Fix You (26 page)

“Just a glance when Matty pulled some papers off his desk.
Then he huffed and picked them up, telling me the office was no place for a
child.” She ripped the foil from the yogurt pot, dipping the spoon in before
raising it to Matty’s mouth.

“Maybe you need to give him time. He’s had a lot to take in.”
He suppressed a smile, aware his words referred to himself as much as Philip
Vincent.

“I’ll let him call me when he’s ready;
if
he’s ever
ready.” Hanna plucked a wipe and smeared it across Matty’s face. He scrunched
up his nose in protest, twisting his head to evade the cloth. She tickled him
under the chin, enough to make him giggle, and then lunged forward, catching
the yogurt before it dribbled from his mouth. Her expression of victory was
enough to make Richard grin, and she turned to catch his eye, her own smile
brightening her features.

“What?” she asked.

“You were looking so pleased with yourself,” he replied. “Like
catching a bit of yogurt was tantamount to winning a Pulitzer or something.”

“If you had to do as much laundry as I have, every dollop on
a baby wipe is a major win.” She leaned forward and rubbed the wipe on Richard’s
face, the sweet aroma of the cloth invading his senses.

“Hey! I haven’t eaten any yogurt today.” He grinned, leaning
forward to pick out another wipe. “If anybody needs cleaning up, it’s you.” She
tried to scoot away, wriggling her behind along the bench. Richard mirrored her
every move, following her like a stalking lion. He was inches away from her
face, and he watched her expression change as she looked up at him, her breath
hitching at his proximity.

Her tongue darted out, moistening her lips, and a high color
appeared on the apples of her cheeks. From the corner of his eye he could see
Matty still swinging his legs, slowly eating a banana while he stared at the
birds swooping down from the trees.

Richard leaned forward, dragging the wipe against Hanna’s
skin, cleaning away the mascara smudges that had gathered from crying over her
father. Their gazes locked, blocking the rest of the world out. Their laughter
faded beneath the intensity of their connection, lips loosening and dropping
until it was replaced by need.

“Your skin is perfect,” he whispered, his fingers dragging
along her cheekbones, his attempts at cleaning her face abandoned. “I’d
forgotten how soft it was.”

Hanna swallowed as he continued to caress. She reached out
and put her hand under his jacket, sliding it against his waist. His thin
cotton shirt did nothing to dull the sensation of her touch. He wanted to pull
it out from his waistband and push her hand inside, encourage it up until her
palm rubbed against his bare chest. It wasn’t enough just to look at her
anymore. He needed to feel. 

“Will you have dinner with me tonight?” The words escaped
his lips in a rush. Hanna’s brows dipped in confusion, her hand gently
squeezing his waist.

“What about Matty? I can’t leave him with a babysitter, not
yet.”

She hadn’t said no. It made him smile.

“We’ll have it at home. We can put Matty to bed, and I’ll
order in. Just the two of us. It will give us a chance to talk.”

Her face lit up with a smile. “Yes, please. I’d love to have
dinner with you.”

Richard didn’t care what it took; he was determined to do
this right. He wanted to woo the hell out of this girl, to sweep her off her
feet until she could never run again. They’d been careless before, letting love
pour through their fingers like sand through an hourglass. Neither of them was
innocent in the clusterfuck they’d found themselves in. They’d both given up
before they should have.

This time…he was determined this time he wouldn’t let her
get away.

Twenty Five

June 1
^st
2012

“
T
ry to keep still,” Hanna urged Matty,
making a futile attempt to fasten his diaper before putting him in his pajamas.
Matty laughed, kicking his legs in a bicycle-movement, trying to twist his body
from the mat. She tapped his rump playfully, leaning in to blow a raspberry on
his stomach, his soft skin vibrating loudly under her lips.

“No!” He wriggled again. “No that.”

Hanna stopped tickling him and looked up. “No that?” She
tried to hide her excitement; she couldn’t remember him ever stringing two
words together before. Until now his communication had been limited to
single-word sentences.

“No.” Matty was firm.

“Let’s get you ready for bed, then.” She lifted him up to
standing, rolling up the legs of his pajama pants and helping him to step into
them. “You need to get some sleep, little man.”

“No sleep.” He was on a roll, and made her laugh. She couldn’t
wait to tell Richard about this new development.

“That’s right, Matty. No sleep yet, not until Daddy gets
home.” She pulled his top over his head, tugging it down. “But then, definitely
sleep.”

As soon as she finished dressing him, Matty escaped from her
grasp, running across the pale wooden floor of his bedroom, to the floor-length
window on the far side. The evening sun warmed his face, lending him a golden
hue, and he jumped up and down, pointing at the cars on the street below.

A crashing noise from the hallway made Hanna turn away from
the windows, her brow creasing in consternation. A moment later she could hear
Richard’s voice.

“Hanna? Matty?” He sounded almost frantic. She’d barely
stood up before he rushed through the door to Matty’s bedroom, panting for
breath, his chest rising and falling rapidly. He walked straight over, pulling
her toward him, crushing her tight frame with his strong arms.

