First Contact
Authors: Walter Knight
AMERICA’S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION
Book 18
: First Contact
by Walter Knight
In
a galaxy far, far away, the eighteenth installment of this perpetually preposterous military science fiction series features a visiting probe from distant Ursidae, populated by a sentient bear-like species. Tasked with forging an alliance with other sentient species for mutual galactic protection for its home world, the probe lands in the DMZ of New Colorado’s New Gobi Desert. Encountering many low-life representatives of sentient species on New Colorado, the probe continues its quest to be taken to local leaders.
Along the way, the probe
gets involved in a robbery, drug trafficking, and finally an annual all-terrain car race, where it is dubbed the Toyota Pride. That’s when Colonel Joey R. Czerinski of the United States Galactic Federation’s Foreign Legion shows up, and everything immediately goes south. Even Smokey the Bear makes an appearance, trying to gain control of the Toyota Pride and its compact, powerful laser technology.
When the bear-like Ursidaens finally make diplomatic contact, humans and spiders and scorpions all join in the wild, way-out party.
America’s Galactic Foreign Legion goes off the reservation again as the silliness continues!
AMERICA’S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION
Book 18: First Contact
by Walter Knight
Licensed and Produced through
Penumbra Publishing
ELECTRONIC EDITION
EBOOK ISBN/EAN-13:
978-1-938758-10-2
Copyright 2012 Walter Knight
All rights reserved
Also available in PRINT ISBN/EAN-13: 978-1-938758-11-9
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, planets, asteroids, alien species, evil empires, galaxies far, far way, or future events and incidents, are the product of the author’s imagination, or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons or aliens, living or dead, events or locales including those on Mars and New Colorado, is entirely coincidental.
Licensing Note: This ebook is licensed and sold for your personal enjoyment. Under copyright law, you may not resell, give away, or share copies of this book. You may purchase additional copies of this book for other individuals or direct them to purchase their own copies. If you are reading this book but did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, out of respect for the author
’s effort and right to earn income from the work, please contact the publisher or retailer to purchase a legal copy.
~AUTHOR ACKNOWLEDGEMENT~
I
dedicate
America’s Galactic Foreign Legion – Book 18: First Contact
to the memory of American hero Walter Grant Knight (no relation). ‘When you go home, tell them of us, and say, for your tomorrow, we gave our today.’
~BOOKS BY THE AUTHOR~
America
’s Galactic Foreign Legion series
Book 1: Feeling Lucky
Book 2: Reenlistment
Book 3: Silent Invasion
Book 4: Demilitarized Zone
Book 5: Insurgency
Book 6: Culture War
Book 7: Enemies
Book 8: Allies
Book 9: Scorpions
Book 10: Peacekeepers
Book 11: Cemetery City
Book 12: The Ark
Book 13: Salesman from Mars
Book 14: Embassy War
Book 15: Lieutenant Columbus
AGFL Book 16: Galactic Disney (coauthor James Boedeker)
AGFL Book 17: Randal Telk
(coauthor James Boedeker)
Vampire in the Outfield
Zombie Missouri
AMERICA’S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION
Book
: 18 First Contact
by Walter Knight
Chapter 1
I am Joey R. Czerinski, Hero of the Legion, Butcher of New Colorado, and commander of a battalion of United States Galactic Federation Foreign Legion troops at the Demilitarized Zone crossroads of New Gobi City, planet of New Colorado. America has taken humanity across the galaxy, and found nothing but exoskeleton civilizations. After a series a wars, a fragile truce holds with the spiders of the Arthropodan Empire on our shared colony of New Colorado. Humanity is loosely allied with our spider friends, along with the neighboring Scorpion Kingdom, against a vast galaxy of alien civilizations.
First contact often results in war, but we
’ve been lucky so far. America has kicked some serious alien ass across the stars. It has not gone unnoticed that all those first contacts were with bugs. Humanity is alone in a galaxy swarming of bugs. We conduct trade, form alliances, maintain truces, and draw borders. We get by, playing the bugs against each other. However, humanity is not happy being alone. We seek the familiarity of another vertebrate mammalian species. There must be brethren out there, searching too.
As for me? I don
’t care much about first contact or the big picture. All I care about is surviving the day. That means keeping the spiders on their side of the DMZ. Spiders and humans live on both sides of the DMZ, and the Foreign Legion forces everyone to get along. Yeah right, like that is ever going to happen. We trade with the spiders, even let them join the Legion, but we will never ‘just get along.’ It’s in our DNA to fight.
* * * * *
The Ursidae Empire heard humanity’s radio and TV broadcasts, but had not developed the transport beam technology needed to reach us. They feared the technological prowess of humanity and the many exoskeleton species, sensing how helpless they were to attack and invasion. It was with great apprehension the Ursidaens watched as the various species nuked each other several times, with no care of consequences. Ursidaens sought cautious first contact and alliances on favorable terms. A space probe long ago sent to New Colorado now neared the fist stage of its fateful mission.
