First Down (Texas Titans #3) (21 page)

Their eyes locked, and he knew she’d answered his soul’s call. He never thought he’d find the kind of love Zach or Matt had. He wasn’t even sure he’d believed it was possible until he realized he didn’t want to lose her. Ever.

“You feel amazing,” she whispered, closing her eyes as she tilted back her head.

He linked hands with her, holding her tight. “Open your eyes and tell me you feel it too.”

She opened her eyes slowly, looking too sexy for words. “What?”

“You said you want your man to look you in the eye, to really connect with you when you make love to him. Do you feel that connection? Did it make your heart stop? ‘Cause it sure as hell did mine.” Grayson wasn’t the kind of man to talk during sex—unless words intended to turn his lover on counted—but she was different. It may be too soon to tell her he loved her, but he wanted her to
know
that this was as close to perfection as they could ever hope to find
.

“I do.”

I do. I do. I do.
The words raced through his head as she rode him with the intensity of a woman with a point to prove. He knew he wanted to hear those words leave her lips again—in front of their friends and family.

“Jesus, Gray…” She bit her lip, obviously trying to suppress her cry as she clenched around him.

He felt the tremor move through her as she collapsed against him. He held her close, letting her gently surrender, and wished that moment would never end. Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply, lingering over the fruity scent of her damp air. “You’re incredible.”

She raised her head and kissed him briefly before bracing her hands on his shoulders. “You can reserve your judgment, ‘cause I’m not even close to being done with you.”

“That’s good,” he said, failing to crack a smile. He was serious, and he wanted her to know he wasn’t playing. “Because I don’t think I’ll ever be finished with you.”

She sucked in a sharp breath when he grabbed her hips. “Is that a threat or a promise?”

“Maybe a bit of both.” He wouldn’t pretend he was evolved just to please her. When he was as crazy about a woman as he was about her, he could imagine becoming jealous and possessive. He moved slowly before picking up the pace. “We’re probably gonna get into it from time to time. I have no doubt I’ll make you crazy every time another guy looks at you a little too long.”

“Is that so?” She raised an eyebrow as she gripped the edge of the hot tub as if she intended to hang on for the ride of her life. “Maybe we need to get clear who’s in control here, boss man.”

Grayson might have laughed if she weren’t driving him out of his mind. Every second required more self-control than he thought he possessed, but he wouldn’t go down without a fight. She deserved the best of him, and that’s what he intended to give her. Always. “I’m already clear on that.” He had his pride, probably more than most, and he wasn’t ready to admit she’d brought him down.

“That’s what I thought.” And just like that, she finished him off as if it was her job.

He cursed softly as he pulsated inside of her. He would never ever go back to wearing a condom, which meant Alana would be his only lover.
His last lover
. That thought should have had him sprinting for safety. Instead he pulled her close, kissing her before she could move.

“Amazing,” she murmured, skimming her lips over his jaw.

“Funny, I was just thinking the same thing.”

She linked her arms behind his neck and smiled. “I like where this is going, and I like the way you make me feel.”

He gave her a lopsided grin. “Does that mean you intend to stick around a while?”
Or maybe forever?

“Maybe,” she said, looking smug. She undoubtedly knew she had him right where she wanted him, blinded by lust and hungry for more, but she had no idea that only scratched the surface of his feelings for her. “If you’re good to me.”

“You have no idea.” He wished he could find the words to convey the thoughts dashing through his head and making his heart race. “I intend to treat you like a goddess.”

She tensed up, looking away before easing off of him and reaching for one of the towels she’d set on the edge of the hot tub.

He grabbed her wrist. “Hey, what’s wrong? Where are you going?”

She glanced at him over her shoulder. “I don’t want to be your goddess or your princess. I don’t want you to put me on a pedestal or pretend you couldn’t live without me. I just want to be your equal.”

Grayson was shocked by her anger. He’d clearly hit a nerve. He reached for her, trying to coax her down without making her slip. “You need to understand something. I grew up watching two people who were crazy in love.” He chuckled. “Me and my sisters used to freak out every time we walked into a room and saw our parents making out like they couldn’t get enough of each other.”