“Thank fuck.” He tucked her head beneath his chin. “I had
this horrible feeling you’d be gone.”

This wasn’t good. She put her arms around him, hands
hesitantly rubbing his back. “Where would I go?”

Matty ran to them, squealing. Richard bent down and scooped
him into his right arm, pulling Hanna back to him with his left. He leaned
forward until their foreheads touched, his eyes a blink away from hers. She
could feel his warm breath washing over her face.

“Richard, what’s happened?”

Matty grabbed Richard’s face and pulled it away from Hanna’s,
leaning down to push his own against it. “Da.” He cupped his father’s cheeks
with his plump hands, laughing when Richard butterfly-kissed him with his
eyelashes.

Richard inhaled deeply, managing to gain control of his
breathing. He kissed Matty one more time before putting him on the floor,
turning to face Hanna once more, a look of fear molding his features.

“I called my lawyer today, asked him if I could put some
sort of restraining order on you to stop you leaving the country.” He looked as
though he was admitting to a mortal sin. Hanna stepped backwards, trying to
work out why her heart beat a little faster.

“What did he say?”

“He said I needed to talk to a shrink.” Richard’s laugh was
dry and cold. “So I did. I talked to somebody.”

“Oh.” Her heart was racing. Hanna wondered whether it was
from fear or attraction.

“Hanna, we’ve really fucked things up.” His voice was gritty
and deep. He reached his hand up and dragged it through his hair, causing the
ends to stand up. “We have no trust.”

“I trust you.” Her voice was small.

“You don’t. If you trusted me, you’d never have left; either
time.” He reached out a tentative hand, brushing her cheek with his fingertips.
“You never once trusted in my love for you.”

“And you don’t trust that I’ll stay.” Hanna started to pick
at the skin around her nails. She felt despondent. He was right; their lack of
trust was like a huge mountain between them. “What did the shrink say?”

Richard smiled. “That I need intense, expensive therapy.”

Hanna laughed in spite of herself.

“But seriously, I know no matter how much I want to, I can’t
handcuff you to the copper pipework, or file a lawsuit against you.” He paused
for a moment before carrying on. “If you don’t want to stay, nothing I can do
will change that.”

“Richard, I—”

He held his hand up. “Please let me finish. When I was
talking to the therapist, I realized something about myself. I may have told
you I loved you, but I never really convinced you that you were worth loving.
When you left, it’s because you thought I wanted—or deserved—something more.
And both times you were wrong.”

Matty grew bored of the conversation and ran over to his toy
box, pulling out his favorite stuffed toy.

“You do deserve more.”

Richard shook his head. “You don’t get to decide what I
want, or what I need. I have to make something very clear to you before we even
start to talk about the future.” He rocked on his heels. “I’ve loved you since
the day we met. I’ve always loved you, even when you’ve been far away and I
haven’t been able to see you.” He stepped toward her, his hand caressing her
neck. “If you ever want to leave, don’t do it because you doubt my love for
you. Do it because you don’t want me, or because you want something better for
yourself. I love you, Hanna Vincent. I’ll always love you and there’s nothing I
want more than to have you in my life.”

Hanna could feel her lip tremble as his fingers tangled into
her hair. She was going to cry, she knew it, but before she collapsed into his
arms, she needed to tell him something, too.

“Richard…” Her voice cracked, and the tears started to fall
before she was ready. “I’m not going anywhere.” She glanced across to Matty,
noticing he was completely absorbed; playing a strange game with his teddy bear
that involved lifting him onto his head before nodding, and watching him fall
to the floor. Hanna covered Richard’s hand with her own, feeling the warmth of
his fingers on her skin. “I’ve made so many mistakes, but I’m not going to
subject Matty to any of that. He deserves to know you and to be with you. I
could never take him away.”

She looked at him through thick lashes, watching the way his
mouth remained downturned. “And more than that, I don’t want to go. I want to
be with you, I want us to be a family.” She glanced down at the floor, trying
to find the right words. “I love you, too. So much it makes me cry.” She
laughed through the tears, feeling them drip onto her chin. “I’ll only leave if
you tell me to.”

“I’m never going to tell you to go,” he whispered, brushing
the wetness from her cheeks.

“Then you can take the handcuffs back to the shop.” She
glanced down again, feeling a blush steal across her cheeks as she thought of
other uses for them. Richard laughed, as if he knew exactly what she was
thinking.

He brushed her neck with his thumb one last time before
pulling away, smiling wryly at her. “I was supposed to say this all at dinner.
I guess I jumped the gun.”

“It needed to be said.” She felt her heart lift up in her
chest. “I’m glad you did.”

A small smile played at his lips. “Well, I’m going to run
you a bath, and I’ll put Matty to bed and get dinner ready. Don’t come out of
your room until I tell you, okay?”

