Five Days Grace (37 page)

"I want to believe that. I do," he told Grace. And then he remembered, that big, awful thing he was dreading. "I have to go see their parents, their wives, their kids. I'm the last person to see those guys alive, and it's just something we do. You go see the people they left behind, and tell them what it was like or some mix of what it was like and what they want to hear. You say, 'He talked about you, about how much he loved you,' because that's what guys do. Either that or they try to believe they'll make it back home one more time, get to say the words in person. In the end, it comes down to the people you've loved. I have to go talk to the people those guys left behind."

"I could go with you," she offered.

It took his breath away, that she would offer to do this big, hard, terrible thing with him. That she would want to be by his side. The wave of relief he felt was immense. It made him think what life would be like, to know that for every hard thing that came along, she'd be there. She'd walk that road with him, wherever it took them, probably hold his hand while they did it and let him lean on her, if he needed to.

He'd never imagined leaning on a woman before he met her. It had never even entered his mind. That a woman might have that kind of strength, and that he would need it, want it, be so grateful for it. That there would be times when he'd hang onto her like she was life personified to him.

He wondered if he'd ever be able to tell her that in words that could make her understand. It didn't seem like something that could be put into words—the way he was feeling, the strength of it, the certainty, the utter rightness of it.

"I'd like it if you were with me," he told her instead.

Every day of my life, he meant.

Every single day.

Chapter 20

Eventually, they made their way back to the cabin. Grace cooked, and they ate on the porch with the dog hovering, hoping for a bite. Every time Grace tried to sneak one to him, Aidan caught her, and she felt guilty about spoiling the dog.

"He's just so sweet," she said.

"Yeah, and he's got you figured out," Aidan said. "And I swear, he knows that tonight I'll be out of the way. That he'll have you all to himself, and he's happy about that."

"Don't say that." She really did wish they could just hide here in this little world of their own and never go back to their real lives. But they couldn't, and this was going to be so hard. "I don't even want to think about having to leave. I just want to enjoy every moment we have left."

"Me, too, baby."

He looked at her differently, more closely than usual, worried about what he'd told her at the lake, she knew. About telling her that, for a while, he hadn't cared if he lived or died.

God, she just couldn't imagine. Not ever meeting him. Not ever having him in her life.

And it scared her. She wasn't going to lie to him about that, and certainly not to herself. But very bad things had happened to him. They'd happened to everyone she really loved. It was just something life did to some people, and she wasn't afraid of that. People got through tough times. She knew that better than most people. She was surrounded by people just like that, and they were fine now. They were tough and strong and loved, and life was good for them. She believed it could be for Aidan, too, believed him when he said he wanted a life with her and he was going to work as hard as it took to have that. And so would she.

So they would do the work. She'd be by his side, helping him as much as he'd let her, and they'd put a life together for themselves, a very good life. They'd make it good.

"Tell me that's what you still want, Grace. You and me, together."

"Of course, I do. You're not going to scare me off."

He gave her a wry look. "I'm not trying to, although I can understand how you'd think I might be."

"I don't scare easily," she said.

"Obviously. I guess it's not so much that you might be scared as that... you might not want to do this. And I'd understand, Grace. God, I'd hate it, but I'd understand."

"I want to be with you, and this is where you are. No, it's where you've been."

"There's nothing else. In case you were worried, I've told you the worst of it. All of it, really."

"Well, that's a relief."

"So, we're okay?"

"We're okay," she agreed.

They hardly let each other get more than an arm's length away, knowing their time left was measured in mere hours. She hated thinking that, tried hard to push it from her mind all day, and when it came time for her to go, she just couldn't.

"I'll just get up early and drive home in the morning," she said.

"You? Get up early?" he teased.

"I can do it. I want one more night with you. No, I want a lot more than one more night, but I can have one more night now, and I want it. I don't usually get to work until nine, anyway, and it's only an hour and fifteen minute's drive. If I leave by seven, I'll be home by eight-fifteen and at work by nine."

"Honey, I want you here, believe me. But you've been sleeping like you're exhausted."

"I know. It feels like I'm drunk on sleep, drunk in a good way."

"Yeah, but I don't want you driving when you're tired and falling asleep on the road."

"I won't. Promise. One more night."

Which he wanted as much as she did, so it really wasn't much of a debate.

Still, she didn't sleep much that night, and she thought he slept even less. They held onto each other desperately, like two people about to be separated for a decade or so, which she knew was ridiculous, but that's how she felt.

"Promise me nothing's going to change," she said. "That this is real, and me leaving isn't going to make anything different."

"It's real," he said. "Grace, there are things I'm not saying. Things about how I feel and what I want, and it's not because I don't know or because I'm not sure. It's because I don't think I have the right to say those things now, when there's so much that's up in the air about my life. But I want to say them. I'm going to work to get to the point where I have the right to say them. I just need some time."

