FLAME (Spark Series) (10 page)

11

“What’s wrong with you?” Velaney asks, sitting on my bed. The covers are over my head, keeping the daylight out.

“Go away,” I mutter.

“You’ve been in this bed for almost two weeks. Something’s wrong.” I feel her rubbing my head. I groan, hating that I’ve become
this
girl.

Yes…this girl.

The one who hides away in her room, moping and crying over a guy.
A GUY!
I don’t cry over guys. So why the hell have I been feeling like absolute shit since the moment I watched Drew run away?

Every night at work, I keep hoping I’ll see him walk in. I dream about his deep blue eyes and abs of steel. I have his voice embedded in my brain, so every time a customer calls my name, I hope it’s Drew’s. But it hasn’t been. He hasn’t come back in. He hasn’t called.

I can’t blame him for that, though. I pushed him away, told him I couldn’t offer him any more than just sex. So why is this so hard on
me
?

“Carissa Mae!” She whips the comforter off my bed. “You’ve had
Wrecking Ball
on repeat and your nose has been stuck in your Kindle all week! I know you better than anyone to know something is wrong with you,” she scolds. “And I’m pretty sure if I hear Miley sing
one
more time, I’m going to throw shoes at your stereo!”

“Cover me up! I’m cold,” I whine, pulling myself into the fetal position.

“Hey, what is it you’re always tell me when I’m down?” she asks with amusement. “Oh right. Shopping! Get up!”

“I hate you right now,” I murmur as she drags me up.

“I love you, too.” She smirks. “Now go shower. You smell.”

An hour and a half later, I’m dressed, primped and ready to go. Velaney acts all giddy and wraps her arms around me as I walk in.

“Hot stuff! See? I
knew
Carissa was under there somewhere.”

“So where are you taking me?”

“The girls and I are taking you dancing.” She smiles wide, proud that she’s the one mothering me for the first time.

“Dancing? What happened to shopping?”

“Okay…well, one, I don’t shop. And two, it’s after nine, which means the mall is closed. So dancing it is.”

Julia and Kenna greet us in the parking lot, dolled up in their dancing outfits.

“Well…well…well…” Kenna says as we walk over to her.

“Look what the cat dragged out,” Julia finishes for her.

“Prepare to get really drunk, sluts.” I walk past them, getting in the car. I hear them laugh as they get in the car after me.

Julia drives us to some nightclub. I can feel the vibrations of the music before we even park. I haven’t told the girls what’s wrong with me, but I have a feeling they know. Or at least know the gist of it. And I’m sure they think this is the perfect treatment for me.
I so wish it was that easy…

We get in without a problem. The club is dark with stupid bright lights flashing everywhere. It’s enough to give me a seizure, but I suck it up for the girls’ sake.

“I’m heading to the bar,” I announce as we stroll in. They all follow behind me, as eager to start drinking as I am.

I order us four cherry bombs and four beers. If I’m going to get through this night, I need to start out with a buzz.

“Alright, ladies!” Julia cheers. “Hold ‘em up.” We do as she says as she clinks our glasses together yelling, “Here’s to a badass girls’ night!”

Velaney’s not much of a drinker, so I steal her shot and down it after mine. “Shit, that’s good.”

We grab our beers off the bar and head to the dance floor. Rihanna’s
S&M
blasts through the speakers as we find a center spot on the dance floor. It’s crowded, shoulder-to-shoulder, but I don’t care. I need to let loose. I need to get my mind back on track.

The girls and I dance through several songs. Kenna and Velaney partner up and walk back to the bar for another drink. I let my hands freely roam my body and close my eyes as Julia and I dance together.

“Does Winston know you’re here?” I yell in her ear. I’ve been watching her eye men all night.

“No! And he doesn’t need to know!” she yells back.

I laugh at her expression. “Ah, naughty girl!” She brings a finger to her mouth in a secret shush motion. I continue laughing with her as a set of hands suddenly comes around my waist.

I look over my shoulder to see a brown-haired, brown-eyed beauty. I look back at Julia and shrug in a “He’ll do” motion.

I let him grind against my ass for the next couple of songs. He whispers in my ear a few times telling me how beautiful I am, how sexy I look, and how tight my ass is. I continue grinding against him, thanking him for the compliments. He finally spins me around, giving me a much better view of his face. He’s cute.
Really cute.
I can work with this.

I wrap my arms around his neck and dance to the rhythm of the song. His hands roam up and down my sides, grasping my ass and breasts as he makes his way up and down. Usually I’m into it when a guy gets grabby, especially in public, but tonight I just can’t get into it.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, whispering close to my ear. His lips grab my earlobe, and he nips it quickly before bringing his head back to face me.

“It’s nothing,” I shout over the music. “I need a drink. You wanna grab one with me?”

He nods as he grabs my hand and walks us toward the bar. It’s crowded, but I make my way through. Velaney is still up at the bar sucking down a soda.

“I’ll take a rum and coke!” I shout to the bartender. Grabby-hands behind me yells his order next.

“Thank you,” I say as he pays for my drink and hands me the glass.

“My pleasure,” he responds sincerely. Ugh…damn.
And he’s a gentleman?
Guys like him usually turn me on. It means they’re good in bed because all they care about is pleasing the woman. However, I feel as if I’ve been punched in the gut just being around this guy.

I can’t think straight at all. My mind keeps wandering back to Drew, and I hate it. I hate that he’s clogging up my mind when I should easily be able to bring this guy home with me for the night. He’s decent looking, nice physique, great hair—yet I feel sick to my stomach just
thinking
about fucking him.

