Flare (24 page)

Hugo shook his head, whispering into Kevin’s armpit, “I just don’t want to make their lives harder because of what we are.”

Kevin suddenly got it and his face crumpled in worry. “It’s already hard,” he said into Hugo’s beautiful dark hair. “Do you think these kids’ lives are ever going to be easy after their mom died? Hugo, stop.”

Kevin took a big breath before he moved on. “Every child has shit to slog through. For some of them, it’s parents who are alcoholics or drug addicts. Some are born into families where their mom and dad are religious fanatics. Some have dads that are callous assholes who try to create a product that’s viable in the current marketplace rather than nurturing a son,” Kevin said with a sad smile as he thought of his own father. And then he thought about Hugo’s. “And yet.” When Hugo looked up, he seemed surprised by the intensity of Kevin’s voice. “Some are born into loving families where one of the parents dies a horrible, disgusting death that will affect them the rest of their lives. No matter what, all those kids will struggle. You did. I did. Even the friends I have who lived what so many think of as idyllic lives ended up struggling as they moved away from home and tried to make a new life. There isn’t a perfect family out there. There are just families who love each other and know that they have a safe, warm place to land when they fall. That’s what we are. That’s what we’ve created for
our
kids.”

“You’re not mad?”

“Heck no! Our kids have
two
dads who love them, who will do anything in their power to protect them and make their lives better. But beyond that, we expect a hell of a lot from them. I see their friends and how they’re coddled and treated like little princes and princesses. We don’t do that, Hugo. We allow them moments to struggle so they’ll have those opportunities to see how strong they are, so they’ll know they can survive anything life throws at them.”

“They’re very strong. They both know how to fight for what’s right too.”

Kevin nodded in agreement. “And they’ll fight for this too because they know what we are: two men who support and love them
and
each other.”

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Into the Bear Cave

N
UMBER
FOUR
,
Hugo thought. This was it, or at least what they both hoped would be it as Kevin kissed Hugo, once again right where Tasha and Kyle could see.

“Take this,” Hugo said as he pulled his North Star necklace off and slipped it over Kevin’s head. “Just in case. You already know where you’re going, but this might help you keep true and steady.”

Kevin nodded with tears in his eyes and swallowed noisily. “It’s going to be okay. It is,” he said, as if he were trying to convince himself. “Here.” He slipped his engagement ring off and put the too-big ring over Hugo’s slender finger. “So you have something to fiddle with while you’re out here going crazy.”

“You know me well. Go on. Go fight for our kids.”

Kevin nodded and stepped away, walking with confidence toward the door where he then turned and gave Hugo the only other tell he’d probably give that day: Kevin bit the inside of his cheek before smiling bright and wide.

Hugo did everything he could to keep his mind occupied, which mostly involved scrolling through Twitter and Facebook on his phone, looking for someone to engage in a conversation and twirling that ring around his finger. He texted Summer a time or two, expressing how freaked out he was, and she sent back all the words of encouragement she could in text. He wished she could’ve been there, but considering she was dating the Clarkes’ son and was very serious about him, the last thing she needed to do was rock the boat. It wouldn’t help anyway. Besides, she and Russell were with the kids doing something fun so Brooke and Finn never suspected that their custody was being discussed behind those damn heavy doors that closed with an awful ring of finality.

They’d all come home from the wonderfulness of their California Christmas vacation and were plopped right in the middle of Stressville. But it was going to be worth it, right? Hugo crossed his fingers. Actually crossed them.

On December 26—the day after fricking Christmas!—Hugo sat in a hallway where every sound bounced around the hard surfaces, and he waited. This should’ve been a day when the family was still living inside Christmas joy playing with their new gifts, but instead Hugo listened to deafening sounds. High heels clicked on the terrazzo floors for what seemed like miles before the wearer blessedly stepped into a room with carpeting. Coughs seemed to echo three or four times. Hugo swore he could hear his heart beating.

Maybe it would be done today. Maybe this nightmare that had started six months ago would finally be done before the year was out.

Hugo sincerely prayed for the first time in ages. He didn’t count reciting grace at the dinner table or even reading prayers at Erin’s funeral where he was mostly trying to stay strong for Brooke and Finn so they knew he was a rock worth leaning on.