Of all the dangerous species out there, the most violent and fearsome species also held out the best promise of compatibility. Warm
-blooded humans most closely resembled the sentient species of Ursidae. The Ursidaens looked like what humans referred to as bears, but walked upright and had apposing thumbs. Ursidaens also had big snouts, teeth, claws, and bad breath. Both species spoke multiple complicated languages, easily understood by simple translation devices.
Stealthed in orbit, the
Ursidaen spacecraft dispatched an artificial intelligence rover to explore the planet’s surface. The AI purposely landed in the DMZ dividing the two great alien empires, hoping to make friendly contact with at least one species. So far, so good. Air, dirt, and biological samples all tested positive for compatibility. Video broadcast to scientists on Ursidae was breathtaking. After so long, they were no longer alone!
* * * * *
Cloaked in the darkness of night, the rover tentatively rumbled down a broad boulevard, sending back images each more spectacular than the first. As a huge brightly lit yellow structure of intelligent design filled the screen, anxious scientists directed the rover to interface with a human-manufactured AI the rover identified as a gatekeeper. Recording the historic galactic moment, the rover extended a frail connector, making First Contact.
“
Good evening, sir. Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order?” asked the human machine, followed by loud disturbing squelch noises.
“
Take me to your leader.”
“
You want to talk to the manager? If this is another E. coli complaint, you must go to our website to file a claim.”
“
I have no immediate issues with your virulent micro bacteria,” replied the rover, accessing McDonald’s website on humanity’s Galactic Database. “I am sure our scientists will be very interested in studying E. coli, and may even offer you assistance in combating your plague.”
“
Sir, we do not have plague at McDonald’s,” advised the clerk, indignant at the suggestion. “I assure you we cook our burgers thoroughly. It’s those punks at Burger King that should be fumigated. They’re a menace to the fast food industry. The sooner the Health Department bug bombs Burger King, the better!”
“
How soon will hostilities begin against Burger King?” asked the rover, alarmed, not wanting to get caught in the cross-fire. “Perhaps you and I can form an alliance.”
“
Sir, are you going to order, or what?”
“
I will sample a representative food offering of your suggestion.”
“
How about a Happy Meal with coffee?”
“
Yes, a Happy Meal sounds delightful.”
“
Would you like a free toy alien spaceship?”
“
Free? Yes, sign me up for as many freebies as I can get.”
The rover paid for its
Happy Meal with funds provided after Ursidaen scientists conducted a search of the humans’ Galactic Database. It extended a tray to receive the burger and fries, immediately scanning the fast food and sending analysis to scientists on Ursidae.
“
I detect no E. coli in your ground-meat/oatmeal-mix meal. However, the fries and coffee are quite abundant with toxins. How are you able to digest this shit?”
“
Wow, what a cool ride!” exclaimed the clerk at the drive-up window, ignoring the insults. “Is your dune buggy a Ford or Chevy?”
“
My all-terrain design was manufactured on our moon,” answered the rover, proudly downloading specs to the clerk. “I can go zero to sixty in 2.56 seconds.”
“
Oh, it’s a Toyota,” commented the clerk, sending images to friends on the database. “Awesome. I want one!”
* * * * *
Impatient customers honked their horns, so the rover moved on, parking by the curb to await further contact with intelligent life. Obviously those McDonald’s slaves were not part of the planetary elite. The rover flicked its lights on and off to draw attention from pedestrians, immediately attracting a bonanza of both human and spider life forms. A human tapped on a window. The rover lifted its pop-up door, inviting contact.
“
It’s unlocked!” exclaimed the human youth, scanning the rover with his communications pad. “Look, it’s one of those brand new Toyota SUVs.”
“
I don’t like it,” replied his spider buddy, cautiously checking compartments for goodies. “It could be a police bait car. This is too easy.”
“
Paranoid chicken spider,” taunted the human, checking for keys or a starter switch. As if on cue, the engine revved. “Come on, let’s go for a ride.”
“
Someone already stole the steering wheel,” scoffed the spider youth, spray painting his tag on a door. “There’s no wheel.”
“
We’ll sell the Toyota for parts.”
“
Take me to your leader,” interrupted the rover. “Your two species coexisting, working together in such harmony, warms my microchips. Your example is an inspiration to the galaxy of nations.”
Both the human and spider fled, but the human tripped on his baggy pants. Only slightly injured, he kept running. Baffled, the rover closed its doors and darkened its windows. Maybe first contact required a more delicate approach. The rover was determined to be more selective next time. So far it had only been dealing with the underclass of alien
life forms. Contact with the ruling elite was required. Its opportunity came soon.
Fire Hydrant #49 activated its alarm, notifying
the New Gobi City Sheriff’s Office of a parking violator. The dispatcher viewed video of the rover, contemplating contacting the Legion. The odd vehicle looked military, in spite of graffiti. Maybe the Legion had lost a jeep. However, a database scan confirmed it was just a Toyota SUV. Relieved, the dispatcher referred that matter to parking enforcement officers.
A meter maid slapped a metal boot on one of the rover
’s tires. She noticed there was no license plate or vehicle identification bar codes available, surmising the Toyota probably belonged to outlaw biker types. They were always chopping up vehicles and removing serial numbers. The meter maid called a tow truck for impound.