Five Days Grace (23 page)

"Why were you going at all?"

"Guilt. I felt guilty about putting it off for so long. They adored Luc. They thought he was perfect in every way, and they think I'm grieving for him the same way they are, that I'm devastated."

He took her hands in his big, strong, warm hands and held on. "So you really have been in this all alone, Grace."

"Well, my brother knew and I don't even know who else. So we've all been carrying on this charade of pretending not to know, which makes me furious. But I'll deal with them when I get home. Not here. Not now. We have too little time as it is."

"What do you want now?"

Aidan.

She wanted him.

She wanted to be enfolded in his arms, skin on skin, nothing between them. They could stay in their makeshift bed by the fire for the next three days, holding each other, kissing, touching, anything else they could manage.

How did she get him to agree to that?

"I want you," she whispered, placing her palms flat against his chest, feeling his heartbeat kick up a notch or two as she said it. "I've been a good girl my whole life. I've been careful and worked hard and tried to be a nice person, and when I married Luc, I went all-in. I thought we'd be together forever."

"I'm sure you did, Grace. But it doesn't mean you shouldn't be careful right now—"

"I told you. I have been. It didn't work. And right now, I feel like... You showed up in my life exactly when I needed you, and I'm so glad you did. I'm going to let you in."

She slid her hand over his chest, to his jaw and turned his head toward hers for another of his slow, sweet, sexy kisses. The man could really kiss.

"You can't tell me you're really sorry about this," she said.

"No, honey. God, no. I just... keep thinking, you're here now? Really? At the absolute worst point in my life? Or three and a half months past the worst point? At least, I hope that was the low point."

"I'm here now because you need me now." It made perfect sense to her. "And I'm not someone who's going to run away, either. I'm not fragile. I'm a tough girl, remember?"

He pressed his cheek against hers, held her against him with a hand in her hair. "I know you are. I just wish I could be the man I used to be for you, with you."

"I don't think I could like the man you are any more than I already do. Life hasn't been easy for you lately, and yet, here you are, being... you. You're kind and strong and gentle and patient. And you not only pulled a tree off of an old lady, but you took in her dog, who I know you didn't want." She smiled at him. "You took me in, too."

He was quiet for a long time, holding her. Finally, he kissed her forehead and said, "You broke in, remember?"

Grace giggled. Actually giggled, and it felt so good.

"Luckiest thing that ever happened to me," he said. "And I like you, too. I can't imagine liking you any more than I already do. But there are things I have to do, Grace. Things I have to get through. Parts of me that have to heal, and my head... I have to get my head on straight, and I can't make you any promises until I do that."

"Okay," she said.

He rose up on his side and leaned over her. "Grace, you don't just say 'okay' to something like that."

"I just did," she reminded him.

"You need more than that. You deserve more—"

"I want you, and I have some things to do myself. So the fact that you need some time, too, is not a problem for me."

He looked completely exasperated, and she was sitting there, blissfully happy. Did he really want this to be hard? Because it didn't seem hard or complicated at all to her. She liked him. She wasn't going to pretend otherwise.

"You worry too much," she told him, and sat up, leaves falling off her as she did so.

He sat up, too, and started brushing his hand through her hair. "You have leaves all over you, even in your hair."

"You do, too."

He got to his feet and then helped her up to hers. They brushed leaves off each other, their backs, their legs, their hips, and ended up in another embrace, with more kisses. Grace felt happier than she had in ages. She had the man, the dog, this beautiful, peaceful place, a gorgeous fall day.

Life felt good for a change.

* * *

They went back to the cabin and changed clothes much the worse for wear from them lying in the wet leaves on the wet, muddy ground, and Aidan's head started spinning every time he so much as looked at her.

She liked him?

What the hell, Grace?

She'd wait for him?

Like she was ready to ignore completely every fucked up thing about him and his life right now and patiently, happily give him time to try to get his shit together. As if she had every confidence in the world that he not only could, but he would, and she'd be right there waiting for him, ready for anything that might happen between them.

He was pretty sure that's what she'd said, what she'd meant.

What the hell was he supposed to say to that? Tell her not to? That she'd be crazy to agree to something like that? That she didn't even know what had happened to him and how lousy his life had been since then?

Yeah,
he could tell her that. And watch the light, the joy go out of her eyes and all the worry come in or maybe even pity. God, he'd hate that.

She'd said she wanted him. It seemed she really did, and he didn't deserve that, didn't deserve her. Shit, most of the time, he didn't even feel like he deserved to be alive. So to go from that, to a woman like her, breaking into his life and lighting it up the way she had, making him want desperately to be alive again... How did a man make sense of that? How did he handle it?

Grace came out of the bedroom, the dog trailing after her like her devoted servant. She gave Aidan a beautiful smile, wrapped her arms around him and kissed him sweetly. "You're worrying. Stop it."

"I have things to worry about," he insisted.

"You can do that any time, like when I'm gone. I want to do something fun now. I haven't had fun in a long time, Aidan, and I bet you haven't, either."

"Fun?"

"You remember the concept?

"Vaguely."

"What the last thing you did that was fun?" she asked.

"Lying on the leaves, kissing you."

"Okay. We could do more of that. We could do... lots of things, outside, on the leaves. I don't care if it's wet and a little muddy, a little cold."