Alana offered him a half-smile. “I think that’s sweet. My parents were never very demonstrative. My brothers and I used to joke they’d only had sex to reproduce.”

“You may think it’s sweet, but my niece and nephews might disagree with you.” He rolled his eyes. “They still act that way, and the truth is, I wanna be just like them after forty years of marriage. I want to marry a girl who makes me feel young even when I’m old.”

Alana reached for his hand beneath the water. “I’m sorry I snapped at you. It’s just that…” She sighed. “I don’t want my bad experiences to define every relationship I have, but I can’t help it. I heard you say those things, and it took me back to the first time… Ronan told me I was his princess and he intended to give me everything I wanted. He was my husband. The only thing I ever wanted was his love and fidelity. Why couldn’t he see that was enough?”

Grayson felt as if she’d torn out his heart and squeezed it. Grayson knew she wasn’t trying to hurt him, but seeing the depth of her love for another man—even if it was ancient history—tore him up inside. “And why can’t you see that I’m not him?”

“I know you’re not.” She sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for comparing you to him. You would never do the things he did to me. You’d never lie to me or cheat on me or make promises you had no intention of keeping.” She rested her head on his shoulder when he settled his arm around her. “You’re a good man, and I’m so grateful you came into my life, Grayson.”

You’d never lie to me.
He felt like the world’s biggest fraud. He had to tell her everything, but how could he find the words that wouldn’t make her walk away? She’d left her husband for lying to her, and he had no doubt she would do the same to him if he told her the truth. Maybe when their relationship was on more solid ground. But not now, not today…

***

Alana walked into Grayson’s office the following afternoon and was surprised to find Jaxon there instead of Grayson. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“No worries, Alana. I just finished checking my voicemail.” Jaxon said, waving her inside. “Gray and I just finished a meeting. He should be back in a few if you want to wait around.”

“Actually, Bob and I were working on expense reports, and he asked me to come down for the hard copies of Grayson’s monthly receipts. I don’t suppose you’d know where he keeps them, would you?”

“They should be here somewhere.” Jaxon pointed at the stacks of paper on his partner’s desk. “If you feel like wading through this pile of garbage to find them. It amazes me that, in this digital age, Gray still manages to accumulate all this paper. The funny thing is he’s always the first one to run out and buy the latest techie gadget.”

Alana smiled. She didn’t know Grayson was a techie, but she couldn’t wait to peel back all his layers and get to know the man behind the expensive suits and racy car. She wanted the little things—like learning his favorite color, food, and childhood memory—the most because when he chose to confide in her, she’d have earned a special place in his life. She wouldn’t be like all the others passing through, keeping him company until he decided to move on.

“Was it something I said?” Jaxon asked.

She hadn’t realized she was frowning. “I’m sorry, I just…”
Could she confide in Jaxon?
She barely knew him, yet he was one of the people who knew Grayson best. Perhaps he could give her some insight into how Grayson felt about her. Last night had been magical, yet he’d suggested driving her home after they’d made love. If he felt the way she did, he would have wanted to prolong their time together. “You’ve known Grayson a long time, right?”

“Sure. Why?”

“Um, I know that he’s had a lot of girlfriends.” Alana closed the door before perching on the desk in front of Jaxon. “Right?”

Jaxon sneered. “If you can call them that.”

“Then he’s never been serious about any of them?”

“Not really. Why are you asking me this, Alana?”

“I guess I’m just confused about where we stand. I like him a lot, and I’m trying to figure out how he feels about me.” She blushed. “I know I should be asking him, not you, but it’s not easy to put yourself out there like that, you know?”

Jaxon chuckled. “If that stupid grin on his face this morning was any indication, I’d say he’s pretty damn happy.”

“Really?” Alana asked, brightening.

“Yeah, it was pretty sickening actually.” He smiled. “I couldn’t have kept his attention if I’d told him we’d just gotten a bomb threat. His mind clearly wasn’t on business this morning.” Jaxon’s eyes scanned her bare legs. “Any idea what might have been distracting him?”

Jaxon was a shameless flirt, but Alana knew he was also a decent guy who only wanted what was best for his friend. “We, uh… made love last night, and I don’t know where things stand now.” She couldn’t even believe she’d told him that.

