Fit for the Job (35 page)

“Stop saying that,” Bodie said. “It does mean something. And why do you think I’d cut you out of my life? It doesn’t have to be absolute. Aren’t we even going to keep in contact once I leave?”

“What, phone sex? Texting? A couple of romantic weekends a year?”

Bodie shrugged. “I don’t know, just...something. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. We have to continue
something
.”

Jay felt tears threatening, but refused to succumb to them. He never cried. He hated tears when they came from other people. Hated them more when they were his own.

But he was ready to fall apart. This emotional rollercoaster he’d been on since starting this job, the constant highs and lows, it had all come to a head in the short time since he’d woken up that morning. Because Bodie had said he loved him. Those words sent Jay flying on a high he’d never felt. Then Bodie said he was leaving, and that plummeted him straight back down to the ground.

He stood. “I don’t want
something
, Bodie.” He paused, swallowing hard. “I want everything.”

Bodie stared up at him, silent. Completely, annoyingly, silent.

Jay shook his head. “That’s not a demand. This is just how I feel; I’m being honest. I can’t compromise like that. I feel too much to just divvy it up into little pieces. I’m gonna walk back to the house. See you later.”

“Jay!” Bodie said. “Wait.”

Jay left the diner, moving down the street as fast as he could without breaking into a sprint. He wasn’t one for flouncing out of restaurants, fleeing from his lover like some 1940s film damsel. But it sure as hell beat the alternative of sitting there weeping over his turkey sandwich.

He kept walking, not looking back. The part of him that was in love wanted to turn around and run back into Bodie’s arms, to say he’d take what he could get, as long as they didn’t sever completely. But he couldn’t. His feelings for Bodie were whole, huge, and all encompassing. If Bodie didn’t feel that way too, then there was no point.

As quickly as it had started, it was over.

Chapter Seventeen

Bodie had been hiding in his room, not wanting to see anyone since coming back from the diner. But now he had to go to Eben’s family meeting, which was sure to be a lot of droning on about flights and other boring details.

As he moved down the hall and passed Sassy’s room, he paused. Sassy’s suite door was open, and she sat on the sofa with a cell phone to her ear. The sight was so startling he nearly barged in and wrangled the phone from her, until he remembered. Things had changed. Sassy’s privileges were no longer restricted. Because she was no longer trying to blackmail Eben.

Sassy looked up and spotted him in the doorway, and held a finger up to him. “Bethany, I’ll call you later,” she said. “My cousin Bodie’s here and I have to talk to him. Okay, bye.”

She set the phone down and smiled at him. “Come here, you!”

Bodie stepped into her room and sat down beside her on the sofa. “How are you doing?”

“I’m good. Surprisingly good for someone who got tied up and threatened and all that. I still feel guilty and stupid, but in a weird way, I feel better than I have in weeks. Maybe because I’m no longer a prisoner.” She chuckled. “My dad’s, or anyone else’s.”

“I am so sorry you had to go through that last night,” Bodie said.

Sassy looked down, rubbing her wrists, which still showed a pink outline from her restraints. “I started realizing when Dad came to the cabin, when he made me see that it would be easier to let me go if he just didn’t care, that maybe I could forgive him. Maybe he really didn’t mean it when he said he never wanted a kid.” She looked up at Bodie. “He quit the movie. That’s pretty huge. And he did it for me.” She blinked, her eyes glassy with unshed tears. “Then last night, with Libby and Andre, it really hit me. I was so hurt by Dad that I let it affect my judgment about everything. I put everyone in danger, not just myself.”

Bodie smiled. “I’m glad you’re working things out. And I’m so glad you’re safe. You gave us all a fucking huge scare.”

“Stop swearing,” she said, smirking.

“I’m sorry. But you’re okay? Really?”

She nodded, then huffed out a laugh. “Yeah.” She rolled her eyes. “Amazingly, though I threw myself and my trust fund into the arms of thieves, I’m okay. Thanks to you. And Jay.”

Bodie forced his expression to remain placid, though the mention of Jay’s name sent a cannonball down through his gut.

“I’m embarrassed, Bodie. I fucked up so bad.” Sassy rested her face in her palms. “I finally get all those lit books in school about guilt-ridden characters going insane. I want to crawl into a hole and never come out.”

