thought you didn’t want to know and didn’t care.”

She couldn’t have been more wrong. In the beginning, she didn’t want to hear about Jack’s marriage because it was just too painful. And then later, when her marriage to Ben began to unravel, she did her best to push her old life as far away as possible. She didn’t want to think about what might have been.

Celia moved her to the chair in front of the mirror. After adjusting the chair to the proper height, she got out her scissors.

“You’re falling for him, aren’t you?” she said after a long silence.

She stared at her sister in the mirror. “No! I was just curious, that’s all.”

Celia raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, so maybe he’s kissed me a couple of times and I kind of liked it. A lot.”

Celia trimmed an unruly curl. “I understand. Jack is an attractive man. But like I told you before, I don’t want you to get hurt. If you’re looking for happily ever afters with him, I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed.”

“I know that. I don’t think I’m ready to start anything with Jack anyway. It hasn’t been that long since Ben and I broke up.”

“Bridge, it’s been over two years since you broke up. You’ve been divorced for a year. You’re entitled to date anyone you want. Just do it carefully.” She suddenly stopped working on Bridget’s hair and whirled the chair around to look into her face. “Don’t tell me you’re still hung up on Ben!”

“No, of course not. The one thing I’m completely sure of is that Ben and I are through.”

“That’s good. He was never right for you. You deserve a lot better.”

When Celia turned her chair back toward the mirror, Bridget stared at her reflection. Her emotions were all jumbled up and confused. Was she falling for Jack once more? She knew she wanted him on a physical level, but had she already allowed her heart into the equation? Could they build a lasting bond, or would the scars of his marriage, or hers, prevent any chance of a relationship between them?

* * *

The following Saturday afternoon, Bridget drove Rebecca to Jack’s ranch. She’d compiled all the expenses she’d incurred from last weekend’s catering job and she wanted to go over the figures with Jack. If he went ahead with the scheme to host tours from Germany he needed to be aware of some of the costs. She bit her lip as she drove. Would she be part of that project in the future?

Jane Davison took charge of the girls while Jack stayed behind with Bridget and Gladys to discuss the events of the previous weekend. Gladys poured coffee at the kitchen table.

“How was your daughter’s wedding, Gladys?” Bridget asked.

“Oh, it was so lovely! My girl was so beautiful. I’ll show you the pictures as soon as I get them printed.”

“I’d love to see them.”

“I have to tell you, I was pretty upset when I found out those German tour operators wanted to come here the same weekend as my daughter’s wedding. I felt like I’d really let Jack down. I couldn’t have enjoyed myself the way I did if you hadn’t stepped in to take over. I knew Jack was in good hands. Thank you.”

She reached over and took Gladys’s hand, touched by her gratitude. “You did your part. Without you and Martha, we wouldn’t have had any of those amazing pies. It worked out well for all of us. You were able to enjoy your daughter’s wedding and with Jack’s help, my daughter is able to do what she loves.”

“I’ve been thinking,” Gladys said as she sipped her coffee, “with all the new business we’ll likely be getting, I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep up.”

“What do you mean?” Jack asked.

“I’m sixty-two years old, Jack. I’m hardly a youngster anymore. I’ve been thinking for a while about cutting back my hours, and maybe in a few years retiring completely. My husband is eager to spend the winters away from the cold.”

“I didn’t know you felt so overworked, Gladys. We’ll get you some help, take the burden off you.” Bridget could see that Jack was genuinely concerned for Gladys.

“I’m fine with the day-to-day family meals, but when it comes to big events like you hosted last weekend, I just don’t have the stamina. And if I’m honest with myself, I don’t have the talent either. I’m just a plain cook, but Bridget here, she’s something special. I think you should hire her.”

Jack and Bridget stared at Gladys and then at each other. Bridget shook her head.

“Gladys, if you’re thinking I agreed to cook last weekend because I was angling for your job, I want you to know that nothing could be further from my mind. I could never take over from you.”

“I didn’t say I was heading out to pasture just yet, but I think it’s time I sat back and let younger people take over some the responsibilities.”

Jack looked into Bridget’s face, his expression unreadable. “Would you be interested in helping us out with the larger groups?”

She didn’t know what to say. She’d proved to herself last weekend that she could handle a kitchen once more. But what kind of a commitment could she make to Jack? She still didn’t know if she’d be staying in Paradise past the end of the school term in June. Rebecca expected they would return to San Francisco in the summer. Although Ben had expressed zero interest in his daughter in the last few months, Rebecca adored him and she couldn’t keep her separated from her father forever. She wouldn’t do to her daughter what her mother had done to her.