“Wow, Gray doesn’t waste any time, does he?” He looked remorseful when Alana blushed. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. He knew some of the other guys wanted to ask you out, but I guess that’s out of the question now, huh?”

Alana was flattered, but she wasn’t interested in anyone else. Grayson had her heart. The question was what he intended to do with it. “I think we could have something special. I just don’t know if he’s ready for a commitment. After last night, I think maybe I am.”

“Did you tell him that?”

“No. You think I should?”

“Uh, yeah. Gray’s not gonna push. He knows you just got a divorce. He’ll assume you don’t wanna get tied down again so soon.”

“Did he tell the other partners about my divorce?” Alana wasn’t embarrassed about it, but she wondered what else he might have said to his friends about her.

“He may have mentioned it to them. It doesn’t bother him that you’re divorced, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

Alana frowned. “Why would I think that?”

“Well, if I was really into a girl, it might bother me that she’d taken that long walk down the aisle with someone else.”

That made Alana feel even worse about comparing Grayson to her miserable ex. “Why would that bother you? Obviously it didn’t work out for a reason.”

“Yeah, but sometimes people harbor feelings for their exes. Sometimes they have a hard time getting over it, right?”

“I guess, but that’s not the case with me. Believe me, I’m totally over Ronan.”

“I’m not the one you have to convince.”

“I will convince Grayson.”
First chance I get.

“I have to get to another meeting,” Jaxon said, standing. “Good luck with my buddy. I really think you’d be good for him.”

“Thanks.” She looked at the stack of papers before glancing at Grayson’s desk clock. She’d already been gone awhile, and she knew Bob had a lunch date planned with his wife. “Do you think Grayson would mind if I looked for those receipts?”

He grinned. “If you’re brave enough, have at it. I think I saw them in a big marked envelope. They shouldn’t be too hard to find.”

“Thanks. If I find them, I’ll leave a note to let him know I took them. Enjoy the rest of your day.”

“Yeah, you too.”

Alana stared at the pictures in shock and disbelief. Grayson had not only hired a private detective to follow her, but her ex-husband as well. The evidence was there in the midst of contracts and press pieces. The folder held the ammunition to turn her world upside down because it confirmed her worst fear. Her internal guidance system must have been completely out of whack, because it had allowed her to fall in love with a master of deception yet again.

She thought of the way he’d held her the night before, as though he cared enough to protect her. But the only person he was interested in protecting was himself. Her heart broke as she looked at one glossy picture after another. His investigator had followed her while she’d said good-bye to the people who mattered most to her. He’d captured private, intimate moments and handed the evidence of them over to Grayson as if she were a suspect and the detective was bringing her to justice. Fury rose in her as she tore the pictures into tiny pieces and left them on his desk for him to find. When he saw them, he would have no doubt the secret was out. She couldn’t think of a better way to deliver that bit of news.

Picking up his phone with a trembling hand, she dialed Bob’s extension. “Hi, Bob, I found Grayson’s expense receipts, but it took a little longer than I expected. I don’t want to make you late for that lunch date with your wife. I’d like to head home and grab a bite to eat while you’re gone. Do you think we could meet at the office later?” Food was the last thing on her mind, but she had to get out of that building. She needed to gain some perspective and figure out what she would do next.

“No problem, Alana. I should be back by two thirty. Does that work for you?”

“Sounds perfect. See you then.”

Alana went to retrieve her purse from her desk, barely acknowledging the people who smiled or waved at her. She felt that familiar pang of sadness when she acknowledged that she really liked working there. She liked the people, the job, the future it represented, but she couldn’t work for a man she didn’t trust. No matter what Grayson said, she could never trust him again.

She thought of taking a cab to her apartment with the last dollars in her purse, but she decided against it when she felt the warm breeze as she pushed through the heavy glass doors. She hadn’t bothered to change her shoes and her heels were bound to give her blisters, but she didn’t care. Trying to hold it together as she passed strangers proved more difficult than she’d thought, especially when a handsome man smiled at her at the crosswalk. She looked away quickly, letting him know she wasn’t interested in chit-chat.