“Hey, Sassy, listen to me,” Bodie said, placing a hand on her back. “We
all
fuck up. Every person worth a damn has fucked up at one time or another in their life. Everyone’s felt regret about something that just got out of hand...bad decisions they made that left them in the shit. And if they haven’t, they’re probably boring as hell and you wouldn’t want to know them anyway.”

Sassy grinned up at him. “But does everyone fuck up as bad as
I
do?”

“Oh I promise you,
yes
,” Bodie said, chuckling. “And you have lots of fuck ups yet to happen, I’m sorry to tell you. But as you get older, it won’t feel like the end of the world anymore. Because you’ll forgive yourself. You’ll know it’s just another fuck up. You’ll accept your faults, and know you’ll get through it.”

Sassy grasped Bodie’s hand, her smile so like her mother’s for a moment that Bodie was taken aback at the mature expression.

Then Sassy spit a wad of bubblegum onto the coffee table, and Bodie was reminded once again that this was a kid—wise beyond her years or not. “So this being bad at life stuff gets easier?” Sassy said, frowning at Bodie. “Tell the truth.”

“It does,” Bodie said. “I
suck
at life. But you get used to it.”

Laughing, Sassy covered her eyes. “Oh God, I hope you’re right.”

“So what about your father? You’ve been talking?”

She sighed. “Yeah. We’re not like, perfect family or anything. We’ve got a lot of stuff to deal with. But, I don’t know. I think maybe he does love me.”

“I told you he did,” Bodie said.

Sassy laughed. “Don’t be annoying. Crap, I guess it’s time for the big ‘family meeting’.”

“Yeah. Anything I should know, aside from the fact that your dad’s taking you home?”

“I don’t think so,” she said. “But you know Dad. He likes his official schedules and plans. It will probably be really boring.”

Bodie grinned. “I guess we better get downstairs.”

“Hang on a second,” Sassy said. “How’s Jay? I haven’t seen him in what, a day? But I already miss him. Is that weird?”

He cast his eyes down. “No. It’s not weird.”

“Does he know we’re leaving?”

“Yeah. He knows.”

“How does he feel about it?” Sassy asked.

Bodie looked at her. Might as well be honest. “He’s upset.”

Water filled Sassy’s eyes, and she swiped at them as tears rolled down her cheeks. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I can’t help it. I’m gonna miss him so much.”

“I know,” Bodie said. “Me, too.”

Sassy looked at him. “I’m an asshole,” she said. “I’m sitting here crying about leaving Jay, but you...you’re the one who...” She looked down. “Shit, Bodie. You really liked him, didn’t you?”

“Yeah. I really liked him.”

“Do you love him?” Sassy stared at Bodie, her eyes wide.

Bodie stood. “We should get downstairs.”

Sassy frowned up at him. “You do,” she said. “You love him, don’t you?”

Taking a deep breath, he sighed and met her eyes, nodding. “Yes. I love him. We should get downstairs.”

Sassy stood. She grabbed Bodie and pulled him into a hug. Bodie hugged her back, and despite his broken heart, he felt a flicker of happiness.

She released Bodie and wiped her eyes. “Okay,” she said. “Let’s go humor King Eben and attend his court.”

Bodie and Sassy went down to the first floor, and found Eben, Tate, and Evelyn in the dining room, seated around a large oak table. They found chairs, and Bodie felt like he was at some corporate powwow, Eben at the head of the table, a day planner open before him.

“Okay,” Eben said. “There’s not much to do. I’ve got all of our flight schedules already booked. You’ll all need to pack up your personal belongings and have yourselves ready by Friday. I’ve hired a cleaning service to take care of things after we leave, but try not to leave your rooms too...nasty.”

“God, Dad,” Sassy said. “Your room is probably nastier than anyone’s.”

Eben grinned at his daughter. “Maybe so, but I’ll see that it’s presentable before Friday. Okay, some news. We all know what happened last night. We’ll likely be called back to Providence at some point to testify, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. The police are keeping the incident quiet, and hopefully it will stay that way. Also, Libby’s been found.”

Bodie perked up. “Already?”

“She was heading north, apprehended when she tried to go through the toll in New Hampshire.”

Sassy let out a long sigh. “Thank God. I had nightmares about her when I went to sleep. She was coming at me with a wet mop, trying to suffocate me with it.”

Eben frowned. “You’re safe, Baby. I promise. Bodie, I told you I’m going to go over and talk to Jay. I’m going to tell him he can take until the rest of the week to clear out, so if any of you want to say goodbye to him, do it before then.”