I suck down my drink, hardly glancing his way. I know I’m being a complete bitch, ignoring him, but I have to think of something.
Quick.

I need to kiss him. That’ll get Drew out of my head—kiss him and my body will totally be on board.

I slam my glass down on the bar and wrap my arms around his neck. He pulls me in close to him, wrapping his arms around my waist. I pull his mouth to mine, crashing our lips together. I don’t waste any time massaging my tongue with his. It’s greedy and desperate. He’s an
amazing
kisser. He tastes amazing, too. His hands roam up my back, forcing our bodies so close I can feel his erection against my stomach. Usually, that’s all I need for me to know I’m taking him home, but yet the thought sickens me.

I gasp as I break the kiss, pushing back from him. His mouth is swollen and his face is flushed, but I can tell he’s confused with my sudden attack on his lips.

“Sorry,” I mutter, readjusting my shirt.

“Don’t be sorry—”

“Carissa,” I fill in for him. We never bothered to exchange names.

“I’m Ian,” he says, filling the silence. I stare right past him where I see the exit. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be kissing Ian.
This never bothered me before!
I should be able to kiss him without feeling guilt.

But I can’t.

Kissing him was torture. Although it felt nice, it didn’t feel right. It
wasn’t
right.

“Sorry, I have to go,” I spit out quickly. I run toward Velaney and tell her we have to go. I run past her and head out the door. As soon as the cool air hits me, I throw up against the building. I know it can’t be the alcohol—I barely drank anything. It’s because I feel as if I’ve betrayed Drew. The thought itself makes me sick.

*   *   *

I wake up the next day feeling worse than I have the previous two weeks. I didn’t tell the girls why I bailed all of a sudden, but I think they knew anyway. The ride was silent, and when we arrived home, I didn’t say a word to Laney before collapsing on my bed.

I get in the shower and think of a plan. I want to see Drew again. I
need
to see him again. But I don’t want to come off as desperate. But at this point, do I really have any other options? Obviously, I’m drawn to him and need to see him again. I want him in my life, but just the mere thought of it scares me to death. I’ve never needed a guy before. I’ve never wanted a guy for more than sex before. This is all foreign to me, but I know I have to go for it.

I look up the university’s football schedule and decide to go to one of his games. There’s one tonight, so I get Julia to cover my shift. I’m not sure what my plan is, but I know I need to see him again.

I arrive at the field just after kickoff. Once I sit down and take a good look around, I notice it’s their homecoming weekend.
Just great.

I look through the program to find his jersey number—#69.
How fitting.

He’s on the field for most of the game. He’s actually very good. I learn he’s on the receiving side, so I cringe every time he gets tackled. The crowd is loud and obnoxious, and I can’t help the rage of jealousy that floods over me as I hear some college girls cheer for Drew.

I snap my head toward them and see them wearing jersey’s that mimic his. They’re all giggly and dancing in the stands.
Fuck, I’m glad I was never a college chick.

This feeling of jealousy is annoying. I’m never jealous over a guy. I don’t take reign over men. Therefore, I have nothing to be jealous about. However, with Drew, I have a whole shitload of foreign feelings.

It’s finally halftime, and as the players go to their locker rooms, a mob of cheerleaders take over the field. They dance a couple numbers and cheer for their team. Next, the coach walks to the middle of the field, welcoming everyone to the homecoming game. The football team walks back out in nice dressy clothes holding flowers.

I spot him right away looking delicious in a blue button up and tan pants. It’s tight and shows off his muscular build. He’s wearing a black, silk tie with matching black shoes.

God…he looks good enough to eat.

Each football player is announced by name and jersey number. Waves of screams flood the stands as Drew is mentioned. It’s obvious he’s a favorite on the team. Of course, it’s easy to see why. On top of his good looks, he’s a complete charmer. I wouldn’t doubt it if the whole school was smitten with him.

Drew gets extra attention for being one of two foreign exchange students on the team. The coach makes him and the other student step forward, and the crowd goes nuts…
again.
I lean forward, getting a better view of him. He’s so fucking gorgeous. I start to curse myself for ever letting him out of my bed.

The coach asks both of them to talk a little about their experience here so far. The other guy, Julius, goes first. He speaks about his family back in France and his experience in the states so far. He explains how the scholarship to Boston University was a once in a lifetime chance for him, and how he’s so honored to have been chosen out of three thousand applicants.

Shit…three thousand?
I never even bothered to ask Drew how he got into the program. I push my way through the crowd, wanting to get closer to the field. Julius hands the microphone to Drew, and I intently watch him as he begins speaking.

I’m ready to die by the time he finishes. He speaks of his family—single mom with three kids. He’s the oldest and was always the ‘man of the house.’ He spoke about how he took care of his family as soon as he was old enough to work. All his money went toward paying bills and supporting his two younger siblings. He said the only time his mother made him stop working was during rugby season. She knew it made him happy and she wanted him to have that. And although he was more than willing to work, she insisted. He played rugby all through high school and maintained a 4.0 GPA because he knew his mother would never be able to afford his tuition.

I’m practically in tears as he explains the day he received his scholarship award letter. Boston University offered him a full scholarship to play on the football team as long as he maintained a 2.5 GPA. I can tell he’s about to break down when he says he hasn’t seen his mum since he left three and a half years ago. His mom can’t afford to fly him home or fly herself here, and since he has football practice at the end of summer, he stays on campus and works a part-time job.

All the things I never bothered to ask a guy…all the personal details I never wanted to know…all the fucking intimate parts of a man I never stick around to see—all in my face at the same time in one single night. I never imagined knowing this part of Drew before. I never even thought about this when I decided to come here tonight.

What the hell was I thinking?