Flamingo Diner (17 page)

She clasped Rosa’s hand. “So, yes, I think it’s better to know. You can deal with the truth. You can’t fight shadows.”

But sometimes, Rosa thought, shadows were the only thing left to protect the heart from breaking.

For the first time in weeks, Emma felt hopeful that her family was going to be okay. Her mother had come back to Flamingo Diner and even Jeff had pitched in. He’d looked resentful as he’d taken over from Andy at the grill, but he’d done it without com
plaint. That was something, anyway. She’d even seen him smile a time or two at Andy’s determined attempts to joke with him. Andy was such a sweetheart, how could anyone resist him? She’d noticed Lauren Patterson paying a lot more attention to him lately, too.

If things really were turning around for everyone here, then it wouldn’t be long before she could start thinking about going back to Washington. She glanced at Matt and felt a momentary twinge of sorrow that she would be leaving him behind.

The pull between them had grown stronger day by day, more powerful than any attraction she’d ever felt for another man. And she was going to leave without ever knowing what it would be like to spend a night in his arms. Suddenly that seemed wrong, as if she were cheating them both of an experience that might be life altering.

It wasn’t as if she were after a quick, experimental roll in the hay. This was Matt. She’d cared about him forever and he about her.

That was the justification. There were just as many persuasive arguments in favor of maintaining the status quo. She’d been over those countless times, in her head and aloud to him. Now, though, none of that seemed to matter.

Matt was pulling into a parking place in front of Jennifer Sawyer’s office building, when she finally spoke.

“Matt, don’t park,” she said.

He turned to stare at her. “What? I thought you were anxious to see Jennifer and find out what she knows.”

“Not today,” she said, reaching her decision. “I
have something more important to do.” Her gaze locked with his. “If you have the time.”

He swallowed hard. “Time? For what?” he asked, his voice choked and a hint of uncertainty in his eyes, as if he were afraid to read too much into her words.

“To take me to your place,” she said, her own heart in her throat. She hadn’t once considered the possibility that he might turn her down, that he might want to protect his heart more than he wanted to make love with her.

“I think you’d better spell it out for me,” he said. “What exactly are you suggesting?”

“I want you to make love to me,” she said bluntly.

There was the faintest tremble in his hands before he clutched the steering wheel more tightly. “I see. Any particular reason you decided you want that here and now?”

“I’m not sure I can explain it.”

“Try,” he said, his tone urgent. “I want to be sure you know what you really want.”

“Okay,” she said and searched for the right words. “Mama came back to work today. Her life is getting back on track. Jeff’s at least trying to do the right thing, for today, anyway. Andy’s getting ready for his senior year. He’s even got a girlfriend. And once you and I go inside that building and talk to Jennifer, we may finally have the answers I’ve been searching for about why my father died.”

Matt nodded. “I’m with you so far, but what does that have to do with you and me?”

“I just realized that everything’s starting to settle down and soon, there won’t be any reason for me to stay here. I can go back to Washington and pick up the pieces of my life.”

He frowned at that. “So what? You want to have a little fling with the local cop so you’ll have something to remember when you’re back in D.C.?” he asked, his voice heating up.

Emma stared at him in shock. “No, absolutely not,” she said, reaching out to grasp his arm. She felt the muscle clench and knew she’d gone about this all wrong. She’d picked the wrong time, the wrong place, everything. “Oh, Matt, please don’t think that.”

“Then what should I think?” he asked, his expression stony.

“That my feelings for you have grown over the past few weeks, much more than I ever anticipated. I don’t want to leave here with any regrets. I want to give us a chance, a real chance.”

“And then, what? You’ll leave anyway?”

Emma faltered. “I…I don’t know exactly.”

He pulled back out of the parking space, still not looking at her. She had no idea if he was going to his place or not. She held her breath until they turned onto his street, then pulled into his driveway and he cut the engine.

He did face her then. “Emma, I have been in love with you for more years than I can remember,” he said, not sounding especially happy about it. “It started as a boy’s infatuation with a girl who was way too young for anything serious. I tried to get over it during the years we were separated, but I couldn’t. Now you’re here and nothing has changed for me. I still love you. I still want you. Every sensible brain cell in my head tells me I should turn you down flat and send you back to Washington without touching you.”

He met her gaze. “But I can’t. So if you don’t
really want this, Emma, now’s the time to back down, right here, in the driveway while I can still take you home.”

