Flat-Out Celeste (26 page)

“I do. Yes.” Celeste was pleased about the mix-up. It
clearly
did indicate
some
sort of aligning of the stars. She must have accidentally left a message for Julie for a good reason, and here it was. Matthew had seemed so down for so long, and she was about to fix that by reuniting him with his true love. It was all very romantic! “Can you suggest a waterside restaurant for lunch? I think that would be picturesque.”

“You bet. Tell her to meet us at Island Prime. You guys will love it.” Justin turned the car to the right. “Up ahead. That’s Barton.”

Together, they spent hours covering the campus. She saw Justin’s dorm room, which admittedly gave her pause as she was reminded of the impending roommate situation that she would face next year. Still, it was nice to see where Justin lived and where he was during many of their phone conversations. Now she would be able to picture him in his environment. His room wasn’t nearly as unsanitary as he’d led her to believe, so that was a treat. She leafed through his architecture books and saw some sketches he was working on, thoroughly impressed with his attention to detail and his creative side. She briefly met his roommate (during which time nothing vile occurred) and was then given a very thorough tour of the campus. It was beautiful, more beautiful even than in the brochure or online photographs. Mesmerizing, really. Brick and stucco and archways. Palm trees and flowers abounded. Justin didn’t complain once as she explored every inch of the library, nor did he mind taking her through each department building, even introducing her to a few professors who were working over the weekend. Justin bought them lunch at the student union and insisted on getting her a Barton College T-shirt, and she immediately pulled it over her tank top.

“You look good in my school colors.” He tugged on the navy shirt that had the school name in a pale green. “But you’d look good in any colors.”

It was late afternoon now, and they’d found a grassy spot on a hill that overlooked an area where students were gathered in groups, reading or studying or just talking. She saw laughter; she saw friends. She saw life.

Justin was leaning back on his arms, taking in the scene as she was.

“You are quieter than usual,” she said. “Are you troubled?”

“The opposite.” A warm wind blew over them, and he lifted his face into the breeze. “I feel better than I have in a while. I told you: you ground me. Being with you lets me pull myself together more.”

Celeste lay down, resting her head on his legs, and Justin stroked her hair. They stayed like that for a long time, relishing every minute in the warmth of their togetherness. According to Matt’s texts and pictures, he was busy at the hotel, soaking up sunshine by the pool and snacking on nearly every menu item, and he seemed happy. Or as happy as Matt got these days. He’d spoken to their parents and told some egregious lie about a trip to the Museum of Natural History followed by Indian food.

She would have stayed like this, in this glorious moment with Justin, for the rest of the afternoon if she could. However, they were interrupted by a group of students, all chatting at once and clamoring for Justin’s attention.

Justin eased her to sitting. “Celeste, this is Michelle,” he said excitedly.

Ah, Michelle from the Christmastime text mix-up.

“It’s so nice to meet you!” Michelle’s dark waves fell over her face as she reached out a hand. “Justin didn’t tell us you were coming. How cool!” She introduced Celeste to the other students with her and then plopped down on the grass. “So this is perfect. Maybe you can help us out with something?”

“I should be happy to assist you if possible.” Celeste was excruciatingly nervous all of a sudden.

“We’re doing this play, and one of our girls is down with food poisoning. Don’t worry, it wasn’t from campus food. Anyway,” she said as she pulled out a binder from her bag, “we’re supposed to rehearse this huge scene, and we need a female actress. Any chance we could get you to run lines with us for a bit?”

“Run lines means that I read your friend’s role?” Celeste asked.

“Yeah, exactly.”

Celeste looked to Justin, and he gave her an encouraging look. “We’ve got time before we head to Sunset Cliffs. Go ahead.”

“You really don’t want me for this. I have never done any acting before. I may not be helpful in this situation.” Celeste protested.

“Please! You’ll be great. And you don’t have to memorize anything. Just read the lines and we’ll work around you, okay? I promise that there’s nothing to be nervous about.”

Celeste nodded and took the binder that Michelle offered to her. She read the title and brightened. “Oh! The Importance of Being Earnest!” She looked at the people surrounding her now. “This is a delightful play. Gwendylon believes she can only fall in love with a man named Ernest, and quite the hilarity ensues when a man named Jack… Well, of course you know all of that. But I certainly admire this piece.”