He shook his head. "You say things like that, and I think I could peel your clothes off and do... anything I could manage with you, and you wouldn't object at all."

"I wouldn't," she said, giving him an oh-so-innocent look.

"Grace!"

"Try me. We can do that right now."

She grabbed the bottom of her sweater, and... Yeah, she was going to peel it off for him, helpful creature that she was. He caught her hands before she could do it, and she laughed at him.

"You look like your head is about to explode," she said.

"It is. I can't do this. I..."

Jesus,
he was going to have to tell her.

At least part of it, so she'd know that she couldn't just waltz into a relationship with him, that she didn't want to.

He was going to have to think about it and talk about it, and it felt practically like setting himself on fire. He didn't want her to know there was anything that ugly in the world, wanted to shield her from such things forever. And he was going to have to bring something like that into this beautiful place between them?

"Aidan, are you all right?"

God,
he wanted her. "You're killing me, honey."

She just grinned. "I don't know exactly what's going to happen with us, but it's going to be good. Really good."

Which meant... what?

Sex?

She couldn't mean sex. He couldn't get a damned hard-on, so he didn't see how the sex was going to be good. Although he was getting to the point where he wanted anything he could have with her. As humiliating as he feared it would be to try and fail... He'd get to touch her, maybe anywhere and in any way he wanted. He'd get to kiss her, see her, feel the way her body moved, hear the sounds she made, taste her.

Grace laughed, as if she could read his mind and loved every idea he had at the moment.

He shook his head. "Please, stop."

"I'm stuck on the time thing. We have the rest of today and two days after that, and then I go back to my pitiful, sad little life," she said with a grin. "Two and a half days. How do you want to spend them?"

Oh, that hurt. He was going to have to let her go way too soon, and... She meant it, it seemed. Anything he wanted from her, right here, right now. Either that or she was teasing him. "You are manipulative as hell. Did anybody ever tell you that?"

"No, everyone loves me and thinks I'm the sweetest thing. Practically an angel, remember?"

His angel-girl was beaming up at him, looking happier than he'd ever seen her. He'd made her happy, for a while, at least. And he wanted her more than he would have believed it was possible to want a woman, especially without getting a hard-on.

He made a growling sound.

"Aidan, I've been thinking about this. Someone's going to be the first man I'm with after my husband, and I want it to be you."

Shit,
she just came out and said it. Just like that.

"I can't. You know that—"

"No, I don't know that, and you don't, either. But forget that part of it. Sex is a lot more than an erection. I know you know that. Don't pretend that you don't. And the important part, for me, is not what we can or cannot do, but that it's you. I just want it to be you."

And how the hell was a man supposed to turn that down? She wanted him, his obvious limitations and all. Aidan squeezed his eyes shut and grimaced, pictures of her naked and clinging to him rushing through his head.

She took advantage of his closed eyes and moved in, wrapping her arms around him and nuzzling her face against his chest. "We could make it a game. You liked the last game I came up with."

A game? Another one?

"Angel, my ass," he said.

She laughed at him again. "No, this is a good idea. It's perfect. Remember, back in high school? Those girls who would call themselves virgins, but only in the most technical sense of the world? The anything-goes-but-that girls?"

"Yes, Grace."

"Pretend I'm one of them—"

"Pretend you were one of the good girls? There's no pretending to it. I know you were."

"I wasn't that good," she protested.

"Oh, honey, I'd bet every dime I have in the bank that you've never had casual sex in your life."

"Well, so? I've had sex. And not just with my husband." She sounded so proud of that fact. "Besides, we are not going to have casual sex. I mean, I'm not asking you for any kind of promises. I don't need promises from you. But I know what kind of man you are. I trust you. I want you, and I know you want me. So, what's the problem?"

"The problem?" He nearly growled the words out.

He wanted to make promises to her. That was the problem. And he couldn't. He had no idea what his future held. Until recently, he hadn't cared if he had a future. And she didn't know any of that. Which was another big part of the problem.

"I want it to be you," she said again, his stubborn little angel. "And if it helps, you can't actually have sex with me. I won't let you. I'm a good girl with just a little bit of a bad streak. You can do anything you want to me, as long as I'm still, technically, a virgin when you're done."

"Anything?" he asked, thinking maybe he could scare her out of this with just a look and that one word.

She looked doubtful for the first time since she'd made this particular offer. "Yes... Anything."

"You don't sound so sure now, Grace."

"I... I'm sure. Anything," she insisted.

He swore softly and stared up at the ceiling, thinking of the incredible luxury of having her completely naked and not just willing, but eager, giving blanket permission to do whatever he wanted to her.

She stood up on the tip of her toes and whispered in his ear. "I want your hands all over me. And your mouth. I want you naked, and every inch of your skin pressed against mine."

He felt like the words scorched his skin. His whole body felt hot. He was breathing hard, his heart thudding inside his chest, hands itching to touch her. His body seemed to be doing everything it was supposed to do—except get hard. It was so odd. Of course, he didn't need to get hard, because she wanted to play her little game. Or so she claimed. His anything-but-that girl.

"You've had a helluva day, honey," he tried.

"Helluva year," she countered.

"Not an hour ago, you were trying to kick down a tree you were so mad at your brother."

She nodded. "Look, if you want to pretend you don't want to, that's fine. Or if you're scared—"

"Scared?" He practically spit out the word. "Oh, you play dirty, Grace."