"Me, too," she said, giving him a quick kiss. "Exactly. Me, too. I have to put everything in order in my mind about Luc and put it all behind me and think and know and... Oh, darn—"

"What?"

"Luc. It's Tuesday, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"I completely forgot. Luc's mother and I had an appointment with the head of the art department at the college yesterday. It's why I needed to stay until Monday. We were supposed to see him Friday, but then something came up and he couldn't see us until then."

Grace explained that Luc's mother wanted to set up a scholarship in Luc's name, but Grace wasn't sure it was a good idea, given her belief that he was probably sleeping with a woman from the college.

"You could just tell her the truth," Aidan pointed out.

"I know. But she was just so devastated by losing him, and all I have for evidence is a box of condoms and a strange sugarless sweetener. I wonder if she went to the meeting or cancelled it? I may need to call and apologize, then set up another meeting."

"You know what? Let me handle that," he said.

"Apologizing for me?"

"The whole thing. Give me the name of the department head and a phone number. He may not know, but I bet his secretary does. If Luc was involved with a woman at the college, I'll find her."

"I can do it," she insisted.

"Baby, I'm sure you can, but why would you? When I'm here and happy to do it for you?" he said, tossing her own words back at her.

She thought about it for a moment. "And you'll tell me everything?"

"I will. I promise."

She looked so sad. "I feel ridiculous, asking you to do this for me."

"You didn't ask," he pointed out. "Besides, this is what I do, gathering intelligence. This will be easy."

"Really?"

He nodded. "I want to be the man who takes care of you, Grace. Let me be that man."

"If I get to be the woman who takes care of you."

"All right. Let's do that. Let's be a man and a woman who take care of each other."

"Okay," she said.

* * *

Daylight came almost as quickly as night began, it seemed, and sooner than she would have believed possible, she was standing by her car, her things packed, the dog already inside. Aidan rubbed Tink's head and told him quite seriously that he expected the dog to take good care of Grace.

Then he held Grace while she cried all over his shoulder, feeling ridiculous and devastated at the same time. "I'm sorry," she kept saying. "It's silly, I know that."

"It's okay," he said tenderly. "I feel like we've lived a couple of years in the last five days. And I'm not saying it was nearly long enough, just that it feels like we told each other so much and figured out so much and now it feels like everything has changed."

"I know, and I don't want to go. I could just tell my family everything. That I came here and why and I found you and just fell for you, completely..." She stopped, pulled back in his arms to look him in the eye. His smile was so big, like the joy on his face.

"Me, too, baby. Me, too."

"They'll think we're both crazy, but I don't care," she insisted. "I'm a grown-up. I can do what I want."

"Yes, you can."

"You don't think it's a good plan?" she asked.

"We could do it that way, if it's what you really want. But I'll remind you, I'll probably only be here for another six weeks or eight weeks, tops, so you should probably think about how you want to spend that time. Just you and me? Or with your family, probably freaked out about us and watching every move we make."

"You're right. Good point. Sorry."

"It's gonna be okay," he promised her once again, and she thought how wonderfully warm and solid and perfect he felt, how perfect life felt when he had his arms around her.

She believed him when he said he wanted a life with her and that he was going to work as hard as he could to make that happen. Life worried her, but not him. She didn't think he would change or the way they felt would change. But life had a way of messing up people's plans, and that distressed her.

Finally, she really couldn't delay any longer.

He pulled open the car door and tucked her inside, kissed her once more, through the open door. "Call me when you get there and tell me you didn't fall asleep along the way."

"I will."

"Go," he said. "Before I drag you back inside and refuse to let you leave."

* * *

She cried some more on the way, feeling silly and playing the car stereo too loud, with the windows down, for the cool breeze and so Tink could stick his big head out. He seemed to like that. She talked to him and sang to him the whole way, but he obviously didn't understand, either her being so upset or maybe being driven away from the lake.

"It'll be okay," she kept telling him, although it was probably hard to believe with her crying as she said it.

She felt overwhelmed by all that had happened, all she felt, how much she truly hated being away from a man she'd just met five days ago.

Getting home a few minutes after eight, she told herself to get it together and get on with things. She and Tink checked out the newly fenced back yard for a moment, and then she hurried into the shower, in case someone showed up for coffee this morning.

They would be worried about her, since she had supposedly spent all this time with Luc's mother, because they knew she'd dreaded it. When she got out of the shower and opened the bathroom door, she found Tink, looking a little anxious, plopped down right outside the door.

"Okay. We made it home" she said. "And don't worry. You're going to like it here, promise. We'll take good care of each other. And we'll go visit Maeve, I promise. Maybe we can get you certified as a service dog, so you can go inside and visit whatever kind of place she's in. Would you like that?"

He whined, still looking uneasy. Poor baby.