“I do,” Evelyn said. “Shit, I’m gonna miss the hell out of him.”

“Me, too,” Sassy said. “Dad, can I visit him?”

“We’ll see,” Eben said.

“Dad, I really want to visit him sometime,” Sassy said. “I love Jay. He’s awesome. I feel like he’s my uncle or something.”

“And he found you,” Bodie said softly. “He—”

“We don’t need to talk about that anymore,” Eben said. “It was upsetting enough last night.”

“Dad!” Sassy scowled. “Let Bodie talk.”

“I just don’t want to upset you,” Eben said.

“I’m fine, Dad. I don’t need to be shielded from the truth. I was there.” She looked at Bodie. “I know Jay saved my ass, Bodie. I didn’t think anyone would figure out where I was. Or that I wasn’t in control. When you guys came into that hotel room, I’ve never been so happy to see anyone.”

“I’m sorry, Eben,” Bodie said.

“No, it’s fine, Bodie,” Eben said. “I just didn’t want to rehash it all if it upset Sassy. But go ahead. Sorry I interrupted you.”

Bodie frowned. Part of him didn’t want to talk about Jay, but part of him felt compelled to. “He was like a dog with a bone last night when we were looking for Sassy,” Bodie said. “If he hadn’t pushed me, we wouldn’t have gone to Libby’s.”

“Have you talked to him, Bodie?” Tate asked. “Is he all right after last night?”

Bodie nodded. “He’s okay. He’s...a lot tougher than he looks.”

“And a lot smarter,” Tate said. “He figured shit out while we still had our thumbs up our asses.”

“I’m sure we’ll all miss Jay,” Eben said. “But moving on.”

Bodie tuned out at that point, not hearing a word Eben said. He thought about leaving Rhode Island, catching his flight, returning to California, and something akin to panic clenched in his gut.

How can I leave him?

He tuned back into the conversation as Eben was talking about dinner plans for the evening. Bodie stood abruptly, and everyone looked at him.

“Are we done?” he asked. “I want to start packing.”

Eben blinked at him. “Ah, yeah. You okay?”

“I want to start packing,” he said, and left the dining room.

Bodie went back up to his room and closed the door. He moved to the bed and fell onto his back, staring at the ceiling. He couldn’t remember ever feeling this shitty, not even when all the harassment was going on in his old job.

He’d always done what had to be done in his life. He’d done his duty, never giving much thought to what he actually desired. Probably because there
wasn’t
anything he actually desired.

The strangest feeling had come over him when Jay said that he wanted
everything
. Even though Bodie had sat there, mute, unable to respond, Jay’s words had sent a thrill of happiness through him, a ray of pleasure rising up through the gloom of circumstance. Something deep inside him reached into his heart and told him that this was what he wanted too.

But it was fleeting, and the ‘
this all sucks’
cloud descended again quickly.

Bodie had thought he’d felt everything he was ever going to feel in his life. He was a young man, but not
that
young. That something could feel this fresh, this new and unique, was startling. It changed his whole internal dynamic, made him want to give everything to this amazing thing that felt so good, to this overpowering and unexpected
desire
.

But Bodie’s desires, meager as they’d been, had never been a priority, and that old familiarity of safety, simple security, and duty first, kept creeping up and blocking his mind, leaving him unable to decide what to do, and how to do it.

This all left him stupidly frustrated, and that eventually morphed into anger. He couldn’t quite think straight, but got out of bed and pulled his bags out of the closet anyway. He set the bags down on the bed began packing, pulling his drawers open and tossing things in just for the simple act of doing something, anything but staring at the ceiling and feeling pain.

Ten minutes later, a knock came on his door. “Bodie, you in there?” Eben’s voice called.

“Yeah, come in.”

Eben stepped into the room, holding a bottle of whiskey. He glanced down at Bodie’s bags on the bed, and closed the door behind him.

“What’s up?” Bodie asked, tossing some shoes into his bag.

Eben moved over to the small table near the window and sat down. “I brought whiskey.”

“I don’t really think you should drink,” Bodie said. He normally wouldn’t dare comment on Eben’s drinking, but his filters were running thin at the moment.

“I agree. But it’s not for me,” Eben said. “It’s for you.”

Bodie stopped packing for a moment and frowned over at Eben. “It’s not even five o’clock. And I’m not much of a drinker.”