Firsts (3 page)

Christ, why did she have to taste so good?

“Mmm, Savannah…”

She sucked his tongue back in her mouth, whimpering when he tried to pull back.

Thorn smiled inwardly, hands falling back to her shoulders and pushing her away. A murmur of complaint shuddered through her throat; it took a few seconds for her eyes to clear, for the haze to fade, and for the hard, heavy pants to leave her body. He fought to hide a satisfied smirk.

“You're right,” he said at last, head quirking as she blinked prettily and tried to return to herself.

“Huh?”

“This won't change anything.”

The furthest thing from the truth, yes, but it was worth it for the momentary look of confused resentment that flashed across her face. It wasn't much, but in that instant, it meant the world. It proved, in whatever way, that this wouldn't leave her unmoved.

He just hoped it was enough.

Savannah had spent the better part of three hours pacing her bedroom floor before diving for the phone and dialing up her other best friend: her best friend with girl parts. The crisis looming over her head stood definitively as a girl crisis. For this, she needed girl advice.

“I'm an idiot,” Savannah said the second her friend picked up the phone.

“Did you do something, or is it the usual reasons?” Allison chimed in without hesitation.

Savannah scowled at the phone. “Thanks very much for that.”

She chuckled. “I do what I can. What's up?”

“You remember what I said I was going to ask Wes to do?”

“Oh God.” A thick pause. “You didn't, did you? Tell me you didn't actually ask Thorn to have sex with you.”

Her nose wrinkled. “I said I was going to,” she replied weakly.

“Yes,” Allison agreed, shifting noisily on the other end of the line. “And I seem to recall telling you it'd be a massive mistake. Sex with your best friend? That has catastrophe written all over it.”

“Look, it seemed like a good idea.”

“You didn't do it, did you? Have sex with him?”

“No,” the young blonde replied meekly. “We're going to do it on Friday when my mom's out of town.”

“Oh my God, he agreed to it?” the other girl demanded. “He actually said he would sleep with you?”

“Why do you have to say it like that?” Savannah asked. “I'm not repulsive.”

“No, of course not…but, honey, he's your best friend.”

“Yes,” she agreed slowly. “Thus why the plan is brilliant.”

“I thought this call was an SOS about said plan.”

Savannah sighed and glanced down. She sat cross-legged on her bed in her brilliantly clean room. Honestly she hadn't gotten her room this clean in ten years. Her mother would have a heart attack…a double heart attack if Savannah revealed she'd gotten the cleaning bug in a vain attempt to keep her thoughts off Wesley and the meltworthy, delicious,oh-my-God way his lips had made love to hers. Every time she thought it was safe to breathe, her mind dragged her back to that moment. It seemed she'd lived her life in a fog, as though the Wesley she'd known as a child had never matured until today.

Honestly, how had she lived as Wesley's friend for nearly fifteen years and never noticed his killer cheekbones or how his eyes were so blue, she could practically drown in them? How had she never noticed his soft, sinful lips, his wiry, muscular arms, his flat stomach, or his tight chest?

How had she never seen him as gorgeous?

Wesley had never truly stood as a man in her eyes. A boy, yes…her nice, boy-part-having friend. Sure, she'd given it a thought or two over the years, namely when laughing off her mother's insistence that she and Wesley would find themselves married one day. It had seemed ridiculous once… She and Wesley just weren'tthat way . Best friends, yes, best nonsexual friends. It was just the way of things, and the reason he was the perfect candidate to pop her cherry.

So when nonsexual best friend Wesley had kissed her like he'd wanted to devour her, it had brought things she'd never before considered into light. And she found herself thinking of things like his lips and his hands and the fact that her body would roll under his…

“It is,” Savannah replied at last, breathless.Oh. God . She sank, stomach weighted with tension. “An SOS. A big SOS.”

“What's wrong?”

“He kissed me.”

Something heavy collapsed on the other line, but the echo was drowned out by Allison's excited squeal. “He kissed you?” the redhead demanded. “Omigod! Omigod!”

“Shhh!”

“How was it? Was it amazing? I bet it'd be amazing. Oooh…”

“It was…” Savannah's voice faded, her brow furrowing. “Wait… You'd bet it'd be amazing?

Why would you bet it was amazing?”

“Ummm…'cause he's sex on legs? Honestly, Savannah, you're the only one who's never noticed.”

Until now. Her face couldn't be redder.

“There were definite…amazing qualities. Like…the whole kiss.” She sighed and shook her head. “And the way he touched me.”

“There was touching?”

“Nothing inappropriate…just a…Wesley's-never-touched-me-like-thisthing.”

“Mhmm,” Allison mused wisely. There was definitively a hint of a smirk in her tone. “So what's the big deal? Besides Thorn, I mean. Paige says he's huge.”

“Allison!”

Her friend giggled wildly. “Sorry…but really. She says he's like half-horse or something.”

“Could you stop?” she demanded. “Wesley was supposed to be safe. I wanted him to be the one I… Because he wasn't a guy, just my friend with guy parts, and suddenly he'scompletely guy, and I'm just now…” Savannah exhaled deeply, her heart hammering so hard, she swore she was going to go into cardiac arrest at age eighteen. “I think… Oh God.”

“Oh. My. God.”

Every cell in her body froze. “What?”

“You like him!” Allison squealed. “I mean,like like him!”

“No, I don't.” The words sputtered through her lips so quickly, she might as well have ripped her heart right out of her rib cage and placed it on a stake for all to see.

And just like that, the illusion crashed. Everything crashed.

“Oh my God.” Savannah gasped. “Oh my God.”

“You so do! You like him!”

“I can't… Oh God.”

