Flat-Out Celeste (33 page)
Authors: Jessica Park
Celeste struggled to hold back the immeasurable reaction to seeing him again, but it was impossible. After everything she had been through over these past months, with him and with herself, she couldn’t. So she gave in, sobs erupting from her as she hung her head. She dropped her head as the tears fell.
Justin stepped in and put his hands on her waist. He didn’t say anything, letting her get the worst of it out.
She finally spoke through her heartache. “Hey, Justin?”
He took forever to reply, but finally he said the two words that saved her from collapse. “Hey, Celeste?”
She looked up. This look from him?
This one
she knew. “I brought you a coffee.” She held out the cup to him.
“Yeah?”
“Yes.” She sniffed hard. “I had to special order it.”
Justin knew what to do. He took off the lid and looked down. When a smile broke through, she knew that he understood. “This is the most beautiful peace sign I’ve ever seen.” Then he read the marker writing on the side, scrawled in wobbly cursive.
Make love, not war.
Now he sniffed. “I told you that you were a pacifist.”
“I won the battles, Justin. And I won the war. And now there is no more fighting. Now there is peace. You told me to let joy win out, and I am choosing to do that.”
Justin took a deep breath. “This coffee looks, like, totally amazing and delicious, but I really want to kiss you. And for that I need two hands because I’m going to have to hold you up. That’s how hard I’m going to kiss you.”
Without hesitating, Celeste batted the cup from his hands.
He stepped in and immediately wrapped his arms around her waist. “I missed you. I didn’t think you’d come back to me.”
“But I did. And you waited, didn’t you? You didn’t give up.”
“No, I did not.”
“You could have. You likely should have. That would have been fair. I imagine that I hurt you significantly, that you were very angry with me, and for that, I am profoundly sorry. I pushed you away because I thought I needed to protect us, and instead I threw away what was protecting us, what was making us both stronger. Justin, I am so sorry. I will do whatever I can to make things better.”
“Things are already better. You don’t need to apologize, Celeste. I knew, even during that wretched talk on the beach, that what was happening wasn’t really about us. It was about you. So I wasn’t angry. Hurt and sad, yes. My heart shattered, yes. But you had stuff going on that was greater than us, and you had to go deal with that. I didn’t know if that was really going to be the end or not. And when you never picked up the phone, or replied to my emails, or… Well, I really got worried when I texted you the coffee froth picture of the Mad Hatter that I, like, really labored over. Fine, I know that picture sucked, but you must have seen the effort that went into it, because I even used a toothpick and tried to swirl the chocolate into an expressive face, but—”
“I loved it. I absolutely loved it.” Then her mouth was on his, and she drowned in the immeasurable scope of what it meant to be back with him. She touched his face, ran her hands through his hair, felt the skin on the back of his neck in the way that he loved so much.
When Justin stepped back, she almost whimpered, wanting more. Wanting everything. But he turned her to face the ocean. “We can’t miss this sunset.”
So together they followed the sun as it dropped, both imperceptibly and all too fast. Justin stood behind her and held her close, his chin resting on her shoulder.
Celeste took an empowering breath. “I’m submitting my acceptance to Barton.” Before he could say anything, she continued. “It’s where I want to be. Not because of you. Partially, of course. But truly, it’s because I’m choosing a more important path for myself. Matt helped me see that. Just because I assumed that I would go to an Ivy does not mean that is the right choice for me. It’s not what I want. Not anymore. In fact, I don’t think I’ve wanted that for a while. I refuse to be left behind in this world, so I need to catch up. This is a smart step for me.”
Justin’s hold on her tightened. “I’m so happy for you.”
“You have taught me, Justin…” She took some calming breaths. “You have taught me that I am allowed to like myself just as I am, at whatever stage I am in. I can change, I can stay the same, or I can be whoever it is that is right for me; but I can be satisfied. No, more than that. I can be
proud
. I can celebrate. That is what I am going to do.”
“And you are going to do that brilliantly. I have no doubt.”
“I have hope that you and I will continue this relationship, because I care so deeply for you, Justin. So much so that I withdrew. But I know that not every love is forever. That’s the practical side of me talking. I do not want you to feel a responsibility because I am going to Barton. I am, very sincerely, going for me.”
“And I want to you know that I get this, Celeste. I really do. Your choice comes from strength, not from dependence.”
“Yes.”
“And now I have a very important question for you,” he said. “Why do I have a backpack? Michelle made me take it and wouldn’t tell me anything. I thought maybe she was dropping me off for some sort of vile reality show survival game where I’d have to kill a pig in order to eat dinner.”
Celeste laughed. Oh, how she’d missed him. “I was hoping that you would lead me down the steep rocks and to the beach.”
He kissed her cheek. “You want to sleep down there?”
“She brought me appropriate shoes, and a blanket and… I don’t remember what else I asked for. I don’t care what we have. I just want to sleep on the beach with you.”
“Then that’s what we’ll do.”
“And I am considering something else.” She stepped from his arms and walked forward, closer to the edge of the rocky cliff. The view just before night hit was incomparable.
“What’s that, my brave girl?”