She looked at him through narrowed eyes. “What have you got
planned, Mr. Larsen?”

Richard tapped his nose and winked. “Patience is a virtue,
Miss Vincent.”

THE BATH WAS warm and fragrant, and
she could barely bring herself to climb out. Her eyes were heavy with
relaxation; her limbs loose, like somebody had removed the bones from them. She
leaned across and blew out the lit candles, finally sitting up. The water
sloshed around her waist, drying in rivulets across her body. Hanna stepped out
onto the fluffy mat, pulling a soft, cream towel around her chest.

She chose a plain, black dress; short enough to show her
still-youthful legs to their best advantage, long enough not to embarrass
Matty, were he ever to notice. She dried her hair quickly, growing bored of
preening, and twisted it into a bun before applying some scant, natural
make-up.

A knock at the bedroom door made her stand up from the
velvet stool and walk across the soft carpet of her bedroom. She glanced in the
full-length mirror hanging on the wall next to her bed, noticing how dark the
shadows under her eyes were, she wondered if it was from exhaustion, or a sign
of age.

When she pulled open the heavy, oak door, Richard was
standing behind it, dressed in a pale-blue shirt and dark grey pants. His shirt
was unbuttoned at the neck, and she felt her eyes scanning the dip of skin
where his throat met his chest, following the sparse hair which led downward.

She swallowed. Hard.

“Are you ready?” The left corner of his mouth curled into a
lopsided grin. “Or did you want to invite me in for coffee?”

Hanna burst out laughing. “Is it going to be that kind of
date?”

“I sincerely hope so.” He reached out and took her hand. “But
I should feed you first.”

He pulled her into the hall, her bare feet padding on the
pale wooden floor. Richard raised his hands and placed them on her shoulders,
his eyes scanning her body. “You look beautiful.”

She smiled. “Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself.” She
chided herself for making the understatement of the year. His cotton shirt molded
to his body, revealing muscles in all the right places. His pants fell from his
hips in the most delicious way.

“Thank you.” He looked like he wanted to say more, but
instead turned and walked her down to the dining room, his arm loosely slung
around her shoulders. Hanna leaned into him, his body warming hers through the
thin fabric of their clothes.

The table was set with a heavy white cloth. The cutlery was
laid precisely, two wine glasses at each setting. In the middle, a silver
candelabra held three tapered candles, glowing from the flames flickering
above. Richard pulled her chair out and she sat down, letting him push her back
in.

“This looks amazing.” Hanna looked around the room, her eyes
wide with excitement. “You didn’t have to go to all this trouble.”

“I wanted to.” His voice was thick. He walked over to the
sideboard, pulling their plates from the warmer. “I told you I want to do this
properly.”

As he sat down opposite her, he reached for the bottle of
Merlot, pouring them each an over-full glass. Hanna wondered who he was trying
to get drunk; her or himself.

“Did Matty go down all right?” she asked, lifting her
cutlery and spearing a piece of carrot with her fork.

“Fine. He was asleep before I even got to the second page of
his book. He must have worn himself out at the park.”

Or maybe he knew his parents needed a little alone time.

“You’re so good with him.” She glanced up. “Thank you.”

Richard shrugged. “I’m his father.”

“I know, I remember the conception.” Suddenly her cheeks
burned. She wanted to whack herself around the head for her inappropriate
comments. Reaching out, she picked up her wine glass, tipping her head back to
take a large mouthful.

“So do I,” Richard replied softly.

She couldn’t look at him; she couldn’t. Yet her eyes drew up
as if pulled by magnets.

“I’m so embarrassed,” she admitted, making Richard laugh.

“Don’t be. You always were honest. It’s one of the things I
love about you.”

Love. She swooned again, wanting to pour the whole wine
bottle down her throat. Her body was tense with anticipation.

“You know, I was thinking today, in between talking to my
lawyer and the shrink, that we’re essentially an old married couple.” He lifted
the bottle of merlot and topped up both their glasses. “We live together, have
a child together, and we spend the evenings talking deep into the night about
things which concern us most.” He glanced up at her through thick, dark lashes.
“All that’s missing is the sex.”

Hanna spluttered, coughing out her mouthful of wine. She
lifted the napkin from her lap and used it to dab at her mouth, wishing she
could hide herself behind it.

“And the ring,” Richard continued. “We’re missing that, too.”

“Don’t forget the fabulous wedding album. We can look at it
and reminisce all about the way our families fought and hated us, and ended up
throwing plates at each other.” She grinned at him. “No old married couples are
complete without that.”

Richard raised his eyebrows at her. “I’m not kidding. I know
we have a lot to work through, but eventually I intend to marry you. I want you
and Matty to be Larsens.”

Hanna wanted it, too. She wanted it so much she could barely
bring herself to imagine it. She thought she might die if it were taken away
from her now. She could picture it so vividly; the ring on her finger, the
kisses before he left for work, his arrival home, scooping Matty up into his
arms, walking over to her and kissing the hell out of her.