“Awesome! We need you to play Cecily.”

“I am terribly sorry to hear that your Cecily has food poisoning, but I am most certainly a fan of this character. How wonderful.” Celeste could still feel her hands shaking, but she knew this play. Adored it, really. She could likely take on Cecily’s lines without even looking at the pages.

The cast initially stayed on their spots in the grass, reading from the script, but by the end of the hour, all were staged in front of Justin as they ran lines and moved as their characters would. Celeste got lost, fascinated by the way these acting students changed into character so quickly, how they dropped their roles when one made a goof, and how they moved their bodies and expressions for different scenes. Although she felt rather stiff and hesitant, she made an effort to add her own touch of flair to a few of Cecily’s lines, even eliciting some good laughter from the others.

A boy named Ronnie patted her on the back as they wound down. “You’re really good. I can’t believe you haven’t acted before.”

“Me?”

“Yes. You’re great. You should think about theatre. Where are you going to school next year?”

Justin was at her side then. “The poor girl has to choose between Harvard, Yale, Princeton… Oh, the endless list of pathetic schools goes on and on…”

She swatted him with a hand. “I have not decided yet.”

“Well, any of those will have a great acting program. You might like it.” He lifted a knapsack over his shoulder. “Glad to finally meet the famous Celeste.”

She shook hands or waved to everyone as the group disassembled. While Justin was talking to someone else, Michelle huddled in close. “Justin is damn crazy about you. I hope you know that. It’s so good to see him this happy.”

Celeste didn’t know what to say.

“Really. It’s not like he was a depressed mess before you, but… I don’t know.” She shrugged. “He’s in a good place. He’s got… light. If that makes any sense.”

“It does.” Celeste smiled at Michelle. “Justin gives me light, too.”

“I’m glad. Listen, I’ve got to run, but I’m going to get your number from Justin. His birthday is coming up in May, and my boyfriend, Kevin, is trying to figure out what to do. Maybe you’ll have some ideas.”

“Kevin is Justin’s roommate, correct?”

“You got it. And he’s hoooooooot!” Michelle sang out.

Celeste laughed. “I would be happy to advise you on a birthday celebration, although you may know better what is appropriate for college festivities.”

“Eh, you never know. Besides, the girlfriends of roommates should be in touch anyway, don’t you think?”

“Oh. Yes. I like that idea,” Celeste agreed. “I will make sure Justin gives you my contact information.” She paused. “Thank you for including me in your acting work today. It was most unexpected.”

“Cool. You rocked it, and I’m glad you had fun. Catch you later.” Michelle surprised her with a quick hug before she took off.

Justin said, “Matt just texted me again. He’s still by the pool reading a book called
God Created the Integers
and said we should go to dinner without him. He also sent a picture of a dirty martini, so I’m thinking there’s a hair-of-the-dog situation going on. Frankly, I might need a drink if I tried to read that book, too, but the point is that he sounded content and relaxed. Ready to go watch a corny sunset with your boyfriend? We should hustle if we want to catch it. Sun sets at five forty-three. I checked. It’s so awesome how you can find anything online, right? Like, we could find out about the world’s most giant lobster right now. Or watch a video on how to change the water filter in a fridge. Or learn how they make those weird gel thingies in running shoes. Or—Hey, are you with me? Oh, I’ve done it. I finally lost you because I’m impossible to follow.”

Celeste was transfixed on the campus before her. The buildings, the softening sunlight, the noise of students as they flowed over the lawn.

“Celeste?”

“Yes? Did you need to change a filter? Or find a lobster?” she asked with a glazed look.

“You okay?”

“Yes.” She watched someone send a Frisbee sailing through the air. Perhaps Frisbee was not to be as lamented as she thought. She slipped her hand into his. “I am ready for our sunset.”

