Flaw (The Flaw Series) (22 page)

“If you have to ask then I guess I have my answer.”

“No, really Josh, what do you want me to say? I mean, are you looking for me to tell you come inside for some comfort but that it’s okay? So you can walk away without feeling guilty. Is that it? Or do you want to me to tell you I love you? Maybe I can say it when we’re having sex. I can tell you that I ‘love you so fucking much’ in the middle of an orgasm just like you did.”

“Shit.” Josh slams an open hand into the wall. “When I said that to you I meant it. I’ve never meant any words more in my entire life. But you didn’t say anything. You didn’t say anything to me for three days. I had to come find you and that night I was ready to tell you those same words again but that’s when you told me you were only doing this to comfort me.”

I have no idea if he’s telling the truth. He’s telling me he loves me, sort of, and he’s asking me if he’s coming in only for comfort. Everywhere I go I’m told Josh isn’t capable of love. Girls I don’t even know have approached me warning me about him on a regular basis. I don’t know what he wants or what’s real and what isn’t anymore. I need answers. I unzip my purse and search for the card his mother found and gave me. I’ve kept it tucked away this whole time… unopened. It was never given to me by the right person. Whether it says something good or bad I’m not sure, but it was Josh’s to give me, not his mother’s.

Josh freezes when he sees what it is I’m holding. He takes a deep breath through his nose as I hand the letter over to him. Flipping it over he sees the envelope is still sealed. He doesn’t ask how I got it. It’s fairly obvious who delivered it to me. He smacks the envelope across his thigh a few times and then shoves it into his back pocket. The fact he takes it back proves he’s not telling the truth about that night. He didn’t come see me to say that he loved me. This is all a game, a game of sweet talk and manipulation just like I’ve always been warned. That card probably says nothing more than thanks for the lay. I’m the latest victim of Josh Brewster.

“If I come in, is it for comfort or because you love me?” he asks, his face close to mine, our lips almost touching.

I refuse to give him the satisfaction of admitting I fell in love with him, showing him that I fell for his game. “Only to comfort you.” The lie burns my tongue.

He takes a step forward, ready to come into my apartment for some meaningless sex. My mind races to think of an excuse to rescind this invitation. I can’t let him come in if this means nothing to him. The card from his back pocket gets pulled out and shoved into my hand.

“I don’t need your comfort.”

I watch motionless from the top of the stairs as he storms away from me, disappearing down the steps back into the night. It takes a minute to recover before my shaky fingers tear into the little white envelope I resisted opening all this time. I slide the little card out and read.

Becca
,

My reputation - the things that you’ve seen and heard… it’s all true. I can’t deny any of it. I know it’s not a good excuse, but I just never “got it.”

But then I met you and suddenly I started to get it
.

I love being with you. Chocolate chips have never tasted as good as when I’m sharing them with you
.

The time I spend with you just makes me want to see you even more. When I’m not with you I think about you all the time
.

My definition of the word beautiful is pink hair, gray eyes, and blue stars
.

The other night when I told you I love you, it was because I do. I am so in love with you
.

Love, Josh

I don’t even think. I just react, flying down the stairs as fast as I can to catch up to him. My body pushes into the heavy door of my building and I step onto the sidewalk in the cold night air. He’s not there.

“Josh,” I yell out, hoping he’ll hear me.
Please be here
.

Before I have a chance to look for him two strong hands grab me from behind. My body is jerked back into the darkness of a nearby alley and pressed up against the brick wall. In the pitch black the scent and feel of him control my senses. He lowers his head and pulls my mouth to meet his. “I knew you loved me.”

“I do,” I say against his lips. “I love you, Josh.”

His mouth crushes hard into mine.

“I love you, Becca.” The words are a whisper in my ear.

The short distance to my apartment seems like miles. Neither of us is able to wait any longer. My coat is unbuttoned and icy fingertips find their way, lifting my dress slowly. He slides down the lace panties I have on, tucking them into his pocket. The cold sensation of his touch against my warm skin sends shivers through my body.