This was a true prayer to God or a spirit or anyone who was listening.

“Please don’t take them away from us. We all need each other so much,” he said aloud.

Tears were streaming down his face and he was ugly-crying alone on a hard wooden bench when the foreboding door opened and Kevin walked out with a smile on his face. It quickly changed to concern as he got closer and read the emotion on Hugo’s face.

“Are you crying about this?” Kevin asked, and Hugo nodded into Kevin’s shoulder the second he was in his arms. “Don’t worry. We finally came to an agreement. Everything’s going to be okay.”

Hugo pulled back and studied Kevin’s face. “It is?”

“Yeah. I mean, we came to a compromise so no one’s entirely happy, but I can live with this. I just came out to tell you really quick so you wouldn’t worry, but I have to go back in and finish this up. I’m almost done. Are you gonna be okay out here?”

“Yeah. I’ll be fine. I’ll just head to the bathroom and clean up so I don’t look like I’ve been a sobbing mess.”

Kevin gave him a long, firm kiss before wiping Hugo’s cheeks dry and then leaving him. Hugo ducked into the bathroom down the hall and splashed cold water on his face. It was obvious he’d been crying, so he wet a paper towel and tried to use it as a cold compress. There was no success. He was just going to have puffy eyes.

Back on his purgatory bench—as he’d come to think of it—he sent a text to Summer.

Don’t know details yet, but they came to an agreement.

Ten minutes later, Kevin reemerged, and Hugo thanked Mark for all his help. This had truly been Kevin’s fight all the way through, even if it started because of Hugo’s involvement with the family.

No guilt, Hugo. No guilt.

When Tasha, Kyle, and their lawyer stepped into the hall, Tasha talked a mile a minute while Kyle stood back and watched. From what Kevin had said over the past months, that seemed to be the way their relationship worked: Tasha took over while Kyle waited quietly on the sidelines.

Hugo was glad he and Kevin had a more equal partnership, so he reached for Kevin’s long fingers and tugged him down for a kiss of appreciation. “Let’s get out of here.”

Thirty minutes later, they were home and hugging the kids in a desperate way, but they both made eye contact that silently said, “Don’t seem so vulnerable.” Then they both let go so they could hug the other kid.

Hugo sort of understood what had been agreed upon by that point, but he asked Summer and Russell to stay a bit longer so Kevin could better explain it again. Once the kids were immersed in a movie in the family room downstairs, Kevin shared some of the details with Summer and Russell, because it involved them, or at least Russell.

“Brooke and Finn haven’t seen Kyle and Tasha in over six months, and they wanted to see the kids immediately. Today was too quick. I’m not sure Tasha and Kyle trust my word at all anymore, so I extended an olive branch to show good faith. Brooke and Finn will be going to visit pretty soon,” Kevin said. “We all agreed you’d be a good person to be there for the supervised visitation, Russell, if you’d agree to that.”

Russell nodded and looked relieved. “I’m happy to help.”

“Great.” The four adults hammered out a tentative schedule before Summer and Russell went home. Kevin and Hugo still needed time to process what had happened.

In the session, the Clarkes admitted they were terrified Kevin was never going to allow them to see the kids again. That was what it all came down to: fear.

Kevin told them trying to take full custody was a really foolish way to go about ensuring they’d be involved in their grandkids’ lives. He was much more afraid of allowing visitation time now based on what had happened.

Kevin hadn’t ever intended to keep the kids away from their grandparents, and he showed Tasha and Kyle the words their own daughter had written in a section of the journal he’d initially felt was too personal to have submitted as a legal document. He knew Erin’s words would have more impact than anything else. He’d read her words aloud in the mediation room, and the Clarkes’ faces looked thoughtful. Erin was very clear about her intentions, and there was no mistaking she wanted Kevin to raise the kids with Hugo by his side for as long as they were together.

In the end, the Clarkes dropped their custody case. Kevin agreed to allow the kids to see their grandparents at least twice a year to start with, and they were grateful. But rightly so, and the mediator agreed, Kevin or another trusted adult was going to be there for each and every visit until Kevin felt comfortable knowing he could leave the kids with their grandparents. Tasha had looked defeated when she’d left the mediation room.