THE SHAPE OF US

“USUALLY IT’S MORE crowded here, but it’s not really tourist season right now, so we get the view all to ourselves. Also, I paid everyone to stay away.” Justin held her hand as they walked across sandstone and past the ice plant that covered the area. “Careful. It gets slippery here, so watch your step. There’s a super-steep path that goes down to the water, but I don’t want to take you down there without better shoes. Sometimes people sleep down there on the beach. Couples and stuff. But this is the spot I told you about right here. Where people jump off into the water. It’s illegal, but people do it anyway. You just have to be careful that you don’t jump on anyone.”

Celeste peered over the edge of the cliff area. It was a good jump. Not insanely terrifying, but a very high jump indeed. “This is the place you wrote about in your texts?”

“Yes.” He looked at her curiously. “Why? Do you want to do it?”

“No,” she said quickly. “Never.” Finn would have. Matt would. Even Julie. But she would not. “There is no reason to.”

“It’s not for no reason.”

“What’s the reason?”

“It’s different for everyone.”

“Tell me more about why you jump.”

He looked down and kicked a pebble out into the ocean. When he lifted his head, the light caught his face in such a way that he managed to look all the more handsome to her. She loved the shape of his face, his full lips, his perpetually disheveled hair. Celeste was again achingly aware of how much he meant to her. It bordered on painful.

“I suppose,” he said, “that I jumped for a lot of reasons. Is this good?” He surveyed the rocky cliff and seemed satisfied. “Yeah. Let’s sit.”

Celeste took a seat next to him and took in the unbelievable skyscape. The dark ocean rolling out before them, the jagged and richly-colored cliffs, and the sun brilliantly orange and just starting to finish its day with them.

“I came out here last year and hurled myself off the side. No, don’t look worried. It wasn’t like that. It was an empowering choice. I guess… I don’t know. I’d been struggling a bit with who I was. Accepting that I’ve got pretty decent attentional issues. I have struggles. I’m probably diagnosable, but I don’t really care to know. I’ve figured out how to work with my wiring for the most part. I hit a point when I finally got comfortable with that and with knowing that some people won’t get me. That’s okay. But I had years and years of baggage to deal with. Look, you spend your entire life with people telling you how annoying you are, or that you’re dumb and will never manage more than a menial job… That’s a lot to get over. I like proving them wrong. All the teachers who never bothered to see past certain pieces of me? All the kids who tortured me when I still stuttered? Screw them, you know? I’m proud of myself. I like myself now. So I jumped to maybe celebrate that. Because I was grateful that I dealt with what I had to, and I got myself to a place where I could enjoy a gorgeous view like this one. I was happy enough to do that.”

Celeste was quiet. She eased into Justin’s hold as he wrapped his arms around her to watch the sunset. She understood why couples did this sort of thing together. It was, she recognized, undeniably clichéd. Yet, God, it was breathtaking.

“Whatcha thinking about there, sweets?” he asked.

She focused on the pattern that the sun was making across the water. “Did you see me today? Did you see what happened with your friends?”

“What do you mean?”

“That they did not react unfavorably to me.”

“Celeste…” He pulled her in more. “Not everybody is an asshole.”

“Do not say
asshole
. Foul language is uncalled for here and should be saved for special occasions. But I am thinking that I, too, am diagnosable.” She took a long, slow breath while he waited. “Sometimes I begin to type in words to do an internet search, but then I stop.”

“And why do you stop?”

“Because I am scared.”

“Would you find something helpful? Would you find something that would make you change? I don’t know about you, but I’d hate that.”

She said nothing.

“Celeste, you are who you are. Don’t be ashamed of yourself. At all. Surround yourself with people who cheer you on. That’s all.”

“I would hate to have a label. To be categorized.”

“I agree. I feel the same way. For some, for many probably, it’s helpful. But there are spectrums of personality types, and I don’t believe everyone belongs on a chart.”

“I have not had many friends. People find me weird; I know that. I have tried—really, really tried, Justin—to conform, but I do believe there must be something quite wrong with me that I fall outside the spectrum of what is perceived as normal.”

“You just explained it,” he said softly.

“What?”

“What is
perceived as normal
. That makes it other people’s failings. Deficits. Not yours. Who the hell sets the standards, huh? Who gets to say how we are supposed to be? Or who we are supposed to be? And how dare anyone make you feel inadequate for being who you are? It’s not okay. It pisses me off.”