In the shadows of the chilly alley, Josh holds the coat over me while the dress I wore for our date is unzipped and slides down. My hands slip back into the warm sleeves and his frosty hands explore underneath the privacy of the long black wool.
Yes
…
Oh, God
.
I love the cold
. I tear back the collar of his jacket, biting down on his neck to keep from crying out and calling attention to the naughty adventure we’re having in public.

“Are we really gonna do this right here?” He can barely get the words out through ragged breaths.

His teeth graze my ear and I tug his belt open to answer his question. His pants lower just enough and he forcefully hikes my thigh up, steadying us before I gasp feeling him inside of me. His hips rock into mine, my back still pressed against the hard bricks. I grasp firmly to his shoulders as the excitement builds rapidly and just when I feel my body bursting, exploding with passion I can’t help but scream. “Oh, God, Josh, I love you. I love you so fucking much!”

Jordyn

The phone rings twice before he answers. “Hello.”

Just hearing his voice begins to fill my hollow insides. “Aidan, hi, it’s me. How are you?” My voice is high, anxious, unlike my usual composed self.

“I’m doing good.” he hesitates. “How are you doing?”

“I’ve been better.” The loneliness I feel without him is unbearable most days.

He doesn’t say anything.

“The reason I’m calling you is that my cousin told me he saw you. He mentioned that you’re willing to help us out with the event being hosted for the children at the hospital. I was hoping we could talk about it. Are you able to meet for a cup of coffee?”

“I’m not able to meet with you. You can just let me know what you need me to do over the phone,” he states evenly.

“Aidan, you’re going to have to see me eventually. Honestly, you know damn well what I am going to ask you to do for this event. What are you going to do then? Are you going to be the prince who ignores the princess?”

“How will I be able to ignore you if I’m hidden under a mask? Don’t forget if the children see me they’ll cry at what a monster I am.”

“Aidan,” I open my mouth to say more but only a sob comes out. I want to explain to him about the children. Why seeing a prince like him is so important, showing all the children a different kind of beauty. Show them a handsome prince they can relate to. Tell him how beautiful I really think he is.

“Jordyn, let’s not do this. I’ll help out by simply sending a donation and you find yourself another prince.”

“There is no other prince. You said you forgave me,” I say through tears. “You said you knew I was sorry and you forgave me.

“Jordyn, why are you doing this?” he yells into the phone. “Why? You contacting me like this… is hurting me more than anyone else ever did. At least with the others they left me alone and let me move on.”

“I don’t want you to move on. The things I said to you on the night we were married, that’s the way I really feel. I want to be with you forever.”

“What you wanted, Jordyn, was to keep me hidden. You wanted to be with me, just as long as no one knew about it.”

I take a few breaths, regaining my composure. No more tears right now. I may be making changes but the strong person I am is not something that should be lost in those changes. “I told you I was sorry. I told you that I was wrong. I never meant those things I said. I’m doing everything in my power to fix myself so that I can fix us. I am so sorry that I fucked up so bad and hurt you. I love you with all my heart, but if that’s not enough than I will leave you alone. Is that what you really want? Do you want me to leave you alone?”

There’s a long stretch of silence on the phone before he finally speaks. “Jordyn, I’m sorry. I just can’t.”

The phone clicks, disconnecting us.

The sharp pains I’ve been feeling on and off all day worsen. I press my hand into my abdomen and hold it. I’m not sure what’s causing it, most likely stress from everything going on with Aidan. Since we broke up, I feel sick or in pain all the time. I’m trying to stay strong but it’s tough when you’re suffering from a broken heart.

I swallow down two aspirin before heading out to a full evening of class, dropping something off at the hospital, and then helping out at the bar. I can only hope staying busy will help keep my mind off of the constant thoughts of Aidan and how I made a mess of everything.

Becca

Thump, thump, thump
.

Josh stirs next to me as I roll over in bed and look at the clock. Two AM. I grab a robe, walking into my front room, and peek out the peephole.
What the heck?
I tighten the robe and open my door.