“That might never happen,” Kevin told Hugo that night in bed. “I may never feel like I can trust them after this, but I won’t stand in the way of Brooke and Finn knowing Erin’s parents.”

“What about us? Did they say anything about us being together?” Hugo asked.

“Tasha did, of course, because she couldn’t seem to help herself. But the mediator shut it down, saying this wasn’t a case about you. It never was.”

“For some reason, I don’t feel as settled as I think I should be,” Hugo admitted.

“What do you mean?”

“To Tasha, I think this was always about me. What if they try something else?”

“I don’t know,” Kevin admitted while pulling Hugo into a tight hug. “I’m not really sure, but Mark mentioned a few legal steps we might want to consider in the future.”

“Okay,” Hugo said, still not feeling entirely at ease, but not being able to identify specifically what was bothering him. If nothing else, they’d made it over the first hurdle.

Now they had to prepare for the second hurdle: visitation.

S
UMMER
AND
Russell took Brooke and Finn with them up to the Clarkes’ in Fargo just a few days later. Both Kevin and Hugo were leery, but Russell reassured them either he or Summer would be with the kids at all times. Kevin was still too upset to be in their physical presence without a lawyer yet, but a promise was a promise. When Russell had proposed the idea of the first visit being over the week of New Year’s, Kevin had taken up the mantra “The sooner they go, the sooner they’re back home,” repeating it often. Even so, as the kids rode away on the twenty-eighth in Russell’s tiny car, Hugo watched stress bite at Kevin’s shoulders and lines form between his brows.

Brooke and Finn didn’t really know what was going on with the Clarkes, had no idea what their grandparents had tried to do, aside from their few comments prior to the custody fight. Yet, Hugo could sense the kids knew
something
wasn’t entirely normal, especially with how clingy Kevin had been during their good-byes.

“We can call them and tell them to turn around,” Hugo suggested as he read Kevin’s face.

“No. They need to see their grandparents. They need to see my mom too, since we were gone for Christmas, and Mom said she’d take them for a few nights. She’s been working hard trying to get past Tasha’s boundaries to advocate for our relationship. Maybe this trip can help that. Plus, I can’t keep the kids away from people who love them, even if I think Kyle and Tasha’s intentions are skewed.”

“You can, though,” Hugo argued.

Kevin shook his head. “I can’t without risking them fighting for custody again. Erin wouldn’t want that. Besides, Russell will be there to speak for us, and he protects them. I trust him. I really do.” Kevin nodded. “I trusted him with Erin when she was sick, and I trusted Russell and Summer to keep the kids from getting eaten by bears in the Boundary Waters. Tasha and Kyle are less dangerous than bears,” he joked, trying hard to convince himself, it seemed.

Those first days were charged, but Hugo did everything he could think of to help relieve Kevin’s worries, massaging his tight shoulders, distracting him with good food, and going down on him while he tried to work. But work was the only thing that seemed to keep Kevin’s mind well enough occupied that he was entirely distracted from his worry.

Hugo kept in close contact with Brooke via text on her new—Rowan’s old—phone. The kids were fine. They were having a good time with Erin’s family and had fun with Kevin’s mom too. When Hugo relayed the information to Kevin, he smiled at Hugo, but it was a worried smile.

“Text her yourself. Call her. Talk to them so you feel better. Just because they’re away doesn’t mean you can’t talk to them,” Hugo urged as he cooked a special breakfast on New Year’s Eve. “They aren’t off-limits.”

“I just don’t want to step on Tasha and Kyle’s toes and piss them off. Don’t poke the bear and all that,” Kevin said, voice drifting off.

“Poke the fucking bear if it means your mind will be at ease and you can hear the happiness in their voices. Call. Now,” Hugo demanded as he walked into the living room to hand Kevin his phone. “It’s funny how now they’re bears, but a few days ago they weren’t,” he pointed out as Kevin dialed.

The second he heard Brooke’s voice, Kevin’s entire body visibly relaxed. Hugo could hear her laughing through the earpiece as she answered in a breathy hello.