Fit2Fat2Fit (4 page)

Zingers

Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Cap'n Crunch

Taco Bell Grilled Stuft Burritos

Peanut butter and Nutella on white bread

SpaghettiOs

Hot Pockets

Chocolate coconut granola bars

Pringles

If telling my wife was the equivalent of trying to convince a psychiatrist that I wasn't clinically insane, then telling the parents was similar to convincing the surgeon general that his son's lifelong ambition was now to be the Marlboro Man. Both sets (in-laws and my own) spouted off the physical chances I was taking. In what felt like a strange out-of-body experience, they echoed all the rants and speeches I had perfected as a personal trainer.

My dad took a different, perhaps more compelling approach. He asked me the rhetorical question, “What if you never get it back—your old body and your health?” At least I understood where the lack of gray in my life came from! It helped to have my wife on my side, but I could tell as the launch date of Fit2Fat2Fit neared that my closest family and friends, while feigning support, were torn between two views.

On one hand, the idea was like a bad car crash—as much as you wanted to, you couldn't look away. On the other hand, people started giving me reassuring looks that said, “If I had your abs, I'd be insuring them, not abandoning them for a couple doughnuts and french fries.”

One of the most important individuals that I needed to tell about my journey, though, was James. After all, I was planning to become what he was. Would he be offended or supportive? I wondered what to expect.

As I explained the plan to him, I tried to highlight that my experience was going to make me a better person and a better personal trainer, giving me insight into something I had never experienced firsthand.

James must have had his own questions about what I was getting myself into, but he was supportive from the outset, and he seemed at least slightly interested in the potential sacrifice I was making. After six months of indulgence, I was going to put myself through the workouts and meal plans he'd experienced, and James would get to be a positive supporter from the sidelines. The roles would be reversed.

But beyond my wife and family, it was most important for those that I had trained before to know why I was starting this trip, and how I hoped that it would help me and others better understand the difficulties and victories around weight loss.

After months of planning, I eventually found myself ready to depart, eating my last healthy meal before my Fit2Fat2Fit journey officially began.

I thought I would be excited. My wife was—she had been naming all her favorite desserts, which would now be fair game in the house, and her sweet tooth was doing cartwheels in the grocery aisles as our final days of preparation passed. My followers—that is, my family members—were too; they had already chosen my first food challenge of 12 Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

While I felt a measure of their anticipation, I was dealing with some other emotions. First and foremost, I was scared. Sure, I was already afraid that I'd become the “guy who vomits while stuffing his face with doughnuts” on YouTube, but I was scared mostly of the uncertainty. I had based my personal training, and so much of my own incessant drive for health, on the certainty that it was easy to be healthy, to make the right choices, and that regardless of your weight, you could always come back. What if I was wrong?

Soon my self-doubt was taking over. What if I really did have to struggle to get the weight off? Mere hours from diving into the 12 doughnuts now adorning my kitchen table, I started to wonder how much I had bet on a single hand of blackjack. In addition to my waistline, I pondered what the effect would be on my marriage, children, job, and relationships. It seemed like an awful chance to take for an unrestricted diet and a few “aha” moments about what it's like to be overweight.

Fully supportive, my wife never asked me if I wanted to back out, but if she had, I wonder what my honest answer would have been. As I stewed about what I was undertaking, mostly I thought of James and others like him—I pictured them sitting at the bottom of that mountain, staring up at what seemed impossible. They needed someone who understood. And with that, I grabbed my plate of doughnuts and asked my wife to hit the play button for my first video of Fit2Fat2Fit. Let the games begin.

Just two months later, I was standing in front of my closet staring at my clothes and having the thought that every woman has probably dealt with: I had a closet full of clothes, with nothing to wear.

My conundrum, however, wasn't due to being out of fashion. It was due to trying to find an outfit to wear to work that didn't accentuate the gut I was now steadily developing. As a fit individual, I had tended to gravitate to form-fitting clothes. Now, that adjective no longer had the same connotations.