Celeste watched as the sun threw the last of its light across the water. “One day, when the color of the sky is perfect, when I have spent the night in your arms, and when I am fully back where I belong, I may just jump from the cliffs to the water below. Maybe. Maybe I will; maybe I won’t. But in either case, I will still be just fine.”
She could feel Justin studying her. “You’re going to do it, aren’t you?” He clapped. “You are. Tha
t
is the power of Celeste.”
Celeste smiled without reservation and peeked back at him. “Maybe,” she said coyly. She winked and raised both hands in the air, flashing the peace sign to the world before her. The world that used to terrify her and the world that now welcomed her.
“I am choosing a love that defies boundaries and a life that defies boundaries.
That
is the power of Celeste.”
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
SYDNEY DELORES HERRING and Maddie Round are two very special young women. They wrote me in December 2013 and absolutely gushed over the Flat books and me, and they did so at a time when I was discouraged and utterly confused and uninspired to write. After messaging back and forth with them one evening, I fell asleep hearing Celeste in my head. It was borderline creepy how clearly she spoke to me, but it was then that I knew I could—and had to—write
Flat-Out Celeste
. How could I not? Sydney and Maddie call me “
the
author,”
Flat-Out Love
“
the
book,” and Matt “
the
character.” I’m humbled and curtsying like crazy over these girls.
This book would never have been possible without the endless help that Rebekah Crane gave Celeste and me. The hand holding, the yelling of, “Let it land!”, and the unwavering championing were the reason I could write. Without Rebekah, there could be no
Flat-Out Celeste
. Smart, brilliantly funny, and loyal, she is everything one could ask for in book advisor, and even more important, in a friend.
Liis McKinstry, Mo Mabie, Whitney McGregor, Aestas, Whitney McGregor, Rob Zimmerman, Marlana Grela, Maryse Coutier Black, Jen Halligan, Jamie McGuire, Tracy Crawford Hutchinson, Rebecca Donovan, Tammara Webber, and Tracey Garvis-Graves have extended themselves in so many ways. All have proven to be generous, loving, and supportive over the past few years, and I thank them with all of my heart for their dedication to me and to my books. They continue to cheerlead enthusiastically when I am discouraged and whiny and have certainly earned wild applause.
There is not enough praise to throw Autumn Hull’s way. What a stupendous job she’s done for me with Celeste’s promotion! As talented a publicist as she is, Autumn is equally kind and caring on a personal level, and I am very thankful to have her in my corner.
Antoinette Woodward pulled me from a ledge just before I jumped, and she has my eternal love.
Without Maria Milano, Justin would not have a last name. Also, she has a true knack for proofreading and can spot a missing word a mile away, and Celeste and I owe her dinner.
My friend Tom, while in the battle of a lifetime, still insisted on hearing about Celeste and giving me his time and creative input. I needed that hand-holding desperately, and he got me through a few huge struggles and desperate days. His patience for my babbling and thinking out loud cannot be underestimated.
Not a day goes by that Andrew Kaufman does not support me, challenge me, make me laugh, and offer me the most layered and remarkable friendship a girl could ask for. He knew what it meant to me to get this book written and published, and he never once gave up on me. Andrew manages to be the voice of reason and calm during my frequent hysterics, and he has the ability to talk me through even the most crazy of thinking. I would be, without question, lost without him.
Carmen Comeaux is so smart and fabulous that I was scared to send her my manuscript. Her sharp eye and immeasurable editing skills are much appreciated. College may be far behind, but friendship is not.
My longtime friend Alexa Lewis did a wonderful job line editing and included amusing comments, such as, “This line sounds like a Celine Dion song. Change? Unless you’re going for that.” So she caught typos
and
catastrophic word choices. I couldn’t ask for more.
Thank you to Dawn Abby Gil and Dallas Fryer for letting me borrow their names. I hope I did them justice.
John Vosseler talked me through Sunset Cliffs, and on my next trip to San Diego, I’m there!
I’ve got a core group of twenty women with whom I fight the good fight each day. The publishing world is not easy, and it means everything that I have them to catch me when I fall and celebrate with me when I climb. I’m throwing handfuls of glitter at them right now, and each one of them looks positively stunning.
And as always, gratitude to my ever-patient family for allowing me to disappear for days and picking up the slack during crunch time. Apologies to my son who continues to suggest that I “should really think about writing something else.” Perhaps one day I will write that epic science fiction book…
My readers and bloggers: Man, am I lucky. They give me more than I ever understood possible with their encouragement, and humor, and sending of unicorn paraphernalia and Wonder Woman pictures. They are the reason that I have a career, and I don’t forget that for a second. Special love out to my Facebook and Twitter followers who are the most wild and wonderful crowd imaginable. Clearly I cannot list you all here (although I’d love to!), but I know so many of your names from our frequent interactions, and you all rock my world hard. See you soon, my friends.
And finally, thank you to The Coffee People for making Black Tiger k-cups, to Amazon for delivering my fuel at near light speed, and for the baristas at my local Starbucks for knowing to add an extra espresso shot to everything.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
The Slap Heard ‘Round the World
In Which We are Introduced to a Boy
Table of Contents
The Slap Heard ‘Round the World