She was shaken by the powerful emotion behind his words, shaken by the awareness that what was about to happen was something huge for him, while for her it was filled with uncertainty. She had never expected to be loved like that. She’d wanted it, yes. How could any daughter of Don and Rosa Killian, who’d grown up surrounded by so much powerful passion, not want it for herself? To realize she could reach out and grab it for herself made her heart beat wildly.

She met Matt’s gaze with an unwavering look. “Take me inside,” she said in a steady voice that belied the racing of her pulse.

“If we do this, I will fight to keep you here,” Matt warned. “I’ll pull out all the stops to persuade you that this is where you belong. I won’t let you walk away and leave me without doing everything in my power to make you stay.”

For one tiny instant, Emma hesitated, then smiled at him. “You know how much I enjoy a good battle.”

“Even knowing you’re destined to lose this one?” he asked, his lips finally softening with the faint beginnings of a smile.

“Awfully sure of yourself, aren’t you?”

“Awfully sure of us,” he countered with confidence, his smile spreading.

To Emma’s amazement, despite all the inevitable drawbacks to having a relationship with a man whose ties to Winter Cove ran deep, she was almost beginning to share his faith. The reaction was both scary and exhilarating.

M
att understood the risk he was taking as he poured a beer for himself and a glass of red wine for Emma. He knew that he wanted forever, and Emma wanted this one afternoon, but he thought, in time, he could convince her to stay here with him. And if he failed, at least he would have memories—real memories this time—to last a lifetime. Maybe it was pathetic to be willing to settle for so little, but it wasn’t as if he had a choice. Going or staying would be her decision. He could only do whatever he could to influence it.

He handed Emma the glass and looked deep into her eyes. “To us, Emma.”

“To us,” she said without hesitation. “And to wherever today takes us.”

Matt smiled, oddly relieved. “An open mind. I like that. Of course, I like almost everything about you, other than your stubborn determination to live nearly a thousand miles away. Then again, this afternoon is all about working on that.”

“Really? I thought it was about sex,” she taunted.

“Thus the persuasive element,” he retorted.

She carefully set her glass down on the kitchen table. “Then I guess you ought to come here and kiss me.”

“You sure about that?” he asked, watching her expression for signs of doubt.

“How many outs are you planning to give me, Matt?”

“As many as it takes to make certain this is what you want. I don’t want this afternoon to be tainted by regrets or blame.”

“I didn’t come here lightly. I knew exactly what I was doing,” she told him, her gaze unwavering. “Something’s happening between us. It’s foolish to deny it.” She touched his cheek, let her hand linger. “I just don’t want you to be hurt, if it can’t be something more than this.”

Hurt? He would ache like hell when the time came for her to go, but if it was the price to be paid for here and now…

“In that case…” He tossed his still-full beer can in the general direction of the sink. “I guess you’ve answered my question,” he said, pulling her into his arms and covering her mouth with his.

It was a no-holds-barred kiss, the kind he’d been having dreams about for what seemed like a million years. And it lived up to all his expectations as it turned greedy and demanding with Emma melting in his arms, her body pliant, her tongue wicked, her mouth hot. It wasn’t just about sex. Never that with Emma. It was about exploring and discovering a whole new facet of her, about staking his claim so that she could never forget him, no matter how hard she tried.

Matt could have taken her then and there, on the kitchen table, without a second thought, but this was Emma. She deserved romance and foreplay and finesse.

But as she ground her hips against his arousal, he realized that what she deserved and what she wanted were two entirely different things. He figured he could accommodate both with a slight adjustment to his own plans. Thank God for the condom he’d stuck in his wallet the day after she’d hit town, when he’d known—okay, hoped—that this moment would eventually come.

“Make me feel, Matt,” she pleaded, shoving his T-shirt up until it was half-bunched around his armpits and her hands were sliding restlessly over his bare chest.

He stripped the shirt over his head before she accidentally choked him with it, then took his own sweet time about removing hers, letting his knuckles graze bare skin as heat rose in her eyes.

“Is this what you want?” he teased, his fingers skimming lightly over the tips of her breasts, making the dark nipples peak against the delicate peach lace of her bra.

“More,” she murmured, her head thrown back.

“This?” he asked, kissing a trail down the side of her neck, then closing his mouth over her breast and sucking hard.

“Oh, yes.”

“I can make it better,” he said, easing off the bra. He skimmed his tongue over the sensitive peak, even as he undid the snap on her jeans and worked his hand inside her panties to skim through moist heat to find the already tight, sensitive bead of her arousal. With no more than a stroke, he had her crying out and shuddering in his arms.