“You told me so.” Aidan stands in my doorway piss drunk. “There, I said it for you. Now you don’t have to tell me you told me so.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about Jor-dyn,” he drags her name out in two long syllables. The stench of his breath forces me to step back and fan my face.

I know he and Jordyn broke up, but he said it was mutual. Played it off as no big deal, he’d said they had a good time together but that’s all it was. Obviously that wasn’t the case.

“You were right. We can’t trust a certain type of people.” He stumbles over to my couch and lands with a big thud. “Remember when Jordyn was actually preaching to me about you? Yup.” He shakes his head. “She called me up wanting me to come over to discuss with me you calling Josh a joke. She was waving her finger around all high and mighty, defending Josh as some big saint. But then … ” His eyes widen and he leans in to whisper loudly, “she turned around and called me a monster.”

“What? When did…” I notice Josh come out of my room, shirtless, wearing only pajama pants. He stands in the corner running a hand through his tousled hair, unsure if he should let his presence be known just yet.

“Nope. Shh,” Aidan cuts me off. “I’m not finished. She told me she
loved
me.” He rolls his eyes. “Told me she wanted to be with me
forever
. We got
married
. Yup, soak that in for a second. And then… And then, this is the best part. She called me out in front of her whole family. Told them all how my face wasn’t the only fucked up thing about me.” He throws his head back and lets out a gruff laugh from his gut. “We’re not
married
anymore.”

Josh walks over and puts his arm around my waist protectively. “Are you okay?” he asks quietly. I’m too stunned to acknowledge him, standing there gaping at all that I’m hearing. I’ve been a horrible friend to have missed all that’s been going on with Aidan. I should have known better when he told me about the break up, but I’ve been so caught in my own love life that I wasn’t there when he needed me.

“Ah, shit, am I interrupting a chocolate chip sleep over party?” Aidan lets out another guttural laugh. “I’m never any fun at these chocolate chip parties you guys like to have. I’m gonna go get outta your way.” He staggers up from the couch and pauses at the doorway. His eyes land on Josh, smirking viciously. “But Becca, when this thing you got going on with Josh doesn’t work out, you can come over anytime you want, sleep in my bed, and give me another one of those friendly hand jobs again.”

Josh’s hand leaves my side and he takes a step forward. “No.” I stop him, pushing my hands onto his bare chest. “Let me take care of this. He’s just drunk and hurt. I’m gonna take him across the hall. I’ll make him some coffee and talk with him.”

“I think I should go with you.”

“No, stay here. I need to talk with him by myself.”

“I’m right here if you need me.” Josh places a kiss on my temple.

I walk over to Aidan and dig my hand into his shoulder, pushing him across the hall. “Oh, yeah baby, we’re gonna do this right now,” he says loudly for Josh’s benefit. My fingernails dig in deeper, trying to shut him up.

Inside his apartment, Aidan still stumbles and zigzags mumbling incoherent words. The only thing I’m able to make out is the sad way he says the name Jordyn. His face pales and I guide him towards the bathroom. I hear him retching as I take in the source of his drunkenness. A half empty bottle of whiskey and almost a dozen empty beer bottles line the counter. No wonder he’s sick as a dog right now. I put on a pot of coffee and wait at the counter for him to come out.
Aidan and Jordyn got married?
I never should have believed him when he said he and Jordyn breaking up was mutual. I know how much he loves her.

The water in the bathroom runs and he comes out a half hour later showered but looking like death.

“Becca, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come over there like that.” He rubs his hands over his face. “I need to go sleep this off.”

“Aidan, why didn’t you come to me sooner? I’m your friend, I would have been there for you, helped you.”

“There’s nothing to help. The first night I was with her I accused her of slumming. Remember that word?” he snorts.

Slumming. My word
. “I was wrong when I said that word. That’s not the way Jordyn or Josh would ever think of us.”

“That’s what I thought, but it turns out I was the one who was wrong because that’s exactly what she did think.”

“How can you say that? You just told me you’re married.”

“
Were married
. She realized her mistake right away. She took the slumming a little too far. I was so blind and stupid, she had me completely fooled.”