“Hey,” Allison said, her voice softer. “It's okay to like him, you know.”

“But he's my best friend—”

“Which makes it awesome. The best relationships are based on friendship.” A pause. “Not that I have any, y'know, experience…but Mark and me? Bestest of best buds, and I'm, well…invisible to him, but one of the reasons I like him is he's my… Well, he'smy Thorn. And if I can't have mine, you might as well have yours.”

Savannah winced. “Allison…”

“Hey, just saying.”

“Yeah, but even so… Wes doesn't like me…like that. I mean, I practically had to beg him to have sex with me, which… Oh my God, Ibegged him to have sex with me!” Her cheeks flamed.

If the world had any mercy whatsoever, a giant hole would open beneath her and swallow her up and make her dumbass plan obsolete. “Oh my God…”

“Savannah—”

“I can't… There's noway I can face him!”

“Ummm… I think you'll kinda have to if you're gonna be having sex.” A pause. “Well, I guess that depends on the position—”

“Allison!”

“Just saying!” she squealed. Then, softer, she said, “So…what are you gonna do?”

“Avoid him like crazy tomorrow and see what happens.”

“So basically chicken out?”

Savannah nodded. “In a big ole way.”

“Yeah. You know what you should've done?”

“Listened to you?”

“I'm just saying. You wouldn't be in this position if you had.”

Savannah sulked, her shoulders sinking.God . How was it she got herself into these situations? How was she going to face him?

Maybe a comet would wipe out humanity before she had to worry about it.

One could hope.

* * * *

In the months since Daniel had shattered her heart, Savannah had come to an understanding about love, life, and herself. The fog had dissipated, and after her tears had dried, she'd realized what a prized pig her first love had turned out to be. How he'd used her. How he'd played her fragile, teenage, first-love emotions to a conclusion he'd thought would end with her in a tangle in his bed before he shoved her out the door. And even though she'd loved him—in her own, naive way—a small, Wesley-voiced part of her had always known what he really was, and thus had held her back from completely giving herself over. The reason she hadn't allowed him to get to second base with her stood as testament to that much, as did the reason she'd fabricated a curfew, the reason she'd called Wesley after every date so he could talk her down and calm her into sleep. Some part of her, some small, secret part, had always known. Always.

It had never seemed real. She hadn't wanted to see it, but it hadn't seemed real. She'd wanted to believe the fantasy.

In the end, she hadn't even liked Daniel. She'd loved him blindly, but she hadn't liked him.

Not the way she liked Wesley. She hadn't chatted for hours with Daniel every night the way she did Wesley. She hadn't looked forward to seeing Daniel at school as she did Wesley. She hadn't trusted Daniel with anything, whereas she trusted Wesley with everything. Daniel hadn't been able to make her laugh like Wesley could. Daniel had no grasp of a greater world; when their literature class had readHamlet , he'd spent the entire unit thinking Ophelia was an STD.

Wesley lived as a walking encyclopedia; he had a reference for everything, but he didn't rub it in anyone's face. He barely let that side of himself out.

Unless they were together.

How in God's name had she never seen it before? How had she not seen Wesley as an amazing man? She'd always known he was wonderful, of course, but as a friend…not as a man.

Not as someone with whom she could see herself as a part of a couple, even though she'd never truly considered anything else.

It sure as hell made for an awkward day at school. Normally Savannah and Wesley were inseparable. Whether they passed notes in the hall, mouthed words to each other in shared classes, or expressed an entire thought with the mere arch of a brow or narrowing of the eyes, they rarely made it through the day without speaking. On occasion Allison had served as middleman to deliver messages in code. Perhaps the extremes were severe, but neither Wesley nor Savannah cared. They enjoyed their relationship in all its facets: the serious and the excessively goofy.

Not seeking Wesley out felt strange enough; actively avoiding him felt downright weird. But Savannah couldn't fathom meeting his eyes today. Pretending life as she knew it had not turned on its head would only confuse things more, and Lord knew she needed none of that.

Especially after last night.

I'm in love with my best friend.

She'd tried convincing herself of a thousand different things after her phone conversation with Allison, but the more she debated, the more the hole around her deepened. Every time she thought about Wesley now, blood filled her cheeks, her head became light, and her heart pounded so hard, her chest hurt. And now she'd cocked everything up with something that had seemed innocent when the notion first flitted into her head…and then she'd bothered him about it until he caved.

He'd warned her… Sex changed things.

I thought we were supposed to actually have it before things changed.

She saw no good way to proceed. Ignoring Wesley just made her miserable, though the only thing worse than ignoring him would entail confronting him. God, she sucked with men. Big-time. Not the ones she loved, at least. That way lay paved with heartache and despair; Wesley had made his feelings completely clear last night. He didn't want to have sex with her. She lived as his friend, nothing more, and he didn't want that relationship to change. He'd only agreed due to her persistence.

Their amazing relationship would become something else entirely after Friday. The notes and the whispers would vanish, as would the glances and everything else that made life bearable.

She'd changed everything without realizing it.

Without realizing exactly what would change and what she would lose.

Savannah sighed harshly. She'd arrived home about an hour ago, and the phone had yet to ring, which troubled her since she'd watched it from the moment she kicked off her shoes. On a normal day she would have headed to Wesley's house directly after school, but she'd managed to ditch the last ten minutes of class to get a jump start home; she figured he would wonder when she didn't meet him by his locker. Then again, ignoring him all day had to stand as the mother of all mixed messages. Perhaps she could look forward to a reverse cold shoulder in retaliation. He wouldn't acknowledge she ignored him in his mutual ignoring of her. Then he'd be angry, they'd fight, she'd have to tell him, and everything would go kablooey, and then…