Even as the tremors faded, he opened his own jeans, slid on his condom and entered her hard and
fast, taking her breath away, and sending her off into another orgasm that had her writhing against him.

Thoroughly aroused by her abandon and responsiveness, he managed to hold on to his own control by a thread, his gaze locked with hers. Only when he saw her slowly falling back to earth did he begin to move again, taking his time, tormenting them both with the sweet agony of waiting between strokes, until she was pleading with him and his own body was hot and on the verge of exploding.

“Look at me,” he commanded, waiting until her eyes were open and filled with passion before he thrust hard and deep, once, twice and then again, sending them both into a shuddering release that shattered any hope he’d ever had of forgetting Emma. A man could forget a lot of things, a lot of women, but not a woman who had taken him to a place he’d never been before.

“You’re mine,” he whispered against her cheek. “Mine.”

A sigh eased through her. “I know.”

A tension Matt hadn’t even known he was feeling eased then. “Maybe we should go into the bedroom,” he suggested.

“Why, when this was so incredible?” she asked, a twinkle in her eyes and a dare in her voice.

“Because sooner or later you’re going to realize that this table is hard and that the neighbors can see in the kitchen windows,” he said. “Besides, I have big plans for the rest of the afternoon and I don’t intend to share them with the rest of the world.”

“Big plans, huh?”

“Very big plans,” he confirmed.

She reached for him, skimmed a finger along the length of his arousal. “Yes, I can see that.”

“Umm, Emma,” he said. “You might not want to do that just now.”

“Oh?”

“It’s going to make it that much more difficult to get to the bedroom.”

She regarded him with a wicked glint in her eyes. “Maybe we don’t need to go just yet,” she said, her hand tightening around him.

Matt gasped. “Maybe not,” he said, then buried himself inside her one more time.

Emma stretched languorously and tried to recall exactly why she’d ever hesitated about letting Matt make love to her. Heaven knew, he was good at it. She’d never felt like this before in her life, as if her entire body were humming. There had been men who could make her feel like a woman, but none had made her feel like the decadent, passionate woman who’d come apart in Matt’s arms time and again through the afternoon and on into the night.

Was that because he knew her so well? Or simply because he was the kind of man who paid attention to a woman’s needs and knew how to fulfill them before taking his own pleasure? Was it genuine intimacy or merely skill? The latter was something she could deal with. Real intimacy, born of years of friendship, scared her to death.

She decided, for the sake of her own peace of mind, that it was skill. After all, it had been years since they’d spent much time together. She certainly didn’t know Matt, not his heart and soul, the way two adults should know each other if there was anything truly
meaningful between them. And if she didn’t know him, how could he possibly know her? So it was definitely skill, she concluded, satisfied with the logic of it.

Then she rolled over and saw him studying her with an intense look that surely could see straight into her heart. “You scare the daylights out of me,” she admitted, even as she curled back into all that reassuring strength.

Surprise lit his eyes. “Why would you be scared of me?”

“You make me feel things I’d never expected to feel. It’s almost as if we’ve been together forever, when the truth is that we hardly know each other.”

“How can you say that? We’ve known each other since we were kids.”

“That’s different from knowing each other as adults,” she said. “You went away when I was just a teenager. By your own admission, you were still a little wild and reckless then. Now you’re a thoroughly respectable member of community, the police chief, no less.”

He grinned. “Disappointed in me?”

“Not a chance,” she said, realizing it was true. All the changes in Matt had been for the better. But this wasn’t all about him. “I’ve changed, too. I’m hardly the same innocent teenager I was when you last saw me. I realized when my father died that I was still naive about a lot of things. If I didn’t know my own dad, if I couldn’t see through the facade he was obviously putting on for me when we talked on the phone, how could I possibly claim to know anyone?”

“You answered your own question,” Matt told her, his touch gentle as he brushed a stray curl from her
cheek. “Your father was putting on a show for your benefit. It was meant to fool you. It fooled a lot of people.”

“Or maybe I just heard what I wanted to hear, because if I’d realized how much pain he was in, I would have had to deal with it,” she said with a hint of the self-loathing she’d been feeling. “Maybe I was blind, because I wanted to be.”

“Don’t talk crazy. All these years haven’t changed who you are,” he insisted. “You were a kind, generous girl and you’ve grown into a kind, generous woman. You love your family. If you’d had any inkling about what was going on with your dad, you would have come home to help.”

“Andy tried to tell me. I dismissed it. He’s still angry with me about that.”

“He’ll get over it,” Matt reassured her. “He knows what happened isn’t your fault.”

“How can you be so sure of that?”

“Because I do know you.”

“What do you think you know about me?” She honestly wanted to know.

“That you’re funny and sweet, stubborn and sexy.” He grinned. “That last one I suspected years ago, but confirmed only last night.”

“Good thing you waited,” she said, thinking of how her father would have reacted years ago if Matt had made a move on her. He’d been tough enough on the boys she had dated, all of whom had come from respectable families.

“Yeah, your father would have strung me up if I’d laid a finger on you,” Matt said. “I got that message loud and clear.” A shadow crossed his face. “I’d like to think he’d be happy about seeing us together now.
In a way this time we have to rediscover each other is a gift from him.”

Unexpected tears welled up in Emma’s eyes and spilled down her cheeks. “I can’t regret what’s happened between us, but I wish something else had brought us together.”

Matt wiped the tears from her cheeks with the pad of his thumb. “Me, too, darlin’. Me, too.”

Emma sighed and settled against his chest, listening to the steady, reassuring beat of his heart. In an odd way, this truly had been her father’s gift, and not entirely in the way Matt thought. True, her father’s death had brought her back to Winter Cove so that she could discover this sublime feeling of being cherished, but it had also brought a man into her life who was strong and steady, qualities she’d always counted on in her father.

With Matt’s arms around her, she didn’t feel nearly as alone and frantic as she’d felt when she’d arrived weeks ago. Maybe if she hadn’t just learned the bitter lesson that nothing lasted forever, she’d be a little more willing to see where these new feelings took them.

As it was, Emma was grateful for right here and right now. Tomorrow would have to take care of itself.

Matt didn’t want to make too much of what had happened between him and Emma. He knew she didn’t trust him or herself when it came to love or commitment. How could she when a man she’d idolized had ripped his entire family apart in one instant of insanity? Don’s selfish, desperate act would have repercussions for years to come with the people he’d
left behind. They might be functioning far better now than they had been right after his death, but Emma, her mother and her brothers would bear the scars forever. They would question everything, every relationship. Finding the faith to trust in love wouldn’t come easily to any of them.

If Matt could keep Emma right here, in his bed, he might be able to block out reality for a time, but sooner or later it was bound to intrude and then what? Would he lose her? Would he have to watch her go back to her old life in Washington? In the time she’d been back he’d gotten used to building the rhythm of his days around glimpses of Emma. Would he have to say goodbye with a smile because that’s what love required, letting go? He didn’t even want to contemplate it.

Instead, he rolled her onto her back and buried himself inside her yet again, taking his time, trying to imprint himself on her memory, the way she was burned into his. When she erupted into a spasm that rocked them both, he captured her cries with his mouth and tried not to let her see his fear.

When the last shudder had died away, she sprawled beneath him, limp as a rag doll, an expression of pure contentment on her face.

“Oh, my God,” she murmured with little energy. “I think you’ve stolen all my muscles and melted my bones. I doubt I’ll ever move again.”

Matt grinned. “That could be good. At least I’d know where to find you at the end of the day.”

“Unless you’re a lousy cop, you’ll always know where to find me.”

“Not necessarily. I don’t know my way around D.C.,” he said, putting his greatest fear on the table.

Her expression turned shuttered. “Can we not talk about that right now?”

“Because?”

“Because you want answers that I can’t give you.” She touched a finger to his lips. “You deserve them. I know that. I just don’t have them for you.”

“How about I paint a scenario for you?” he asked.

“A self-serving scenario?”

He shook his head. “A mutually beneficial scenario.”

“Is there such a thing?”

“I think so. I do have your best interests at heart, Emma. I know you loved Washington. I know you think you belong there, but I’m not so sure that’s true. Not anymore.”

“Because we’ve been having sex for most of the last twenty-four hours?” she scoffed.

“No, because your life has changed dramatically. You’re not the girl who was desperate to run off to a big city to prove herself. You’ve done that. You’re an accomplished woman who needs more than a career to fulfill her. If you’re honest, you’ll admit that. Jobs are a dime a dozen. Even careers can change half a dozen times in a person’s lifetime and each one can be rewarding in its own way. But the one constant that really matters is having people in your life to share that with—family, friends, and, most important of all, someone who loves you, who aches for you, who understands you even when you don’t understand yourself.”